Nozomi Vents Archive - Tumblr Posts

I kin two characters.

Tomoko from Watamote, and OMG Kawaii Angel from Needy streamer Overload.

Both of them got something in common: Internet addiction and mental illness (specifically the kind that makes you hate everyone and believe everyone hates you).

I am probably not okay :3

me after school everyday

i hate school ugh

i wish people understood that fps in BPD are against our will

Me when hurting myself hurts

bpd culture is "why are you taking so long to respond??? did i say something wrong?? do you think im stupid/weird??" :(

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My life was ruined before it even really started

I personally think its impressive how my mind can jump to conclusions that are so drastically far from the next logical point of thought- and so quickly too!

I just want to die. I don't know anymore. I don't want to live in this life, I don't like being me. I hate myself I hate my past I hate my everything.

I want to feel important please 🫧

Things I'm good at :

• ??????????

• ???????

•????

• ???????

• feeling like a burden and bed rotting

Normalize lying to your therapist so you won't get admitted to the grippy socks jail.

And just like that, I have wasted another weekend, in my house, scrolling through social media and arguing with dumbasses on tiktok, and not hanging out with my friends or going out.

I fucking hate my life.

bpd traits culture is I love them so much so why do I keep having the strong urge to block them

- 🪨

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Im trying to prove a point to my mum

Repost if school has caused:

Anxiety Depression Suicidal thoughts Social anxiety Eating disorders Self harm Stress

"I wish I had BPD :3" NO YOU FUCKING DON'T...

Just today I lost one of my closest friends because I decided me THREATENING TO KILL MYSELF AND REFUSING TO LISTEN TO ANYONE WHO TRIED TO STOP ME FROM KILLING MYSELF was a good way to handle a mental health crisis I was having. And when I tried to apologize because by the time i wanted to reconnect, i realized I fucked up and needed to apologize, they didn't want to fucking hear it, and now most of the people who saw what happened don't want to talk to me anymore over it.

This shit has happened NUMEROUS times in the past, and shit like this is the sole reason why BPD is even medically recognized as one of the hardest disorders to live with (look it up if you don't believe me).

BUT APPARENTLY PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING UNEDUCATED ABOUT BPD THAT THE MINUTE SOMEONE SHOWS A NOT-SO-PRETTY SYMPTOM OF BPD ALL OF A SUDDEN THE PERSON IN QUESTION IS THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD, IT'S FUCKING AWFUL....

I'm shaking rn as I'm making this post, and I'm still getting myself admitted to the ward because I'm still in a fucking crisis, but I just hate how awfully romanticized bpd is, and I wish there was a cure for it because I hate living like this.

I hate losing the only people that actually give a shit about me, I hate lashing out at and leaving people that clearly don't deserve it, I hate mis-perceiving the tiniest flaws in relationships as threats, I FUCKING HATE IT ALL.

And get this: The whole Pumpkin The Gentleman situation and the Melanie Martinez situation are making this shit worse for me because now I have to deal with people's opposing views being misperceived as a threat and therefore ruining relationships I actually care about.

Basically It's a never-ending cycle of me losing people I care about and dealing with the after effects of that, plus my already existing mental health issues that are fucking me over, and I just want to go into a coma rn and forget about all of this.

none of this is funny, having BPD isn't funny, abandonment issues aren't funny, losing friends isn't funny, fuck y'all, goodnight.

undiagnosed BPD/problematic in recovery culture is knowing you did some really fucked up shit in your life and wanting to address and apologize for all of it, but at the same time never being able to comfortably speak about what you did with anyone because you're worried that the people you care about most are going to leave you and abandon you because of what you did, and while that's happening you're also struggling to remember half of the details because looking back at what you did is so triggering even to yourself and when you try to tell people that they automatically assume you're lying, so in the end you're just left with being forced to stay silent about it and never giving your victims justice despite wanting to.

so yeah, I've decided not to make that apology video in the end because the risks outweigh the benefits and i'd get sent death threats for what happened either way.

I'm sorry.

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Not exactly a "BPD culture is" ask, but more so an open discussion

Does anyone else with BPD sometimes feel like they don't have a grip on their reality? With all of the splitting, having no perception of myself outside of how others see me, and being able to completely flip my opinions on things in an instant, a lot of times I feel like I have no idea what's real or not. What's actually happening or what's just in my mind.

Do any other BPD havers feel like this too?

We can relate to this! 🙋

- iris 🌸