Moving Forward - Tumblr Posts - Page 2

After a three day vacation I'm back at work. Sometimes I hate how life goes on.

I don’t read books backwards.

don't stress about that opportunity that fell through or that friend you lost or that thing you really want to happen but isn't. as long as you keep your chin up and try try try again, better things will replace your losses. i'm looking at my life rn and actually marveling at how every single thing i stressed about, whether it be an opportunity or a person, got supplanted w another thing that is so much better. it really is true that loss makes space for better things. these days i don't get sad when something doesn't work out. i get excited that i'm now open to so many other possibilities out there, so long as i actively seek them. you never lack. you just transition.

Extremist

I don't do things halfway, I don't do them slowly, or quietly at all.

I don't feel little things.

I feel all the feelings.

All at once.

All Aboard The Ativan

I don't ask about him any more; though there are fleeting temptations. I don't look for his truck at the bar or duck my head when I walk into the store. Some nights I stay in again, do laundry, pay my bills.

I am learning to live in the sound of an empty house again and not be scared by my own heartbeat.

DISAPPOINTMENTS AND FAILURES ARE INEVITABLE.

But then again, maybe these failures are what God gives us to make us stronger. It may really hurt us and we may think that life isn't going in OUR DESIRED direction, but HIS PLANS for us are what's more important.

The time it will take to arrive at the top of the mountain may exceed our time frame and may exhaust us, but at the end of the day, He will bring all of it to a pass.

I will get there, hopefully and eventually. 

I am afraid no longer, because I know that You are with me, because I am equipped, and because I can.  Jeremiah 29:11! 

Embracing the Path of Healing: Moving On from Pain

Shaina Tranquilino

September 26, 2023

Life is an amalgamation of happiness and pain, joy and heartache. While some experiences bring us immense pleasure and fulfillment, others leave us broken, struggling to find solace amidst the fragments of our shattered hopes. However, it is essential to remember that pain does not define us; rather, it serves as a catalyst for growth and resilience. In this blog post, we will explore the transformative journey of moving on from pain and emerging stronger than ever.

1. Acknowledge the Pain:

The first step towards healing is acknowledging the pain you are going through. Denying or burying your emotions will only prolong the healing process. Acceptance allows you to confront your feelings head-on, enabling psychological and emotional growth.

2. Allow Yourself to Grieve:

Grieving is a natural response to loss or emotional distress. Give yourself permission to mourn over what was lost - be it a relationship, dream, or any other significant aspect of your life. Cry if you need to; let your emotions flow freely without judgment.

3. Seek Support:

Remember that you don't have to face your pain alone. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or even professional counselors who can provide guidance and lend a listening ear during vulnerable moments. Surround yourself with positive influences who uplift and empower you throughout your healing journey.

4. Practice Self-Compassion:

Often, we harshly judge ourselves during tough times, adding unnecessary burdens to our already heavy hearts. Be kind and gentle with yourself by practicing self-compassion. Treat yourself with love, understanding that everyone stumbles along their path at some point in life.

5. Rediscover Your Identity:

Pain has an uncanny ability to overshadow our true selves. Use this opportunity for introspection and rediscovery; reconnect with activities or hobbies that bring joy into your life. Focus on personal growth and self-care, nurturing both your physical and emotional well-being.

6. Embrace Forgiveness:

Forgiveness is a powerful healing tool that frees us from the shackles of pain. Forgive those who have caused you harm, but most importantly, learn to forgive yourself. Understand that mistakes are part of being human and allow room for personal growth without carrying the weight of regret.

7. Set New Goals:

Moving on involves envisioning a new future filled with hope and purpose. Set meaningful goals that align with your values and aspirations. These objectives will not only motivate you but also serve as beacons of light guiding you towards a brighter tomorrow.

8. Cultivate Gratitude:

In moments of despair, it can be challenging to find gratitude amidst the chaos. However, consciously practicing gratitude can shift your perspective and empower you to see beauty in the simplest moments of life. Count your blessings daily, focusing on what brings happiness into your world.

