Triggering - Tumblr Posts

“A Guide on how to be Dead:

i. pretend the world

is crushing you into hell

and that your body

is now Satan’s footstool

ii. embody the pure feeling

of disappointment

iii. become everyone’s doormat

just in case your real career

doesn’t pan out

iv. acknowledge

that the beating in your chest

is an actual time bomb

waiting to go off

and bring death

v. find joy in one thing only

and stake your happiness

on the off chance that you

actually have time for it

vi. die

vii. douse your insides

with alcohol at 3:48 AM

while you’re completely alone

to realize that in life,

you’re completely alone”

   -EL

“Fatigue is slowly breaking

me down into knots

of unease, pulling tighter

until my arms are looped

around my neck,

strangling myself.

And my frayed nerves

keep sparking, catching

anything flammable

and leaving my lungs

with nothing but gray smoke.”

   -EL

“I sank to the bottom

of the shower and down

the drain, put my mouth

around the copper pipes,

and held my breath. I twisted

the volume dial to the point

of bleeding ears and drove

and drove and

dove

into my disassociating mind (again)

while my chest vibrated in time

with the bass and I wished

to be warped around the base

of a tree.

I shuffle pages of textbooks

until my eyes go numb,

until the skin on my hands

are paper thin, until

my veins become fountain pens.”

   -EL

Outside looking in.

A woman at work confided in me that her daughter is in an abusive relationship.  She’s telling me all of the things that I don’t want to hear myself:

 “She knows better,”  

“ I don’t get it, why won’t she listen” 

“Why would she be with someone who called her a cunt?”

She kicked her daughter out of the house in an attempt to make her ‘wake up.’  While I think this was the wrong decision, I can tell that she loves her daughter very much and is just at her wit’s end.

I know that people like me are difficult to love. I also know that loving me takes a toll on the people who do. 

I had no words of comfort or advice to ease her mind.

I am speechless.

So I blog about being physically, emotionally, psychologically, financially and sexually abused by my ex, as well as a series of other traumas I’ve survived at the hands of violent, predatory, aggressive, and misogynist men.  There’s really no mistaking it; I tag the shit out of this thing.  

And THIS is the sponsored ad on my dash?  Really @staff ? WTF?!

Someone call River Laurent. Tell them that 1995 called and they want their horrible trope back.

@staff do you not have a toothpaste ad or something? Why do you keep showing me this horrible shit?

Oooo. It's going to be a bad one tonight.

I bet she was asking for it.

I mean, you can totally tell it's what she actually wanted. Her mouth was saying no, but the bruises on her skin where he grabbed her and held her against her will were saying yes.

Seriously @staff - why do i have to keep doing this?

I am a survivor of domestic violence. I am a survivor of sexual violence. I have said " let go of me" and been ignored. Stop showing me abuse and calling it sexy.

I feel sorry for Mark Shepard right now, having to deal with that girl

this is why people pick on you. goodgod, get some lamictal

if I repent you pay me

so it's so weird how tumblr has spammy tags you know. like it's wrong, if you talk about the Osswaturduckhenuiatolan (ostrich-swan-turkey-duck-cornish hen-quail-ortoulan  and you don't put in vegan tags or anything.

ok tell me what more pairing tags

yes fine. look.

so I see more people like incest stories than vomit with rage, and if they do, it makes them closed minded bigots who don't know how to love

so, seeing those incest fiction and think they are going to be part of the new rights movment, you would really then, I assume, fund and go see a movie with orginal characters. Now I see why so many M/M, F/F pairings happen, because of how people like homosexual pairings as being better than hetero, it makes your story look "progressive", and when your media has a sex ratio imbalnce, it is more gay, but I don't think someone would still make OTPs heterosexual, as even youtubers, or celeberties are not free from slash (we love you all so much that we will roleplay and write you gay) . "8 guy characters two girls, so we're writing the girls lesbians, even if they are siblings, and the guys gay, because gay sex is better than making an asexual character"

so, here you go you freaks.  for those who love the incest, if I were to make movie with incest plot (to make you shut up and for me to backpeddle and look good) what would you want to see/see first?

Father-Son roadtrip. Now this will need to be animated if i want to hope to not get arrested if I make the son 15. Unless I can find an 18+ year old actor who looks 15.  Father and Son go on a road trip of vengence to hunt down the man who killed Wife/Mom. She got shot and was in a coma, and died of blood clot. while they track down this man and also deal with grief, they fall in love and have sex at least once.

