Mental Health Art - Tumblr Posts

[Old concept art at the bottom]

I'm so excited to start posting about the world I've been working on. I've been working on it for over two years! Like— 😮 woah, I've been successfully gatekeeping my own series for 2 years now! To be fair, I didn't start working on other characters until year 2, and I'm still working on creating and developing characters, as well as working on settings and plot. I feel very close to actually putting out some official comics and / or starting an ask blog. The ask blog will likely be mostly non canon and just me having fun while working on characterization.

I have plans to turn my story into multiple formats like comics, books, games, a movie, and a show maybe. I'm trying to get better at making goals, so these may sound like insane goals to make, but hey, at least I'm making long-term goals, and that's all that matters to me. 🤷

My story is a project I've been working on to aid me in processing trauma as well as to make others feel not so alone in their experiences and give hope that things eventually will get better. I aim to do that with all my projects in general, honestly. I can't stand things without happy endings, like bro reality is depressing enough sometimes give me some hope dang you!!!

Anywhooo here's an old concept picture I drew of our boy!!! My art has improved a lot, so the art low-key makes me cringe, but I think it's neat to see how he's changed.

2020 is a whopper of a year

Finally into meditation after my therapist and others have told me how helpful it is for mental health, and they weren’t shitting me. It’s changing my brain dude. Big fan, big advocate, get onto it. I use Headspace and Calm, both free apps. Be kind to that mind of yours.

(trigger warning: self harm)

So, I had to go to the hospital yesterday as I self harmed and needed stitches 🙃 I never intended to hurt myself to that extent, but obviously I shouldn’t have chosen to self harm at all in the first place 😓 These past few months my mental health has really taken a massive blow due to the Brisbane floods in February, 99% because I haven’t been able to live in my wonderful studio apartment due to there being no electricity or hot water. I’m so grateful for the support that I received at the PA hospital yesterday, every staff member that I interacted with was so fantastic. I was overwhelmed by their kindness and it meant the world to me when I’ve been in so much darkness for so long. I don’t want to die. I wish I wasn’t alive a lot, but what I really wish for is the emotional pain to go away. Otherwise, life is actually very much definitely 100% worth living. I just want the pain to go away. I know it’s only temporary and I will get back on track, especially once I’m living independently again. It’s kind of dark and fucked to say this, but in a way I believe it was a blessing that I ended up needing to call an ambulance yesterday. Interacting with people who I could feel genuinely cared about me and saw so much good in me that I struggle to see in myself, made me want to stay alive and keep trying. They made me feel like I’m worth it. So thank you to the paramedic who saw me without any judgement and showed so much empathy and care to my situation, who made me smile and laugh when I felt so ashamed and alone. Thank you to the junior doctor who took care of my stitches, made me laugh, shared our mutual love for anime and kdrama and only looked at me with eyes of respect and kindness. Thank you to the mental health team who made me feel so so so important and valued. I will never forget any of you, because I needed that support so badly and you will never understand how much it meant to me. I will try my best to take care and be kind to myself, firstly for myself, but also for all of you.

Drew this in a game of Gartic Phone ✨

Hello Tumblr :)

My name is Lee and though I’m not new here this will be my first time actually sharing anything and being an active part of the content creation on this site.

A bit about me; I’m British, mixed ethnicity, nonbinary, and I love making creative representations and illustrations of my struggles with mental health and neurodivergency - specifically ADHD, ASD, and depression. I’ve created this blog with the intention of helping myself process, visualise, and document my experiences as well as with the hopes of sharing them with people who might find solidarity in them.

Hope to see you around <3

"I wish there were some way to look without looking / when you look, you sign a contract / that lets them look back

Looksee \\ cmartine

I always thought I was observing without participating. It turns out they're more the same thing than I'd ever realised.

Anyone else know this feeling?

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I think everybody can understand this feeling of comfortable detachment to some extent - for some people certain situations are simply more comfortable if they are able to distance themselves, whilst for others (like myself) this desire to be present but not active is more constant.

I've always preferred to observe than to participate. It might be due to my introverted nature, or maybe (as some people have suggested) my love language is quality time, but I always feel most loved, most at peace, and most myself when I'm able to be near but not 'a part of' the action. If that makes sense.

