4n4m1a - Tumblr Posts - Page 4
Food Log: Sep. 6, 2024
Breakfast:
Instant coffee (2cal)
Thirteen tbsp (454cal)
Total: 456cals
Lunch:
Nothing (0cal)
Total: 0cal
Dinner:
Upo with pork and shrimp (350cal)
White jasmine rice (180cal)
Total: 530cals
Todays total: 986 calories
Notes:
I ate the Upo left overs I had from the other day so I overestimated it again, I didn’t finish the rice though but I’m still counting it. The coffee was literally perfect, just the creamer being high in calories is what gets on my nerves. I wish I could track my steps. Today was super draining bc of the heat but I got a lot of work done so that’s good. I feel so bleh. I wanna restrict lower I hate being in the 900s.
It better be häAaAaæ HaàAaaÆ haAaáÀ weather by September 22 or ima light this bitch on fire
AND YOU’RE ALL COMING WITH ME
Guyyyysss I just got back home from hanging out with my besties. We ended up not going to the beach but went to a night market, and we took a lot of pictures. I look like shit. I thought I looked good leaving the house but I look so ugly on the pictures. I look so fat my face looks so fat my arms look so fucking fat. I have GOT TO lose weight before Halloween. Me and one of my best friends r gonna be the white and black swan, I can’t look fat in such a beautiful costume. More motivation, but I wanna hide everything abt my body. I feel so fucking ugly. God I just wanna be beautiful :(
I was literally just 137lbs, I checked my weight this morning and I’m at 127lbs now, but I don’t look like it :(
Food log: Sep. 9, 2024
Breakfast:
Nothing
Total: 0cal
Lunch:
Nothing
Total: 0cal
Dinner:
Rice cake (35cals)
Half tbsp, mayo (50cal)
Half tbsp, relish (10cal)
Half, can tuna (50cal)
Total: 144cals
Todays total: 144 calories
Notes:
Ate really low this day which I’m vv happy and surprised abt it bc I almost fully gave in to a bite of my bfs taco. And almost had a break down bc I hate not being able to eat. But I did it yay. This is your sign to recover I hate not fucking eating.
Food Log: Sep. 10, 2024
Breakfast:
Hot pocket pepperoni (319cal)
Total: 319cals
Lunch:
Jaritos tamarindo soda (141cal)
Torta asada (550cal)
Total: 691cals
Dinner:
Nothing
Total: 0cal
Snack:
Celsius energy drink wild berry (10cal)
Total: 10cals
Exercise:
913 steps (60cal)
Total: 60cals
Todays total: 959 cals
Notes:
I went over my limit but I got steps in and burnt it. It’s still rlly high which I’m still upset about I feel like even if I work it out it’s not doing shit. I didn’t get a picture of the jaritos or at least that shit didn’t fucking save oh well.
Food Log: Sep. 11, 2024
Breakfast:
Lemon water (0cal)
Total: 0cal
Lunch:
Two pepperoni hot pockets (638cals)
Total: 638cal
Dinner:
Nothing (0cal)
Total: 0cal
Snack:
Celsius energy drink (7cals)
Total: 7cals
Exercise:
3,267 steps (94cal)
Total burned: 94cals
Todays total: 551 cals
Notes:
I didn’t go to school this day bc I was severely sleep deprived but I got some laundry in so that’s nice. I’m really glad I can count my steps again. I made an entire daily necessities and routine for a balance of school n overall daily routine. I’m excited for the restart week :)
Food Log: Sep. 12, 2024
Breakfast:
Celsius energy drink (10cal)
Total: 10cal
Lunch:
Chicken & bacon salad (357cal)
Total: 357cals
Dinner:
Asada quesadilla (393cal)
Total: 393cals
Snack:
Celsius energy drink (7cal)
Green tea mochi (100cal)
Total: 107cals
Exercise:
3,551 steps (117cal)
Total burned: 117cal
Todays total: 750 cals
Note:
I love Celsius so much it’s the only energy drink that doesn’t give me anxiety while still giving me good energy n it’s low in cal. This is A NEEEEED if ur a full time college student with anxiety n sleeping problems, I highly recommend.Today was nice I love spending time with my friend (literally only have one college friend) and I found a nice spot to study at if I want to study in nature 🥳
School motivation 📚
Food Log: Sep. 16, 2024
Breakfast:
Celsius energy drink (10cal)
Total: 10cals
Lunch:
Ground turkey/broccoli pasta, a cup (379cal)
Total: 379cals
Dinner:
None (0cal)
Total: 0cal
Exercise:
3,108 steps (103cal)
Total burned: 103cal
Todays total: 286 cals
Notes:
I was going to do a liquid fast but I got way too weak and decided to eat. Ate really low tho thankfully.
People treat you so much more differently when you’re perfect. Girls like me don’t get that shit, pudgy and masculine features. I don’t fit any Eurocentric beauty standards, I don’t even fit my own culture’s beauty standards. I’ve got a pig nose, a fat fucking face, fat arms, a belly, I’m built like a fucking gorilla. I lose control over food and pig out.
No matter what I wear not matter how I do my hair no matter how much makeup I put on it’s not enough. It’s lipstick on a fucking pig. I wanna recover so I can eat but I’d end up going to the gym and only feel good about myself as long as I’m going to the gym. I wanna be perfect.
I feel like I'm rotting in my own body. My skin even feels weak. But I've heard that's a thing that happens when you're starving yourself. More hair has been falling out, too.
What am I doing to myself? I ask that a lot. But one look in the mirror, and I'm back to fasting for another day.
I'm so tired. I just wish I was skinny. I just wish I was dead.
I just want to be okay.
i cannot stand when my friends turn MY €D into a competition. i get that this shit is competitive by nature but it’ll really be your best friends that try to compete with you over it.
══✿══╡°˖✧✿✧˖°╞══✿══
oh, to look cute in basic ass clothes
Things that FUCKING SUCK about being fat:
I can't wrap a regular sized towel completely around myself.
The chafing between my thighs hurts sooo bad.
I can't keep up with my boyfriend when we go out for walks and especially when we go hiking. It's so embarrassing, he literally has to keep stopping and waiting for me to finally catch up.
It's hard finding clothes at the store that actually fit. And I can guarantee, it won't be anything nice either, sweatpants and maybe hoodies..
18" necklaces are chokers on me.
I have to get wide shoes.
Not fitting in socks made out of certain materials, some of them cut into my ankles...
Struggling to fit in high-top sneakers. Forget about calf height boots.
Feeling disgusting for eating in front of people. I know people see me and think "That's why you're fat." "I'm so glad I don't look like that."
Small bathroom stalls can be a nightmare.
I love swimming, but not in front of people.
Feeling insecure and disgusting all the time.
Etc.
I'm soooo tired of being this size, it's time for a change.
i better at least way under 100 lbs b4 school starts, if not then we have a serious issue
i. cant. stop. eating.
uhg im so fat i swear, yes i eat enogh for a 6 lbs infant each day but
any tips on how to eat less around others? i would fast until i can't but lunch ruins that 4 me bc my friends will notice if i don't eat.