The Winter Solider - Tumblr Posts
The truth
I want two of these
New Bucky Barnes AC Play Action Figure (via Twitter)
OMG HE HAS REAL HAIR!!! 😂😂😂
This is not your fault, Bucky
word count: 1790
“What the hell…“ you croaked out. You were struggling to regain conciseness. The last thing you remember was monitoring Bucky’s interrogation and next thing you knew, you were in the interrogation room with Bucky and your wrist and ankle was tied to a chair. The room was somewhat dark. The only light you to see was the emergency light.
“(Y/N)?”
You heard someone call out your name,
“Bucky?” You called out thinking it was him. Still trying struggling to regain conciseness.
“Are you okay?” Bucky asked.
Before you could reply, A man appeared from behind you
“Dr. Broussard?” You asked.
“Actually it is Zemo.” The man said.
“Where is the real Dr. Broussard then?” you asked.
“Oh, I killed him back at his hotel where he was staying at.” he said he touched your cheek, make you flinch. Bucky tense up.
“Don’t touch her” Bucky growled. Zemo chuckled.
“Why did you kill Dr. Broussard?” you asked again,
“I needed a way to sneak in without being detected by Shield and the Avengers.
Zemo backed away from you and up to Bucky who was still restrained in the glass box. “Asset, soldier. Do you like that I brought your pretty little girlfriend here?”
Bucky, struggling to get free. “What do you want from us?”
“I want you and your girlfriend to suffer along with the rest of the Avengers. I want you to kill her and complete the mission: December 16, 1991.” Zemo said.
You tense up at the fact that Zemo wants Bucky to kill you.
“What makes you think I’m going to do what you want?” Bucky said.
“With this.” Zemo pulled out a red book with a black star on it, making Bucky tense up even more.
“Where did you get that?” Bucky asked.
“I have my ways..” Zemo said going through the pages. Bucky Looked back at you.
“What ever happens, just know that this wasn’t me and that i love you, (Y/N).”
“I know James, I love you too.” you say
“She doesn’t love you. ” Zemo said, slowly making Bucky mad with rage.
“Shut up” Bucky growled, now struggling on his restrains .
“Like I said, she doesn’t love you. Never has and never will. Don’t trick your yourself into thinking that young (Y/N) could ever love a monster like you.” Zemo said as he was going through the pages of the book.
“Don’t listen to him Bucky. You are not a monster. You are a sweet, lovable man that I fell in love with. You are not the winter soldier.” You say, trying to convince Bucky.
“Stupid girl. Lets see what you think when Bucky rings out your pretty neck” Zemo said as he starts reading from the book,
“Longing.” he started saying.
“No….” Bucky muttered, shaking his head.
You realize that Zemo has the book that can activate the winter soldier. You start trying to break free from the chair, Zemo couldn’t help but to laugh.
“Rusted.”
“Furnace.”
“Daybreak.”
“Stop….” Bucky pleaded, closing his eyes tight and trying to block out the words. He can’t, though. The restrains were holding him back.
“Seventeen.”
“Stop it!”
“Benign.”
Bucky tossed his head back harshly. You did your best to escape the chair but it was no use.
“Nine.”
Bucky managed to look at you. Tears falling from his eyes. “You’ll find to stop me. I know you will. I love you (Y/N).
Tears were falling from your eyes, “ I love you too, Bucky.” You said almost sobbing.
“Homecoming.”
“One.”
“Freight car.”
Bucky’s Bionic arm broke free from the restrains.
You couldn’t help but to gasped and in horror as Bucky broke his other wrist from the hold. You were still trying to break free from the chair.
Bucky screamed as he clutched his head. He started banging on the glass door until finally he broke the glass door off the handles shattering and hitting you in the process and knocking you on to the ground impaling you with peaces of glass in the side of your stomach, breaking the chair in the process.
You were a little dizzy do to the door hitting you and glass impaling you, but that didn’t stop you from trying to break free. Once you realize the chair was broken you managed to wiggle your way out of the rope that was formally tied around your wrist and ankle. You looked over Bucky.
Zemo shut the notebook. He walked over to Bucky cage. “Soldier?”
Bucky blinks, and exhales heavily.
“Ready to comply.”
