Kinda Vent - Tumblr Posts
Recently, I visited a psychologist with my mom and after talking to her for a few minutes, she explained to me and my mom that I have most autistic traits. Afterwards when I was in the car, my mom told me how she didn't like the psychologist very much because she gave me a note about being autistic after thirty minutes of talking to me (which I agree, she should have taken a more careful approach). However, my mom is really uneducated about autism and when I say uneducated I mean, like, REALLY uneducated. To help with my point, she's one of the people who say things like "but you don't look autistic!" Or "everyone's a little bit autistic!" So I'm weary about her judgement. I'm not sure what to think at this point. I also told her about how I think I might have ADHD as well but she told me she doesn't think I have ADHD because she never observed signs of it (which is problematic in itself since I'm quite sure I have been masking my traits of both autism and ADHD for my whole life). But then, she goes to say that she thinks she might have ADHD and I got confused because I wasn't sure if she was serious or not but I think she was being serious.
Any other middle children, or younger siblings, feel rage over consistently being referred to as "(insert names) little brother/sister" instead of your name consistently
I hate how I can be screaming for someone to leave, backing away from them and screeching sounds of torture as they get closer, feeling like they’re burning me alive, and yet feel myself falling to bits as they go, dragging a part of me with them and leaving me feeling so empty and so so cold and numb
Last night was really sucky for me…
I’m going to try and finish chapter 21 to make me feel better
Sorry but comment and engagement says the contrary. No one cares about OCs. Especially if you don't have the skills to draw then and you only write.
"No one wants to see art of ocs" If I dont see art of peoples ocs at least once a day I DIE. Do you want that to happen? Do you want me to DIE? Draw your ocs.
Current mental state is totally fucking with my ability to draw rn :( people are ignoring me AND I can't draw my stupid little guys??? Kms
My Mom: Trust me You'll want to have kids!
Me who doesn't feel sexual attraction: TF-
ꗃ logging on... loading..... ❀ oak is online !! ❀ ╰┈➤ *sobs* i just wanna thank everyone who doesnt find my character hyperfixation weird or cringe 😭🙏 this year has been hard for me (romance-wise/not being able to find a partner who likes me for me)
my Fictionkin, Otherhearted and Otherkin types 💕
Do be warned I talk about being a system, just putting this here so you don't get jumpscared as soon as you read that 💗
🎀🎀🎀
WARNING!!!: Mentions of abuse for the first half and also mentions of panic attacks in the second one, alongside fear of anger issues in the third one and depersonalization mention in the otherkin part, please click off or skip if that makes you uncomfy and absolutely no shame for doing so! Take care of yourself before anything ♡
★★★
my fictionkin's <3
ྀི Alois Trancy
I was actually quite surprised when I found out I was a Fictionkin and identified AS him but came to the conclusion that it's okay to have an otherwise "problematic" kintype. I did get harassed a lot because people genuinely thought my kinshift's meant that I would become abusive which, wasn't the case but I genuinely thought that for awhile so I kept it hidden until like days ago.
ྀི Ciel Phantomhive
I was also surprised when I ended up being a Fictionkin of him, I first simply just suspected it but never really knew if I truly was until I began getting kinshift's of feeling his eyepatch or began acting like him for no reason why I was. I got really scared because I thought it was another alter and I actually had a panic attack because despite how on my Picsart of how I usually used to happily introduce alters, I actually panic a lot when I developed more alters especially fictives because it's scary that I could get fakeclaimed because of being a fictive heavy system that seems so happy to introduce new alters. But be secretly terrified of it because I was scared an alter I don't know would front and hurt me and the body or the others around me. I soon just again, came to the realization that my feelings were simply out of fear and finally became comfortable with the fact I was indeed a Fictionkin and he was one of my kintype's.
ྀི ANOTHER ONE I WAS SCARED TO ADMIT. When I played the game, I immediately felt a spiritual connection to him, saw myself as him, and believed I was him in a past life, and I again didn't know why and it was only a few days ago I figured I was a Fictionkin. My kinshift's are really scary though because I'm scared that I may lash out on someone I love even when I never have which is the sad reality for me. Thankfully, I have at least somewhat gotten a grasp on my moods during kinshift's but I'm still scared of the aforementioned. Though, it isn't all bad as i have been comforted by many Fictionkins alike that reassured me that, my fear was valid and that it was actually fairly common for people with kintype's similar to mine.
ྀི Cogimyun
I actually first thought I was just otherhearted with her but no.. I am a Fictionkin and I identify AS her rather than with her. Also, she's my favorite character still despite me identifying as her.
ྀི Lain Iwakura
I watched the anime and I genuinely saw myself as her and I first thought that it was simply me relating to her but that wasn't the case because it was stronger and I believed I was genuinely her in a past world that I very vaguely remember. This most certainly caused a bit of a crisis but I'm fine now and I'm fully comfortable with who I am now.
★★★
my otherhearted types (hearttypes) ♡
ྀི Elizabeth Midford
As soon as I saw her on the screen and saw that she was just trying to make Ciel happy again I immediately said "I identify with her!" (I'm paraphrasing since it's a lot more easier and shorter).
