Parental Issues - Tumblr Posts
My father tells me to be assertive. Yet, whenever I try to establish my boundaries with him, he dismisses them as if my boundaries don’t apply to him because — and I quote, “He is my father.” What good does that do me in the future? He makes it impossible to deal with.
I wrote this about my 2 step brothers
// panic attack mention
had a panic attack infront of my parents and they did nothing :)) might end up at a mental hospital :)) get me out of here
Less evil energy here, more an overwhelming need to vibe check. Am I going to go from an abusive parent to a chill one? Is my chill parent going to turn abusive because the other one is going to tear into them? Are they both going to be abusive today, and are they going to team up or fight each other?
On an “unrelated” note, I’m quite good at predicting thunderstorms now.
tw: asshole parents, ED mention
i love how when I was a kid, my parents would just make breakfast and not tell me, using the excuse of "you already ate!" ok well you shouldve still told me you had food? and I was working out a lot so I was hungry basically 24/7.
then when I didn't want to give them some of my food (because I have an fearful obsession of starving due to prior eating disorders), they'd get all pissed off at me.
The resentment I have towards my parents is heavier than the ‘supposed’ love I have for them.
But isn’t resentment a byproduct of the lack of tenderness and attention received? “I resent you for setting me aside. I resent you for ignoring all my efforts, and even if I fight to gain a sliver of your attention, recognition, anything—I remain unseen, unloved, unworthy.”
And so this feeling conflicts with me because how can I have this much resentment if I have no regard for them. But I also know, as much as I refuse to admit that their names are etched in my heart—bleeding and refusing to heal until attended to. AND SO, who’s to say that this resentment isn’t just misconstrued affection?
All you have to do is actually praising me
Loving me
Saying you're proud of me
For giving effort even if I don't want to do it
Not mocking me
Hating on me
Saying that my efforts is nothing
Only because I've been doing it differently than my siblings
I know that I'm just doing it slowly and there isn't much differences
But in my eyes, it looks different
Something that I can be proud of
I look at it and think that I've done a good job
Stop saying my efforts is nothing
I'm trying my best to live up as your child
I know I'm lazy, but you should have encouraged me
I know I'm just overreacting and wanted attention
But it's your fault too
I'm starving
Starving for your touch
Your love
Your praises make me feel happy
I always looking forward to it as a child
But since I getting that bad exam result and starting to act like a 'bratty' teenager
You look at me like I'm just another problem
Problem to be solved
Even if you don't ever asked me about my feelings
All you said is that I'm lazy, selfish and overreacting
IM LIVING FOR YOU
I'm trying to live my life as your child.
Trying to be a decent child that you can say at least one good thing
But you only mocking me when they talked about their child
Lazy, lazy, lazy
All over and over again
You know what?
You can never get your child back
Father.
You can't get your girl back anymore
Mother.
You can't get your daughter back anymore
I can no longer say I'm a father's child or mother's child
I'm neither
You heard me
Neither
Why?
When I'm sad, the only thing that I'm seeking comfort to is my teddy bear
Not you, mother
Not you, father
You both never are my comfort place to vent to
All of my tears are shed because of you
I don't care for a fact that I'm still hugging a bear
You forced me to be like this
You've gone too far at the moment I noticed that
I don't feel anything when you hug me
I don't feel the warmth of it
You're cold
Why can't I feel the love in it?
Why can't I feel it?
Why do I still love the people who hurt me the most
“Haha no you’re delusional! Everyone experiences [symptom of mental illness]! You don’t have any mental illnesses!”
Says the parent with the textbook symptoms of [mental illness]
i think dysfunctional child/parent relationships hurt so much because its like. you were supposed to love me unconditionally. and you couldn't do that. so how could anyone else love me?
I wish my mom loved me for who I am and not for who I pretend to be infront of her
in my mind somewhere there is a version of myself dedicated to screaming “i don’t want an angry man in my house” 24 hours 7 days a week
What Does Sorry Mean?
What was it you used to say? What was it you told me everyday? Written in my head with ink and pen Is "I'm sorry means I won't do it again" How were you the one teaching me When sorry is the last thing you could ever be? Now my mom is crying And my sister is mad What does sorry mean again, Dad? Seventy times seven That's how many times I was supposed to Forgive your crimes And I did for every bruise You left on my mind But if I could choose I would have torn you apart Because you did the same To a nine year old's heart And for every lie you told me You twisted me to be like you And now I'm just as angry As my dad is too I want to go home, To the safety I once knew But it isn't real It was never true And now that you're gone I don't even feel sad Because the monster under my bed Is really my dad I can't get you out of my head I scream to drown out your voice I'm clawing my skin You left me with no other choice Just say that you're sorry So that we can move on I'll even lie for you Though I know it's wrong I wish I could say That I'd to it again To go back To who I had been But there will still be cracks On a mended vase Crying tears Has left grooves in my face A child in the woods Is wandering around lost You wanted power And you didn't care about the cost I know you're not sorry I don't want to forgive Some days I don't even Want to live I hope one day I do I hope I have another start But in the meantime I'm bandaging A child's heart
Mommy
The first person to love me The first person to know The first person to see me smile The first person to hold me The first person to cherish me The first person to make me seen
The first person to hurt me The second person to undermine me The third person to gaslight me The fourth person to make things worse The sixth person I stopped trusting The first person I loved
Parental issues suck, cause one minute they're awesome and you think that they're finally changing and the next you feel like you wanna unalive both them and yourself.