On Growing Up - Tumblr Posts
Sometimes it hits me right in the face just how lonely I am. I am so lonely. Do you know how it feels? To exist in a world where you know that nobody knows you closely, not even a little bit? To know that if you died today, nobody would know what your favorite movie was or what your favorite song was or how you like your tea? Do you really know how it feels? To watch your friends spend their weekends together, laughing and going out, while you sit in your room rotting away? To eat dinner alone every lonesome night while you hear the echoes of your family in the dining room? I am isolated, so othered. It is not just that I am lonely. I no longer feel like a person, I feel as though I do not exist. Each day it feels as though I am being erased. I am the only one who can preserve me. I am the only one who can remember my favorite movie and my favorite song and how I like my tea. If I forget those details, they are gone. I exist only within the realm of myself. If I am removed from the equation, I do not exist. Do you understand? Do you really, truly get it?
around this table sit children on the edge of the rest of the world, completely unaware tomorrow they will not be children.
but we are kids today, and that's enough.
‘don’t wish your youth away’ they say, but i did wish to grow up fast, and i’m happy here. i like growing up and growing old. i’m excited to experience life and have grey hair. i’m excited to live and see the passing of life reflected in my own skin.
anyway I love things like having independence, being intelligent, taking pride in my skills, not feigning incompetence, referring to myself as a woman instead of a girl, aging unapologetically, having pores, stretch marks, grey hairs, wrinkles and body fat, listening to my body's needs, eating as much as I need to satisfy my hunger, being bare-faced, wearing comfortable clothes, etcetera
Sylvia Plath, from The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath
Baie | she/they | unlabled | 18
– currently listening to: 'david melrose theme' by hauschka, smokey eyes by lincoln, along with elias hix, hozier, noah kahan, gang of youths – currently reading: all the light we cannot see by anthony doerr and phosphorecence by julia baird
welcome
hello :> it's general chaos around here. possibly some web weaving of my own floating about. but there's not much else to it
about me: australian!! 2006. lover of love and life. infj 4w5. very in love ᰔᩚ chaotic good! rediscovering and building my faith :) lqbtqia+
academia: graduated '23!! starting my double degree in ‘24! slowly self-teaching japanese ᰔᩚ. chaotic academia by blood
the goal: bachelor criminology and criminal justice + psychological science (and maybe cybercrime in the future?)
master list
(links are broken atm, but the tags are correct)
#poems and quotes
#ineptias loqour (my posts)
#study log
#media
#artwork
#music
#musings (a fav of mine)
#meme
#not a meme but that same category of posts
#on christianity
#letters to myself
#that one type of green
#web weaving
#anderson don’t talk out loud. you lower the iqueue of the whole street. (queue tag)
added this section with the tags i use most often so i can find posts later, everything else is just #on *thing* and frankly i can't be bothered with that.
will possibly add links to fandoms and reads... not sure yet. it would be good to have an active list of all the books i read and enjoyed enough to keep a list of…. here’s a short list of fandomesque things tho: sherlock, rwby, bts/kpop, d20, sk8 the infinity, good omens, epic the musical, lore olympus webtoon, loki series, fnaf,
books would include: archives of despair by caleb finn, hamlet, good omens, throne of glass series, embassy row series, the song of achilles by madeline miller, they both die at the end duology, the inheritance games series, shadow and bone+six of crows, everything by alice oseman
music as well perhaps? hozier, bts, ericdoa, noah kahan, glaive, cage the elephant, lizzy mcalpine, cave town, mccafferty, chase atlantic, brakence, eden, the front bottoms, (it’s all over the place… just not much country music tbh)
here’s the old intro post, haven't decided what to do with it yet
⊹˚₊ ૮꒰•༝ •。꒱ა
ik this is a new account, but i’ve been here since july 2020 <3
for what i have done and failed to do i am sorry.
Ohhhhhj so the childhood self doesn't disappear forever they come back as a ghost when you are struggling to break into adulthood and sit with you during your lunch break so you're not alone. Alright
yes i want to stab my teenage self through the heart yes i want to take her in my arms and hold her close for the rest of eternity. what about it
I cannot emphasize this enough as a practical life skill: learn how to say no to authority figures. Learn how to tell them that nothing they can do to you will change your mind. Disappoint your parents. You have to live your own life.
home is the first grave // until i gather the strenth to drag my bones out the front door my soul will haunt these shadowed halls. the kitchen echos of angrily washed dishes and silent mornings, the living room reverberates arguments past and loud screams. the room is filled with quiet sobs and repeated whispers, just once more then you’ll be done, just hold on once more. but it’s once more in the same way that soon will never be here and then is never now.
Childhood made everything feel like it lingered. The time it took for hot chocolate to cool down was eternal. Christmas day took weeks. The two-hour drive to my grandparents' house took us to a new world. It's all too fast now.