Tears were streaming down your face. The man in front of you wasn’t Bucky, The man you fell in love with, It was the winter soldier. And it was all Zemo’s fault.
“You Bastard” you said as you were stumbling on the ground.
Zemo smirked, looking back at the soldier again.
“Your mission is to kill (Y/N) and retrieve mission report. December 16,1991.” he said.
The Winter Soldier’s gaze to you, and you froze in fear. Zemo walked out of the interrogation room. Leaving you with the winter soldier.
“Bucky, Don’t do this! This isn’t you!” you yelled as you finally stood up and slowly started backing away.
“Who the hell is Bucky?” The Winter Soldier growled and started walking towards you.
“Please remember, Bucky.” You said as you continued to back away. The winter soldier attempt to swing a punch at you. You managed to doge it. You turned around to run but the winter soldiers metal arm grabbed your arm. Pulling you back and pinned you against the wall “You are my mission.” he said. You looked into his eyes. they were cold.
“I am not your mission, Bucky.” You continued pleading trying to push him off, but nothing was working. “This ends now.” said The Winter Soldier. You looked at him in horror as he grabbed your neck and pinned you back against the wall. You tried to pry his metal hand off your neck, gasping and choking in the process.
You started to feeling lightheaded and your vision slowly started to blur. Tears were pouring from your eyes as the winter soldiers grip on your neck began to squeeze harder and harder. ” please.. abort mission….” you managed to choke out. The Winter Soldier’s eyes met your, but the expression didn’t change. You weakly reached out and gently caressed his cheek. causing the winter soldier to stiffen, “Come back….” she whispered before blacking out.
The grip on your neck loosened, and you had dropped to the ground. The winter soldier started remembering who he was and became Bucky again. Once Bucky had regained his senses, he saw you on the ground.Bucky knelt down in front of you and gently held your face, wiping her cheek.
“(Y/N)?” Bucky called out as he was still wiping your cheek. You had no response.
“(Y/N)?” He called out again. waiting for you to respond but nothing. Bucky realize that you were bleeding out on the side of your stomach. Bucky held you in his arms as he tried to slow down the bleeding and started calling out for help.
“No-no-no! NO!!! (Y/n)!!! SOMEONE HELP ME, PLEASE!” His heart was breaking, knowing that he was the cause of this, “(Y/N)” please!! Open your eyes! (Y/n) please,please I’m begging you. Come back. Please. I’m so sorry.”
Zemo walked back into the room and laughed at Bucky.
“How adorable.” He clapped his hands as he came into view again. “I must say, you’ve grown soft, Soldier. But your not done yet. You still have a mission to do.”
Bucky glared and growled. Zemo started to read through the book again when someone had bust through the door. Agents started to fill in the place surrounded Zemo. Steve, with his stealth suit, came in the view, followed by a Tony with his Iron Man suit on and Sam who was in his Falcon suit.
Steve breathed out a sigh of relief and jogged towards (Y/N) and Bucky. “Are you two alright?” he asked, looking for injuries and wounds.
”I am but she needs help.” Bucky said still holding you in his arms.
“Don’t worry the paramedics are and they are going to save her” Tony said.
“Everything is going to be alright now. I promised.” Bucky said still cradling you in his arms…..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Immediately you start to feel an overwhelming pain in your head and the side of your stomach. You felt someone holding tight onto your hand, but your eyes are to heavy to open and see.
“(Y/N)?” A quiet voice speaks up. You did your best to speak but the exhaustion spring upon you as you attempt to speak.
“(Y/N), you awake?” The voice asked again.
“Yeah,” You rasp.
“Oh,God (Y/N),” The voice sighs in relief, “I thought I had lost you. I’m so sorry” Your mind is a bit of a haze but as the voice becomes clearer you suddenly realize it was Bucky himself.
“Well I’m still here aren’t I?” Your voice is quiet but laud enough for Bucky to hear you. He chuckled as he gave your hand is given a small squeeze.
“I almost killed you (Y/N)” he said as tears fall from his eyes.
“No the Winter Soldier almost killed me, not you Buck.” you pleaded.
“I thought you weren’t gonna wake up,” He murmurs. “I thought one of these days someone was going to come by and tell me you had finally died.” One of these days? You couldn’t have been out of it that long.
