Actually Narcissistic - Tumblr Posts

How to handle a narcissist

A guide to dealing with these wild creatures in a safe and responsible manner

Feed them cupcakes and admiration to build trust. All creatures do better around those who provide them with sustenance. Do this from a distance at first as to not spook them.

Only carry a narcissist with permission, and do so bridal style. Do not scruff or attempt to pick a narcissist up by the limbs. This will injure your narcissist and cause them to feel threatened.

Wrap your narcissist in validation and a nice warm blanket so they feel safe from predators. This makes the narcissist docile. They are less likely to feel attacked this way.

Make your narcissist hot chocolate and let them tell you stories about themselves. This is the narcissist’s main source of enrichment, and they love it when others engage supportively in their play time.

Narcissists are creatures with low self-esteem. They are prone to anxiety and depression as a result. In order to build your narcissist’s self-esteem, make sure you compliment them daily. Each narcissist will have a unique set of insecurities and things they are proud of. Be sure to get to know your narcissist and what forms of comfort they prefer.

As I said before, narcissists are anxiety prone creatures. They have a tendency to overthink and be perfectionistic in nature. To combat this, give them a little forehead kiss and start discussing all the great things you love about them in detail. This will trigger an instinctual response that will cause them to gain more confidence in themselves.

Do not attempt to train a narcissist unless you are an experienced professional. Doing so could result in a worse behavioral and emotional outcome. Instead, be patient and gracious with your narcissist as they receive training from a qualified field member.

The difference with the disorders of ASPD, psychopathy and NPD versus the 150-something other disorders in the DSM is that they function completely differently because they are PERSONALITY disorders and not regular disorders.

Personality disorders cause dysfunction with opinions, feelings, observations, empathy, perceptions and relationships. The way they see every event, instance, and conversation is coming from a distorted perception. They can be aware of this distorted perception but one of the main symptoms of these disorders is a lack of self-awareness and always believing one is right and never wrong, which is very common with cluster b disorders. Self-awareness is also a spectrum, not black and white as many people get wrong. They're not just "different" with their opinions and perceptions (everybody has different feelings and opinions) but they're maladaptive and unhealthy.

ASPD and NPD major/common symptoms from research (not just taking from the DSM I've been researching them for a decade now): revenge-prone (often from distorted perceptions but can certainly be from a non-distorted perception), entitlement issues, lack of empathy toward others, manipulation, deception, exploitation/supply-seeking, victim-complex and can't see fault in ones own behaviors chronically so- meaning they see themselves as perfect and don't take accountability for any little mistakes or wrongs, love-bombing then devaluing cycles which causes Stockholm syndrome, projection, possessiveness in relationships, extreme jealousy and envy issues in relationships or with peers, poor and abusive relationships.

While something like ADHD has issues with attention, focus staying on one task that isn't scary or bad, just distressing for the disordered individual. Anxiety disorders have symptoms like overthinking, feeling jittery or on edge, feeling distressed about the future, etc. Other disorders have issues with normal things that only distress the individual suffering from said disorder, they're not dangerous.

However, people with ASPD and NPD have symptoms that make them dangerous to themselves AND others, causing distress to both themselves AND others.

Yes, people with ASPD and NPD are certainly distressed as well from the consequences of their actions and lack of ability to love another person, thus making relationships unfulfilling. But they bring distress to people around them as well and just as much if not worse.

ASPD, psychopathy and narcissists are vindictive as a PERSONALITY trait and if you do your research properly - revenge as a maladaptive personality trait is a hallmark of ASPD and psychopathy, not just a one time thing like a 17 year old girl getting revenge with her best friend on her cheating partner (teenagers are impulsive and dumb they'd be more prone to this behavior than adults). But with personality disorders it is a pattern of behavior. And their revenge-seeking is an epidemic in the world of psychological abuse survivors because that's often what psychological abuse survivors complain of is the cluster-b persons vindictive behavior towards them for unrighteous reasons, that the cluster b thinks is righteous but thats the distortions and delusions they have. And part of that maladaptive trait is along with the lack of emotional (sometimes cognitive) empathy they don't have that line in the sand they won't cross, meaning they don't have limits on how far they're willing to hurt people making them inherently wrong for their behaviors.

Neuroscientists psychopathy and ASPD:

Dr Keel

Dr. Raine

Dr. Robert Hare 

Dr Kevin Dutton

Books: 

Handbook of psychopathy

Hervey Cleckley's original 1940's checklist that Hare basically admitted the PCL-R is based off of.