Incest Homosexual Romeo and Juilet with estranged siblings, one is 19 the other 14. This movie takes place in these times, so the'll be lots of cyberbullying of them. I don't know what happend that they are estranged. but there will be elements borrowed of cyberbullying cases, and when Kate Hunt got arrested for child molestation

Pregnant 9 year old. I learned from prolifers the rare time a child gets pregnant, it's still wrong to kill the fetus with abortion. Orginaly she was to had been incest raped. because it makes it dark and edgy. I read some people mature young and some get very body curious and start crushes young. I still don't know if I want to make her with a disablity

you who like fictional incests. which one do you like best?

 I don't know how to make the writing for film. so it'll be hard.

it's comicsans as a pony  the cutie mark is clown and a lolipop. because candy kills some people and some are terrorfied and hate clowns.

she spends to much time on tumblr and is offended easy , and is a not so good comedian.

she is an adipose activist who thinks other pegisi should check their privlage and be a bit more sensitive when they do flying based activity

"Rotting"

Post that started this: Link

Don't Blink

Welcome to this week’s six-sentence story, based on the word of the week, SECOND, and oh my, this one is not for the faint of heart. This one has trigger warnings a plenty, and while there is nothing explicit in the story at all, there are implications a plenty, the least of which is that the narrator was a victim of a crime, and how far you take this, is really up to you. I suggest you read the…

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Do you know how much it hurt to see people use your try of commiting suicide against you as a benefit to them?

No you don't and dear god do I wish you never have to

🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄

SHAKING MY HEAD ASTRO NOTES PT.3

# Shady Astro Notes 💅🏽

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING ( This Post contains harsh language and very provocative opinions ) a lot of you will be triggered because I draaagg here HARD (including my self )! Sooooo guys have fun ☺️🦄!

🤦🏾‍♀️This has nothing to do with any placements but why do daddy Saturn ⛓ and Captain Pluto 🔪have to be suuuuch a pain in the Aaaaaasssss in astrology. These planets rotate slow but fuuuuck ppls lifes up reall fast. # can we get some new planets on our solar system, # I’ m tired of them 😮‍💨

🤦🏾‍♀️I love cancer placements ok 👌🏾 but if they feel hurt by you or you hurt their family and friends, girl I better ruuuun bc that is when the crab claws 🦞 are going to come out and squeeze the soul out of u 🫣😬!! # be nice to them # don’t mess with them !!

🤦🏾‍♀️Same goes for the fishy- goat ( Capricorn) placements don’t play with their TIME, friends, social media, boyfriend, mamas, uncles, JOBS, MONEY, name , reputation just everything OR u will feel daddy Saturns Karma. OK ??

🤦🏾‍♀️Saturn in the 1st , Saturn-Asc aspects, Capricorn in the 1st/ 10th, Saturn dominant be having sooome rbf that are quietly uuuuuuuummm scary and unwelcoming, but I most say that y’all can be hot 🥵 mfs still with the rbf # that bone structure is impeccable 👌🏾

🤦🏾‍♀️Pluto dominant/ Saturn dominant ppl I know we have not had it easy in life and struggled a lot with other ppl but I got say that:

“NOT EVERYONE IS OUT HERE TO GET U” ☹️ like the intrusive thoughts, trust issues and anxiety we feel about people is yeah honestly not healthy for us . So babes, boys lern to luv yourself ( ok this totally in the wrong category but anyway🤦🏾‍♀️) # love y’all , # let openness guide you not fear !!

🤦🏾‍♀️If their is ONE placement that is the Ultimate cultural appropriater or copy cat then the award goes tooooooooo……………………Neptune in the 1st house, Neptune aspect Asc. # period , #” I SAID WHAT I SAID” : nene leaks # I have this aspect my self .

🤦🏾‍♀️Aries stellium, Aries risign if underdeveloped hold the queen title of being a meeeeaaan gurl. 👸 #periodt

🤦🏾‍♀️Mercury square Pluto , ahhh 😮‍💨why the hell are y’all so aggressive and argumentative when stating your opinion and when nobody agrees y’all go to the EXTREME ! but for real though I have seen these people argue with teachers over the dumbest shit and getting defensive realllly quick !