“How many days I been out?” You ask as your mouth finally begins to regain it’s moisture.
“Two weeks, (Y/N).”
“ It’s okay Buck, I’m okay now. And the important thing is that Zemo is locked up and you are not under his control.” you said.
Bucky looked up at you as
“Is there anything I can do for you (Y/N)?”
“Yeah, can you stay with me?” you asked.
“Yes I can do that” Bucky said as you scooted over on the hospital bed.Making room on the bed for Bucky. Bucky lays beside you, his weight making the bed dip a little. Immediately Bucky softly wraps his arms around your shoulders, making sure not to cause you any form of pain. You nuzzled your nose against his cheek and you can practically feel the smile on his face.
“God, I love you so much (Y/N),I can’t live without you” Bucky whispers as presses a tender kiss to your temple. You can’t help but smile, even though exhaustion has overtaken your body you still feel elated.
“I love you too Bucky, promise you’ll stay here, with me?”
“I’ll stay with you until you want me to leave.”
“Good because I never want you to leave.” Bucky presses one last kiss to your forehead and then the both of you fall asleep together.
@thelastromanovs234
aarontoney_action: #tbt with @imsebastianstan for reshoots on Cap3 #captainamericacivilwar for the rooftop fight. Seb’s always a champion. Works so hard and always brings it. 💪🏾 #marvel #mcu #blackpanther #wintersolider #buckybarnes
“Why do you always stare at me when I’m around you?” you questioned.
Bucky looked at you in shock. Looking for the right words to express his self, he couldn’t keep his feeling in any longer.
“It’s because I am in love with you, (y/n). I have always been in love with you ever since we first met. The way your hair falls around your face, the color of your eyes sparkle like the stars ,the way your lips curls up when you smile. I can’t help but to stare at you.
Shattered Glass part 2
Ship: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Warnings: curse words, mentions of blood, a really angsty reader.
Summary: You and Bucky have been together for three years now, you don’t understand how he could break your heart the way he did when you found him in your bed, but not alone.
You slept your whole day away on the first day you took off, to forget. But, the next day you knew you had to try to lighten yourself up. Your closet was a mess, it still contained Bucky’s things.
Before dressing up for the day you shoved the rest of his clothes in the abandoned box in your room so you didn’t have to constantly look at them.
Except one; his red shirt. You loved to sleep in it, you didn’t think he’d realize it’s missing. After shoving it somewhere you go back to your closet and pull out an old black hoodie with gray fitting sweatpants to go with a blue shirt with a red star in the middle. You honestly didn’t care what you looked like.
after putting on some light make up you made your way out the door and to the mall. It was your place of healing.
You marched into the nearest store and looked through the dresses.
You wished Nat was here with you, she was the best at picking out outfits that you would enjoy. Plus, she always made you smile.
There was a lot to choose from in the dress section; red ones, black ones, and gray ones, but one caught your gaze. You felt like you were seeing red. It was a short mid thigh length blue dress with a white collar, the exact same dress you last saw your mother in last.
You quickly shook your head, deciding it was the wrong choice to leave your apartment and went home. You had work to do tomorrow. ____________________
Walking into stark industries wasn’t the hard part, the hard part was seeing everyone’s knowing glances. Tony had given you a quick hug and kiss on the head. Clint squeezed your shoulder, and Sam did the same. Wanda looked at you and read what happened in your head and then frowned. Natasha snuggled you with hugs then yelled at you for not telling her but then apologized for yelling and comforted you.
“Seriously y/n, you know that I’m always here for you. Why didn’t you call me?”
You looked towards her and smiled weakly, “Well I knew you would be with your mom so I didn’t want to interrupt your time with her…”
The look Natasha gave you looked like she was saying ‘seriously??’. She walked closer to you, squeezing you tight again, “Honey, I’m here for you through thick and thin. Next time please call me. I promise I will get to you as fast as I possibly can.”
You hug her back, thanking her. But then you had to go to a certain captain in charge.