Npd:

Dr kernberg

Dr. W. Keith Campbell

Dr. Kraig malkin 

Dr. James Masterson

Dr Steve reed

Dr Elinor Greenberg 

Dr. Marie-France Hirigoyen, a psychoanalyst

There is a lot of what you’ve said that I agree with. ASPD and NPD do indeed cause symptoms distressing to themselves and others. People with ASPD and NPD can act harmfully. Jealousy does play a large role in NPD (I’m not so sure in ASPD since this is a disorder largely based off apathy).

I have NPD and I’m acutely aware of the distortions in my world view. I know that that’s unusual. I’ve had years of therapy and several times of radical acceptance to get to this point. Egotypicals still perceive things in ways that surprise me from time to time but generally I have a lot of self awareness and I’m very interested in psychology and the concept of society.

I have very low emotional empathy (although my cognitive empathy works very well if I have the energy) and yet I disagree with you saying that cluster b’s “don’t have limits on how far they’re willing to hurt people making them inherently wrong for their behaviours”. There are so many things wrong with that statement.

The first is the not having “limits”. I have limits. Perhaps they’re implemented more by rational thought than emotional (like others) but they’re still there. I have a set of morals that I stick steadfast to and I’ve been told by many people that I am a person who holds my values and morals close and guards them tightly.

The second is “willing to hurt people”. This might come as a shock but that’s not a specific cluster b trait. Anyone and everyone are willing to hurt people. Neurotypicals do it all the time. Neurodivergents do it all the time. Everyone does it all the time. For example, you are willing to hurt a group of people with personality disorders by sending an ask that deliberately frames them in a negative way. A simpler example is asking what you would do for your loved ones. Would you steal, fight, manipulate, break the law? All of those classify as “willing to hurt people”.

My third issue is that you say cluster b’s are “inherently wrong for their behaviours”. What behaviours? Who’s wrong?

If I take that as I assume it was meant to be intended, what you meant was “cluster b folk are wrong and will always be wrong in their behaviours because of the previously mentioned reasons”. I just disproved the previously mentioned reasons so that point is moot. You’ve just taken a few traits of a disorder, spun a negative portrayal on them and decided that that means cluster b people as a whole are completely untrustworthy and unforgivable in every aspect.

If I was to take a different view on the statement, I could interpret the meaning as “people who willfully do harm are inherently irredeemable”. That’s a more solid point but one I would dispute anyway. That ends up tipping more into the moral quandary of questions such as “would you steal bread for your starving family”. I would say that no one is inherently irredeemable. Certain acts may be unforgivable but people themselves are not irredeemable.

People who willfully do harm with malicious intent over and over again (the ones “without limits”) are indeed not good people. However, assuming that the only people who do that or the only people capable of doing it are cluster b is not a good view nor a correct one.

Anyone can be a bad person. Anyone can do bad things.

Another thing you mentioned is vindictiveness. I wouldn’t phrase it like that. For all intents and purposes it’s very similar but it’s much easier to understand is describing it as the fight response. Cluster b folk are more inclined to the fight response. When they perceive threat, they lash out, which can cause harm to themselves and others. It’s something a lot of people do however cluster b’s take it to an extreme.

It’s not a petty grudge and it’s not a relentless pursuing of someone. It’s a matter of hurt and survival instincts.

There’s been a lot of focus on the damage disorders do to others and far less on the damage it causes the person themself. And for those who are trying to cope better and hurt less it’s much harder for them as it becomes easier for people around them.

At the end of the day, you have sent what’s effectively a list of “proof” that cluster b’s are inherently harmful and that’s that (although you completely failed to mention BPD and HPD).

I want to prove that you’re wrong. No one is inherently harmful. No one is beyond hope of at least trying for better. ASPD and NPD (and BPD and HPD) don’t cause people to be awful people. They make mistakes, they mess up and they try to heal just like everyone else.

I can acknowledge how my actions hurt people and work on them and be a good person. Anyone can. I can take accountability for hurting someone even if I don’t accept I was wrong.

Personality disorders are morally neutral and it might be harder for me but I can create healthy, caring relationships.

If you won’t accept the idea that we can then that’s not our problem. That’s something I sincerely hope you educate yourself on and get over.

First off, I didn’t call autistic people the problem. They aren’t. Just like people with NPD aren’t the problem.

Second of all, I know I have narcissistic tendencies. I have NPD. I’ve also been in therapy for four years so thank you for the astute observation that I need it. I’m also surrounded by non-narcissistic people that I talk to about things like this. My therapist being one of them.

