Teenagers - Tumblr Posts

just imagine make out sessions in your dorm with bakugo. the only light in the room being a dark purple from the single led light strip on your head bored. slow and soothing r&b music playing in the back quietly, love song by kaash paige on. you both are sitting on the edge of your bed, bodies twisted to the side to face each other. your hands on his cheeks and his at your waist, pulling you closer to him. your lips moving soft and sensually against each other’s, enjoying each other’s presence. he’s pawing at your sides, desperate and needy for more. you giggle and gladly let his tongue find its way into your mouth, the kiss is hot and needy, but yet it still remains slow. the heat emitting from his body and the way his tongue explores your mouth has your head spinning, lost in thought. the chorus to the song starts and you pull away, bakugo chasing your lips and whining when you hold his face still. you mouth the words, “and if we paint a perfect picture we can make it last forever, and you’re the only one i want to wear my orange sweater” he rolls his eyes and you laugh, moving his head with your hands as you keep singing. “i told you i am down for the worse or the better, but i keep sticking to you cause them four stupid letters” you lean in and continue your previous make out sesh and he just smiles against your lips.

this is just a reminder that being a minor and talking to older men/ women doesn’t make you mature for your age. you’re being groomed, even if you think you know better and believe you control the situation. please stay safe and remember that you are loved and cared for, your body doesn’t define your worth and neither does the amount of attention you receive. it is the older person’s fault, please please don’t do it you will only regret it when you yourself are older and can see past your current situation.

I think I'm gonna kill myself tonight

maybe if i actually liked myself.

A little bit about a personal project. Back in 18, I started painting a story about teenagers in a mystical village. It takes place in Grey Valley, a very ordinary village where the sisters come for the summer. But one unfortunate night, they find a strange box in their grandmother's house - letting out the devil. And then a heap of magical problems descends on the heads of all the inhabitants. All chapters are now available to read on Google Play https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.coxickcomics.greyvalley Or on ichio https://iren-kharab.itch.io/ The prologue is completely free so you can decide if you like the story.

Book recommendations

The last post was my song recommendations and I wanna do something similar to that in this too, which is books! As for me, I’m a book lover, I hope there’s someone who loves books like me, find this helpful. Maybe you’ve read everything but let’s get to it. 

1. Think and grow rich by Napoleon Hill

( I gotta say this is the greatest of all times one. Very helpful for us. Many people already knew this but I just had to put it in the list.)

2. Being a happy teenager by Andrew Matthews 

( Just as the title suggested, I’m pretty sure I don’t have to explain further. This book helped me a lot growing up. Definitely a must for teens like myself.)

3. Making friends by Andrew Matthews

( Another book by my favourite author. This is for those who’s socially awkward or when you’re having trouble in social life. It helped me make a lot of friends when I also used to have social anxiety.)

4. Don’t sweat the small stuff and it’s small stuff by Richard Carlson

( People overthink small stuff which they shouldn’t. In this book, you’ll see why you shouldn’t and how. I used to overthink all the time and honestly still do, I really needed this.)

5. How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie

( This one is a must have. I’m guessing a lot of people or book lovers have read this masterpiece, if you haven’t, I recommend you to check it out.)

My book recommendations list ends here, but if you want me to make another one and if you love this list, just let me know. It would mean so much for me. Also, I usually read these kinds of books but if you want novel recommendations or something similar, let me know. Thank you, I wish whoever’s reading good luck and good day. 

~Melody~

Dreams

Hi, it’s me, Melody! What I wanna talk about this time is, dreams. Some teenagers have dreams about what they wanna do in the future and  some simply doesn't have one.Dreams do play an important role in peoples’ lives.  It’s totally fine if you don’t have one now, I believe you’ll find yours someday. 

As for me, I wanna be rich, like crazy rich, like a millionaire. Well, that’s actually a really common one if you think about it but still let a girl dream. Besides, it’s not entirely impossible for us, is it? There’s also another one; it’s to travel around the world. I’ve always wanted to visit those beautiful places that exist in this incredible world. That’ll be a great luxury. Imagine spending a night in an expensive suite and enjoying the scenery of the city. Everyone would love that, wouldn’t they? Okay so, before I get carried away with my daydreaming, I’ll stop this here and talk about my current reality. 

