Yang Jungwon Angst - Tumblr Posts

ੈ✩‧₊˚ 𝐀 𝐇𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐀𝐭𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐬

ᴾᵃⁱʳⁱⁿᵍˢ: ˢⁱʳᵉⁿ!ᴶᵘⁿᵍʷᵒⁿ ˣ ᴺᵒᵇˡᵉ!ᴿᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ

ᴳᵉⁿʳᵉ: ᴬᵘ, ᴬⁿᵍˢᵗ

ᵂᵒʳᵈ ᶜᵒᵘⁿᵗ: ⁵.³ᵏ

ᵂᵃʳⁿⁱⁿᵍˢ: ᴹʸᵗʰⁱᶜᵃˡ ᶜʳᵉᵃᵗᵘʳᵉ ᵗᵃˡᵏ, ᵃⁿᵗⁱ-ᵇᵉˡⁱᵉᵛᵉʳ (ᵒᶠ ᵐʸᵗʰⁱᶜᵃˡ ᶜʳᵉᵃᵗᵘʳᵉ), ˢʷᵉᵃʳ ʷᵒʳᵈˢ, ᵗʰᵉᶠᵗ, ᵖᵃˢᵗ ˡⁱᶠᵉ ᵈⁱˢᶜᵘˢˢⁱᵒⁿ, ᴬˡˡᵘʳⁱⁿᵍ ᵃⁿᵈ ˢᵉᵈᵘᶜᵗⁱᵛᵉ ᵈᵉᵖⁱᶜᵗⁱᵒⁿ ᵒᶠ ˢⁱʳᵉⁿˢ, ᵐᵃⁿⁱᵖᵘˡᵃᵗⁱⁿᵍ?, ᵐᵉⁿᵗⁱᵒⁿ ᵒᶠ ᵉˣᵉᶜᵘᵗⁱᵒⁿ

ᴺᵉᵗʷᵒʳᵏ: @starlit-network

ᴬ/ⁿ: ᵀᴴᴵˢ ᵀᴼᴼᴷ ᴹᵉ ˢᴼ ᴸᴼᴺᴳ ᵀᴼ ᶠᴵᴺᴵˢᴴ!! ᴮᵘᵗ ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᶜʰᵉᶜᵏ ᵐʸ ᶠⁱᶜ ᶜʳᵉᵈⁱᵗˢ ᵗᵒ ˢᵉᵉ ᵃˡˡ ᵗʰᵉ ʷᵒⁿᵈᵉʳᶠᵘˡ ᵖᵉᵒᵖˡᵉ ʷʰᵒ ʰᵉˡᵖᵉᵈ ᵐᵉ ᶜʰᵉᶜᵏ ᵒᵛᵉʳ ᵗʰⁱˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵖᵉʳᶠᵉᶜᵗ ⁱᵗ

The ocean was full of mysteries and secrets that no one has, nor should ever be discovered… the big body of water that was so beautiful yet so terrifying.

You, a regular Victorian girl who enjoyed reading novels under the big tree which sat next to a normal river, finding joy in being able to put yourself into the characters that you read in the book. Feeling as if you were the main character, growing a connection with those around you.

“Y/n, you tend to isolate yourself too much dear… wouldn't you like to spend more time with us? Your family?” Your mother found herself asking, looking directly at you as if she expected you to answer enthusiastically.

Truthfully, no. You were fine being alone and it was when you felt at your best. Being alone in the comfort of your books and imagination.

“If I'm being honest, mother, I do not think that being alone is a burden, as I quite enjoy the silence of going into the forest alone.”

Your mother and sister stared at you, unknowing of what to respond with. You hated the look of pity that they showed towards you, as if enjoying the company of one's self was something that should be looked down upon. The opinion of those older could never be the same as someone younger. The mind was simply at different levels of development, causing disagreements between the two quite regularly.

Looking around at the family who sat around the table, picking yourself up from the chair and grabbing your book from your lap to prevent it from falling.

“I believe I have some important manners to take care of…” you completed, beginning to make your way out of the dining room.