Your statement about how you can have narcissistic traits and not narcissism is completely true. You can also have autistic traits and not be autistic.

Most mentally ill people have some degree of self centred tendencies. It’s critical to their survival. People with depression can get focused on their own misery and hurt people, people with bipolar disorder can act selfishly due to intense mood swings, people with autism can be unknowingly insensitive. It’s not an exclusive NPD experience.

I do view my narcissistic tendencies as impairing. Thank you so much for pointing out how a disorder is an obstacle to me. It very much is. It comes from years of trauma and abuse and it affects every aspect of my life negatively including my relationships, my sense of self and how I interact with the world.

I don’t think that someone’s parent having narcissistic traits is demonising me. Contrary to popular opinion, years of therapy and a deep interest in psychology can make even a narcissist self aware.

What is demonising is someone saying “my mother has narcissistic traits and therefore all people with any narcissistic traits and/or NPD are inherently awful people that I should purposefully trigger”. And I’m not making that comparison out of thin air. Anti-NPD is a tag and many websites specifically give you instructions on how to hurt narcissists and give mentally ill people crashes.

I try my best to take accountability. I fuck up. I hurt people. My narcissistic tendencies can cause harm to people when I don’t deal with them in a healthy way. Everyone fucks up. I just happen to do so more than others because of my “obstacles”.

So thank you for the lecture. And thank you for giving me the opportunity to clarify that saying “people have narcissistic traits” and saying “people with narcissistic traits are irredeemable monsters” are two very different things.

Love, your dear narcissist

“Oh but not all narcissists have NPD so I’m not really demonising you by calling every narcissist an irredeemable monster”

Fuck off. Just fuck off. That’s like saying not all autistic people have autism. It makes no sense and is completely redundant.

Shout out to the people who never had a safe place. Who didn’t have a before trauma. Who were loved but not protected. Who were collateral damage in someone else’s breakdown. Who got fucked up so young that they’ll never know who they could have been.

Shout out to people who’ve never felt safe. I hope you do someday.

Honestly it baffles me that anyone can sincerely write out a step by step guide on how to give someone with severe mental illness a purposefully triggered breakdown and still think that they’re the ones in the right.

“Ah yes let me go through a list of their symptoms and cultivate situations in which I can trigger their worst nightmares but don’t worry it’s fine because I’m an empath”

What the actual fuck. If you replaced narcissist with “depressed person” or “person with anxiety” people would be screaming at you. Being abused does not justify you abusing others.

Hurting a Narcissist (from Quora)

There are 3 main things that will hurt the narcissist:

1. Being abandoned.

A major fear of the narcissist is abandonment. They hate being alone as they rely on others to validate them and provide them with attention, affection, admiration, and just general engagement.

Narcissists need people, but the increasing dilemma is that it is becoming near impossible for narcissists to be abandoned completely, as many have turned to online chats, social media, and they’ve created a virtual reality for themselves that feeds them with an unlimited supply.

So even though they lack physical interaction, which for most of us would be difficult, the narcissists on the other hand can happily settle for the narcissistic supply that they receive online. It provides them with enough fuel to feed their deluded fantasies and sick obsessions.

2. Being exposed

The second thing that hurts the narcissist real bad is being exposed. We all know how important the fake image is to them, and the many lies that they’ve told to maintain it.

Basically, the narcissist’s whole goal in life is to deceive people with their fake image. So if they are exposed for the liars, manipulators, and downright imposters that they are, that is their world shattered before their eyes, and it cuts them deeper than any words can express.

3. Being insulted

The third and final thing that will hurt the narcissist is being insulted. Narcissists know the power of words. After all, they use words to manipulate, deceive, and hurt people. The tricky thing is that to a narcissist, a critique is an insult, telling them the truth is an insult. So this is something that happens a lot, but anything that more or less attacks their false image will be seen as an insult.

its not that i think im more deserving of, or better than the average person. its just i want that and when i want something you need to give it to me and when it isnt given to me i get mad because i want it

The thing about NPD is nothing is ever enough.

Yeah I’m intelligent but I’m not intelligent enough.

Yeah I’m beautiful but I’m not beautiful enough.

Yeah I’m important to them but I’m not important enough.

There’s a chronic feeling of emptiness because I think so highly of myself but I was never enough for my abuser and now I will never be enough for myself.

