Ex Best Friend - Tumblr Posts

where do I begin

I miss you, I saw your post, you called me your ex, said nobody our age seems to like the stuff you like, other than your exs, and you were upset about that

im not just your ex you know, im your friend too, hell im not your ex, in order to be your ex we have to have dated, and we never did, you didnt want that.

It hurts, that you think of me that way, and that you think you cant share things with me anymore, but i guess thats somewhat my fault, ive been lashing out at you recently, I know that, but youve been lashing out too.

Were like two beatiful swords, shining in the suns glare, one takes a deadly swipe, then the next retorts with a deafening blow, you see, no matter how many battles we fight, how many wars we wage, were just hurting ourselves.

I want you to want me, I want you to love me, but more than that I just want you to like me, think im worth your time, not actively avoid spending time with you when you can, because that hurts, but I know I kinda do it too, and I cant blame you for being scared of me.

Im scared of you, scared that reaching out will push you away farther, make you more upset, because I know just like be, you self sabotage, and even if I attempt, you might run away, and I cant, cant imagine you running, I think it would hurt too much.

I think I would never recover and I cant let you leave my grasps even more, for you have already begun the run, but I have not chased, as you slip from my fingers I do not attempt to grab you back into my arms, I just continue holding what I have, but what I have is nothing. You see me as your ex, we talk, but not because you want to, because normality is so much easier than letting someone go. The daily routine, the mundanity is so much easier than pulling away, so you let me hold you, just a finger tip, just enough that you dont float away, but the rest of you is already gone, somewhere else in space, you are looking for the next adventure, the next person to fill the gap youve been trying to fill ever since he left, perhaps the next person will be the right one. Perhaps not. I just wish you loved me enough to let me see it.

More than anything, I just wish you at least cared about me enough to let me in, even, and especially to the silly meaningless details of your life, but there is a strong bar keeping me from it, and there is no escape in sight, no way for me to hold you again, just as a friend, because how can two people who have seen so much of eachother go back to being just friends. I feel if i tried id make you uncomfortable, and that would haunt me every night. So instead lies the ghost of your body.

Hello! I am a guy on a road to no where, I had a failed situationship about a month ago, and I'm still learning to deal with the loss of not only a romantic interest, but also my best friend. When they said not to date your best friend, they werent kidding!

anyyywaayysss this blog has so far followed my journey in acceptance and my feelings, though moving on I still feel connected to him, and share my thoughts, I also reblog a lot of insightful quotes and ideas that I relate to or find significant, if that sounds interesting to you, consider following my journey!

warning: my blog will deal with depressive episodes, anxiety, and harsh, unfiltered feelings. I struggle with mental health and as I use this board to post my feelings, some of that seaps through, it is important to remember that I am a person who struggles with mental health and thus some of my interpretations may be scewed or innacurate to the apparent situation, if you are not in a mentally well place please use discretion

I thought loosing you would break me, but trying to hold onto you shattered me.

Cherry Blossoms and Box Dye

I think I just discovered a new reason to hate spring. Walking home today all the cherry trees were blossoming, almost every single one. I used to love cherry blossoms, ao beautiful and pink. They reminded me of you. Do you remember? The day I first met your family, we were at the park, peak spring, the cherry blossoms we're in full bloom. One of our first times hanging out just the two of us I believe. We we're 14, without a care in the world, we played on the playground and afterwards we just sat and talked. I cant remember what we talked about, just that I was happy. I plucked some blossoms and strategically placed them one by one in your red and black, freshly dyed hair. You looked adorable, and you were, we had yet to learn of our shared complexities, had yet to learn of our future apart, all we knew was the cherry blossoms and the smell of hair dye. Now were older, your smile has faded and you are not the boy I once knew, you wont even text me, hardly even talk to me unless you have to, to keep up appearances. I want it back, I want to go back to the time when we were nothing, but you were still everything. But I cant, and seeing the sweet cherry blossoms brings me nothing but longing for a time, a person, that I no longer know, a feeling more distant than you.

things havent gone well to be completely honest, today was bad, he completely switched up his behavior, and things were super awkward and uncomfortable most of the day, he also insulted me a lot, I honestly dont know how tomorrow is gonna go. For context were staying over at a mutual friends house. If you havent followed any other posts, I recommend reading a few to catch up. So, me and him havent had a romantic thing going on for a while, we had a weird situationship and now were awkward somewhat friends, the past two days were really good, until today, where he completely switched again back to rude comments, etc. I'm not really sure how exactly i feel about him and about everything, but I dont know whats going to happen when we sleep over. I think ill be upset regardless, best case scenario probably is that nothing romantic happens, but we're friendly and genuinely get along well. The worst case is that we dont get along well and everything is awkward. the liminal space I dont know case scenario is that he makes some form of move on me, and I dont know what ill do if that particular thing happens yk? I honestly cant tell if i really want that to happen, or if I really dont want it to happen, if it does we might need to have some kind of talk, if it doesn't, everything is normal and fine and I think id be disappointed but yk whatever. Guuuuuhhhhhhhhh the whole situation is so difficult and i need it to be over already

Title

You were right.

