Higher Self - Tumblr Posts

We are not doing anything wrong and life is not here to punish us or beat us down.

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It's time to fully embrace our human journey and recognize our blessings in disguise!

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Remember your wholeness within,

Love - Palalika

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For all my dreamers out there!

Image courtesy: Instagram.

One of those things we may not want to hear but need to! 😻🔆😂

If we have been slacking, this is our cue to get back up again! We got this! 🤝

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Remember your wholeness within,

Love - Palalika

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Letting our intuition lead the way.

The map is within!

[Image courtesy: Instagram]

5 Ways To Relax Your Nervous System:

▪ Vagus Nerve Activation Exercises

▪ Humming & EFT

▪ Somatic Experiencing

▪ Self Hug & Loving Words Of Affirmation

▪ Breathwork Healing

This is life changing and you deserve to live a relaxed life.

♧

Remember your wholeness within,

Love - Palalika

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The deeper we go into our shadows and find acceptance, the more light we can hold.

The more light we hold, the more we come face to face with our unconscious.

Video Courtesy: Instagram

Making Manifestations Fun Again! ☺

Eventually we will manifest all that we pour our energy into - the point is are we having fun along the way?

Or are we forcing ourselves to hustle all the time?

Remember your wholeness within,

Love - Palalika

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the universe keeps testing me and i keep telling it to fuck off.

to myself -

i move forward with grace and compassion.

i trust in my intuition and integrity to guide me.

i treat others with the same respect and honesty i deserve.

i am humble enough to strive for peace, not perfection.

this is where i am and i honor myself in this season of my life.

i make space for my needs.

i validate my thoughts, emotions, and actions.

i nourish and protect my energy.

i forgive myself and gain insight from each new experience.

i let the past go, i embrace the present, i welcome all that is to come.

12 -

What I’m learning, is that I have to trust my intuition and let it guide me, whether or not people agree with me. Other people may have different relationship rules, it doesn’t mean mine are any less than or wrong.

What I’m learning, is that healing and building my sense of self worth isn’t an overnight thing. My mind can think the logic through, but my body still remembers the shame and anxiety that comes with being told (however indirectly) not to trust yourself.

What I’m learning, is that when I feel threatened or scared, I’m not able to rationalize the situation. I’m not able to see the bigger picture. I’m protecting myself and that’s okay. It’s also okay to voice that and take time to process, rather than act or speak impulsively.

What I’m learning, is that I’m stronger and more of a good person than I ever believed I was.

What I’m learning, is to not people please to the point that it becomes detrimental to my self-worth. And why should I? I spent my whole life doing that and look where it got me. The bottom of a bottle, the end of a pipe.

What I’m learning, is that I don’t always get it right the first time and that’s okay.

What I’m learning, is that people are not always deserving of kindness. But I choose to give it anyway because how I treat others is a reflection of me. I am a kind, compassionate person.

What I’m learning, is how to be authentically me and not settle for less than what I want or deserve.

Each day, a little better and brighter.

13 -

Something feels different today. The air feels crisper and I feel….a slight glimmer of motivation & optimism. I’m not sure what’s changed. But I will take it. And run to the top of the mountain with it!!!

Maybe the greater She within me is waking up from her brief hibernation. I’ve missed her.

I’ve been stuck in a low for a few days now. I love to shame myself when I’m feeling low. I know there are so many people out there who have it a million times worse than me, who endure horrors daily I could never comprehend. But comparison gets me nowhere and it’s not a trauma competition.

Pain is pain, any way you slice it.

I am trying.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want from life and frankly, it’s not much. I’ve spent a lot of my life not being afraid of death — testing its boundaries, thinking of it as a reprieve.

As a child abuse survivor, as the daughter of a drug addict and alcoholic, as a drug addict and alcoholic myself (some would say that makes me a double winner!!) - I just want to find some peace. I don’t care about a big house, or fame, or climbing the corporate ladder, or making a billion dollars.

I want to be remembered for riding the waves of life with grace & understanding, for having resilience and hope in spite of it all, for being a safe space for others, for making someone’s day a little brighter.

Oh and I really want to be a mom. There’s a million and ten ways to fuck up a child. That’s terrifying. But I’d like to think I’ll be a good one. I hope. Parenting without expectations. I want my children to show me who they are. Come as you are, you’re safe here…sorta thing.

