Bpd Awareness - Tumblr Posts

I didn't know it was a thing until yesterday honestly, but happy BPD Awareness Month to my fellow borderlines on Tumblr! You guys make me feel seen and understood in a way that I rarely (if ever) do.

You're not poison, you're not a monster and you're not a burden. You are loveable and you have more worth than you'll ever know.

Have a blessed day, my borderline friends🖤

sooo, guess who thinks they might have bpd...

I relate to this more than I feel like I want to admit, you've just named so many things I've never explained about myself. I feel numb so often just can't feel a single thing. Wish I could feel more and less at the same time and question everyday whether people actually care or if their just acting or just pitying me. Feel like when I hear peoples voices too much I'm going to tear out my or someone elses throat, or just shut down. Do I want people to care about me? Maybe I'm just fooling myself? And then someone admitting that they'd feel anything if I left feels like I'm on cloud 9.

I know this is pretty personal but I just wanted to say it.

if my BPD can scream

1. I wish i could have a normal love... but no, my brain wants to worship every little detail of you until it drives me insane

2. sorry i pushed you away i felt abandoned and suicidal 

3. I’m sick of going to bed and knowing things won’t be better tomorrow 

4. I'll ask you thousands times if you really love, please don't get annoyed

5. I'll create "drama" and mishaps only to feel like I'm in home

6. i’m afraid that one day my anger will overshadow the little love i still have left for the world

7. I feel numb. No tears, no anger, nothing. Just going through the same day again and again. I would rather just sleep without waking up.

8. I'm so tired of everytime one small argument or inconvenience breaks out I want to end it and self destruct, it's so draining. 

9. I want to stop feeling anything and when i actually don't it breaks my heart but I can't cry it out.

10. "its all in your head" well duh where tf else is it gonna be??? in my fucking kidneys????

11. I am constantly between wanting people to care about me and wanting them not to so I can hurt myself without feeling guilty 

12. Psychiatrist told me there is no cure for bpd and I've to change myself. Well why cant they just let me die then?

13. Until you live with bpd you'll never know what it's like to be too much and not enough at the same time.

14. i know im constantly too much for everyone but sometimes i just want to be enough for someone

15. if he will leave me, my next diagnosis will be of "sociopath"

16. im so jealous of all the people who see him and touch him and talk to him every single day it should be me me me me 

17. oh I got my hair coloured. why? because I can't hurt myself anymore 

18. "you're so distant" because you can't handle my abandonment issues.

19. My younger self disappoint me a lot. like why were you begging people to stay in your life? ohh no worries I know the answer

20. I wanna throw a plate against the wall, stab a knife through my hand, destroy my laptop with a hammer, smash my door in with an axe and spray graffiti all over the walls of my room 

21. Why shouldn’t I be mad? Why can’t I just be angry and be allowed to feel it? Why can’t I burn everything down?

22. I have to watch my mouth every fucking second to make sure I don't destroy every relation I have coz apparently social life matters!!

23. Isnt it fucked up how he got away with every horrible thing he made me experience and I’m the one who has to live with myself feeling absolutely fucking worthless 

24. I don't deserve food and love. im a horrible person.

25. this is how my eating cycle goes

feeling weak coz i haven't ate anything -> eat -> purge -> feeling guilty after purging -> eat more -> feeling guilty after eating so much -> cry coz you don't know what's happening

26. the diagnosis makes me believe I'm not insane just lil emo ig!! NOOOO YOU'RE INSANE

27. “don’t let it bother u” baby i’m gonna be bothered by this for the next 10 years 

28. if I tell you I love you its equivalent to I can kill someone for you

29. Actually upon further inspection that shit really hurt my feelings 

30. I don't dive into insecurity anymore, i drown in self-loathe

31. i shut up in between group convo coz I know I'll talk invaluable shit and nobody really cares what I say until it's psychology class

32. "if you are fully aware of yourself, why do you keep acting like that?" slapping self awareness on top of bpd only grants the ability to watch yourself self-destruct straight from the vip section thats all it does literally

33. “Where do you see yourself in the future” building a cult for mentally ill people 

34. ofc I've a praise kind i was ignored as a child

35. I'm much better than I was before. you know why coz I don't to air now and don't see monsters walking by side all the time

36. No I don't want to self harm anymore I need to kill that fucking monster

37. Don't mind me, I'm just casually sabotaging all my positive relationships with negative delusions because my life doesn't feel real unless something dramatic and destructive is constantly occurring 

38. i don’t care i don’t care i don’t care (im going to sob my fucking eyes out)

39. “Stop making your disorder your personality” I have a fucking personality disorder for god sake

40. turning my mental illnesses into kinks and calling it the BDSM-5 

41. "destroy something precious while you're in rage" ohh yeaa and then I'll do that again and again 

42. what I hate most about my BPD is the fact that I have started doubting every emotion that I’ve ever felt in my life, whether it’s love, my grief through multiple traumas, or my anger, & it’s so saddening. It has actually led me to start questioning my reality.

43. if I need medication to stay alive, am I really meant to be here?