I told you back then that you were hurting me. That the words that lashed out of your mouth stung like alcohol over a fresh wound. You told me that you knew and that I shouldn't let you treat me that way. I told you that it was okay, that I was fine because I had you, and you could do anything you wanted to, just because its you.

Its been a month, and you were right. You being the one who hurts me doesnt make it easier to handle, no, it made it harder. Now I wont take the way you treated me, and you dont like it. You were right, and I was never the problem. I never should have let you treat me that way, just because you dont like it, doesnt mean I have to let you step all over me to get your own feelings out.

Happy anniversary to the guy that cant fucking stand me and the feeling is mutual.

however, we used to love each other.

i will celebrate that in his honor, i will celebrate the way he laughed with me, and the way we used to stay up into early hours of the morning just for an extra taste of joy

Cheers, to 3 years

Happy anniversary to the guy that cant fucking stand me and the feeling is mutual.

however, we used to love each other.

i will celebrate that in his honor, i will celebrate the way he laughed with me, and the way we used to stay up into early hours of the morning just for an extra taste of joy

Cheers, to 3 years

it was my ex-best friends birthday today.

I don't rlly miss her but I hope shes okay and had a great day.

So got blocked by a bitchy ex friend of mine. Love getting blocked and to have a poll about me cause he’s probably a two sided bitch. Sorry I tried to be friends with you but ok just be a high school bully cause you’re immature af. And you know what sorry I sent you posts just wanting to talk but you know. Go fuck yourself you spineless ass jellyfish. And I actually like jellyfish so I’m sorry I’m using their name as an insult

Parallels are funny

I was never into anime when we were friends. I just wasn't a fan, until recently. I was watching a few different animes based on another friend's recommendations. Jujutsu Kaisen is the one I am referring to as I write this. I never thought about why Satoru Gojo's and Suguru Geto's relationship really affected me until I saw this piece of art.

Satoru Gojo and Suguru Geto fit us so well.

The love, the intensity, the ending. One who would do anything for the other if they asked. One who kept the other in check while allowing them to feel truly free. One who was shining too bright to notice the darkness consuming the other. The one who had endless possibilities, and the one who wanted the impossible.

From freshman year to the middle of our junior year of college, we were inseparable.

Constant rides and study sessions. Doing homework, and practicing our pass-off music together. Those first few classes in our major were hard, but don't worry, I was there to always lend a hand when you needed it. Classes just kept getting harder. We both started to get busy and overwhelmed. I know you started to feel depressed when I was advancing in classes, and you were struggling with the same ones. I was there to support you as much as I could, but I had to keep going. I just didn't realize that I was leaving you behind. I thought you just needed more time, but you were focused on other things.

We were a duo- connected at the hip. Always together, never too far apart.

The friendship was innocent. Sharing laughs and having late night conversations. Small, drunk kisses that didn't mean anything, right? Cuddling and sharing blankets. Matching outfits and saying I love you. We talked about getting matching tattoos. I swore you were my soulmate. We shared so many late night drives. Remember when we went to the beach at midnight and didn't get back home until 4am? Yeah, I replay the video sometimes just to hear your voice.

Everyone thought we were dating.

That was so funny, right? Of course as best friends we shared locations, had specific nights just for us to get dinner, had sleepovers every weekend, and joked about why we haven't slept together, yet. Of course, as best friends we would push the limits of what other friends do. Of course, I noticed you were struggling, I tried my best to help you. It wasn't always what you needed, but I tried. -Did you notice my struggle? No? That's okay. I hid it pretty well.- Of course, I got upset when you started to use guys to make other guys jealous. I didn't want to see you play with people's emotions like that, but I also didn't know how to stop you. You couldn't see how it affected you. You didn't see the changes it made.

Some words were said- words I wish I could take back, but it's too late for that.

We didn't speak for quite some time after that. I left my final 'I love you' on your doorstep- a scrapbook of us. The times we did speak were brief and out of pure necessity. Until, one day you volunteered a comment on my performance. I was frozen. You didn't need to compliment me- I didn't need it, rather. This was a critique, but you offered me love, instead.

That was your final 'I love you.'

I know that many other people have experienced a friendship like SatoSugu, but I think we truly encapsulated it, unfortunately. From the intense friendship with wild adventures, to blurring the lines between friend and lover, to losing each other, and to, finally, saying our final 'I love yous' to each other in our own ways.

