Npd Traits - Tumblr Posts

NPD traits haver here! NPD affects literally every aspect of my life. Personal relationships are much harder because I either need people to think I’m better than them or I need to hate them enough that they’re automatically inferior to me so their opinion doesn’t matter.

My intense aversion to feeling inferior to anyone makes it really hard to be vulnerable with people and I rarely have stable friends. All my friends I befriended at a time in their lives when they were unstable, unsure of themselves and their opinions and socially awkward because they’re far more likely to have an inferiority complex which makes them far more likely to think I’m better than them.

The downside of that is that I then have very unhealthy relationships with people because stable people make me feel threatened so I immediately revert to hating them and two very unstable people in a friendship is a recipe for disaster.

I also end up getting very visibly frustrated at times when I’m not the one leading a conversation because I can’t stand to be in the background. I also have an intense need to be the one people go to for advice because why would they ever go to anyone but me for what they need? But then when they do come for advice I hate actually giving it because them being emotional and really needing something from me overwhelms me, which makes me frustrated and then that frustration turns into anger/apathy.

There’s also a part of me that really struggles to tell which of my feelings in a relationship are caused by what. All my relationships are somewhat superficial and not knowing whether I like this person for them or for the attention they give me can be worrying.

NPD makes things very hard but it gives me good traits too. I befriend loners, treat people how I want to be treated and even if my actions have greyer motivations I am strongly inclined to do the right thing no matter what.

For example whilst someone might see bullying and go “I have to stop it because it’s wrong” I would go “I have to stop it to prove I am morally superior and an amazing person”. At the end of the day we both end up doing the right thing and that’s what matters.

I rambled but yeah.

Anyone with personality disorders willing to share difficulties in relationships/intimate connections?? Asks, comments, rbs??

-Cluster b (borderline) trying to get to know more about the other clusters and PDs because you never really understand until you talk w em I find.

For me personally the main trigger is just fear of abandonment and emotional permanency. Which literally categorizes bpd but idk if other clusters are as interpersonally defined and recognizable as b???

You're all valid! This is a safe space correct me if I said anything wrong.

THIS

my feelings of superiority that come from my npd is usually not "im better than everyone" but "everyone is worse than me" and even though they sound similar, they feel completely different to me

So many of my NPD traits come from being told the exact opposite of what the disorder is all about. I spent years and years being constantly told both through actions and words that I was inferior. That I didn’t matter. And I will be damned if I let anyone make me feel inferior again.

That’s really what it boils down to. It’s not about being more than. It's about the intense dread of being less than.

"i support pwNPD!"

then people get pissed when we have low empathy or low sympathy, people get pissed when we act egotistical, people get pissed when we show traits of NPD that are 'stereotypical'.

do u support NPD or do u just "support" NPD to be seen as a good person?

First off, I didn’t call autistic people the problem. They aren’t. Just like people with NPD aren’t the problem.

Second of all, I know I have narcissistic tendencies. I have NPD. I’ve also been in therapy for four years so thank you for the astute observation that I need it. I’m also surrounded by non-narcissistic people that I talk to about things like this. My therapist being one of them.

Your statement about how you can have narcissistic traits and not narcissism is completely true. You can also have autistic traits and not be autistic.

Most mentally ill people have some degree of self centred tendencies. It’s critical to their survival. People with depression can get focused on their own misery and hurt people, people with bipolar disorder can act selfishly due to intense mood swings, people with autism can be unknowingly insensitive. It’s not an exclusive NPD experience.

I do view my narcissistic tendencies as impairing. Thank you so much for pointing out how a disorder is an obstacle to me. It very much is. It comes from years of trauma and abuse and it affects every aspect of my life negatively including my relationships, my sense of self and how I interact with the world.

I don’t think that someone’s parent having narcissistic traits is demonising me. Contrary to popular opinion, years of therapy and a deep interest in psychology can make even a narcissist self aware.

What is demonising is someone saying “my mother has narcissistic traits and therefore all people with any narcissistic traits and/or NPD are inherently awful people that I should purposefully trigger”. And I’m not making that comparison out of thin air. Anti-NPD is a tag and many websites specifically give you instructions on how to hurt narcissists and give mentally ill people crashes.

I try my best to take accountability. I fuck up. I hurt people. My narcissistic tendencies can cause harm to people when I don’t deal with them in a healthy way. Everyone fucks up. I just happen to do so more than others because of my “obstacles”.

So thank you for the lecture. And thank you for giving me the opportunity to clarify that saying “people have narcissistic traits” and saying “people with narcissistic traits are irredeemable monsters” are two very different things.

Love, your dear narcissist

“Oh but not all narcissists have NPD so I’m not really demonising you by calling every narcissist an irredeemable monster”

Fuck off. Just fuck off. That’s like saying not all autistic people have autism. It makes no sense and is completely redundant.

Woe I made a hyper specific NPD bingo

Egotypicals can interact just dont be weird

I think part of the reason why I get so obsessive over people is because I can’t fathom the idea of being wanted. I have to be needed. Being wanted (kept around for the sake of being around) is just not a thing in my mind. There are always other motives behind it. So I have to devote all my time to making sure that a person truly needs me and can’t live without me because my instincts tell me it’s that or they leave.

