Dysfunctional Family - Tumblr Posts
Page 1.1
Story and characters by: @galaxyravenwolfx
Read the fanfic this is based off of: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11046165/chapters/24624753?view_adult=true
Previous: https://camiecomics.tumblr.com/post/691041323534483456/show-chapter-archive
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Beginning: https://camiecomics.tumblr.com/post/689595174457901057/show-chapter-archive
it's interesting that despite all being the same age you can see a clear division of younger and older siblings within the Hargreeves siblings.
With five it's more obvious despite being mentally far older than all of them he looks like a child he looks like their much younger brother did when they lost him and so they treated him as such. But you can see that level out now to they still treat him like a younger brother but give him space to be an adult.
But for the other siblings that all remain the same age it's a nice little look into how parentification of the higher numbers and the wombification of the lowers ones by Hargreeves insane parenting methods created an artificial sibling age hierarchy amongst children of the same age.
Which is also why ben doesn't fit. He was number 6 to them but he was number 2 in his own family. They want to baby him but he is used to being looked to as an elder. it's also why him and Diego seem to clash the most can't be two number twos with complexes about being number two in the family it fucks the whole shit up
killing myself is not enough, I wish I never existed in the first place
There is love in my mother's disapproval.
It is there in the way she looks at me,
The way she loathes my existence.
It's not visible but it's there.
There is love in my father's resentment.
It is there in the way he talks to me,
The way he is ashamed of me.
It's not apparent but it's there.
There is love in my family.
It is there in broken dreams.
It is there in domestic scars.
So much love that you almost mistake it for hate.
The grave that I call my home
Where love doesn't exist.
The monster that I call my father
For whom peace doesn't exist.
The demon that I call my mother
For whom compassion doesn't exist.
The nightmare that I call my world
For which I dont exist.
The despair that I call myself
For whom joy doesnt exist.
The curse that I call my life
Where living doesn't exist.
What is family if not hate disguised as love
Tw: eating disorders and self harm
The monsters in my head. They won't leave.
An empty stomach. A grave where I live.
Scars on my thighs. A strange relief.
A disconsolate existence. A sigh of grief
My shattered childhood. It haunts me still
Whimpers of pain. A broken will.
Venomous family. Full of greed.
Begged you to stop it. It never did.
If I believed in god I would ask him why he did this to me.
But I do not.
If I believed in myself I would ask me how I let this happen.
But I do not
If to love is to rest then I will perceive death for you.
For what greater form of rest do we know than to lie in the cold, dark earth forever?
Dear universe
At 13 I thought that the universe hates me. For it made me tainted and it made me unlovable. Perhaps it was true; or perhaps I was just 13. Now I finally see that there are things that actually love me.
The darkness holds me still and grief kisses my hand. The demons in my head tell me it'll be fine. And hunger kind of always stays along with this unbearable ache. Longing lingers like a lonely child and sinister thoughts eat me up inside. Years of misery and wishing to be dead. Screams of terror and weeps of fate. But dear universe I wont complain. For dear universe I still am loved.
I hate my sisters, you’re probably thinking "Nooo, you don’t hate them you just dislike them.".
No, I truly despise them. While my mother is killing herself worrying about them, I’m the one suffering.
I can’t get the proper attention, education, nor can I get the sibling love I so fucking want because of them and their selfish behavior.
; the phrase " no one can bully my sibling(s) but ME !! " and others like that js .. Like I'm sorry ?? what ?? Like I have siblings, I know what it's MEANT to mean and that it's MEANT to be light hearted and ungenuine. But I've seen FAR too many cases where someone will genuinely bully their sibling(s) and instead of anyone saying " excuse me wtf ?? " It's js people being like:
; " that's siblings for you lol !! "
; or if anyone does object it's all " found the only child !! " like !?? UHHH ??? No, that's js bullying !! That's js fucking mean and fucked up and in some cases straight up abuse !! Like fuck that, that's not very sibling of you. That's not very decent being of you. What the fuck go apologise and then take the cactus that's apparently in your ass out and fucking eat it. ( pt: eat it :end pt )
I find it really funny that I’m all three problem child-with siblings trope all at once. I am
A. The middle child who’s too young to have a valid opinion and too old to be excused from the rules
B. The younger sibling who grew up hearing how perfect their older sibling is and how they should be more like them
C. The burnt-out older child who was always told as a kid how smart and mature they were for their age but in reality they just didn’t like any one
My parents have stressed me to my breaking point. At the current moment, mostly my dad, as my mom is working on herself a LOT.