Though moving on from pain may seem like an uphill battle, remember that healing is not linear. It requires patience, resilience, and self-compassion. By acknowledging your pain, seeking support, practicing self-care, rediscovering yourself, embracing forgiveness, setting new goals, and cultivating gratitude - you will emerge stronger than ever before. In time, wounds heal, hearts mend, and the scars we carry become beautiful reminders of our ability to persevere through adversity.

Embracing Redemption: A Journey to Healing Regret and Embracing Your Past Mistakes Shaina Tranquilino February 27, 2024

Regret is a powerful and universal emotion that everyone experiences at some point in their lives. Whether it's a decision that led to unintended consequences or a choice that we wish we could take back, regret has a way of lingering in our minds, casting a shadow on our present and future. However, it's important to recognize that healing from regret is not only possible but also a crucial step toward personal growth and self-discovery. In this blog post, we will explore the process of healing regret and how to embrace your past mistakes as catalysts for positive change.

Acceptance: The first step towards healing regret is accepting the reality of your past mistakes. It's natural to feel a range of emotions – guilt, shame, disappointment – but dwelling on these feelings without acceptance can hinder your ability to move forward. Acknowledge your actions, take responsibility for them, and understand that mistakes are a part of the human experience.

Learn and Reflect: Mistakes, no matter how painful, are valuable lessons in disguise. Take the time to reflect on the circumstances that led to your decisions and understand the underlying motivations. What can you learn from the experience? How can you use this knowledge to make better choices in the future? Learning from your mistakes transforms regret into a tool for personal development.

Practice Self-Compassion: It's essential to be kind to yourself during the healing process. Understand that everyone makes mistakes, and self-compassion is crucial for personal growth. Avoid self-criticism and negative self-talk, as these only perpetuate feelings of regret. Treat yourself with the same empathy and understanding you would offer a friend facing a similar situation.

Seek Forgiveness: If your mistakes have affected others, seeking forgiveness can be a crucial step in the healing process. Apologize sincerely, express remorse, and be open to understanding the impact of your actions on those around you. While forgiveness may not be immediate or guaranteed, the act of seeking it demonstrates your commitment to growth and change.

Focus on the Present: While it's essential to learn from the past, dwelling on it excessively can hinder your ability to enjoy the present and plan for the future. Shift your focus to the present moment, appreciating the opportunities for positive change that exist every day. Set realistic goals, cultivate healthy habits, and surround yourself with supportive relationships.

Embrace Change: Regret can serve as a powerful catalyst for change. Use it as motivation to redefine your priorities, values, and goals. Embracing change requires a willingness to step outside your comfort zone, but it also opens the door to new possibilities and opportunities for personal and professional growth.

Healing regret and embracing your past mistakes is a transformative journey that requires self-reflection, acceptance, and a commitment to positive change. By learning from your mistakes, practicing self-compassion, seeking forgiveness, and focusing on the present, you can turn regret into a stepping stone toward a more fulfilling and purposeful life. Remember, your past does not define you, but your ability to grow from it shapes your future.

Marching Forward: Embracing Progress and Growth Shaina Tranquilino March 1, 2024

The concept of "marching forward" encapsulates the essence of progress, resilience, and the unstoppable force of human determination. Much like a steadfast army advancing toward victory, marching forward is an expression of our collective will to overcome challenges, learn from experiences, and embrace growth. In this blog post, we explore the significance of marching forward and the transformative power it holds in our personal and collective narratives. Resilience in the Face of Adversity:

Life is replete with challenges and setbacks. However, the ability to march forward despite adversity is a testament to human resilience. Every stumble, failure, or obstacle encountered on our journey can be seen as an opportunity for growth. By facing challenges head-on and persisting through difficulties, we not only build resilience but also develop a deeper understanding of our capabilities. Learning from the Past:

Marching forward also involves a conscious reflection on the past. It's about acknowledging mistakes, learning from experiences, and using those lessons as stepping stones toward a better future. The past serves as a guide, providing valuable insights into what worked, what didn't, and how we can improve. By taking those lessons to heart, we can make informed decisions as we continue our march forward. Embracing Change and Innovation:

To march forward is to be open to change and innovation. In a rapidly evolving world, clinging to the status quo can hinder progress. Embracing change allows us to adapt, evolve, and stay ahead of the curve. Whether in personal growth or societal development, a willingness to innovate is key to navigating the complexities of the modern era. Setting Goals and Moving Toward Them:

A crucial aspect of marching forward is having a clear direction. Setting goals provides a sense of purpose and fuels our forward momentum. These goals act as beacons, guiding us through the journey of life. Whether they are personal aspirations, career objectives, or societal milestones, having a vision propels us toward continuous improvement. Collective Progress:

The power of marching forward is amplified when embraced collectively. Societal progress relies on the shared commitment of individuals to move forward together. As a united force, we can address global challenges, promote social justice, and create a better world for future generations. The strength of a community lies in its ability to march forward in solidarity.