Just like Satoru Gojo's happiness around Suguru Geto, my happiness was so loud when I was with you that I could not hear your silence. I’m sorry Satoru- Suguru didn’t stay in this universe either. Maybe the next one. In this universe, I spent 3 years loving you, and, now, I will spend the rest of forever missing you. There is no curse more twisted than love.

You're not dead, but I will never see you again. Even if I did, you wouldn’t be the same. You are my best friend, and I was yours.

1.55am, 20th Jan 2022

My best friend said,

She’s been meaning to tell me that

A mature person can handle everything by themselves.

Because everyone has their own life crisis.

She’s right.

That’s why i learn something new again today,

Even the closest ones, can hurt you in the most painful way.

Was I wrong to hope

She’d accept me for who I am?

I showed the most vulnerable me,

And she’s dissapointed because

I disappeared for space,

It doesnt hurt because I have my parents who dissapointed of me first.

Im hurt because I thought we were at the same page.

But we’re not

I’d accept everything even if she’s toxic.

Because we’re supposed to be best friend.

I love her, that’s why I never once say if she did wrong to me.

Her wrongs could never be enough than my love.

Because she is my dearest best friend.

Everytime she did, I’d just keep silent and need space for a myself and I’ll be okay again.

She seeks happiness and positive vibes in me,

But I haven’t been myself lately because I’m really at my lowest state.

I couldn’t give that at this moment.

Even mom, laughed becaused she thought my eyes are swollen from watching sad kdrama.

I never worried anyone.

And I know everyone thought I’m a failure rn.

And all I need is space.

Space.

I want to be alone.

I came back to tell her that I’m sorry.

And all I get was a hurtful wise words.

And even though that hurt I dont want to express how I can be a human and mad at her

I know she’s hurting because I haven’t been talking to her for a while.

That is why I said sorry.

And I’m making it clear that if healthy person is what she want, then she could just walk away

I am not stopping if that’s what the best for her.

I know I am the toxic one.

I realised that.

I have always been.

Been a long time.

Way before I met her.

And I never tell anyone.

What’s bothering me,

until she came into my life

And just when I thought we can be each other shoulder to cry on,

I made a mistake, that I told her my deepest concern that day.

And she said nothing about it.

I was ashamed.

Where do I hide myself?

So I did what I thought could regain my balance

Space.

And I take every bullets she gave me after I said sorry,

And yet I want to take all the blame.

I agree that she’s right about everything she said, I agree that I’m not mature enough to handle my own problems.

But, I just hope she will have someone.

Someone who she trust enough.

That would say It’s okay

That would never hurt her.

Understand her.

Accept her.

For all the imperfections she has.

So she wouldnt feel ashamed like I did.

Everyone has their own life crisis.

And a mature person would handle it without making others worried.

Without making others feel down,

Everyone will have that peak, they will have to broke down and need someone to be there for them.

They will cry on a shoulder of the trusted ones.

No one would escaped from that phase.

And by that time,

I wont be by your side anymore.

Because we were never on the same page.

shout out to my ex best friend for getting me into sally face. u suck BAWLLS٫ but u have good tatse ngl.

Dear ex-best friend,

I have too much to say to you, but words won't leave my mouth because I'm in a state of shock.

You lied about having romantic feelings for me for SEVEN years despite knowing that some of the worst betrayals I've experienced were due to male "friends" pretending to be actual friends when they really wanted something romantic.

I forgave you for that because I truly love you as a person and that won't ever change. I even forgave you despite your timing. You decided to confess to me while I was sobbing and seeking comforting words from my "best friend" after I was rejected by someone I adored.

I didn't say much when you told me. I just cried harder on the phone and played nice as I slipped into a state of derealization that lasted for weeks.

Then, you texted me, demanding to know when I'd have an answer for you about when I was willing to meet up with you. I didn't answer...because I'm not sure how I feel or what to do. I don't have romantic feelings for you. I never have, and I told you this last time we spoke. That won't change. So, what am I to do? You want to remain friends because I'm your "only friend". But you mentioned something about "if we date", right after I said I don't have feelings for you.

That was what I feared--that you'd remain my "friend" but secretly resent me for not becoming more despite my clearly stated intentions.

If that's the sort of friendship you offer, then I don't want it. I deserve more than that, and so do you. I know what it's like to be where you are. I know what it's like to have that everlasting hope that "maybe they'll change their mind".

Now, you text me again to demand more of me while you hurl insults and start your text with, "Disrespectfully".

I know you're angry. I know you're hurt. But how dare you speak to me like that? If your intention is to push me farther away, then it's working.