My mom had relapsed into abusive behavior towards me, like in childhood, due to my dad's presence having moved back in after losing his job. She is trying to work on it though.
My dad is a narcissist who never accepts responsibility, it's always someone else's fault, and is obsessed with shit from 20 years ago involving office politics and won't let it go. Oh and he's a bigot. Not even regular Republican type, like, weird fringe shit.
That stuff isn't really politics, imo. Past a point, it is a mere simulacram of politics, posing as such. But the real purpose is to give angry, externalizing white men, who feel they have lost something economically or of their status, someone to blame for their problems.
He was never misogynistic until he got into that shit. He says nasty misogynistic things about women in medicine to MY face. HIS DAUGHTER HE ENCOURAGED TO BECOME A NEUROSCIENTIST OR NEUROLOGIST LIKE HIM FROM A YOUNG ASS AGE, WHO TAUGHT ME ABOUT THE BRAIN AND STOKED MY SPECIAL NEURODIVERGENT INTEREST IN IT.
Anyway. Shit's bad. I walked away from my good paying steady marketing job to freelance as a consultant, which I deeply regret bc I'm struggling for money at the moment as I find bearings.
I am someone who clawed my way out of hell itself when it comes to mental health. I am a whole, self-actualizing person, things that once affected me no longer do.
But this stuff is frustrating and I'm experiencing some depression symptoms.
I am 34 and trying to manage a 68 year old manchild. I love him and we've always been INCREDIBLY close, but like, yeah. He needs to get his act together as a person right now.
IDEK how many cals this Beatbox has, I'll deal with it via extra workouts the next few days. Needed SOMETHING to unwind because jesus christ y'all would not BELIEVE my dysfunctional ass family, fr.
There is NO SUCH THING as a "metabolism day," and I overdid the FUCK out of it at my friend's place Saturday, and have since kept it under 200 with only TINY NUMBERS of brazil nuts or crackers, one at a time like very sporadically, which I should not because I'm a fat disgusting cowperson.
But I need this fucking Beatbox legit, y'all. Unlike my severe-alchie-in-denial father (my brother and I did an intervention in June, he's a dry drunk now and bitter af), I am capable of drinking in sensible quantities and frequencies.
Frankly, my need to be thin and feel good about my body VASTLY outpaces a desire to be drunk. Went down a bad road once with it, resolved never to again, and did not.
Also chewed and spit a bunch of shit earlier, then purged what little got down just to be safe. Not even typical for me nowadays but JESUS this shit is pushing me to the brink.
I am 34, stable, and self-assured. That speaks VOLUMES that even I am having a rough time with this.
i think dysfunctional child/parent relationships hurt so much because its like. you were supposed to love me unconditionally. and you couldn't do that. so how could anyone else love me?
parents be like i gave you the bare minimum how dare you be mentally ill
The eldest daughter urge to "move away from home and cut off her family"
I took a test online once
To see if I was the Soldier
The Poet
Or the King
It told me I was the King
I always thought I’d be the poet
I think all kings long to be poets
In the same way that all eldest daughters long to just be children
Why bury your pain for the sake of others when you can turn it into art
Why raise children you didn’t make
But just like the test said
“The sword is at your side”
“It bore your name long before you did”
I never asked it to bear my name
I want to be free of it
But we all want what we are not meant to be
“You are tired of being steady. You dream of feeling alive. Not that you aren't, but, sometimes, it's hard to remember that there is a heart between your ribs.” -@atlanticsea