In the symphony of life, the rhythm of marching forward is the heartbeat of progress. It embodies the spirit of resilience, the wisdom gained from experiences, the adaptability to change, the pursuit of goals, and the strength found in unity. As we navigate the uncharted terrain of our individual and collective journeys, let us remember that the act of marching forward is not just a physical movement; it is a mindset—a commitment to growth, improvement, and the relentless pursuit of a brighter future. So, let us lace up our metaphorical boots, face the challenges before us, and continue marching forward with unwavering determination.

Sometimes you must accept defeat and the end of something that was special. Something that you believed in so bad.. for the sake of your heart and peace of mind.

Love gets recycled.

To my anxiously attached people, that is me. The love that you poured into another individual will get recycled. You will love again. You will love again. The ache will get dull over time, I promise. If you went through a break-up recently and you were a very crafty person, trust that you will be able to go back to your crafts without thinking about them. One day you will actually stop thinking about them and trust me when I say this, it will feel so weird. It will be another type of ache but it is much better than the ache of heart break.

I don't know who wrote this. That's the whole point of the unsent project but I resonate with it so much. The person that changed my views on life, on love, on myself, her name starts with a G. The thing is I could lay here in my bed and keep typing and typing about her but I am not gonna do that.

There is a saying, where attention goes, energy flows. This person doesn't deserve my energy anymore. I genuinely wish her the best now but I will not allow myself to be consumed by someone who isn't mine anymore. I would like to think that some part of her is still mine, that maybe in the future we'll make it right and love again but truth is that is just my delusions talking.

To whoever is reading this right now, if you are hung up on someone, please know that at the end of the day all they are is a person, an individual, a human. We have 8 billons of those on this earth. I know that when we love someone, they become everything. They are everything to us but please remember that without your attention, that person isn't actually special. The only thing making them special is your fixation on them. If you wanna heal. Let that fixation go. Let those day dreams go. It sucks. But it works and it's worth it.

I don't believe that God has a physical form.

As a Muslim, we know that God doesn't have a physical form that we can see or touch yet. But while I lay here with a dull ache in my heart, I tried imagining being held in someone's arms. Something to soothe that ache. But then I got this image in my head. A warm blanket of light, of noor, being wrapped around me. I felt a warm feeling spread inside of my body.

That's the same feeling that I used to have whenever I prayed Tahajjud.

God will find a way back into your life and no matter what, you will always end up appreciating it.

I am okay without you..

For months.. I prayed, sobbed, and pleaded with any and all deity to make me feel okay without you and now I am actually okay without you.

It feels strange. I know that in the morning there will be no 'good morning' text and that doesn't hurt me anymore. I am able to have a good day even without you. I rarely think of you. It's so strange...I spent so much time building you up in my mind and now you're still in my life but somehow it doesn't affect me anymore. I thought this would feel good but it doesn't. it doesn't feel bad either, just strange. Life is just strange without you and I like it. Thank you for leaving, it was needed.

No, you don't still love her.

No, she isn't the one.

No, it wasn't just bad timing.

No, giving it another try won't work.

No. No. No.

I'm sorry love, she just isn't the one for you and I know you love her so much but she's not worth it.

The idealised version of her that you have created in your mind deserves your love. Her true self doesn't deserve it in the slightest.

How can you say that you've moved on ?

I no longer include her in my future planning. She has no place in my life anymore. No role to fill, no house to share, no kids to raise. Nothing.

The temp agency called with a job in a wood mill. I took it. My first day is tomorrow, then it's a full week M-F. They may decide to renew after that.