Woe I made a hyper specific NPD bingo

Egotypicals can interact just dont be weird

I think part of the reason why I get so obsessive over people is because I can’t fathom the idea of being wanted. I have to be needed. Being wanted (kept around for the sake of being around) is just not a thing in my mind. There are always other motives behind it. So I have to devote all my time to making sure that a person truly needs me and can’t live without me because my instincts tell me it’s that or they leave.

i will not be second i will not be second i will not be second i will not be second i will not be second i will not be second i will not be second i will not be second i will not be second i will not be second i

Okay I’d like anyone that sees this to blind react and put a finger down for each thing in this list you relate to. There are 9 things. You can comment your score publicly or keep it private, up to you, but I think this might be interesting for some people. Here’s the list:

-Do you tend to take criticism too personally, or gotten unreasonably defensive when someone points out a mistake you made? Do you hate admitting you’ve done something wrong?

-Do you like to daydream about doing something amazing (such as saving people from a burning building, being the one to win your team the game, being an amazing actor in a movie, etc.) and having people recognize you for the great thing you did?

-Do you place in importance on being associated with important or high status things, like trying to date/be friends with the coolest kids in your classes, or choosing to go to a prestigious university over a common state school?

-Do you tell people about things you’ve done specifically to get praise for it? Such as telling your friends about the A you got on that really hard math test, or pointing out your cool new hairstyle, or the drawing you did that you think looks really cool, specifically so that they will compliment you for it?

-Do you feel comfortable prioritizing yourself and what you want/need over other people?

-Have you ever diminished your accomplishments, or been purposefully self-deprecating so that the person will reassure you (i.e. “You’re such a good artist!” “Oh no I’m really not, anyone could do what I do” “No really, your art is amazing!”)?

-Do you find it hard to genuinely care about other people’s problems?


-Do you get jealous easily if, let’s say at a party, your friend is getting more attention than you?

-Have you ever felt secretly happy that someone around you failed or did worse on something than you did? Like maybe you didn’t want your friend to fail their math test, but them failing it did you make you feel a little extra good and proud about the non-failing grade you got on it.

(Scroll for explanation for spoiler reasons)

So what that list was a rewriting of the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, where for each section I filled in one of the ways I actually feel that part of the criteria. So instead of “grandiose sense of self”, I said “bad at taking criticism”, because that’s one of the ways my grandiose sense of self actually presents. If this was the original diagnostic criteria, you would need 5 of 9 to be diagnosed with NPD.

The reason I asked you all to count how many you relate to is that I have seen a lot of egotypicals do this exact same stuff. My goal is to help someone possibly unfamiliar with NPD understand that people with NPD are not the foreign, subhuman monsters that we are so often represented as, but rather people who feel some normal human traits too much.

(Also please don’t use this alone to self-diagnose, it was not made for that)

(Also also, thank you to the people in the reblogs for letting me know I could’ve used the read more feature. I am new to tumblr so tips on how to use it are appreciated)

My therapist agrees that I have narcissistic traits.

It’s a weird thing to be proud of but I WAS RIGHT. I KNEW IT WASN’T NORMAL.

I don't know how to explain to people that yes if you died I would immediately play it up to get sympathy points and more easily manipulate people but also you're chill and I like you

Y’all be grateful for consequences because if there were no consequences I would just do whatever the hell I wanted with no moral compass whatsoever

The urge to kill them so that they will forever stay in a state of adoring you

when i was first trying to figure out what the fuck was wrong with me i initially googled like. bpd. and was like oh this kind of sounds like me but i also dont feel enough for it.

and then i googled aspd and was like oh this kind of sounds like me but i care too much for it.

and then i didnt look any fucking further like a dumbass

me tryna figure out which pd i have

image id: the meme with the guy that has a detective board and looks crazy

One of the worst possible things about having bpd is having no sense of self.

Imagine going through life tied down to a total stranger. I am constantly changing, not knowing what I like or don’t like. I base my value on other people around me. Isn’t that so fucking pathetic? And there’s nothing to do that can change it.

I am a stranger to myself and nobody hates the way I am more than I do.