When you walked into Steve’s office to greet him he automatically shot up and wrapped you in a tight embrace. “Y/n, how are you?” “I’m… I’m actually okay.” You say holding a somewhat forced smile. Steve frowns, “I hate to say this but just ignore him today, if he comes and talks to you fine talk. But we have a mission.. and it’s serious.” You felt a pang in your chest. Last time Steve said there was a serious mission it was with Hydra, but, you and Bucky had stayed back. “Is it?” “Yes.” You gulp down your nervousness and nod, “If you don’t want to do this I under-” “I’m going.” “Are you sure?” Steve says touching your shoulders “Yeah, I’m sure…”
Steve hugs you one more time, planting a kiss on your cheek. “Let’s go to the meeting room I just called everyone down.”
You follow Steve into the room and sit with him waiting for everyone to come. They all filed in one by one, ending with Bucky. He opened his mouth to call for you, looking like he wanted to plead your name once again but you looked away. He lowered his gaze and sat down at the other end of the table.
Steve explained the mission thoroughly. As soon as he said Hydra Bucky’s eyes darted towards you, and yours did the same. But instead of looking for any longer you turn away once again. Steve needed your help, so you’re definitely going on this mission.
“-Sam will be with tony, Natasha will go with Bucky… y/n go with Wanda, Clint you find a high point and keep an eye on us, and I’ll go with vision, All clear?”
“Wait what?” The gruff voice rang through your ears and you looked up at him then back to Steve. “Y/n can’t-” “Alright Steve. Sounds like a great plan.” You say interrupting Bucky and getting up to get get ready. You were out in the hall and you could still overhear the arguing in the room, “Y/n and I can just stay back like last time Steve. Why are you making her do this?!” “I am not making her do anything buck! I already asked her and made sure and she was fine with it. So are you coming or not?” … You were already gone in your room before hearing Bucky’s answer. You put on your suit, which was a purple onesie like leotard. Matching with black leggings and a utility belt wrapping across your chest and around your back, like a sash. You finished your look with a mask that covered your lower half of your face, kind of like the winter soldiers. Except there was a cage like opening by your mouth for when you needed to use your power.
After getting ready you headed to the quinjet and boarded on with everyone. The only seat left was next to Bucky, which you reluctantly took. Steve was reciting the plan when Bucky leaned over and whispered to you,
“We don’t have to do this y/n”
You clench your jaw and look up at Steve, not answering him. “We can go back to the building and.. talk.” You squeeze your eyes shut, “Steve should me and Wanda try to work our way in through the roof?” You felt Bucky’s gaze on you falter. “That can work but we can use you guys on the ground.” “Alright we can do that.”
You only feel bad for ignoring Bucky for a second, but then you remember what he had done to you and bring your mind back to the problem at hand.
_______
When the jet landed everyone went into there positions as Hydra attacked.
You and Wanda were a great pair. The two of you had a signature move you’d use almost every time that would make the two of you look bad ass.
You would lift a car and throw it Into the air and she would fling it as far as she could. And You could make each other fly, she would lift you up with her powers while you could yell so loud it would fly her into the air in seconds.
The two of you were beating everything in your way. Then you got into the building and your flow dropped.
There stood Bucky Barnes and Natasha Romanoff holding a petite blonde woman against a wall, right next to what was presumably her wheelchair. Your heart dropped when Bucky reeled his arm back to hit her.
“BUCKY!” You yelled so hard that the group flew backwards. You automatically rushed to the woman’s side and lifted her up to look at her face. She was trembling in your grasp. “Pl-please just let me go..” she said weakly You ripped off your mask and looked her in the eyes “Mom?”
“Mom?” Bucky said. Then angrily made his way walking towards you but you gave him a warning glare and he stopped.
“Y-y/n?” She said with a relieved smile, touching your face. “My baby girl, it’s been so long..”
you started walking away from her and towards Nat.
“Running away again?” her now sweet mother like voice turned cold and gruff.
You swiftly spin around to face her again, clenching your fists.
“They shot him in the head.” You said with every syllable. “Come again?” “They. Shot. Him. In. The. Head” you say now right in front of her face “I don’t know who-” “Dad.”
The blonde woman had a confused look but then started laughing uncontrollably. You step back, staring at her in disbelief. You feel Bucky touch your shoulder, “We can just leave her here…” You look at him “So she can reek more destruction on this world?” You turn back to your mom who is now wiping away a tear.
“That douche? He didn’t understand that you were born to be a weapon. Not his daughter. So since he was against everything he just… had to go!” She says finishing with more laughter.