I feel like I don't know who you are anymore. Something I love about you is how empathetic you are. Where is your empathy now, for me, your supposed "only friend"?

I should've answered your text from last time. I know that, and I've punished myself because I know it so deeply. I'm sorry that I left you hanging. I won't try to explain why I did anymore. Because *I* still feel empathy toward you.

See what happened here? See what happened AGAIN?

I'm not putting anyone else first anymore. I'm done with that.

Our friendship was based on one big fucking lie, and I feel violated. I wouldn't have let you hang out at my home, wouldn't have shared with you about my relationships, and I wouldn't have dressed up with you on Halloween IF I knew you had feelings for me. You knowingly lied to me and disrespected your own partner and the partners I had throughout our "friendship".

Fuck you. FUCK YOU. Because I was truly fooled by you. You gave me hope that not all men are the same, and then you ripped the hope out of my cold, tired hands.

Fuck. You.

The hardest thing is watching your best friends fall in love with the boy that you loved first.

“good 4 u” by Olivia Rodrigo but platonically, because I’m still mad at my ex-best friend.

I know I said “good 4 u” was at my ex best friend, but I don’t really associate it with her, because my little brother introduced me to it in the same hour that I started reading Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo and I always think of Kaz and Inej because of it. Good times.

My ex best friend gave me a blanket for Christmas, back when we were still friends. The other day my mom asked if I was going to keep it and I was like, well, it’s a blanket, so yes. She asked why I would keep something from someone I hate, and I responded that it’s still useful no matter who gave it to me. She took a sip of her water and said to me while looking out the window, “That’s what is called having no morals.”

Why I Can’t Bring Myself to Tell My Friends I Love Them

I used to tell my friends that I loved them all the time. If I saw them doing something I thought was cute, or if they made an awesome joke, or if they tried their hardest on something, or when I would get the occasional rush of gratitude for them, I would tell them. Love was meant to be expressed when they were still there to receive it, and love was meant for everyone. I wanted everyone to know that love was meant to be given liberally.

Back when my ex best friend cared about me, she was so supportive. She would tell me that there was good in the world and there were things to be living for, and she would always be so happy and in love with life. She was a small person, with a round face and the warmest hugs, and she would tell me that I was worth it. That I was worth loving, that I was amazing, that I made her life better. My second new best friend does that too. She does all of that. They’re different people, but in terms of what they provide me they’re nearly the same, and in terms of appearance, they look similar. And that scares me because there’s a reason my ex best friend is no longer my friend, and to see the same feelings start for someone similar is terrifying.

When I finally acknowledged my first best friend after moving on from the last one, I noticed she was giving me everything my ex best friend couldn’t, but I was resigned to the idea that she wasn’t as verbally or physically affectionate. I still love that best friend, but those are my love languages, and I don’t usually get them from other people. And then my second best friend came into my life and gave me exactly what I wanted and needed that was missing from my first best friend. But now there’s a problem. Because my first best friend isn’t very verbally affectionate, she probably wouldn’t like it if I told her I love her, and even if she did, I would be opening up to her too much and that might push her away. My second best friend would absolutely love it if I told her I loved her, but I’m too worried that I’ll put all my energy into that friendship only to slowly realise that I’m not getting anything back.

I want to love them. I do love them. And I always thought it was a cliché motivation when a character was like “I’ve been hurt before and I don’t want to be hurt again”, but that is exactly how I feel and I couldn’t even trust my second best friend when she told me that she would always care about me because that’s what I told my ex best friend and now I hate her with a burning passion. I hate songs like “Night Changes” or “The One That Got Away” because they remind me that something you think will be infinite could end within a moment, and I hate reading fanfics where characters end up far away from each other with no possible way of regaining the relationship they had before and/or in canon because that’s the truth of life. People will come and go and you can’t do anything about it. Love is never going to be enough if it’s only going one way. Life isn’t a show where everything comes full circle; there are going to be loose ends and regrets and there will be no consolation or closure and everyone leaves eventually no matter how much you or they care. I love my best friends now but if I admit it to them then it solidifies the idea that there’s something to lose, and I can’t stand that. I don’t want to be hurt again. Despite how genuine my best friends may be right now, there will be a day where they don’t care. I don’t want to reach that day. I don’t want it to continue to that point. I don’t want to tell them I love them.

My ex best friend literally thought it was “cute” that her boyfriend got jealous when she talked to her guy friends, and when she first told me that, I immediately told her that was a red flag. Well guess why they broke up? Because of his jealousy. And then they decided to get back together three days later even though he was moving away in a month and they wouldn’t be trying long distance. Her whole identity and self-confidence hinged on that relationship and I honestly found it all so pathetic.

This is why I don’t trust straight relationships.