ྀི Kyōka Izumi
I literally said "She's just like me fr!" (Again, paraphrasing, I was going through a lot more thoughts than just that but I want to keep it short and simple). I have never identified with a character so much like I've identified with Kyōka.
★★★
my otherkin types!!!
ྀི Ghostkin
I fr thought it was just my depersonalization but apparently not, it was straight up a kintype. Shocked I didn't know until like 1 year ago.. I love going around underneath a white bedsheet, it makes me happy and euphoric honestly 😭
ྀི Dragonkin
Never knew I was a dragonkin until at the very least 2 years ago, another one I'm confused I didn't know about earlier. I don't have very strong shifts though and that made me feel kinda fake but I just got used to it and now I don't feel like I'm faking anything that was listed here and I want to thank the otherkin users who reassured me, ily guys sm ❤️ /p
★★★
That's all I think?? baiiiii :3
So i may have a personality disorder??
So this is weird cues i swore i didnt have one but then today, i suddenly felt like i was choking and i got weirdly excited seeing blastoises, so the guess with my friends that it was mike, and somehow the only way to get him to go away and i swear this isnt a joke, it was saying mike was a catboy, but uh ye mike gave really bad soup brain, im good now(i won the battle >:]), but ye thats interesting i guess, but ye thats mainly it
Ya know i dont know who fucking needs to hear this but fuck it
Alright so, i think alot of people who follow my blog know about sunshine avenue so i dont need to explain it, so imma just say this, if your working on another arg and a different arg kicked you out, they were probably uncomfortable, and you can still be mad about it, hell you can even make a mini joke server insulting the thing, but you know what you shouldn't do? have one of your group members join said arg, have them be an asshole cues people use pluralkit, and also insult said project, also dont call us immature when your CLEARLY the immature one here, anyways thats mainly it i just wanted to get this off my chest cues holy shit im angy
It's genuinely pisses me off how my lazy, joke sketches I put zero effort into get more attention(that they don't deserve) than my ACTUAL GOOD ARTS I PUT ACTUAL EFFORT INTO
Haha how funny slay PK got 83 notes really fucking funny right guys ahahahahahaha GOD FUCKING DAMN IT
FUNNY RIGHT HILARIOUS FUCKING JOKE OF THE YEAR OH LOOK IT'S OLD PK WITH BACK PROBLEMS WITH UNDESERVED ATTENTION!!!
54 notes...FIFTY FOUR FUCKING NOTES ON THIS LAZY SHITTY SKETCH WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE And now let's look at my most recent drawing, ref for AU Chasing Wind that I put a lot of effort into and had pretty hard time designing in general....
7 notes...ONLY SEVEN NOTES ON A REF I PUT A LOT OF EFFORT INTO TO MAKE IT LOOK AT LEAST DECENT Oh but it's just a ref, surely your renders get waaaay more attention ri-WRONG
ONLY 10 NOTES ON NOW RENDERED ART I PUT A LOT OF EFFORT INTO, HOW FUNNY RIGHT, 10 NOTES JESUS FUCKING CHRIST
These are the only two actual most recent renders that got even to the half of what my shitty sketches made. HELLO SILENT ADMIRERES I'M LOOKING AT YOUR SORRY ASSES, SILENCE ISN'T GONNA MOTIVATE ME TO DRAW GOOD YOU KNOW?
Seriously, for fuck sake, what is wrong with you people, I am genuinely crying because of this and losing any motivation to continue, it's fucking insulting you know that???
And don't you fucking pull out "This happens to everyone just ignore it" card on me, I tried ignoring it AND I FED UP WITH THIS SHIT.
Trying to get like..... Good inspiration for midsize fashion is such a nightmare?
Like, if I find midsize fashion, it's always in that... Modern style? Like... Very normal outfits, like summer dresses and business casual stuff- which is great! But I'm not looking for typical casual outfits.
When I find the style I'm looking for it's always on a tiny model.
And then if I do somehow magically find the style I want on a midsize or even plus size body- the outfits are.... Less? Fewer colors, layers, accessories, interesting shapes or patterns to the clothes.
Like I want inspiration for egirl, grunge, mallgoth or emo inspired outfits but God trying to find any outfits I like on bodies like mine is painful- not to mention trying to find options that will be sized correctly or not sit awkwardly.
nya
does anyone ever like want to fight back at school like you'd just be sitting in class bored ash and then like someone's making you do some stupid human paper you dont even understand why youre doing it but you have to just in case that determines your future. i dont get human society. like let me go back to being non-human pls i would much rather be a cat lounging around my house then at school writing meaningless stuff
There’s so so so much going on at campus, I want to pull my hair out
Me when one of my cool mutuals is hanging out with other cool blogs.
(I want to join them but I’m afraid that they’ll find me clingy or annoying.)
Yall i have like no gas in my car and i have to pick up paperwork for my disability application but i cant fuckin get there ughh
I just have a random thought... What if there's a background or side character in 19 days who envy but supports their friendship and closeness for each other and kind of wishes he could be with them as well or have friends like that but quickly shrugs it off and just leaves them alone and silently supports them in the sidelines even though it hurts?
Idk, but seeing them together makes me wish to experience that as well when I already found the right friends, but being far away from home is the problem and the pandemic. Although I'm still happy for them and squeal like a seal when they have soft moments,. /v\