You pull her up by her collar gripping your gun in your holster. “Oh this isn’t funny anymore? Why did you stop laughing?” You say to her.
“Shoot me.” “What?” “Shoot me in my skull like your father was.” “No.” “No? That’s a stupid mistake.” She says spitting in your face.
You throw her to the ground bitterly and cuff her to a pipe coming from the wall, then walking back to your teammates.
“Call in a jet with a cell.”
Natasha nods and walks off grabbing her phone.
“You’re making the right decision y/n.” Bucky says grasping on to the tips of your fingers.
you squeeze his hand smiling then turn back to your mother once again.
“Do you know the pain and struggle I’ve been going through all my life because of you? You were supposed to be my mom.” you say with your voice cracking.
she grins and sits up, “Oh honey… I’ll never be your mother.”
BANG!
A shot rang through the air and your mothers blood was splattered on the wall. You quickly ran to her side then turned around to see Bucky ducked by the door looking outside for the shooter.
“son of a BITCH!” you say standing up.
You felt your world stop when you heard another shot ring through the air. Bucky turned to you automatically, “B-bucky?” your body slowly fell to the ground
“Y/N!” he came to your side, holding you tight.
Then you saw your teammates come to your side.
Then everything was black.
_____________________
Later on you awoke in one of Tony’s hospital beds in a panic, you shot up thinking this was Hydra and winced in pain. “Woah woah y/n it’s okay. It’s me Bruce. You got shot in the gut, lay back down.” You lazily looked over at Bruce and saw Bucky sleeping in a chair behind him. You felt your lip curl up. “Hey Bruce.” You said laying back down and smiling up at him. “Hello y/n- "What did you think you were doing out there!” Bruce was just about to tell you about your injuries but then Tony and Steve busted through the door, waking Bucky in the process. The two of them were shouting at you non-stop like two worried parents until Bucky stepped in,
“WILL THE TWO OF YOU SHUT UP SHE JUST WOKE UP!” His voice came booming through your ears, stopping your heart for a second.
Tony and Steve stared at him but then Steve frowned and walked over to you, taking your hand. “I’m sorry y/n, it’s just- ” “We were scared.” Tony says cutting in.
You went to form words but a seemingly upset Bruce stepped in, “You two cannot bust into my lab when I was about to medicate and check y/n’s wounds. Now If you want to talk to y/n you’re going to have to wait and get out of here before I go green.” You shoot the group of men a 'please go’ look and they all leave in seconds
Bruce patches you all up and then lets in the bunch again. Tony and Steve give you a father like chat about things you shouldn’t do during a mission then you went back to your room.
there stood Bucky Barnes. A tear streamed down his cheek and he looked at you like you were his everything.
“Y/n, we need to talk.”
_____________________
Hey guys!
Please give me honest feedback, I’m new to reader fics and I feel like I used the word 'you’ about 500 times.I’m probably going to do a 3rd final part but please help me out by telling me what you think about this one, thank you!
Be strong soldier
(repost of own work) memories
Where’s the essay OP
Peter Parker, also known as the popular hero ‘Spider-Man’, is roughly 16-17 years old (in the timeline I’m using), meaning he was born in either 2001 or 2002. Contrary to popular belief, this places him firmly in the ‘Gen Z’ category, rather than in the millennial category than many place him in. By extrapolating this information, we can conclude that Peter Parker not only knows what a furry is, but has to constantly grapple with the fact that his spider-centric identity is, in fact, his fursona. In this essay I will—
Every night you´re out late while I am losing my mind
summary: You are out with your girls, and Bucky sits alone in his apartment when his mind wanders to a dark place. He doesn´t want to bother you but he needs to hear your voice.
paring: Buck x Reader (You, Y/N)
warnings: PTSD, mention of murder, mental illnesses, drinking
words: 2406
English is not my first language // I hope you can enjoy my little OS
Titel: Camilyo - love and hate
***
It was a normal day for him, at work he made jokes with Sam and Steve, had a good training session with Natasha and wrote his mission report for Fury. Than he went out for dinner with Sam and his nephews, who are in New York for vacation. But now he is home, in an empty apartment, he doesn´t switch the lights on, the lights of the city are bright enough for him. It is different than it used to be, back in the 1940´s, now the city is louder, faster, New York never sleeps and Bucky has the feeling he couldn´t either. At least not withour nightmares. Bucky grabs a glass and the bottle of scotch from the sidebord, than he sits down at the floor, next to the couch, which Steve gave him as a present for his last birthday. He fills his glass and takes a sip, his ganze is on the lights oft the city. He notices how his thoughts begin to circle, they wander to a dark place, Bucky has to distract himself somehow, befor it is to late. He takes his cell phone out oft the pocket of his jeans, unlocks it and goes to his last message, it was a short text from Y/N.
