Anxiety - Tumblr Posts
The FBI agent in my computer watching me silent scream-cry whilst I pull my hair out, staring at my college work for hours on end every day for the past 6 months before I start talking to myself and frantically pacing then freezing in a daydream attack: 👁️👄👁️
Just for a Little While
Just for a Little While
I was born in 1995, and I have spent my 25th year of existence during the onset of the 2020 pandemic. I have heard of the quarter-life crisis before, but I never did expect that I would be experiencing it while the world is in literal viral chaos. I have been in isolation before, but this imposed an unrelenting imposition of both internal and external turmoil. This, in turn, has given me an…
LATE NIGHT POST
Been feeling this way since high school. During elementary, I was in my own world and only felt sad that some classmates misunderstood or laugh (or smirk) on my cluelessness about films, shows, and trends. But in high school, there was a pull between reading books or hanging out and talking with friends or classmates about people in showbiz, or shows, films, or just be with them doing fun shizz. FOMO is strong mostly during DMs which friends chose to ignore constantly if they're busy (esp if they're with other "more fun" people).
When birthday wishes are reduced to "happy birthday" from those short yet well meaning personal messages I adore. When you finall6 able to go with people but you got so much to catch on from exes, drunken stories, and jokes which makes it awkward for both you and the people you are with.
So over the years, I gradually rewired my brain to forgo any expectations I used to have. Still, I feel all the emotions from heaviness, the emptiness, and the feeling of being forgotten. I expect people to misjudge, misunderstood, overlook, ignore, and be disappointed in me.
It is so ingrained within me that I have a hard time considering calling people as friends or to even think about the idea of being committed in a romantic relationship with someone. This is not all that bad tho coz it introduced me to be more loving on myself by myself. To not expect anything from people. To learn things I could learn so when they refuse or ignore my plea for assistance (or they abandon me) I can do it on my own. Coz you will come to a point of getting tired of making excuses for people who did not even bother to offer you one for themselves.
I miss people and moments even if they don't miss me (or remember me) at all. It's okay coz this is life and I could be forgetting others as well. We will all die one day and when it is time we should reflect if we are proud of the life we've lived up to the very last breath.
You wanna know what really really hurts? When your fiance tells you, "you should go back to therapy."
He isn't wrong but... Damn...
anyone else had this experience where you were never asked out in school/asked out as a joke so you wrote yourself off as unattractive and focused on like classes so you'd at least be smart and then you randomly join a dating app at 18 or start going out out and find people actually find you attractive and you just don't know how to react and are super anxious like it could be some big joke that your not in on
the anxiety rly be going brrrrrrrr in light of my new relationship fml
I really needed to hear this, thank you.
I've been having so much doubt over whether or not I'm on the right track, and I haven't even STARTED university yet. It's also hard when people try to tell you what you should be doing and you're just trying to figure out who you are. I'm sure it's different for everyone, but I, at least, need to experiment. The years after high school are so crucial to a person's development and self-discovery and being constantly surrounded by negativity and comparison, whether from yourself or others, can feel paralyzing.
My advice to anyone in the same boat is just to keep going and find out what works for you. Not your parents, not your siblings, not that one kid in your class who's perfect at everything, YOU. Don't give up, don't let anyone tell you how to live your life, and go do something great!
BONJOUR LE WORLD I HAVE AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS
actually I have no clue what I'm doing. SCREW THAT NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE DOING. anyway, that was bit aggressive. I wrote this because y not? Also cause I'm trying to deal with my absolute existential crisis of doing too many things and not getting anything done. It can't just be me like come on . The world has to stop rushing us for two minutes. I mean u see people and they're like oh yah yes I'm a maths genius I am also the captain of the football team mmmmm yessss I'm going to Harvard and also I'm the CEO OF GODDAMN Google . DID I MENTION I WON A NOBLE PRIZE FOR DISCOVERING THE CURE OF CANCER. Anyway I'm 1 years old. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THESE PEOPLE ARE LIARS OR ALIENS. I beg u please Stop wasting your time watching them and being upset about yourself. Look after urself and pursue ur interests You are beautiful and you will do amazing things. *Mic DROP
I would rather die than inconvenience you with my existence.
