Anxiety Problems - Tumblr Posts
"why didn't you just text me about it?" mmmmmaybe because I thought about it for too long and got worried that you'd find me clingy and annoying, so I just deleted the text before I even sent it <33
where are the jobs for useless people who can't handle anything at all
I won't go to certain stores because they can be busy. If I absolutely have to go I'll choose a specific store at a specific time of day that I think is the least busiest; even if I could go to a different store for better prices.
Same with all public places. I don't go to movie theaters. I don't go to gyms or pools. I won't even drive at certain times of day because I don't like people to see me drive.
I would take my daughter to isolated playgrounds even if that meant she had no kids to play with.
I can be social; just on my own terms and usually with a substance involved.
I just want to be free.
MmEh, kinda bummed out atm.
I've finally labeled my fic as on temporary hiatus- i mean it kinda already was given I hadn't updated for around over a month but sti l l. It got to the point where, mentally, I wasn't able to look at my writing without immediately having a bunch of negative thoughts about it. I just didn't like my own work. To the point where opening up the draft sparked immediate anxiety.
And the thing is!!! It's frustrating because I KNOW why, I know it's all just in my head, and the anxiety isn't logical. But it's still!!! Fuckin there!!!
And I WANT to write it. I'm the only person who can write this. I know I still love the ideas bc I'm still working on it in other mediums (art, comics). The motivation is there but the mental illness do be nerfing me.
I try my best to look up advice and such, knowing it's not JUST writer's block. But I have yet to find other individuals who also have bad anxiety about writing to the point that it inhibits them from doing so completely. So I just- don't really know what to do :/
So uhh if anyone else is sorta in a similar scenario, your writing is good. Just a reminder. Brain is just mean sometimes. Be patient with yourself 💕 I'm trying my best to be patient too, even if at times I do feel guilt for not updating things.
Annnd if anyone has advice like. Pls tell me 😳
To those who may have read my fic up to this point, it WILL be coming back. I promise. I just want to enjoy the process of creating it.
yeah, sometimes they may see me as being cold, but in reality I'm just unspeakably sad, hurt and dealing with feelings...
and honestly, why should I say it, when they either judge or don't take me seriously and just saying "it's all in your head, snap out of it" like my feelings wouldn't be valid and with that, pushing me more into this state?
they never acknowledge or notice that.
No wonder why I always feel like I constantly have to protect myself and shut myself down. It's so damn exhausting.
ever saw something that was a literal shot to your heart and cut deeper than ever, that constantly haunts you since that day and just can't shake it off/forget even if it happened several months ago, because it keeps creeping back or is it just me?
I hate anxiety. It's a simple task, why u here!?😭
The stress of posting a story is still weighing on me and on this particular day, I'm feeling it in the form of restlessness.
Even though I am knee deep in Tears of the Kingdom, it can't occupy me 24/7.... Well-
Anyways, in an attempt to calm myself, I'm gonna talk about my new story so I don't feel overwhelmed with not doing anything.
So, 👏, the name is normalities, I'm posting it on Wattpad (check it out here) and it's a coming of age, romance with an anxious girl who's trying to understand why she stands out so much when she finds herself no different than anyone else.
I don't know if I'll do this for every chapter, but I wanted to talk about why I wrote the story/chapter since there's always some big reason behind anything I do.
In this case, I decided to write normalities because it's very rare for media to get anxiety right. While there is no "correct" way to write anxiety, as it's different from person to person, most shows and movies have anxiety as the person who passes out when faced with a difficult situation. While that can happen, most people who have anxiety just wouldn't show up somewhere if they felt that stressed about it. At least, I wouldn't.
So, I wanted this story to better represent an anxious individual, to see the spectrum of how it can present itself. It's also to showcase that it's not simply "get over it" to overcome anxiety and it also doesn't get solved in one day after a inspirational speech lol.
The friend she makes is also very important. It's to give an example of how to respond to someone who has anxiety. Again, it's different from every person, but I tend to be more receptive when someone is patient and understanding. When someone realizes I talk like a cynic because I'm thinking of the worst case possible, and they don't take offense to my words, I'm the most calm.
In my experience, I overthink someone's reaction to what I'm going to say, but if I can voice my concerns and not hear "that's not going to happen, calm down" then that's all I can ask for.
I really enjoyed writing this whole story, but very specifically certain parts later in the story. Getting to write a character who actually shares my concerns and irrational worries was something I never thought I'd do!
Oh, and if anyone does check it out, for one thank you and I hope you enjoy reading ❤; but, while it is done, it's pretty much just a 1st draft. So feel free to leave some constructive criticism because I didn't have it beta read and there may be some things that are major issues. I wouldn't be opposed to editing them even after it's published.
But, I'll thank anyone who read this whole post!
Check out the story if you want!
So, chapter 2 is out and this time I wanted to talk about the cover.
This is actually my 3rd favorite cover I've made.
Originally, it was going to be the main characters, but I can't really draw and couldn't handle the embarrassment of what I actually came up with 🤙
So, instead, I made this! I was thinking it could be seen as the "what do you seen in the black and white blot" test, but I made it to be a representation of the two characters and their personality/feelings.
Why it's in black and white has to do with the theme.
I didn't want to go with the gray area because the MCs aren't changing, they're allowing themselves to be who they are in a world of black and white.
Personally, trying to change who I am so people will like me or want to be my friend has never really worked, so I wanted to make a story based on that feeling. The feeling that you'll never have friends just because of who you are, but you don't want to, or shouldn't, change who you are. It's meant to be uplifting and give people the sense that there's no need to change yourself just to make friends.
Oh man, for some reason I got cold feet trying to post this chapter to the Discord server I'm in. That feeling of intimidation came over me and more or less I felt the exact way Cassie does in this chapter.
Sometime I managed to convince myself maybe I just self-diagnosed myself and I don't actually have anxiety, but then stuff like this happens and my hands start shaking and my heartbeat is through the roof...
I'm just gonna go play totk to calm down. We all know I won't stop thinking about this though.
When I'm ready to explain to someone why I can't do a certain thing because of my mental illness but then I remember how it ended up the last time I did
I love to sleep, but I actually hate it... you know?
I'm always sleepy when I shouldn't, and I'm wide awake when I'm in my bed. I don't have to deal with problems when I'm sleeping, but if I sleep too much, I'll have more problems. And I always wake up TIRED. Like, b**ch I've been tired the WHOLE DAY and I SLEEP AND... WOKE UP TIRED... AGAIN...? give me a break...