,,Hope you had a nice day at work, I´m out with the girls tonight, drinks and dancing. I´m looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.“
Bucky hasn´t answer to your text, but he knows you are not mad when he doesn´t response directly, you are used to it and Bucky explained that its not because he doesn´t like you or you are not important to him, he just doesn´t feel like texting sometimes. You understand him, like you always do.
Y/N and Bucky have only met for a few months, went on a couple of dates. First Bucky thought you only dated him because you wanted to annoy your father or wanted an adventure with an Avenger. But one evenig when you lay in his arms, the rain punded on the window of your bedroom, and you said that you like him, him off all people, and wanted to be his and only his Bucky knew that your weren´t lying or playing a game.
He sighs and finish his glass, the bitter taste burns in his throat, and he knows that the alcohol will hardly have any effect, thanks to the super soldiers serum in his veins he can´t really get drunk, same with the sleeping pills Stark gave him. He was able to sleep one hour without nightmares, than he wooke up, and feels like he hasn´t sleep in a week.
Bucky refills his glass, maybe it will work tonight and he will find some rest. He knows that it won´t. He isn´t sure but he has the feeling that his nightmares are worser at this nights you went out with your friends. He hates it when you go out, not because he doesn´t want that you have fun, because he knows how dangerous New York is, he knows how many murderers walk these streets, he is one of them. Bucky leans on the cold window and takes another sip. He close his eyes for a second, but a image of a shocked face appears, he doesn´t even know the name of this victim, he only knows that the Winder Soldier killed him. He hears the gun shot, that end this mens life. Even when he knows it is just in his head he flinches.
Bucky notices that his body is tense as broken glass falls on the foor and the scotch runs over his hand. In one quick movement he stand on his feet, restlessnes spreads in his stomach and cold sweat forms on his forehead. He tries to distract himself by turning on music, but the loud bass only causes headache, so he turns it off again.
He hears voices, screams of people who are not there.
Monster, Killer, Winter Solider. This is your fault. You are a monster, you are dangerous. You have not control over yourself. Hydra controls you, you are a just a weapon. Just a monster.
,,No.“ he screams into the empty, dark, apartment, the voices inside his head remain silent, but he knows that this can change every moment.
This night will be a hard night.
Bucky hates this nights, he hates beeing alone but he never ask for help. HE tries everything, therapy, reparation, even Steve´s weird notebook. But nothing helped, the voices keep coming back, the fear keeps coming back, and the nightmares nerver leave.
He takes a deep breath and tries to concentrate, not all night are that bad. Some nights are almost good. Two weeks ago he even managed to sleep through the whole night without nightmares. m
It was the first night Y/N slept in his arms, usually Bucky always goes home in the evening, or he brings you to their doorstep after they have spent the evening at his place. Y/N always says it is ridiculous and that she can take an Uber, but Bucky doesn´t trust strangers, and he wants to make sure that you got home safely.
But that day you had a hard day at work and fell asleep on the couch during a movie, you looking so peaceful and calm that Bucky couldn´t bring himself to wake you up. And if he´s honest, he enjoyes the feeling of holding you in his arms.
The next morning you apologizes a hundred times, not only because you slept through your datenight, but also because you know that Bucky doesn´t want you to spend the night at his place. He had explain it by saying that he was raised in an old fashioned way and that he wants to take it slow.
And you understood, like you always did, you are not pushing him to do anything he is not ready for.
It wasn´t a lie, but it wasn´t the whole truth either.
Bucky doesn´t like the idear of one night stands, or polygamy. It´s not that he´s never been with a woman, but sleeping with someone still means something to him. He needs to connect with a person befor he really let himself go.