“Y/n, before you go you must be aware of something.” Your dad spoke, catching your attention and causing you to turn around to face him.

“What's wrong?” You responded, somewhat intrigued.

“Because me and your mother have been speaking about a better career opportunity for our company. I wanted to make you aware that next month we'll be moving over to a different town. Not far at most.”

You despised moving… however this time, it would be near an ocean. Meaning you would be capable of observing the same water that your current book, ‘A Hidden Atlantis’ was referencing. The same town and ocean that had been where the novel had taken place.

A Hidden Atlantis was a one of a kind book, you'd truthfully never read anything like it before. The topic of humanoid creatures whose legs resembled that of a fish was always interesting to you.

Something like that could never exist in the real world… could it?

It would only ever be real in paintings, books and imagination. It's place was not the real ocean that was full of mysterious creatures.

However… in the low chance possibility that something like a half human half fish existed. It'd be so beautiful yet terrifying. The same way its habitat was.

Your obsession with these types of mythical chapter books started when you found a ring on the floor of your new (now old) house. You were young, so the red ruby that sat brightly inside the ring wasn't something that appeared valuable to you, it was only ever stunning.

You kept it, never sold it for money… even though it would probably be worth a fortune. You always felt some sort of odd connection to it, causing you to never be capable of selling it. It was too special for you, despite the mystery that could've been a curse that attracted you to it and it's red gem

___

They told you to stay inside, but you found a way out nevertheless. They were silly if they didn't know you well enough to see it coming.

This was the very ocean right outside of your new home. The very ocean that the book described, it was right in front of you along with the same town and streets that the book’s main character walked on before in the history of the novel.

Sirens didn't exist, but maybe you could catch a glimpse of something that slightly resembled that of the mythical creature throughout your stay. It would make sense wouldn't it? Possibly if you were a believer.. but unfortunately you weren't.

Even so, you still enthusiastically made your way to the sandy beach located right under the cliff which your house sat over, finding a comfortable rock to sit on as you opened your book and lit up a candle

The young girl, Sharon left everything behind. From her friends and belongings to her town, all due to financial struggles between her parents. However the kind girl looked at things in another light, becoming understanding of her parents' situation and avoiding internal conflicts between herself and her family.

She took out the box which carried the old jewel inside. Seeing the gem glow bright red, reflecting off the same color as that of her eyes. Staring into the piece made her confident in the color of red, it was a beautiful color that many people associated with the wrong things. It was a treasure, and it made her feel the same connection and reassurance that she had felt since the start… since the first ever day she laid eyes on the ring.

She slipped the ring onto her hand, feeling the jewel slide off of her small fingers. However, she kept it on as she made her way to the dark waters that almost felt as if they awaited her.

She walked the path down the forest, catching a glimpse of the bright moon illuminating the cold ocean. It looked beautiful, almost magical as she walked near. Sitting on a rock and brushing her feet against the water, feeling as if it had been bringing her skin smoothness and youth.

“Beautiful night,” The young girl found herself whispering, as she looked far up into the distance to see the figure of a sunken ship, located right behind a chapped rock.

It’s boards and wood sinking down and dissolving into the water as it overflowed.

The news of the sinking ship was everywhere:

“Ship sank under unidentified circumstances.”

“Ship mysteriously begins sinking in the middle of the sea.”

“An unidentified ship reappears on the shores of...”

It was all over the newspapers, disaster would always be destined to happen.

The light of the fire which illuminated the candle flicker off, the strong winds didn't allow it to keep the fire. It was time to head back home and continue reading inside your room, where the wind couldn't get to you despite your delicate windows. It seemed as if a storm was approaching.

You smiled looking up and at the direct spot that the book described, not spotting a single sunken ship. Even if it was there at one point in history, the likelihood that it was actually the fault of a group of sirens and their enchanting voices and illusions was little to none.

As much as you wanted to believe, you knew something like that could only stay in your imagination. The same way dragons and vampires did. They could never exist in the real world, it would just be too dangerous.