This is a relief because unlike the restaurant job there's no expectation I'll stay long term. My biggest worry is that a 40 hour week of manual labor may be more than my body can handle. If I can handle it, I'll stick with this job as long as it lasts or until January 30.

Why January 30? Because I'm eligible for unemployment aid then, and my counselor wants to get me on track for the nursing assistant certification program. I had the best conversation with her about it today. Plus! Omg you guys. Plus ! She was totally appalled at how my social worker has been (not) handling my attempts to move to the hour away city. And she called someone she knows in the office that kept referring me back to my same (not very helpful) social worker. And she talked to the person who agreed my application should get priority, so now I have a big form to fill out and mail to the person in the office and *we may finally be able to move* which would open up *so many things*.

For a year and four months I worked as an in home caregiver for people with severe disabilities. There were parts of my job I liked a lot and parts that were very frustrating, but overall it was unsustainable because I had to commute for an hour to the city and then during the day I'd have to go from one home to another. I was not paid for that time. So I was earning a part time salary but I was gone from home 60+ hours a week. I was utterly exhausted.

I found a job just 3km away from home, working at a long term care facility for elderly people who are still fairly autonomous. Reader, it was a shitshow. This has been independently verified; the government agency that evaluates these places failed the facility.

Anyway, I was going to hang in there because they had promised to put me through a nursing assistant certification. At the end of my 30 trial period they fired me. Mind you they never trained me for any part of the job. When I asked questions I got answers ranging from sarcastic to nasty. And no one ever gave me any feedback. So yeah I'm sure I fcked things up but I'm also not a mind-reader and a heads up would have helped. Anyway. Because I quit the previous job and worked only thirty days I'm ineligible for unemployment aid. You have to have worked at least 91 days after quitting a job.

It's been two weeks. I have lost track of how many jobs I have applied for. I have three kids. One has a birthday in November, then there's Christmas, and then another has a birthday in January. I'm stressing so hard. I had a job interview today at a long term care facility for dependent elderly people but it's in the hour-away city and the bus schedule doesn't fit with their shifts. The managing nurse is going to see if she can make it work when she does the schedules for November and December over the weekend. I find out on Monday.

So, this is me. It is 6am and I have just gotten back from only my second gym session in recent times. I don’t look glorious, don’t have perfect lighting, I don’t have a rippling six pack or bulging muscles or ‘movie star’ good looks. I’m short, there are bags under my eyes, I have a spare tyre or two. I haven’t tried to find a flattering angle or worn something that hides those things. But for the first time in years, I am actually starting to be happy with what I see in the mirror. Sure, there are things that I want to change. I am sure that is true of anyone. For years I have suffered with depression, anxiety and a general self loathing that has made it difficult to lead the life I want to lead. In my brain, I was a terrible person who no one would want to spend time with if they got to know me. I had no personality and no positive traits that people would enjoy when they were with me. My solution to this was to never let people get close enough to hurt me. I hid myself away from events that I didn’t want to go to or that would have too many people at and made excuses for the vast majority of invites that I got to go anywhere. I kept myself to safe, familiar activities which I could predict and control. I didn’t really make new friends or begin any of the new things I really wanted to try. I managed to hide everything from those around me. At work, I put on a suit of armour that hid the real me from everyone around me. I hid behind my professional role and allowed myself to be seperate. I didn’t tell family - after all, they all had their own worries. I wouldn’t want to give them something else to be worried about. I barely had any real friends left and those I saw so infrequently that all I had to do was put on an act for a few hours. I had closed myself off to everything I really enjoyed and from people I enjoyed being around. I had created a viscious cycle of loneliness in an attempt to protect myself when the threat was always coming from within. I hated myself and as a result I couldn’t see a reason why anyone else would think any differently.

In the last couple of weeks, I have finally been able to see that the only person rejecting me was me. And so here I am. Rebooting this blog as I reboot my life. As I begin to get back in to things that I enjoy. As I begin to look after my body and try to heal my mind. I would like this to be a record for myself of that journey. A way of being accountable to myself for the steps and the progress that I make as well as encouragment for those times that are difficult. But if anyone reading this identifies, wants to encourage, finds some truths inside of it or is on the same journey, I would be happy to engage with anyone.