But recently I've found that even observation can leave you vulnerable; refraining from participation doesn't save you from perception. Its frightening to think I exist to others in their thoughts and memories and senses. As I spend my whole life observing others are also capable of observing me.

I wish there were some way I could see without looking. Some way I could still feel connected to others in that comfortable way, without exposing myself to their perception. I wish I could observe the world and all its warmth from the safety of my bed. Where none of it can observe me back.

How hypocritical of me.

I keep a lot of plants around my home and personal spaces / money plants / spider plants / succulents / a hebe tree / they are good friends and good company

we all drink from the same cup / when they have had their fill / I find / they have always left enough for me

on bad days they reach out with darkening leaves and promise / "we will both feel better for an open window. / sunshine and breeze"

I think the best of friends are the ones / that don't just care for you / but they remind you to care for yourself / they are good to me and I love them very much

Growing Together \\ cmartine

Sometimes it’s the small, seemingly insignificant things in life that keep us above water when we are struggling; for me it’s my plants. What little things do you rely on to remain stable, and how do they help you?

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Caring for yourself is, for obvious reasons, integral to your well being and survival - but without external motivation to do so I often find this difficult. Sometime it doesn’t feel like enough to want to be better, because wanting to be better means acknowledging how far you have to go. Sometimes I need something to get better for.

When I take care of my plants, I am taking care of myself. I only remember to drink when I’m watering my plants. It never occurs to me how stale and stagnant my room has become until I open a window for my plants and find that I also feel better for the fresh air. Maintaining my health doesn’t feel important until I realize that if I’m ill or if something happens to me, no one would be caring for my plants. 

This is just a small example - this sort of vicarious self-love can be found all around you. Many people find keeping pets has the same effect. Others find that caring for their friends, and wanting to be well for their sake, is enough to keep them going. In the long run, I don’t believe that relying on external motivators to want to stay alive is healthy. But during these times when all you can do is keep trying to survive, and keep trying to want to survive, no reason is too small or too abstract. I am alive and healthier than I might be today because I love my plants. I like to think they love me too.

a portrait of the self in space \\ cmartine

Derealisation is a jarring and frustrating experience that can be extremely difficult to recover from. What are your experiences with feelings of detachment from reality?

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I feel like every person, for some reason or another, will have an experience of derealisation in their lives. Derealisation is defined as ‘a mental state where you feel detached from your surroundings’. During this, reality might feel distant, like you are outside of your head and watching yourself or like you are seeing the world through a filter or film-like haze.

For me derealisation has always come with a busy, yet empty feeling. Reality becomes painfully bright and loud and it feels as though I am seeing the world with extreme sharpness- but at the same time all that overwhelming business is hazy, inconsistent and incomprehensible. Nothing feels articulate or tangible. I question whether I and anything around me is actually real, or if I’m dreaming or possibly even dead.

I created this illustration after a very jarring and overwhelming episode of derealisation. I’d been in a social situation that required my attention and conscious participation but I was so scatterbrained and overwhelmed that I struggled to even respond to my name. I was so unaware of my own body that I was clumsy and uncoordinated, and I couldn’t produce a single coherent thought through the haze. All I could do was find a quiet spot and try to draw my experience to help me process it. This illustration, a portrait of the self in space, was the outcome of that. I think it might be my most accurate representation of an overwhelming experience yet.

Infertile Lands

My conscience is closed off

I need sleep

Sundew depletes the last glimmer of hope

I bound and adhere myself together like the endometriosis that infiltrates my shell

We are all Ignorant to the law of life blood

Watching the world go by as I am casted out to the edge of the sea

Somatic memories from menarche still linger

My body is like a parasite insidious like mistletoe

The cactus has been exsanguinated and what was the cost?

Only

Cordyceps

Feed off me

(The art I made inspired from my journey with highly suspected endometriosis. Too many people born assigned female at birth have this terrible disease. It can cause terrible periods, chronic pelvic pain, infertility, and many more complicated symptoms. I just want to make clear I am okay, endometriosis and/chronic pelvic pain is just a lot.

Art is made by me!✨🎨🖌️