All the people who tell their friends I hate you/kys “jokes” shut the fuck up you’re in time out

Every professional psychiatrist/psychologist I’ve ever met have always assumed my attachment to my mum was too dependent and tried to treat me based on that which is why it was wild that I went to two sessions with a specialist in my disorders who immediately told me that I showed all the signs of having no attachment to anyone in my life especially my mother.

That’s a lot of learned behaviours added to exacerbate an already awful attachment style.

When you have an under-researched disorder people miss so many important things that could have helped you much sooner because they just assume the obvious.

Don’t be afraid to push back when you know they’re missing something important. It’s your brain they’re messing up.

Ever since I found out that we get suicidal thoughts when the brain is put in a stressful situation and the amygdala (the part that makes emotion) takes over and stops rational thoughts being processed properly so that your only go to is your emotional “logic”, I have found it a lot easier to deal with.

Like we misclicked a button and the brain’s best solution was “guess we should just kill ourselves”?? Really?? It couldn’t think of any better solution than dying?? That’s some low grade brain shit just click another button and it’s fine.

Our therapist was talking to us the other day about memories cos we have severe amnesia and she was saying how some memories will be appear when we’re ready, some will never appear and some might not have even begun to form in the first place because our brain decided it didn’t need them.

And like that’s so fucked up. It’s so fucked up that we don’t even get memories of what happened to us but we have to live with the consequences and it’s fucked up that things happened to us and the brain didn’t even try to process them so we’ll just never know.

So much of your sense of identity gets taken away due to trauma. Our abuser took our chance at having a childhood, took our ability to feel certain things, took our sense of stability and any kind of security and took our memories before they even existed.

That’s just so fucked up.

My therapist agrees that I have narcissistic traits.

It’s a weird thing to be proud of but I WAS RIGHT. I KNEW IT WASN’T NORMAL.

Shoutout to people that DIDN’T become people pleasers or have a faun response because of their trauma. Shoutout to people who became argumentative, angry, mean, and lash out due to their trauma. Shoutout to people that start a fight every time they perceive something related to their trauma. Shoutout to people who fought back to their abusers. You are not a terrible person for having that reaction. Your abuse was not your fault. You are not an abuser yourself. You’re allowed to be angry.

I love you people who show kindness because "it's what you're supposed to do". I love you people who show kindess because they like being thanked. I love you people who show kindness because it makes them feel good. I love you people who show kindness because they were shown kindness first. I love you people who show kindness for "selfish" reasons. I love you people who show kindness for the "wrong" reasons. I love you people who show kindness in a body that rejects the very notion. Your kindness is not any lesser because of its motivations. The good you added to the world is just as valuable as someone doing it for the "right" reasons. Your effort is seen. Your effort is valued.

the thing that gets me the most about ableism against pd’s is that ppl will be like “these disorders make you an ASSHOLE!!!!” and then turn around and pretend that other disorders can’t and don’t make you act shitty.

depression and anxiety can make you irritable and snappy. they can cause you to refuse to listen to people and to be distant and withdrawn. they can cause you to seem angry, bitchy, rude, uncaring, etc.

ptsd causes an array of difficulties in forming meaningful relationships. it pretty much shakes up your entire worldview and sense of self a lot of the time. ptsd can cause you to get angry often. it can cause you to yell and scream. it can cause you to withdraw from others, run away, or cut them out. it can cause general changes in demeanor and more cynical worldviews. it can make you seem grouchy, negative, explosive, impolite, difficult, needy, controlling, etc.

and yet when people with personality disorders have symptoms of that nature, suddenly we are irredeemable monsters. when it’s npd, bpd, hpd, or aspd instead of ptsd or depression and anxiety, people suddenly and magically lose the ability to be understanding.

mental illness is an explanation, not an excuse. i firmly believe that. hurting others is never justified simply because you have any disorder.

but if you can be patient with people who have depression, anxiety, ptsd, ocd, or any other more well understood mental illness, you can be patient with us.

My therapist told me today that just because you don’t meet a criteria made by a bunch of white men doesn’t mean that your traits of a disorder don’t dramatically affect your life.

In case someone needs to hear this, she’s right.

I don't know how to explain to people that yes if you died I would immediately play it up to get sympathy points and more easily manipulate people but also you're chill and I like you

Y’all be grateful for consequences because if there were no consequences I would just do whatever the hell I wanted with no moral compass whatsoever

People that irritate me:

- arrogant people

- sensitive people

- irrational people

- insensitive people

- people who think they're invincible

- people who are fake 99% of the time

- stubborn people

- people who disagree with you just because they can

Things I am:

- an arrogant person

- a sensitive person

- an irrational person

- an insensitive person

- a person who thinks they are invincible

- a fake person 99% of the time

- a stubborn person

- a person who will disagree with people just because they can

Anyone who talks about how “edgy” they are needs to go take a bath in acid.

It makes it so hard for people to talk about their actual homicidal ideation or low empathy or low guilt or delusions or other stigmatised symptoms of mental illness.

I shouldn't have to clarify that my delusions are actual harmful, prolonged periods of distorted reality or that when I say I want to kill someone I mean that I have dark fantasies where I kill them in graphic detail.

I don't feel empathy. I don't feel guilt. Most of the time, I don't feel anything for other people. It's not quirky. It's not a joke. It's not something you can say you experience only to turn around and criticise the moment I go more in depth.

Stop trying to be cool by imitating mental illnesses. It's pathetic.