My anxiety makes elaborate and strong narratives in my head and I'll be like, yeah, that makes perfect sense. Genius. I'm impossibly fucked. And then when I say it out loud, it's utter fucking crap.
To exist in the face of suffering and death, somehow still keep singing.
- Free, Florence and the Machine
Ughhh.
I love my parents, okay, i really do. But they can be a handful sometimes. And are like so completely detached from the reality that their children are facing. It's so fucking frustrating.
So, im the oldest of 3 children. Im in my 4th and final year of undergrad. During my college admissions, there was covid, and due to this and the extreme stress of college admissions, my mental health went to shit. I kept telling them throughout that i was struggling a lot and was considering killing myself. But they wouldn't listen to me. Finally i had a really bad mental breakdown and then they, very grudgingly, helped me get help - as in get a psychologist. But then, they'd try to get me to tell them what was discussed during the therapy sessions and in general try to underplay me struggling. Fortunately, i got into a uni far from home and they also had a great counseling service to help students cope. After struggling for the first year without any help, i started going for regular therapy sessions, got meds which were covered by the uni insurance and finally, after continuous work for the past 2 years, I am in a much better place.
I want to pursue masters now, but my dad is pushing me to try to get a job via the uni placement cell. The thing is, though i had considered it before, i dont want to do that anymore. And my dad is all like, okay, you needn't actually work once you get a job, you can just sit for placements and then you’ll feel 'confident' that you can get a job. To me, i honestly sounds like, if i get a job, he can tell others that i got a job but i didn't take it up. Like maintain the status quo or whatever. The very thought of sitting for placements make my anxiety sky rocket. I really can't handle the stress of it. And i do not want to work in corporate at all. I did an internship and i didn't like it at all. I just wish he would shut up and just let me be.
And now, they are doing the same thing to my sister. She is very confused about what major to choose for her undergrad (she's in her final year of hs). And is naturally under a lot of stress. And they keep pushing her to a tech major when she is not interested or has a knack for it. And then they act all oblivious, ooh why is she so stressed? What could possibly be bothering her? What a mystery! Like wtf, why are you so fucking dense!!! It's so infuriating.
And the same shit goes for my brother too. He has struggled with language a lot throughout childhood. He finally got tested at 14 years of age and the turns out he is on the autism spectrum, he has mild autism. And my parents simply refuse to accept the diagnosis, and went, there is nothing wrong with the boy. They are convinced that he can hardwork his way out of struggling with autism without actually getting professional help.
The worst thing in all this is that, it's not like they don't know how to deal with this better. They simply dont. When my cousin had a mental breakdown, they were at the forefront, helping her get a psychologist and telling her parents how to deal with the situation. A second cousin of mine, a little boy, also struggles with autism (ig, not sure) and his parents don't get him help - but they always tell them that professional help makes things better. I mean, why can't they do this for their own children. Why the hypocrisy? It's so exhausting. I'm so tired of this.
Rant done. Thank you for reading.
What should we do then?
These bloody memes offer no goddamn solutions!
By relatabledoodles
Whatever mechanism it is that tells me I'm being awkward in a social situation is so shit. It's ooh, this is AWKward!!!! And if I ask it what they non awkward way to behave, it's like LA LA LA LA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU, YOU AWKWARD BITCH!!!
The vicious cycle of having a lot of dishes that need to be cleaned and it stressing you out so you put it off, only for more dishes to pile up and stress you out even more
Fiddly-twiddly earrings now on the website! www.dollydaydreamcrochet.com #sale #clearance #dollydaydreamcrochet #bournemouth #shellearrings #anxiety #fidgetjewellery #fidgetbeads #spinnerbeads #fiddlebeads
anyone else get guilty about not answering unimportant texts?
Marked (Preview)
Hope this little preview gets you just as excited as I am! I’ve officially started on my first graphic novel which, for the time being, is called Marked. I’ll be posting pages of the novel weekly on Fridays, so be looking forward to that.
I’ll give you more of a summary next week with the title page and page one. But I feel like it’s important to say this now: this book addresses mental illness, specifically anxiety and depression. It’s just as much for those who are clinically diagnosed as it is for family members, friends, or anyone who wants to better understand. Hopefully it can help you or a loved one to gain insight on these situations. Please share this with family and friends, and get the word around. I hope to be able to influence as many people as possible! :)
Thank you!