But there was something else. He is afraid, afraid of himself, what he can do. Sometimes, when he wakes up from one of his nightmares, he doesn´t know that he isn´t with HYDRA anymore, sometimes he thinks for a second that he is still the Winter Soldier. And he is afraid that he could hurt you in this moments. He didn´t tell you that part, he never talks about his nightmares or his past. He doesn´t want you to know that he is a monster.
Maybe hearing your voice will calm him enough, so he can spend a few hours laying at his couch without the voices in his head. Bucky digs for his cell phone, but instead of calling you, he hesitates. He knows that your friends, doesn´t like him very much. They know that you are too good for him. You are smart, kind an beautiful, you got to college, meet up with friends, have a food job at a publishing company, in short you are amazing. And he is just a 106 year old soldier who knew nothing but fighting and pain. He is someone who is constantly away, sometimes unavailable for days when a mission gets complicated. And he does not understand anything about your peacefull and normal world. You are too good for him, he knows this, your friends knows this. And Bucky is scared oft he day you finally notice it too.
You are just a monster. Stay away form her or you will hurt her. You don´t deserve her. Bucky tries not to listen to the quiet voice and calls you.
He doesn´t want to spoil your evening. He just wants to hear your voice for a moment, then he would be better. It takes endless minutes before you answer the call.
,,Hello Sergeant. Miss me so much that you couldn´t wait until tomorrow?“ you sound happy, and Bucky notices how calm flows through him. He hears loud music and a lot of people around you.
,,Yes.“ he says. ,,Sorry for bothering you, I just wanted to hear your voice.“
,,You never bothering me Bucks. Wait a second, I go somewhere where it´s quieter so we can talk better.“ Bucky hears how you move away from the loud music and the people, probably away from your friends. ,,Im back. Is everything okay? Problems at work? Do you have to go on another mission?“
,,No, not a new mission, I just…“ he interrupts himself. Does he really want to drag you into the darkness of his thoughts? Does he want to drag you from your perfect world into his destroyed one? No he doesn´t.,,I just wanted to hear your voice sweetheart.“
,,You lie. Something is wrong.“ why does you know him that well? Why can you always say when he is lying? ,,Are you at home?“
,,Yes.“
,,Good, I am on my way.“
,,What? No you don´t have to come.“
,,I know, but I want it. So stay were you are. I am at your place in 20 minutes.“ you end the call and Bucky sighs. That is exactly what he doesn´t want. He ruined your evening with your friends.
Like you always did, you ruined everything. He took a deep breath. It was a mistake, he souldn´t have called you. How is he supposed to explain to you what´s going on in his mind? Why he can´t sleep? Without having to tell you what he did and how many people he murdered. If you kenw who he really is, you would run away from him, and he couldn´t even blame you for that. If he could, he would run too. Suddenly all energy left his body and Bucky sinks back to his place next to the couch. His bottel still stands there, he grabs it and takes a long drink.
You open the door with the key Bucky gave you, it was actually meant so you can water the one plant that is in his apartment when he is on long missions. But secretly Bucky wanted to show you that he trusts you an means it seriously with you. He can express something like this better with deeds than with words.
,,Bucks?“ the first thing you do was turn on the light, the small apartment is flooded with light and your eyes searching for Bucky, he sits on the floor next to his couch. ,,What happend? Are you alright?“ Your voice sound a bit scared and you runs to him to kneel beside him.
,,You shoulden´t have come.“ he says, you look in his sad eyes. You doesn´t really understand what happend and why he is in such a bad mood.
,,You are doing badly. What happend?“ you ask again, but he shakes his head. He still doesn´t know how to explain it to you. You sighs and sit down a little more comfortably. ,,You´re drunk?“
,,You know that I practically can´t get drunk.“ his voice sounds scratchy and heavy, but your´re glade that he starts talking.
,,I know.“ you say, than you slide a little closer to him. You carefully tap his metal arm with one finger, Bucky understands and lift it up so you can lean against his chest an he can put his arm around you. The metal feels cold on your skin, but you don´t mind. ,,Do you want to tell me what happened?“ you ask softly.
,,Nothing happened.“ he replies, you tense up slightly in his arms, because even if you understand that he does not always talk about the things that concern him, it
still hurts.