After I graduated from high school, I was actually lost about what to do. But then, I ended up choosing my university major as an IT student. Simply because there weren’t any other better choices that interest me. Back then, I was thinking, maybe I’ll become a game developer and apply for a job at a company. I got that idea solely from my love towards otome games (which are anime simulation types). But everything changed when my parents wanted me to continue their business in their stead. I had no interest in their work and I was strongly against the idea. They finally gave up but everything I’ve thought about until then crushed and I became lost again. I’ve decided to become a freelance software developer or something along the line at least. So that way, I can still fulfil my dream of traveling while I’m also able to work no matter where I am. My career path is pretty much unclear but I refuse to give up on my dream. I hope one day I’m able to do as I wish and  see my dreams becoming a reality. 

Thank you for reading till the end. I wish for you to find your dreams if you don’t have one yet and for those who has one, I wish you achieve it as soon as possible. Spreading love and kindness to everyone. I hope you have a good day!

~Melody~

Day 1

I thought why not do the 30 days writing challenge, it’ll be fun so here it is.

day 1 : describe your personality

Actually, I don’t know where to start with this. As a teenage girl who’s currently going through a growing up process, my personality changes a lot. Sometimes I went from 0 to 1000 real quick, which I mean like “I’m a fabulous queen” to “I’m a living failure who has no purpose in life”. It’s nothing too surprising though, I feel like most people can relate to this too. If I have to describe myself, I’m kinda savage and rebellious with my family, can seem cold to strangers, but actually nice with friends and bubbly. I have trust issues and family issues so it usually takes a lot of time to get to know me or for me to warm up to people. I have a positive mindset most of the time and is self-motivated and I’d say I’m pretty good at healing myself. I’m an ambivert, I’d like to stay quite but that doesn’t mean I don’t like participating in conversations or discussions. I like taking the lead in life and everything but I can be a good follower too. I’m also a feminist. I think that’s about it, I’m still changing and nothing really is set in stone. Sometimes, I even give myself a complete makeover ‘cuz I’m bored. So, these are common facts I can think of at the moment, about me. 

I wish whoever’s reading a good day and happiness. Spreading love to people. 

~Melody~

Day 2

day 2: things that make you happy

It usually doesn’t take much to make a teenager happy. For me, I’m happy when I’m alone around nature or flowers, when I'm reading a good book indoors with a cup of warm coffee while the rain gently pours outside. I love my own company and some little things make me happy. I’m happy when I’m daydreaming and when I’m doing whatever I want. Well, there’s not much I can say I guess. 

I hope whoever’s reading this a great day and wishing for your happiness. lots of love from me.

~Melody~  

Day 3

day 3: a memory

I had trouble thinking of this one. People tends to remember sad things over others, I do remember sad days far better than good memories. But I'd like to share a crazy memory. It was a year before my high school graduation, I signed myself up for a school play under the “stop human trafficking” champaign. I also signed myself up for the script writer and director. The chaos started there; the people in my class had literally no respect against each other. They rarely followed my instructions as a director, they did everything as they wished. I made a mistake in choosing the main actress and only realised that when she started causing trouble around the group. She had an argument with the main actor, with the setting crew and with literally everyone. It was such a huge mess. Despite the chaos inside our group, we managed to at least get the third prize. I was aiming for the first place with our script but we had to make do with that. Not to mention, I had to rewrite the script countless until the competition day drew near. Seriously, that gave me a lot of headache as the organiser. I've learned my lesson there too. What a crazy experience. 

Anyways, I hope whoever’s reading a great day. Sending love to everyone. 

~Melody~

day 5

30 days writing challenge

day 5: your parents

This is a sensitive topic; I never really tell people what I’m going through. One, cuz’ I don’t trust them, two, they won’t understand, three, I’m lost myself. My parents and I don’t have a very good relationship, at least from my perspective. Sure, they give me anything I could possibly want but it’s not that simple. In the past, I was stressed, depressed and my insecurities were drowning me. It’ll be unfair to say they’re the cause of those but they’re related to those in many ways. My parents make me feel emotionally drained. I’m not really sure it’s ok to put the blame on them; I mean I know they’re stressed themselves and had anger issues and had no clue on how to raise kids properly. I can’t be in the same place as them, it suffocates me. At least, thanks to them, I’m who I am today; mature for my age, learned to fight insecurities and depression. We all go through many hardships in life, and they shaped you into who you are. Well, I'm proud of who I am actually. And I made a vow to myself that when I get married and have kids in the future, I'll make sure they know they’re loved, and raise them the best of my abilities and not let the history repeat itself. 

