Oversharing On The Internet - Tumblr Posts
where do I begin
I miss you, I saw your post, you called me your ex, said nobody our age seems to like the stuff you like, other than your exs, and you were upset about that
im not just your ex you know, im your friend too, hell im not your ex, in order to be your ex we have to have dated, and we never did, you didnt want that.
It hurts, that you think of me that way, and that you think you cant share things with me anymore, but i guess thats somewhat my fault, ive been lashing out at you recently, I know that, but youve been lashing out too.
Were like two beatiful swords, shining in the suns glare, one takes a deadly swipe, then the next retorts with a deafening blow, you see, no matter how many battles we fight, how many wars we wage, were just hurting ourselves.
I want you to want me, I want you to love me, but more than that I just want you to like me, think im worth your time, not actively avoid spending time with you when you can, because that hurts, but I know I kinda do it too, and I cant blame you for being scared of me.
Im scared of you, scared that reaching out will push you away farther, make you more upset, because I know just like be, you self sabotage, and even if I attempt, you might run away, and I cant, cant imagine you running, I think it would hurt too much.
I think I would never recover and I cant let you leave my grasps even more, for you have already begun the run, but I have not chased, as you slip from my fingers I do not attempt to grab you back into my arms, I just continue holding what I have, but what I have is nothing. You see me as your ex, we talk, but not because you want to, because normality is so much easier than letting someone go. The daily routine, the mundanity is so much easier than pulling away, so you let me hold you, just a finger tip, just enough that you dont float away, but the rest of you is already gone, somewhere else in space, you are looking for the next adventure, the next person to fill the gap youve been trying to fill ever since he left, perhaps the next person will be the right one. Perhaps not. I just wish you loved me enough to let me see it.
More than anything, I just wish you at least cared about me enough to let me in, even, and especially to the silly meaningless details of your life, but there is a strong bar keeping me from it, and there is no escape in sight, no way for me to hold you again, just as a friend, because how can two people who have seen so much of eachother go back to being just friends. I feel if i tried id make you uncomfortable, and that would haunt me every night. So instead lies the ghost of your body.