Notprojustusehashtags - Tumblr Posts
I just feel like i dont want this bad enough bcs i just fucking binged. And i didnt even think twice before i showed the handful of crisps down my fucking throat. God i hate myself. Im such a fucking pig.
I feel like i've been going back and forth in the last few days. I haven't posted since the binge a couple of nights ago.But schools just really stressing me out.But yeah I did 22/2 fasts for the last 2 days. Skipping breakfast and lunch was supprisingly easy but i do have to eat dinner with my family. I also went jogging for two days in row and I'm gonna try and go out tonight as well. Also been getting really dizzy, but ig that means i'm doing something right so i just ignore it.
Anyways im gonna try updating on my daily kcal intake and the workouts i did that day.
I've lost quite alot of weight and i'm quite happy, but still the fear of gaining it all back sits in the back of my mind, waiting for the day i get over my calorie limit so it can inveigh me about it, drive me to mark my thighs with scars that scream i hate myself.
It's so scary, but it is me who chose this, it is me who does this to myself, which makes it even more frightening.
Some of my favourite thinspo
Some daily thinspo 4 myself:)
My pfp will forever be my fav thinspo idc
These last couple of days have been so tough
I think i've lost my period, and ihqven't been able to poop for around 3 weeks now:/
I went to see a dermatologist because my skin has been just horrible and she basically told me i've got to eat more.I wish i didn't go because now i don't have an excuse to not eat as little as i used to.I went with my dad who is now making me eat 'for him' so i am basically being forced into recovery without even making it to my GW1:/ I'm still not sick enough. I'm not skinny enough to recover.
But i saw two of my friends i didn't see in a very long time and they both said i look smaller so that felt kind of nice :,)
Some thinspo for the tl
First time weighing myself after the binge a couple of days ago, and im back at it again thank god lol. BUT im still very teriffied for tge next 3 days like what do i do , i can't purge after every meal and i doubt ill be able to work out so like tf am i suppoesed to doooo??!??!?
I miss the early stages of my ed where i never even thought of bingeing, burned of every cal consumed, now i am just this big fat mess who cant resist food,like i binge twice a week now and cry about it all the time i hate myself and my nonexistent willpower i keep on gaining and droping the same 4 kg its so embarassing:/
Okay i finally gained some self control looked at lw pics of myself cried a lot, ate a disgusting amount of food wich made me gain 9kg!!! I HATE MY SELF FOR IT.So i decided to get back on track for real this time. I haven't eaten anything since monday and im *trying* to workout daily. Im not giving up untilim at my ugw and this time i wont let myself go. Everyone is having dinner now and im sitting here looking at thinspo and drinkig water, i do kinda feel superior ngl.
Im kinda scared Im going home tommorow and i have to eat. Im scared it will turn into a binge. Gotta be careful,dont want to be fat again lol. Im gonna meal plan tonighttt
ED culture is having your whole day ruined because you ate a slice of pizza
I'm super tired/depressed and I don't feel like exercising but I have to because the critical voice in my head tells me to :/ maybe I'll feel better afterwards?
Oh my goddd I binged
Why did I do that? Why did I do that? Why? I didn't have enough self-control to ignore the cookies and I knew I would hate myself after eating them but I decided to anyway and now I want to purge but at the same time I know that purging is bad and I REGRET THIS SO MUCH. I swear tomorrow I will exercise until I drop and eat nothing. So mad.