Picking yourself up from the rock, you carefully climbed your way down and allowed the light from your barely lit candle to lead you back.

This ocean was close enough to your house that you were able to see the lights turned on in specific rooms. Best get going now if you hoped to not get caught sneaking out like you were strictly told not to.

Walking on the light sand before feeling your shoe step on something hard…

A rock maybe?

You tilted your head to look below you, bending your knees to get a better look at the object.

It was a ring… a blue diamond ring, washed away on the shore of the ocean. It must've been left behind by some tourist or someone who happened to be traveling the water’s. And really you didn't care to find out, as it was left behind and far too valuable to ignore.

You'd simply treasure it. The same way you did with the red ruby ring that you found in your old house when moving in.

“Y/n!” A young boy called out, running over to hug you tightly, almost as if you hadn't seen each other in a long time.

Turning around, you came face to face with a pretty young boy, beautiful cat shaped eyes that glowed as brightly as the day.

“Jungwon? What are you doing here..!?”

He smiled brightly and picked out a bright yellow dandelion from the grass, gently shoving your hair behind your ear and placing it right in between.

“I came to say hello to a friend,” He responded enthusiastically.

You shook your head and looked up, happier than ever.

“I understand but shouldn't you be with a doctor!?” You questioned to which he responded with a giggle and smirked at you.

“They told me that I should be outside a lot and have fun! So I'm following their instructions!”

Face palming yourself, you looked back up softly and picked up a bright yellow dandelion, mimicking his acts and placing it on his hair right above his ear.

He kept his gaze fixed on you, that was until you picked yourself up from the ground and began running around in the small garden right in front of a noble looking home.

Being a kid himself, he followed and chased you across the garden.

You looked happy… excited… like children…

Finally, your brain snapped back to reality.

“What the hell was that…?” You muttered to yourself, being unable to comprehend the vision that gave you more than just deja vu.

You looked into the dark and gloomy ocean, spotting a figure of a young man looking in your direction. His bright brown eyes which seemed to illuminate more than the moon pierced straight through your soul in an almost terrifying manner.

Shaking your head and rubbing your eyes… you convinced yourself to be seeing things.

You looked back in a panic and there was nothing… no figure… no eyes… simply nothing..

“Of course… I must be lacking sleep…” you managed to stutter, snapping back up to your senses and running back home. After all, not getting caught was your main priority right now.

***

And so the kind girl Sharon ran back home, stumbling upon an object which appeared to be a gem, closely resembling that of her own. The young girl picked up the ring and placed it in her pocket, she couldn't just leave it behind. She'd collect it.

Upon looking into the distance, she found herself staring directly into the eyes of a creature in the ocean.

Her kind heart forced her to yell, “Are you alright dear sailor, do you need assistance?”

However, she received no response…

Chills ran down her spine as he stared at her intensely, not even blinking once throughout the entire process… Sharon, upon feeling uneasy decided to run and make someone aware along the way of a possible sailor that could've been in danger.

Little did she know that she had stared into the eyes of that of the most dangerous…

All because she touched what was his… and you should never touch anything that belongs to a siren…

____

“Jungwon. For dear god’s sake, why are we doing this?”

Jungwon turned around once again and sighed, “For the 100th thousand millionth time, it's because that young lady took my ring. So I'm returning for it.”

“Indeed but this is a bother. Someone's going to find out one way or another and we'll be dead… Why can't we return to the shore and find you another identical ring? There's plenty in the ocean-”

He froze mid sentence upon seeing the eyes of his little brother staring at him. Despite being older, Jungwon intimidated him and he couldn't deny it. Jungwon’s strong point was his eyes and he fully took advantage of that.

“Jake- if you would like to return you can always do so… I didn't need you to come either way-” Jungwon managed to mutter softly.

Jake frowned, “I'll stay with you. I don't want you out here in the human world alone with absolutely no one supervising you.”

Jungwon smiled and nodded, “Alright then, let's make this fast.”