It’s a future that’s not too far off for me. So I guess that’s another reason I feel compelled to “fix” myself. And why I’m so hard on myself when I don’t get it right or it’s not happening as fast as I want it to. I won’t give my children the childhood I had.

But in a way, isn’t that perpetuating the same perfectionist issues I currently struggle with? I think more importantly, I’ll try to show my children that we are all far from perfect. In fact, our quirks and our mistakes (though I don’t like to think of things as mistakes, just experiences to learn from) make up the fabric of who we are. We fall down, but we get back up and we try again. To not let fear drown out joy.

But first, I have to learn that myself.

I think I’m scared of falling down. Scared shitless. Down is a scary place for me in my mind. I’ve spent a lot of my life in down. So we’re working on it! And I have to trust I will get there. Trusting in myself? Also a scary thing.

We are the stories that made us, yes, but we are also the stories we write for ourselves. I’m choosing to write a different one.

See, something has changed today. I think I’ll get outside, eat some watermelon, put on my favorite perfume, hang out with my dog, curl up with my latest book and I’ll leave my worries for a while.

Each day, a little better and brighter.

source: instagram @briannawiest

i don’t need to give up my empathy to discover my worth. i don’t need to give up my compassion to find my worth. i don’t need to give up my integrity to find my worth. i don’t need to change to find my worth.

i was always worthy. i just needed to see it.

MAIA

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I have to believe in myself. I can’t keep holding on to my anger and resentment, because it’s poisoning me. Acceptance is what moves me forward. I can’t keep berating myself for the past. I’m allowed to fuck up. I can’t change the past. Feel, process, release.

I may never receive an apology. I may never receive forgiveness.

I’m realizing that my life isn’t defined by the mistakes I’ve made. To be human, is to make mistakes.

Be accountable for them and acknowledge their consequences. Don’t let them control the narrative.

But it’s how I rebound, how I rise from the ashes — that what counts. What I learn. How I stay humble & evolve. That is what determines my character. My self-worth. Through the fire, I discover who I really am.

I trust in my greater She to guide me.

I’m hopeful for the future.

Each day, a little better and brighter.

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I don’t regret it. I took them and I did have a fun little buzzy afternoon. I took them because I had to make a decision otherwise it would have weighed heavily on my mind. But I knew that this was how it was going to play out, even before getting them. Like I said, I made plans instead of taking precautions.

I’m so indecisive because I think very deeply about outcomes, that often I make a big decision impulsively and just live with the consequences. In a way, I’m afraid to commit.

The difference from the past, is that I was aware and consciously made this choice.

To be honest - I wanted more in the moment. It wasn’t enough. I wanted to go higher, summit the peak. To dance on the line between life and not life. The exhilaration of standing at the precipice. But that’s the thing right? It’s never enough. It will never be enough.

I woke up the next morning & had no desire to do that again.

I’m still sober from alcohol and other drugs. I don’t count it as a relapse. Some might say otherwise, but this is MY recovery. Real, raw and authentic. No hiding here. I own my decision. I am still committed to the bigger picture.

I’m not sure it was worth it. I guess I knew deep down it wouldn’t be, but I still had to do it to prove it. I couldn’t let it go (it would be a waste!). Unfortunately, I am the learn-by-experience type. And sometimes, a few experiences before it really sinks in (lol).

And so we continue on, same as before.

I have more to live for these days. I enjoy my life and I feel excited at what’s to come. I love the people I have, fiercely and selflessly. I have faith in something greater than me. Most importantly, I have faith in myself. I know I have changed. I know I will continue to change. I have humility and an open mind. Those parts of me that were a collection of tiny fragments…well, they aren’t so broken anymore.

Drugs and alcohol will not bring me the validation I seek. They will not give me purpose or increase my value. I know that. I am not that version of myself any longer.

Each day, a little better and brighter.

E. Russell

45 -

Warning: I got a lot to say (as usual).

I got married!! Again. Hehe, finally had our weekend we booked two years ago. It was absolutely stunning. But it was a lot. Can we normalize not wanting a big wedding or even a wedding at all? Can we normalize wedding anxiety? Can we normalize dreading big events?

Can everyone just understand that I had a difficult childhood so big intense emotions are terrifying for me and I usually use alcohol/drugs to tamp it down so I can still experience them, albeit distantly. Not excusing, just explaining.

