Patheticbulim1c - Tumblr Blog

day 24 - how do you feel about the terms pro-ana/pro-mia?

if you have ever wished, encouraged or promoted any disordered behaviour to anyone else in the past you have the benefit of the doubt. if you continue to do this or feel no remorse at all, you are a terrible person and i genuinely think that you deserve everything bad and unfortunate that happens to you.

you don’t need to tell someone to stick their fingers down their throat to be pro, it’s enough for you to shame them bc of what they look like, judge their intake or give unsolicited “advice” when it comes to weight and eating. even if this person asks you to, it is not (and unless you are a professional and the conversation takes place in the right context), and NEVER will be your place.

if you romanticise the terms “anorexia” and “bulimia” (whether you suffer from them or not) i have no respect for you. i would never shame someone for having a mental illness. regardless, i do not think that they’re something you should be proud of or promote.

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im all up for building a community that is non-judgemental bc i get how lonely and isolating an ed can be. i don’t think that having an ed blog makes you pro. but let’s not forget that even if we don’t mean to, we all take small part of someone else’s struggle, it’s your choice if you want to become a good or negative one.

i want my legs to look like this. is it really that hard???

AAAGHH i want to weigh myself so bad but also no?? i want to know how much progress i’ve made since last time i checked (it was about a month ago) but i’m scare it won’t be enough.

day 23 - did the media report play a role in your wanting to lose weight?

yes. kind of. not as much as it did with other people, but of course it affects my mental state.

long story short- yeah.

no me ha llegado la regla en un buen mes y medio y no se por que.

tengo claro que lo que estoy haciendo es muy insostenible pero todavía no he llevado a mi cuerpo a ese extremo. oh well, aún así se siente como un logro así que yay.

my aunt just got these for me.

i can’t wait for them to be too big.

Height: 164cm
Weight: 46,3 kg

day 22 - what was your lowest weight? how and why did you gain?

i think my lowest weight was 49kg. it was about 2 years ago. over the course of the years i’ve developed BED, so that’s why i gained. i wasn’t too consistent with restrictions and purging so ofc i gained. this year i reached my highest weight bc quarantine stressed me out a lot and food was comfort.

day 21 - what are your clothing sizes?

i have no idea. yo don’t like to go shopping for obvious reasons so i don’t pay much attention to that.

day 20 - fav. diet?

so far i’ve tried the skinny girl diet, the ABC diet, the military diet and a colombian version of the keto diet bc 1) the ingredients for the recipes are really hard to find and 2) my mom would be sus if i did it by the book so yeah...

i think my two favs are the skinny girl diet bc i love fruits and veggies and not having to count them in my calorie intake excited me, and the second one is the ABC bc it’s really easy to do.

day 19 - when was the last time you ate fast food?

aproximately 2 months ago. my uncle brought pizza and i chewed and spat what i could but my sister was starting to notice so i swallowed some bits, i purged it like 15 mins later that day, so...

day 18 - what food is your weakness?

fvcking chocolate man. and sea food. it doesn’t matter how much i pre-meditate my intake for the day i can’t control myself once i have one taste. oh well.

day 17 - do you have an ED?

idk man. i kinda just travel around different ed traits but i don't think I exactly fit in any of those labels, so i think im more in the EDNOS side, yet again, i am not lucid and maybe im even more disordered than I realise lol.

also, I did three days today bc i know i said i wouldn't do them everyday, but its getting really inconsistent and this challenge is motivating me a lot so i don't want to get bored or lazy. 

day 16 - when did you first decide to lose weight? 

i think i was like 11. i was always a big eater, my whole family kinda gave me that label when i was really young. also, my friends were smaller than me as well, so when i first noticed that i was determined to lose some pounds, but it wasn't unhealthy at all, i just cut some sugars and stopped eating junk food, and my intentions were never to become this person, i started to develop bad eating habits like a year and a half after that. 

day 15 - are you vegan or vegetarian? if so, has this helped you lose weight? if no, do you ever consider turning vegan or vegetarian?

no im not vegan nor vegetarian, im cutting red meats from my diet and becoming pescatarian tho because 1) fear food, and 2) i actually feel heavier and kinda worse each time i eat steak or something like that. 

i want to become pescatarian because sea food is kind of a safe food, and also really good.

pls pls pls

i fucking hate working out. like not because i’m exhausted half the time, like i really hate workouts.

i just got back to my family’s country house??? idk how to call it in english, but anyways, i’ve been really struggling to get back on track with walking as my only form of exercising, and i’m actually starting to see progress and i’m so scared to lose all of it and there’s times where i feel like everything i’m doing is finally paying off, but at the same time is so frustrating bc it’s so fucking hard, and even when i’m in that place i’m not ready to let this go because i get so triggered with everything and anything.

ok yea i’m done ranting bye

not me being active again after procrastinating posting for a week-

yea sex is good, but have you tried nicotine on an empty stomach?

update! i had to eat because my mom had an appointment with my psychologist and nutriolgyst so i had to act “normal” (?)

im not gonna snack but i can’t fast, any diet recommendations or tricks to hide and throw away food?

hey guys, i know rn i have like 7 followers (i’m so sorry you’re in this too my dudes, you really don’t deserve it, i mean it)

okay so basically i live in colombia and i was in my family’s summer house for quarantine bc of my grandma, and since it’s like mountains and you know outside i could walk 10km a day so if i overate i kinda made up for it, but rn i’m back home in bogota and it’s really risky for me to go running bc it’s extremely unsafe, can somebody pls recommend easy workouts i could do for now?

ok so i just checked and i’m down 4 kg????

im so happy considering that myfitnesspal said i’d be down 3,3kg by october but this just motivated even more.

i havent snacked much and i’m prob keeping my kcal intake under 700 or maybe less idk but now i know if i keep it up i might be at my goal weight by november/december and i just can’t believe that i’m making so much progress i’m so happy

does nicotine count tho?

Anyone else here smoke weed instead of drinking alcohol because of calorie content or is it just me?

idk why but like, whenever i see posts or story times in yt about eating disorders i get jealous????

and then im like bitch???? ur already there you just don’t look like it lmao

if somebody says “bulimia” i’m like damn sure why not lol but then i see an anorexic-like food log and so i’m like oh shit i need to be this too so i engage in anorexic behaviour for a while and then i see another bulimic-like post and i’m like ohno i need that, that feels wayyy better and then the cycle continues...

just me? ok figures