,,Okay, we do not have to talk.“
Bucky notices the change in your posture and the sadness in your voice.
,,No, I mean nothing special happened. Sometimes I feel like this. It´s complicated. Y/N please, I don´t know how to explain it to you. But please do not be mad.“
,,I am not mad. I just try to understand you. Why did you call, if you didn´t want me to come here?“
,,I wanted to hear your voice. It´s calms me, you calms me and the voices diappear.“
,,Which voices?“
,,In my head. I know its sounds like I am crazy and probably I am crazy.“
Both of you are silent for a while, you listen to his breathing and after a while he continues. ,,Before I became an Avenger, I worked for pretty bad people, I worked for HYDRA. They manipulated my mind and make me murdere for them. They made me the Winter Soldier, a monster. And I have the feeling this monster is still inside me, the voices and the nightmares reminds me that I can´t just pretend that I am not a killer anymore. I can´t run away from myself.“
His grip on your shoulder has tightened a little during his monologue, as if he wants to make sure you are still there. The whole time he hasn´t lookes at you, his ganze is somwherein the black night in front of the window. ,,I can understand when you want to go now and never see me again.“
,,Can I decide that by myself?“ you ask and straighten up little to give him a kiss on his lips, he flinches at the light touch ans closes his eyes.
,,I am dangerous Y/N, I could hurt you. Don´t you inderstand? I am a monster, a killer.“
,,No! You are James Bucky Barnes, you are an Avenger, a hero! It doesn´t matter where you was, I don´t care. I only care about the person you are now, and this person is kind and considerate. You are a good man, the best man I ever met in my life. You are the man I love.“
,,You love me?“ you see the tears in his eyes and your heart almost bursts, how can someone like him think that he doesn´t deserve to be loved.
,,Of course I love you.“
Bucky smiles at you and pulls you close for a kiss. ,,You should run away from me.“ he says, his lips are only millimeters away from yours.
,,Never Sergeant Barnes, you are my hero.“
,,I love you Y/N.“
The one that got away
When he’s away
Pairing: Bucky x Reader
Summary: Bucky gave you two things to do while he was away. Staying safe proved to be the harder of the two.
Word count: 2.7k
Warnings: Angst, mild violence, some language
Masterlist
You’re pretty sure Bucky is going to kill you. He gave you two things to do while he was away for his month-long surveillance mission. The first was to take down the Christmas tree that had been up for far too long. You thought it was cute but unfortunately, he did not. Not to brag or anything, but you got that done on the first day he left.
The second thing was to stay safe. Now, arguably, this is out of your hands for the most part. You know he meant not to stay out too late, make sure to lock the door, always be aware of your surroundings, but staying safe is almost an impossible feat in New York City.
Your shared apartment is right down the street from a group of rugged looking teens that you are kinda scared of, and literally a week before Bucky left, your downstairs neighbors got into a physical altercation over misplaced mail that had the police banging on the door. New York City definitely isn’t one of the safest places in the world, but you always have Bucky with you.
He always has a hand on your back when the sidewalks get too busy. He’ll pull you to his chest when a cyclist gets too close to the curb and you’re too busy reading the sticker someone slapped on the crosswalk to notice. He always makes you sit closest to the door on the subway, just in case he needs to get you both out at the next stop. Your least favorite thing is when he threatens the men who sit on the steps and catcall you, but hey, it gets the job done.
Maybe you got a little too comfortable knowing he was always there to watch out for you. His head on a constant swivel to make sure his best girl was safe, even when you were too oblivious to notice. Maybe if you hadn’t gotten so used to that, you would have noticed the man following you home before you led him straight to your front door.
Weiterlesen
I know there is hope in these waters, but I can’t bring myself to swim, when I am drowning in this silence.
everyone please read the winter soldier (2018) bucky has a cool beard
bucky to sam: stop being so mean to me or i swear to god i’m gonna fall in love with you!
sam: sorry i’m late, i was doing stuff
bucky, bursting through the door behind him: HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS
bucky: i got called gay in walmart today
sharon: what? what happened?
bucky: i got called gay in walmart
sharon: yeah but why?
bucky: i was making out with sam
sharon: in walmart?
bucky: yeah it was in walmart