@lehhoh7822 sent me this video and now i have to post about it because i love talking about about hypersexuality and shame but im too lazy (aka feel too incompetent) to type my thoughts out so i share it with yall

ik this was the implications of the post but i wanna js type it out anyways that it feels really shit sometimes to live in such a shameful world that is so focused on everything being right.

i know sometimes the need to be good and "worthy" and all the other fun shame npd/hpd shame things in my head is exaggerated, but there truly is so much external shame. like where do we think it came from?

i was ranting to my friend about feeling inadequate in my kindness. that i felt shame for being selfish about it. that the fact i loved the attention from being kind made me feel so shit about myself. so horrible. that i was disgusting for it. that im a fraud. that i felt that i constantly had to mask because i either had to be kind or be shunned from society. that i had to be kind or the scum of the earth. that the fact i had to mask with kindness meant that i was actually the scum of the earth. because "truly kind" people didn't have to mask.

and that my kindness wasn't good enough. that i wasn't doing enough. that i was not good enough in my kindness because it was imperfect, or that it was because it was too inherently selfish which made it shit. or not worth it.

they told me that they literally did not care where my kindness came from. just that i was kind to them mattered. and that i was doing enough! that imperfection isn't bad! that kindness isn't going to inherently be good or perfect. that its okay to want thanks and praise for it. that i have needs too.

that i have needs too.

and that i did not always have to mask. kindness goes multiple ways, i can offer kindness. and people can be kind to me back when i am being a bitch. that i did not always have to hide the bubbling anger and hurt inside me. (because i matter too) (that i do not have to earn kindness) (that i do not have to earn kindness).

they also brought up that i was kind in so many ways that could make an impact. selfish or not. kind to the six year old kid that i'm going to grow up to hate. kind to the kids i've adopted in year 7 that i sometimes resent. kind to my friends who are complicated and hard and who deserve love no matter how much sometimes my brain gets so tired of loving and hurt from loving that it takes the feelings away again, that it makes me want to kill them sometimes. kind to my horrible ex, where its so much easier to be kind to them than my other friends but also so much easier to hate them forever. kind to them, always.

(they are truly the nicest to me) (and they make me better for it)

they told me that my kindness was a choice. that i chose over and over again to be kind. even if it was probably more of an inconvenience. even if it is the bare minimum, the fact that i choose it over and over again is so cool. (that even when it's the bare minimum most people do not realise how unkind they are as they preach its importance). that my kindness mattered no matter where it came from.

im just going to copypaste the thing they sent me

"the motivator is invisible!!!! you could be chaotic evil but all ur evil deeds are fundmentally kind and it literally would not matter!!!!!!!!! i know it wont change it, the feeling of hating and loving the attneiton as a thing that is good/bad wont change just from sasying this but i rpomise

it feels bad but its not"

who cares what a "truly kind" person is? that's not a thing.

i am kind for a multitude of reasons. i am kind because i learned to care about (some) people. i am kind because i want to try to help kids be happier, so they wouldn't end up like me (so that they won't hurt other people, so that they won't hurt themselves) (and even if they end up like me they will have someone to go to, someone who is somewhat positive in their lives, someone who will not hate them for being like me). i am kind because i love the attention from it (and i have to remind myself that that's okay, that i am not bad for wanting people's care). i am kind because i choose to be (and i don't always have to be).

and that's pretty cool.

I love you people who show kindness because "it's what you're supposed to do". I love you people who show kindess because they like being thanked. I love you people who show kindness because it makes them feel good. I love you people who show kindness because they were shown kindness first. I love you people who show kindness for "selfish" reasons. I love you people who show kindness for the "wrong" reasons. I love you people who show kindness in a body that rejects the very notion. Your kindness is not any lesser because of its motivations. The good you added to the world is just as valuable as someone doing it for the "right" reasons. Your effort is seen. Your effort is valued.

the assault is the human's perverted eye that is so blinded by delusion that it does not see its own perversion

and that god's own eye is blinded by his own false sense of justice

where the voyeur causes an exhibitionist in all human and cannot realise their normal is justification for an action that god would pardon for intention intention has been so valued that the self does not see its own wrongs it convinces itself that it's doing good

when human tells another's self it is hurtful it is intention that deludes and fuels the vitriol that may be justified with perspective of which an axe does not realise that it did not only slightly graze a tree but destroyed an entire forest

god does not care about forests in a way that matters

petrichor does not rise he cannot wash away the sins tacked on me by a human's hand a god's hand perverse

the exhibitionist’s hand forces skin to rise to the surface their disgust facetious to their own heart to forget their undying hatred for themself that they do not know (it is less painful that way)

to speak of it (them) (it) is to force discomfort in another and it is easier to shut than to be torched by their sputtering anger that avoids the feeling of the truth of the perversion that lies in the world and hence of the souls

all god would do is throw flames at the burning trees

prayers are gone unanswered in both his name and theirs

(i have begged to be saved from where i dangle from their arms like a handbag and ribbon has been shoved in my mouth for my own good as a bow sits at the corner of my lips and i smile because to speak is to sin )

my body has never been mine