I hope whoever’s reading a great day, stay safe and loved.  

day 6

30 days writing challenge

day 6 : single and happy

“Nobody can love you more than you can love yourself.” I think this is so true. We don’t need someone to feel full and happy. After all, you’re the one responsible for your happiness. Of course, sometimes I feel like I want a girlfriend or a boyfriend, since I'm also a teen and all. Besides that, I do believe what I mentioned above. Plus, my past relationships brought nothing but headaches for me. Well, being single means freedom, less headache, and more time to invest in yourself. Single or in a relationship doesn't’t really matter when you’re happy. I enjoy my own company and my standards are kinda too high. Also, I do believe self love is the best love you can give yourself. 

Day 7

30 days writing challenge

day 7 :favourite movie

As I'm an otaku; my first and foremost favourite movie must be Howl’s moving castle. I love that movie very much, I love both the illustrations and storyline. I think it’s a wonderful movie. 

Another one has to be spirited away, although I'm not a fan of the female protagonist, I really love the plot and the male protagonist. This also is a wonderful movie, and I love the supernatural genres. 

Have a nice day everyone!

~Melody~

Maladaptive daydreaming

Today I learned that my addiction with daydreaming and my habit of constantly daydreaming in order to fall asleep is a psychology disorder called maladaptive daydreaming. It is said to be caused by trauma. It usually serves as an escape from reality when things get too hard for me to manage and in doing so, I cultivated a hobby of writing stories and daydreaming on a daily basic. I also need to create these scenarios for me to actually fall asleep. If I clear these things out from my head and my head is clear, I won’t be able to fall asleep or get insomnia. I didn’t know that it was related to childhood trauma. Since I was young, this had been my way of coping with the reality. I escaped into this dream-like realm that I created in my head and immerse myself into it until I lose sense of reality and what is happening around me. I thought I was just too addicted to daydreaming.

Parents

My parents are literally so funny; they think parenting is just financially supporting the household and feeding us. It is as if that is they have the right to us. Like sir, madam, parenting has much more depth to it then that; even I know more about parenting than you who lived about twice the time I have ever lived. Please, it’s true you made those children but your children are not yours to manipulate and control or mold them into perfect shape, they’re their own person, you are just there to support them, not own them. And that’s on toxic parents. 

Being a perfectionist

My parents are no different than a stranger; they know what I am by the mask I put on, merely knowing my outer appearances. They see my mistakes, flaws, but they are blind to either what I’m going through or what I’m fighting against on the inside. They are keen to my faults but they are way too shallow to see my bleeding heart or scars. I’m a perfectionist, why? Because they won’t take it if I fail or make a mistake. Therefore, I grew up thinking being perfect is the only way for me to get love. They don’t see my efforts in doing the task but called me useless if I made so much as a single mistake. Since they won’t take even a fraction of a scrape on things I did, I had no choice but to accomplish everything perfectly, hoping that I will at least hear a praise. But you know what? There is none, there never was and there will never be. Now I know the answer as to why I always seek validation. At least I am with me. I will try to tell myself that there is no need to do everything perfectly anymore, instead I will pat myself on the back and say the words they failed to say; “good job”, “well done”, or “I’m proud of you.”

To: parents who have no idea about their child

The one thing that bugs me the most about parents is the phrase "I know everything about you." The amount of times I hear that phrase is uncountable. Also the funniest phrase to ever been told to me. It's so funny how parents seem to think they know about their child. Sorry to break it to you, Sir, Madam but their best friend might know better than you. Let me ask you if you think that way toward your children, do you know that your child cry themselves to sleep every night? alone in the dark where no one else knows? Or do you know how many times they were on the verge of giving up? Or that they have depression, anxiety, ADHD and many other more? Yeah that's what I thought. Do you know they cut up their flesh in order to cope? Or that they're emotionally unavailable and is trying hard to stay alive which you thought was laziness. Well let me enlighten you. it isn't. And I also like to bet you don't know they have trauma which was most likely caused by you either. So yeah I would like to sincerely ask you to stop spouting that lie, please and thank you.

from the struggling-to-stay-alive-teenager

Inner child

Whenever I think of breaking the generational trauma or breaking the cycle, it always makes me think of the little girl in me who just wanted to be loved. She wanted, no...needed... her mum, she needed her love. My heart breaks whenever I think of the inner little girl in me who just wanted her parents to love her and be there for her. 

I don’t know if it’s just me or what but I have a hard time believing someone when they say they love me. As a child, I never felt loved or received love from my parents. They never say “Honey, I love you.” I never received hugs or smooches. They’re always both neck deep in work and even when they give me materialistic things, they always make sure I understood I owed them and therefore needed to make it up to them in some ways. So, now as an adult, I can only understand the concept of love, and never feel it towards anyone. The idea of love is probably so far fetched to me that I can never really know.