🤦🏾‍♀️Moon Libra , Venus in Libra if underdeveloped have these unreciprocated, frowning faces when they see some ugly, or less attractive . Can y’all be a bit more empathetic, not everybody is , or can be beautiful on this earth. # superficial, also very picky in love for good looks !

🤦🏾‍♀️ Venus In Pisces , Venus -Neptune Aspects how are you and your imaginary booooyyyyfriend ??? 👁👄👁 like we gotta stop , it’s kinda embarrassing 🙈 u know 👉🏽👈🏽. #delusional , # get a lifffeeeh gurl !

🤦🏾‍♀️Venus in TAURUS/ in the 2nd , Lilith Taurus/ in the 2nd , Pluto in the 2nd , Mars in Capricorn / Taurus winning the Titel of being a GOLD DIGGER , and wanting a sugar daddy soooo fucking bad . # Go get a jooooob, # You also gooo get a lifeeeeeh honey 👀, # Or go get that bag 💰 💅🏽!!!

🤦🏾‍♀️Mars in the 2nd / Jupiter in the 2nd house can hustle for the bag but spend money like it’s water 💧 💴 🫠!

🤦🏾‍♀️Women with Jupiter in /7th, Venus in Libra, Gemini, Aquarius , Sagittarius, Venus /Uranus, Venus/Jupiter Hard aspects are stereotypical Hooooooeees ! # not everyone with this but some 😏 #

🤦🏾‍♀️Same goes for Men with Mars in Libra, Gemini , Sagittarius, Aquarius, Mars- Uranus , Mars - Jupiter , Mars - Venus Hard aspects aspects stereotypical Fboys ! # not everyone with this but some of y’all 😏 #

🤦🏾‍♀️DARK: Moon - Chiron, Moon - Lilith, Moon- Pluto hard aspects if UNDERDEVELOPED!!!!! y’all be telling everyone that women don’t like u , and woman are mean and this and that BUT …… ….. girl DO U EVEN LIKE WOMAN OR GIRLS ??????????? . Bc some of y’all don’t even know how to be a girls ride or die friend but rather a pick me , choose me , I’m not like the other girls friend ! # I am just saying 🤷🏽‍♀️, # drag me if u want to !

🤦🏾‍♀️Can we talk about the fact that Pluto in the 3rd house and Pluto in the 8th housers are THE DARK Master manipulaters but don’t get caught doing so 🤫!! . # sneaky mfs

🤦🏾‍♀️ Taurus placements, Say it with me : I DONT LIKE TO SHARE SHIT WITH PEOPLE !! I’m stingy ass fuck , and love to treat only me, myself and I , it’s okkkkayyy guys ! # I’m giving myself a pass bc that fact will never change about me 😩! # Sorry not sorry !

🤦🏾‍♀️ People with Sun in the 1st house can be very selfish , they put themselves befor anybody ( which is not so bad) but if underdeveloped they will not think twice about dumping you for the dummest reasons !

🤦🏾‍♀️ Venus in Scorpio, Venus in the 8th, Venus - Pluto hard aspects, Pluto in the 7th, 8th , Scorpio in the 7th, 8th , 7th house ruler in the 8th house. LOVE a mf like their is no tomorrow ! Jealousy and possessiveness is a huge theme for these individuals . „As I mentioned in one of my past posts: If they say they want u “they mean they want your soul” 🤐/ you are theirs whether you like it or not the love and passions is so intense it literally kills them inside if they can’t control or possess u the way they want to! And that is when shit hits the fan and they literally go insane or crazy for the sake of LOVE 🖤❤️‍🩹❤️‍🔥! # pls don’t go to that extent # I really am worried my loves 😦?!