44. it's either be alone without 75% of my symptoms, or be with someone and display the most horrendous unstable awful version of myself. why do i have to choose between love & happiness or peace & stability?

45. That fucking bpd rage where everyone's voices makes you want to scream and every noise around you makes you want to sh and you're so mad you can almost feel the cuts everywhere 

46. getting worked up to the point of becoming physically ill (throwing up/stomach issues etc) because you felt rejected/abandoned by your favourite person  

47. i wish my trauma made me kind as everyone says but i’m becoming what i fear the most- a monster.

48. imagine getting diagnosed with a personality disorder and the only visible representation of that disorder is an animated horse man, a sociopathic sitcom character from philadelphia, and darth vader

Understanding a person with BPD. ( Borderline Personality Disorder )

( mostly focused relationship-wise ) - J.

tw; mentions of s///h and su//c//de.

Let's say you are in a relationship with a person that has BPD, or perhaps they're a close friend, a family member, someone you generally know that you want to work well with. It can be quite challenging when you don't understand the symptoms or how to handle the situations that comes with it — yes, the symptoms will most likely affect the relationship, but it is important to understand that dealing with BPD is not easy either.

Us with BPD have a lot of struggles, let's get that out of the way. There is our fear of abandonment, rejection, judgement, unstable self-image or sense of self, rapid mood changes, impulsive behaviors, persistent feelings of emptiness and numbness, extreme rage, and more. There is a lot to learn and understand about it in order to work well with your partner and have good communication, I hope this small guide helps + my own experiences!

Show you appreciate your loved one. From a source — Someone with BPD may go out of their way to do things for their partner to make them happy because they want to receive love and affirmation in return. ( and from my own personal experiences, we generally have a lot of love to give. ) "If we don't get the recognition we think we deserve, then we'll start to feel like we hate our partners, because they didn't give us that feeling we wanted." ( This is called splitting. ) This can make us feel unappreciated and maybe even feel like our efforts of love was rejected/pushed aside. To avoid an issue like this, it's important to show your loved one that you appreciate them and the things they do. Individuals with BPD often search for honest validation and love, so if you feel it, be open about it.

Be prepared for mixed messages/responses. From a source — An individual with BPD can go from loving and adoring you ( idealization ) to feeling furious and "hating" you ( devaluation ) in a matter of hours to even mere minutes. Even when they do "hate" you, they still carry an overwhelming fear that you will abandon them. When these fears arise, be ready to offer comfort and meaningful reassurance; "I understand that your feelings are overwhelming right now, I understand that you feel afraid that I will leave you. I won't, okay? We will get through this and I am here to support you."

Be responsive. From a source — When an individual with BPD is trying to reach out to you or contact you, it is helpful to be responsive as possible. If their friend or loved one doesn't respond, the individual with BPD can feel rejected and maybe even feel bits of abandonment creeping in, as well as internalizing that as something being "wrong" with them or make them feel that they have done something wrong. This can lead to self-hatred and destructive behavior. It can be difficult for a person with BPD to handle conflict or feelings of rejection/abandonment because they often blame and punish themselves. 75% of people with BPD will turn to s*lf-h*rm*ng. This is not to say it is your fault if they turn to s*lf-h*rm*ng, but staying kind and responsive can make a positive difference.

Understand it is NOT their fault. From a source — BPD is quite known to cause immense stress and strain on a relationship. It can be challenging for a person to manage their symptoms in a way that doesn't affect their partners. So, when symptoms do flare, remember that they do not have control. Literally. This condition is known for it's lack of regulation or control over emotions, behaviors, and thoughts. You wouldn't blame a loved one for having cancer symptoms that might spill into everyday life, so do not blame someone for having a mental illness with active symptoms. Hold your judgement.

It is also extremely important to note, DO NOT MAKE US FEEL DOWNPLAYED. If we are in distress about something, avoid responses such as these;

"You're being dramatic."

"You're overreacting."

"You're acting crazy."

"You're being ridiculous."

"It's not a big deal."

"Why don't you just calm down."

"You're taking things way too seriously."

"I don't understand why you're acting like this."

I can almost promise you that these responses will only make the situation worse, and only fuels the fire. We are upset for a reason, we have our triggers for a reason, respect them. It may seem small and inconvenient to you, but it matters to us very much and that needs to be taken into consideration. Instead, respond positively with patience and support. Understand that we are feeling extremely overwhelmed at the moment and we need reassurance and comfort, not to feel downplayed or discredited. From my own experience, it only makes me feel like I am not being listened to, that my reasoning behind my distress isn't being taken seriously, my triggers aren't being respected, and it provokes my anger.

It is also important to be patient when splitting is occurring, it may seem ridiculous and dramatic to others, but it is a real thing and when we split, it is for a reason. For me personally, I feel extreme anger towards the person I am splitting from. I get unwanted violent thoughts, I want to say cruelest things, but afterwards, I get hit with a wave of depression and immense guilt and shame. We all experience this differently, but always remember it is out of our control and we remain self-aware. Stay understanding and supportive.