Also - hello this shit is expensive! And we had a frugal wedding.

In the sense that, as a bride, I feel like I should be all sparkles in my eyes and over the moon and dancing on a rainbow - but really, it was my nightmare. My ADHD was in overdrive & the whole weekend felt like a blackout. Reading personal intimate vows in front of people? No thank you lol. Having all eyes on me? I’ll pass. Feeling immense pressure to have ONE perfect day? I’d rather crack.

But I did it anyway. I’m glad I did. And I did all the super emotionally intense parts, sober as a priest. Yay!

Some positives: I’m so lucky to have people who will travel just to celebrate with me. My mom made a speech…it was poetic & very sweet. She described me as “radiant, effervescent, and vivacious”. Like?????? :) I love a good vocabulary.

Umm my stepdad made a speech and he was a freaking VIBE. We haven’t always gotten along but he loves my mom fiercely & is so supportive of her. So I can’t really fault the guy, even if sometimes I’m just like *points to head* “wtf is going on up there?”. I also got some quality time with my extended family, whom I rarely see. They flew over two oceans and two continents just to be with me for this day! Like how amazing is that. :)

The whole night looked like something out of a fairytale with a bohemian theme and fairy lights. Turqoiuse waters & perfect white sand. It was dreamy and picturesque and beautiful.

On top of that, I have friends in all places - I’m not really a one group friend. So it’s a little unnerving to have everyone come together (Will they get along? Will there be drama? Will it be awkward? Will I be so focused on everyone else’s experience that I forget to enjoy my own? LOL but really)

But it was so so much better than I could have ever imagined. We all had a blast!

Speaking OF sobriety, yeah we broke that shit. I had my first alcoholic drink in almost 5 months. Now, those of the I bleed AA variety would freak out because yes, I relapsed. And omg haven’t I read the big book that says I can never ever ever have a drink again? What will Bill think? /s

But hear me out: I discussed my choice to drink with my therapist prior to actually doing it. I had a support system and a harm reduction plan in place. And, I’ve been doing a LOT of work in the last few months to identify, forgive, heal myself & limiting beliefs/negative thought patterns. Ya know, the ones that I used alcohol and drugs to cope with. I’m not anywhere close to where I’d like to be but I’m a hell of a lot farther away from who I used to be.

As my therapist put it: “It seems like this is a symbolic decision for you. Kind of like a “fuck you I am in charge of my life & I can make my own decisions and I don’t care what anyone else thinks”. She’s not wrong.

BUT BUT BUT here’s the best part! Yes I drank, however all it did was remind me of how shitty alcohol actually feels. I don’t miss the hangovers one bit. I enjoy feeling semi-stable in my emotional sense. I like feeling clear headed. Also drinking a lot makes you bloated and more susceptible to gaining extra weight. We want to be snatched always!!!!

I am going back to my life with no intention or desire to drink. No desperate wanting to escape. How freaking wild. Now what works for me may not work for anyone else - but again, sobriety & recovery are so unique to everyone. Everyone’s story starts from the same feelings, but recovery is not a one size fits all.

With all of that being said - I feel super good these days. Not in like a manic & overstimulated way, but a sort of quiet peace that comes with feeling like I am really loving myself for all that I have been, all that I am, and all that I will be.

I want to live my life & the idea of all the things I can do is exciting now. I no longer feel (constantly) like I’m drudging through the monotony of life. I know bad days will come. So will good days. Slowly but surely, I am creating new habits that take me further from my past and closer to the light of my future.

I came to the realization that who fucking cares? The world and the people in my life (though with the best of intentions) will tell me who they think I should be. Will tell me how to fit the mold. But I don’t care about fitting the mold anymore. I don’t want to apologize for having needs and existing. I have people who love all the little bits of me and have always loved them, despite my inner critic telling me I have to earn it.

I decide who I am.

I mean, there’s tons of awful fucking people in the world, who are still loved by someone. Like even Hitler had his main squeeze til the final breath. If that’s any consolation lol.

And just from a nerdy math perspective… statistically speaking, there are 8B+ people in the world. If 10 don’t like me or don’t get me, theres 10 more that do!

I trust my inner She to guide me to where I want to be and to attract the people that I need. These days I have faith.

Each day a little better and brighter.