Scratch That, Danis A Lying Hoe

Scratch that, Dani’s a lying hoe

I’m just gonna put this idea out there in the wind, because it’s been bothering me...

What if instead of Wizards becoming Aurors in the Wizarding World, there were Witchers...? Instead of Dementors guarding Azkaban, there were six foot something tall dudes with two swords on their backs and dimiritium grenades to be popped off at any given time and any prisoner wears a collar of the same metal or it’s put into their food?

Do you really think Bellatrix Le Strange would’ve gotten out of Prison? Do you think a Witcher wouldn’t have used Axii on Sirius Black to make him tell the truth about who really sold out Harry’s Parents? You think they wouldn’t have figured out Petigrew was still around maybe when one walked by Ron Weasely at Hogwarts holding a rat or even at the train station, like “Hold up. Your rat smells like a 40+ year old man, let me just check it out?”

And the prospect of having modern Witchers...??? They still have swords, of course, because of tradition and they keep their medallions and all their mutations, but they find safer ways to make Witchers, maybe even make female Witchers...? With modern anesthesia to prevent quite so many children (the 3/10 survival rate raised up to at least like 7/10???) and maybe, just maybe they’re less hated than they are on the Continent? More so respected than feared, but obviously, some dude with cat eyes, two swords on his back and a scowl walked into a bar, you’re gonna be at least a little intimidated.

There’s also the thought that Witchers might also carry modern weapons, because why have a wand and exhaust yourself when you can bring a gun to a wand fight and shoot silver bullets...??? Can you imagine how much more danger Remus Lupin would’ve been in if Witchers were guarding Hogwarts when the Murauders were running around...? If one of them might’ve even been able to help him? Find his maker and help him break the curse...?

Can you even fathom how much James Potter might’ve idolized Witchers...? Sirius Black the cad to end all other cads himself...?

And how much faster would Voldemort have been dealt with? “Oh, you have an evil Wizard trying to start a war? Yeah, pay me five hundred galens and he’ll be dead by the end of the weekend.” But when they find out about the horcruxes they’re like “Huh...okay seven hundred and the end of the week” like there’s no way the fate of the world would’ve been dumped on Harry’s shoulders because it never would’ve come to pass. Harry’s parents probably would’ve lived and a lot of evil Wizards would be dead rather than locked up.

It’s just a concept in my mind that just seems like they could mesh so well together, but the plot points of the Harry Potter books just would be so completely different, because Witchers are prepared. For example, a School of the Wolf being invited to the Tri-Wizard Tournament? Oh, my God, you think a platoon of Witchers wouldn’t be assigned by Dumbledore to protect the school? Wouldn’t investigate the ingredients missing from Snape’s stores and smell Polyjuice Potion all over “Moody”, figure out he’s a newly escaped Crouch Jr. and immediately take him out? And probably Karkaroff, too just to be safe...? You think they wouldn’t recognize the Cup as a port key and warn everyone...?

Voldemort wouldn’t be able to get literally anything done if they had Witchers watching over/wandering the Wizarding world...and maybe even being born...? What if they could find a way to make Witchers that are fertile...? A new form of “pure blood” contention? Pure Witchers always quarreling with Pure Wizards and when some of their children refuse the “Path” lifestyle they can go to Hogwarts to learn more about magic, creature care and alchemy rather than hunting and fighting monsters?

Can you imagine how many of them would probably be more often than not sorted into houses like Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff over Slytherin or Griffindor? Witchers aren’t raised to have bold ambition or to seek glory through their bravery. Only to seek knowledge for the good of others and to help those in need...

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk...

Cooking with Loki.

Coffee shop AU where Boba Fett owns a café called “Boba’s Tea” where they obviously sell boba, Polynesian treats, latte art, assorted pastries and is home to the following employees...

A single dad with a shady past attending community college classes at night for a degree in linguistics who works in the café to help support his very quiet son, Grogu (Gregory who can’t pronounce his own name) with deep olive skin.

A former military sniper turned chef who served with Boba in a civil war they refuse to ever speak of again and takes her kitchen cleanliness as seriously as she does the condition of her knife collection.

An Instagram influencer with multiple medals in martial arts who has a food content TikTok where she displays her latte art whenever she isn’t being yelled at for being on her phone, but with all the business her two and a half million followers bring in? Boba feels it’s a worthy compromise.

A tech/engineering major with an on-call IT job during the week and teaches Taekwondo on Saturdays. Helped Boba set up a website for the café, an espresso machine broke while he was there and fixed it in no time. Now, the “tech wiz” can work his magic every time the single dad “accidentally” breaks something else in the café for an excuse to see him again. He also occasionally babysits Grogu and teaches him how to code and a little martial arts to occupy his little brain.

And last but certainly not least, a divorced man who was a police officer in his younger days, turned barista in his retirement and loving every minute of it except for when he sees “them damn skateboarding kids” ruining the curbs outside with their wax or trying to track down the “dirt bags” who tagged the alley wall with “death watch” graffiti consistent with a local gang.

Rewatched the first Ghost Rider movie and realized the film crew really had to stand there straight-faced while Nicholas Cage stumbled around screaming like a psychopath so they could go back and CG his transformation...

To picture it without all the special effects is just disturbing.

So...let’s talk about Hela, shall we?

We all know that she’s basically a version of Baldur. Odin’s first born, perfect golden son. The blessed child of Odin and Frigg, but I’m thinking Frigga in the MCU never would’ve allowed Hela to grow up the way she did...

My theory is that Hela is the daughter of Odin and Freya, who was likely Odin’s first wife in the MCU who died at some point before Hela was locked away and he met Frigga, etc. I think that Freya loved her “perfect daughter” so much that he cursed her the same way she did Baldur in Norse Mythology. Making him immune to all things with only a single loophole left out, being mistletoe.

Odin likely would’ve made up the loophole just in case, because he was obviously paranoid about everything down to his own children’s intentions. Though, because of his love for her, he chose mistletoe because of its poisonous nature. If he suspected any sign of madness, or she committed an atrocity, he could’ve just poisoned her food or drink and let her die peacefully in her sleep. A merciful death to spare himself the act of having to kill her with his own hands, but when she inevitably grew bloodthirsty, he still couldn’t kill his own child (just as he couldn’t kill Loki) and locked her away in a prison all her own (much like how Loki was locked away in Mythology with Sigyn protecting him from the venom dripping serpent.)

My thoughts on what might’ve happened to her if she were poisoned could go one of two ways. She either would’ve died as any human would, or the spell keeping her invulnerable would’ve been broken and she quite possibly would’ve reverted to the “perfect golden child” that Freya was trying to protect. Meaning, blonde like Odin with creamy skin rather than pale and quite possibly less insane, because she would finally be able to feel again. Pain, anguish, all of it. She’d be normal just like every other Asgardian for the first time since she was a small child and it would be quite the humbling shock to go from this:

To this:

Because of one teeny, tiny little plant probably mentioned in Human legend in the MCU by Odin as a warning, should she ever return/escape upon his death or for some other reason.

Just thought this might be an interesting idea for any of you out there trying to figure out how to write a Hela x Reader fic without getting stuck.