Parenting Mistakes - Tumblr Posts
day 5
30 days writing challenge
day 5: your parents
This is a sensitive topic; I never really tell people what I’m going through. One, cuz’ I don’t trust them, two, they won’t understand, three, I’m lost myself. My parents and I don’t have a very good relationship, at least from my perspective. Sure, they give me anything I could possibly want but it’s not that simple. In the past, I was stressed, depressed and my insecurities were drowning me. It’ll be unfair to say they’re the cause of those but they’re related to those in many ways. My parents make me feel emotionally drained. I’m not really sure it’s ok to put the blame on them; I mean I know they’re stressed themselves and had anger issues and had no clue on how to raise kids properly. I can’t be in the same place as them, it suffocates me. At least, thanks to them, I’m who I am today; mature for my age, learned to fight insecurities and depression. We all go through many hardships in life, and they shaped you into who you are. Well, I'm proud of who I am actually. And I made a vow to myself that when I get married and have kids in the future, I'll make sure they know they’re loved, and raise them the best of my abilities and not let the history repeat itself.
I hope whoever’s reading a great day, stay safe and loved.
Maladaptive daydreaming
Today I learned that my addiction with daydreaming and my habit of constantly daydreaming in order to fall asleep is a psychology disorder called maladaptive daydreaming. It is said to be caused by trauma. It usually serves as an escape from reality when things get too hard for me to manage and in doing so, I cultivated a hobby of writing stories and daydreaming on a daily basic. I also need to create these scenarios for me to actually fall asleep. If I clear these things out from my head and my head is clear, I won’t be able to fall asleep or get insomnia. I didn’t know that it was related to childhood trauma. Since I was young, this had been my way of coping with the reality. I escaped into this dream-like realm that I created in my head and immerse myself into it until I lose sense of reality and what is happening around me. I thought I was just too addicted to daydreaming.
Parents
My parents are literally so funny; they think parenting is just financially supporting the household and feeding us. It is as if that is they have the right to us. Like sir, madam, parenting has much more depth to it then that; even I know more about parenting than you who lived about twice the time I have ever lived. Please, it’s true you made those children but your children are not yours to manipulate and control or mold them into perfect shape, they’re their own person, you are just there to support them, not own them. And that’s on toxic parents.
Being a perfectionist
My parents are no different than a stranger; they know what I am by the mask I put on, merely knowing my outer appearances. They see my mistakes, flaws, but they are blind to either what I’m going through or what I’m fighting against on the inside. They are keen to my faults but they are way too shallow to see my bleeding heart or scars. I’m a perfectionist, why? Because they won’t take it if I fail or make a mistake. Therefore, I grew up thinking being perfect is the only way for me to get love. They don’t see my efforts in doing the task but called me useless if I made so much as a single mistake. Since they won’t take even a fraction of a scrape on things I did, I had no choice but to accomplish everything perfectly, hoping that I will at least hear a praise. But you know what? There is none, there never was and there will never be. Now I know the answer as to why I always seek validation. At least I am with me. I will try to tell myself that there is no need to do everything perfectly anymore, instead I will pat myself on the back and say the words they failed to say; “good job”, “well done”, or “I’m proud of you.”
To: parents who have no idea about their child
The one thing that bugs me the most about parents is the phrase "I know everything about you." The amount of times I hear that phrase is uncountable. Also the funniest phrase to ever been told to me. It's so funny how parents seem to think they know about their child. Sorry to break it to you, Sir, Madam but their best friend might know better than you. Let me ask you if you think that way toward your children, do you know that your child cry themselves to sleep every night? alone in the dark where no one else knows? Or do you know how many times they were on the verge of giving up? Or that they have depression, anxiety, ADHD and many other more? Yeah that's what I thought. Do you know they cut up their flesh in order to cope? Or that they're emotionally unavailable and is trying hard to stay alive which you thought was laziness. Well let me enlighten you. it isn't. And I also like to bet you don't know they have trauma which was most likely caused by you either. So yeah I would like to sincerely ask you to stop spouting that lie, please and thank you.
from the struggling-to-stay-alive-teenager