Jake followed his little brother. He had always doubted the connection that Jungwon claimed to have with his ring up until now; more like up until a year ago. Whereas Jungwon dropped his ring while traveling in the oceans at night and was somehow able to find it immediately after he noticed. Retracing his steps and locating the small object in the depths of the massive ocean. Jake was sure that he had a tracker on that thing because that would've been otherwise impossible.

And right now was no exception, in fact it was only convincing Jake furthermore that there must've been a hidden tracker somewhere within the tiny corners of that small ring.

Jake’s frown only turned into an annoyed stare as he watched Jungwon get ahead of himself, leading them to who the heck knew where. “Do you even know what she looked like?”

Jungwon shook his head, still keeping his gaze forward, “Absolutely not.”

Jake sighed, “Why did I expect that… with that keen eyesight of yours I really would've expected you to at least see her hair color.”

“It was dark hyung-” Jungwon completed, noticing Jake nod in agreement.

“I know but for some reason you can spot everything about a person at night except for the thief of your ring… and what if she sold it already?”

Jungwon sighed and shook his head, “I’d rather not think about it but in that case scenario then we'd have to purchase it again-”

Jake stared at Jungwon, “You can't be serious.”

Jungwon turned around, “Should I rephrase that? I'd rather say- I'd have to purchase it again.”

“There's dozens of trade shops on land- how are you gonna locate the exact one!?” Jake asked, almost yelling to which Jungwon backed away nervously and blinked a couple of times before answering.

“I'll find it, don't worry.”

Jake was upset but he wanted to support his brother. That ring was special to Jungwon ever since infancy and he didn't want to say anything rude or careless, let alone both.

“By the way, lower your voice because other people are going to hear you and will suspect us. You're going to throw us both under the bus with your yelling-”

Jake bowed to his little brother and apologized repeatedly, “I'm sorry, it's a little complicated to contain my emotions to a certain volume.”

Jungwon shook his head in denial. “It’d be quite alright if you hadn’t told me earlier that being on land was far too risky. I know just as much as you do so you have to keep in mind that one wrong move could land in us having our heads chopped off,” he expressed, to which Jake simply put his palm up to his forehead.

“Don’t even mention it.”

Suddenly, Jake crashed into a woman who had been walking the same streets they had been, maybe around her early 20’s. Despite the cloak that had been covering her face she looked quite beautiful. Long hair neatly put up in a ponytail and perfectly arranged across her shoulder.

“Oh, I beg your pardon as I was distracted-” Jake stuttered out nervously, noticing her turn around and bow in apology.

Jungwon’s gaze swiftly shifted onto her eyes, his alert up high.

“I apologize- I was a little careless myself.” You chuckled. Jake froze in silence, ultimately overcome by the beauty that he never knew could belong to a human.

Jungwon smiled, “I excuse my older brother- nevertheless what is such a beautiful young woman doing around here alone? Not to mention you yourself look quite of noble status. Is there a reason behind this?”

Suddenly becoming nervous, you began fidgeting with your fingers. “Haha- was it obvious that i’m a noble?” you muttered, to which Jungwon nodded.

“Your clothes and form of speech give it away.”

You laughed ever so slightly and nodded. “You see, I’m actually new to this area and happened to grow curious about exploring the town as the views are spectacular.”

Jungwon looked over to where you turned; the ocean that he himself had belonged to. The cold ocean that had belonged to him and many others who were just like him.

“I see that you are drawn by the landscape?” Jungwon turned over to you, seeing you nod in approval.

“Correct. I don’t come from a very green place like this one, so this feels almost like a wonderland… like those types of forest or villages that you read in fairytales.”

Bingo.

That was all he needed to know… this was her… the girl who had visited the ocean the other day late at night… the thief of his ring that was so very beloved to him.

“I happen to notice that you have a specific love for reading?” Jungwon questioned, noticing your eyes light up as you looked back up at him.

“You seem to be very good at guessing- yes, I very much do love reading books and novels.” you blinked, a little taken aback by how well this stranger seemed to know you.