Okay guys, if you have made it to the end ,then I got say you have some strong nerves ok !👌🏾

Comment your opinions and thoughts ! Luv u ❤️‍🔥

•~Milly~•

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*******{NEW ! ⬇️} Solar Return Chart Series: PT. 1/PT.2 *******

SHAKING MY HEAD PT.2 / SHAKING MY HEAD PT.1/ SHAKING MY HEAD PT.4/ SHAKING MY HEAD PT.5

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Pokémon in 2016

i feel like i overate, so i’m gonna do a food log (without calories bc i didn’t count them) and maybe that will calm me down or make me feel worse ;)

for breakfast i had at least 20 frozen grapes and two slices of sweet melon because it wasn’t really that good

at lunch everyone ate burgers, but i only ate like 3/4 of the meat my uncle served me, along with 4 fries (i think that’s what is bugging me)

i’ve drank so much fucking diet coke it’s pathetic, i think i might’ve gained from that

at dinner i ate a little bit of thai rice, but left a lot on my plate, so i cooked myself some broccoli so my mom wouldn’t be sus

i ate like 2 apples today or something like that and they were supposed to be my safe foods but lately i’m kinda scared of them

yesterday i binged on h2oh! (which has 0 kcals, but it made me feel so full idk) and frozen grapes and an apple, and i am aware that binging on fruit is probably a 1000 times better than binging on sweets, yet i still feel worthless, a failure and invalid.

i walked 10+km today, but i’ve been doing that for a little over a week and it doesn’t seem as hard anymore, maybe that’s my ‘ed’ talking, but if it doesn’t feel as hard, maybe i’m not making any progress.

i just wanna be the best at this, and no matter what i do, i always feel like i’m nowhere being good.

Harry Styles: Stoic - Foreword (on Wattpad) http://my.w.tt/UiNb/zcCrBuLaFG People fear death even more than pain. It's strange that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death. At the point of death, the pain is over. Yeah, I guess it is a friend... -Jim Morrison "WHY WON'T YOU LET ME LOVE YOU?!" Harry screams, tears profusely running down his slightly indented cheeks, falling and gathering into small pools in the small indents of his clavicles and moistening the ends of his long brown hair. "Why won't you let me touch you.... caress you? Why?" he says his husky voice now barely audible and cracking from crying. I remain silent and stoic which by the way I've gotten pretty good at over the years. I never, I mean never ever express emotion because it shows weakness and vulnerability and only the strong survives in this cruel, corrupt, condemned, and so-called world I live in. My facade was particularly built on that." Ebony please.. Talk to me... say something...PLEASE!" Harry cries and pleads desperately. I continue to stare impassively at the door behind him not daring to make eye contact. Right now the idea of making a run for it all the way home and then locking myself in a room from feeling the guilt that I deserved, with just me and my very much appreciated friend, my blade, seems very appeasing to me. Subconsciously, I slip both hands in my pockets just to make sure it was still safely stored in my hoodie's pocket. Running the rough pad of my index fingertip along the edge of the blade, I release a soft and inaudible sigh of content as I feel it slightly slice through the calloused layer of skin. The pain feels so good. Pain is what has kept me alive all of these years. Pain makes me feel... real....

Harry Styles: Stoic - Foreword (on Wattpad) http://my.w.tt/UiNb/hGFwlOSaFG People fear death even more than pain. It's strange that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death. At the point of death, the pain is over. Yeah, I guess it is a friend... -Jim Morrison "WHY WON'T YOU LET ME LOVE YOU?!" Harry screams, tears profusely running down his slightly indented cheeks, falling and gathering into small pools in the small indents of his clavicles and moistening the ends of his long brown hair. "Why won't you let me touch you.... caress you? Why?" he says his husky voice now barely audible and cracking from crying. I remain silent and stoic which by the way I've gotten pretty good at over the years. I never, I mean never ever express emotion because it shows weakness and vulnerability and only the strong survives in this cruel, corrupt, condemned, and so-called world I live in. My facade was particularly built on that." Ebony please.. Talk to me... say something...PLEASE!" Harry cries and pleads desperately. I continue to stare impassively at the door behind him not daring to make eye contact. Right now the idea of making a run for it all the way home and then locking myself in a room from feeling the guilt that I deserved, with just me and my very much appreciated friend, my blade, seems very appeasing to me. Subconsciously, I slip both hands in my pockets just to make sure it was still safely stored in my hoodie's pocket. Running the rough pad of my index fingertip along the edge of the blade, I release a soft and inaudible sigh of content as I feel it slightly slice through the calloused layer of skin. The pain feels so good. Pain is what has kept me alive all of these years. Pain makes me feel... real....

Y'all ever get too angry at something?

Like the kind of angry that makes you have to get up and walk around?

Like you start having angry conversations with the air because you're so upset?

Like the kind of angry that you shouldn't even be that mad at, but it makes you mad anyways because it's some kind of unearthed trauma?