And remember, while it can be difficult for the other person to work with an individual with BPD, we are always acknowledging that. We know it isn't easy, but imagine how we feel. Imagine living with a constant whirlwind of worries, constant fears of rejection and abandonment, emotions turned up to the maximum, constantly on edge that we are doing something wrong, and even more. And while there is that, a lot of us have a lot of love to give. A lot of loyalty and devotion, and all we want in return is that acknowledgment, appreciation, and love from our partners. As well as honesty and respect.

( Please note that I am still new to this community and if any information is incorrect in any way, I will change it ) - J.

Closing quote.

"I couldn't trust my own emotions. Which emotional reactions were justified, if any, and which ones were tainted by the mental illness of BPD.

I found myself fiercely guarding and limiting my emotional reactions, chastising myself for possible distortions and motivations." — Rachel Reiland.

please please PLEASE educate yourselves properly !!

my qpr gf has bpd and all these tips are true and helpful thank you very much 💛💛💛

bpd is not knowing if you’re a good person or if you’re a bad person and you’re just gaslighting yourself to believe you’re a good person.

I'm starting to think one of my friends hates me because of how much I vent about my negative perceptions on relationships and I'm considering ending the friendship with her just so she doesn't have to deal with me anymore.

UPDATE: I did it.

wow I really hate myself

i can't tell what true love or hate feels like. whenever i think i have an idea of how i feel, i look back later realizing that i was splitting again.

My empathy works like a god damn swingset lmao

"All autistics have low empathy" - This statement is wrong.

"Autistics having low empathy is a MYTH, we actually have HIGH empathy!" - This statement is ALSO wrong.

Autistics can have low empathy, they can have high empathy, they can have learned empathy. The myth would be that all autistics only experience one end of the empathy spectrum.

In spreading around misinformation that autistics actually have high empathy, you are disregarding the autistics who do have low empathy. And vice versa.

I hate whenever my parents act like they care about my mental health then get all pissy at me when I tell them that I don't want to do school anymore even if I explain why, and I'm genuinely fucking tired of it.

I don't know about you motherfuckers, but when you are mistreated by the people around you CONSTANTLY for your entire life, without any breaks, and when that's done you're then blamed for it all, it really does take a toll on your mental health, and trust me when I say that it royally screwed my entire life over, I MEAN IT.

I had to face constant stigma and ableism for over 13 years, and the harder I tried to fix myself, the more people had pushed me away.

So, I'm gonna be BRUTALLY honest when I say this:

I've given up on wanting to go to college because it's way to expensive, I gave up on wanting a career because there's nothing out there worth doing, I gave up on even trying to find a job in the first place because nobody wants to hire a mentally unstable retard with no work experience, and overall I've just abandoned all of my passions and ambitions. All because people have kicked me when times got rough, and when I tried my best to make things right, it was never enough, they still kept pushing me down, and I just can't do it anymore.

And it doesn't help that my basic human rights are slowly being stripped away from me because I happen to be a disabled queer trans AFAB kid with a mental illness, basically meaning that by the time I make it to my 20's (if I don't kill myself before I make it to 18), I'll be living in a constant hellhole where I'll die in the worst ways possible to humankind.

All I'm ever going to be in life is this sad, mentally unstable, egotistical virgin who makes other people's life worse, and there is nothing I can do to change that, let alone anyone else.

I was doomed to be like this since the day I was born. And that's probably one of the hardest things I had to accept as a borderline auDHD person.

And that's the entire reason why I want to drop out of school, it's making my mental health worse anyway, and what's the point of being in school if I'm not gonna have a good life regardless??

And instead of actually listening to me, my bitch ass parents told me to suck it up and that my feelings were invalid and that I deserve to suffer, and honestly, fuck them.

"I was like you two when i was your age, and I regretted it, so you should stay in school" good for you i guess, but that won't change shit.

Stop pretending like I have a future, you're only making it worse.

good thing I'm suspended for 3 days so that I won't have to put up with school for the rest of the week...

Anyway I'm supposed to be working on homework rn, but I'm not going to because there is no reason to.

Hallo :D

attention seekers u are safe here with me. if u want attention from me all you gotta do is reach out in literally any minor capacity and I will turn my attention fully to u with the force of a proton beam. I am just bad at reaching out and am usually wallowing in some kind of misery. but I love u.

learned that lesson the hard way.

just a reminder that it is not normal to think of ways to kys whenever an inconvenience occurs

I need to go to psychiatrist, cause i probably have bpd, and i can't do live. Like i can't have a job and i changing my mind about everything (currently live with my toxic parents, want to k/ms). But going to a specialist in small Polish town its fking stressfull. I am afraid that when i go some poeple tell that to my mum, and she will have questions. Like what am i supposed to tell her? You can't raise children, and you traumataised me so much that i migth have trauma personality disorder? Not even talking about my dad or rest of my familly. I am gonna try to call and to get appointment in monday, so wish me luck or smth

idk if this is related but my mom has bipolar and when I was a younger her and my dad would get into fights over little things bc of her intense emotions I wish someone would've shown me this since well 1 loved pokemon so much and 2 I probably would've understood why my mom acting the way she was cuase I don't think I really did at the time.DW shes medicated now and my parents are in a healthy relationship :).

My Pokémon ❤️💙