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Lunch

~ 60 cals ~

Last June I was 155 pounds and I wore shorts one super hot day when I went out and literally had a panic attack in a dressing room because I hated how I looked in them.

Today I’m 132.8 pounds and as relieved I am that I’m 22 pounds smaller, I can’t help but think how much thinner I could be if I had stayed fully consistent the whole time instead of on and off every few months…

But now I’m fully motivated to becoming the prettiest, thinnest version of myself so that next June I can wear those shorts comfortably and feel beautiful. Even if it’s just another 20 pounds lost in a year, it’s progress. But I know I can do better than that.

This time I don’t want to wait a year.

Dinner 😇✨

🕯️Dinner🕯️

~ 125 cal soup ~

After a day of eating nothing but a couple pickles and running errands I decided to actually cook a lil meal for myself so I can actually fall asleep tonight 😇

All I ate today was one pickle and I was feeling proud, then I was at my best friends house and she said she was super hungry so she was making quesadillas.

She asked if I wanted one and I said no. She said “girl, have you eaten today?”

And I said “of course!” And laughed and changed the subject.

I did eat technically. She doesn’t need to know it was a bite sized pickle 🤷🏼‍♀️🫡

🍓Lunch 🍋

I went to the drugstore on my break at work to buy the super low cal soup they usually have for lunch but they were out so I spent 15 mins panicking and reading labels and everything was too high calorie &

I felt like people were watching me read all the labels so I got overwhelmed &

Now this is my lunch &

I’m honestly pretty happy with it 😇

Just hit my first goal weight! I’m 130 pounds exactly! 😇

I started June at 139.1.

Hoping to be 125 by the end of June ✨

I fear I may have gotten too excited about reaching my first goal weight, because I drank alcohol after 4 days of sobriety and now I’m ordering chips 😭

Whenever I have to log that I gained in my calorie counting app I always feel like it’s mad at me. 🥲

OMFG I’m so annoyed that I always wanna find an excuse to drink alcohol. It’s so calorie dense and I know it and I’ve been doing so good lately and now I can feel myself just fucking up all my progress.

Like when I don’t drink, it’s not only easy to lose weight, but it’s FUN. I feel happier, hotter, and better.

So WHY am I here tonight getting sloshed knowing full well ima wake up tomorrow fatter and more depressed?!

Finally broke below 130! I’m 129.5 pounds!!!

I’m trying to remember not to celebrate reaching goal weights by eating or drinking alcohol this time.

The goal weight is the reward!

I repeat:

The goal weight is the reward!!

Jesus, I definitely shouldn’t have run two miles in this heat on an empty stomach. Literally started to pass out in the middle of the street just now 💀

FRIENDLY REMINDER:

Weight loss is weird and fluctuates all the time.

If you restrict super low or fast all day and wake up the next day maintaining or even gaining, don’t worry!

Stay consistent!

There are a lot of other factors that go into the number on the scale.

I promise if you keep a low calorie intake, you WILL lose weight. Just keep it up angels! 🫡🥰😇❤️

Having a bestfriend who also has an ed is hard man. Like I want her to eat and be happy but it’s hard not to trigger her.

We went out to eat and ordered the same thing and the waitress asked me if I wanted four spring rolls or three so I said three. Bestie said four.

Then she kept commenting that I ordered three and now I made her look fat (she’s way thinner than me) so I had to say oh I just couldn’t afford four right now, moneys tight.

She said that she probably wouldn’t eat all four anyway.

I tried telling her that she should eat all four and that she’s probably hungrier than me but then I just felt bad because if someone told me to eat all my food I know I wouldn’t want to.

It’s even worse cause I’ve always been the girl who eats everything x10.

So now when I ask for less she gets super suspicious. She calls me out every time. And then she says she feels like she’s being fat for eating more than me which hurts my feelings but also makes me feel guilty.

Ugh. I want HER to be healthy and happy but I just can’t afford to be yet 😭

The fact that I’ve been at 114 pounds before is haunting me. I gotta get motivated. I did it once I can do it again 🫡

✨ Lunch ✨

Drinking my cals tonight 🙄

Not eating all day and then drinking a whole bottle of wine is drunkerexic core ✨💅🏼😇🥰

I was with my bestfriend all day yesterday and she made me eat THREE FULL MEALS.

My stomach literally hurt so bad because I’m not used to eating that much. I was so sad.

But somehow I maintained my weight. Like I didn’t gain even a little 🤭

So it’s back to my bullshit today 🫡

As long as I’m 129 by July that means I’m losing 10 pounds a month 🤷🏼‍♀️

Getting skinny and hot and confident is the only thing that could possibly save the depressing shitshow that my life is becoming.

Like, I genuinely can’t imagine a future with me in it if I’m not thinner and prettier. Like being skinny is not even the actual THING I really want. It’s just the only possible first step I can take to like…

…want to live in general?

How am I supposed to want things if I’m ugly and lazy and useless?

Good things only happen to skinny/pretty people.