“I’m glad. I happen to enjoy reading myself.”

You felt some type of odd aura about him.. You were unsure if it was just you overthinking or if this was actually something that you should’ve been concerned about. From the moment he spoke you felt nothing but comfort, you felt safe. Which wasn’t something an ordinary human could’ve made you feel,

~~~

Walking up to a fruit stand, the lady in front smiled at you.

“I’ve never seen you around before, are you new around here?” she asked, making you nod in agreement.

“You’d be correct, I’m not from here, I hope that is alright,” you responded, seeing her nod repeatedly in reassurance to your doubts.

You looked back at the ocean that you felt attracted to for some odd reason. It wasn’t clear to you whether you only felt that way because of your book or because there was actually something magical about it… not to mention the eyes… those eyes that glowed brighter than the moonlight..

“I happen to notice that you really like our water’s?” She smiled, to which you flinched as you didn’t notice her staring.

“I do… may I ask why no families are down there constantly?” you questioned, noticing her give you a confused glance making you panic in case you asked the wrong question. “I’m a little confused because normally there would be a couple of swimmers, no?” you added, your nerves making you unable to say the sentence correctly.

Luckily, she understood you and waved her hand in dismissal.

“Oh dear, it’s prohibited to swim in any waters around here.”

You stayed silent, confused yet amused. “May I ask why…?”

She turned back to look at you, “Oh dear, haven’t you heard? It became banned around the late 1850’s due to the amount of siren spotting there had been. Not to mention the amount of ships that went missing in such a short period of time around this area recently. I feel so poorly for all the families of those navigators..”

Thoughts began circulating in your mind. That wasn’t possible… After all siren’s weren’t real.. They have never been real. They were mythical creatures.

“By the way dear, be very careful with who you trust on this land. Siren’s are very alluring creatures who roam around this town just as freely as regular citizens. Don’t get confident just because we're not in the sea.”

“Wait- siren’s can shapeshift and blend into humanity too?” You exclaimed, almost yelling in surprise before you caught yourself and covered your mouth, lowering your voice to a lower volume.

The woman chuckled, “Why, of course they can.”

“How can I spot a siren…? Among all these humans…?”

She looked around and signaled you to come closer, you followed her orders and leaned in.

“Siren’s will always have attractive and manipulating eyes… never forget that as it may save your life one day.”

~~~

His eyes were gorgeous… almost hypnotizing to look at, you've never seen eyes so gorgeous like his, they seemed almost unreal.

Face to face with a pretty young man, beautiful cat shaped eyes that glowed as brightly as the day.

Face perfect and screaming off the sense of innocence. Almost making you think that this was in fact the reincarnation of the word itself. Which in itself was odd enough,

But you couldn't judge a book by it's cover. After all you weren't even a believer- just a little frightened by something a woman had said earlier. You needed proof of sirens before you actually believed in them, even though there was no way of explaining what you had happened to see down in the shore the other night.

However, his eyes were that of something supernatural and you felt it.

___

You found yourself walking late at night alone in the streets of the town; surrounded by people and their terrified whispers.

“What time did you say sirens come out again?”

“I think I may have just run into a siren- it's eyes look surreal-”

Sirens, surreal looking eyes. Put together it made sense.

Something not human could never fully shapeshift or become a human. There will always be something that gives it away.

However, this was going too far.

“Hey, we meet again.” A voice from behind you called, snatching the magazine from your grip and rolling it up in between his hands.

“Oh- good afternoon..?”

“It would be good night as of right now.” He smiled. You'd be lying if you said you didn't get flustered the moment he did so, seeing him smile with such a handsome face. There was no way you couldn't react.

Smiling back, a bit of pink flushing over your cheeks. “Yes, I apologize. I happened to be making my way back home right now; I hope you can excuse me.”

His face became a small smirk, almost teasing as he looked back at you. “From what I can see, you don't happen to be accompanied by anyone?” He asked, despite your guard going up high, there was no use in lying, you had run into this same man earlier and you had been alone, so you simply nodded.

“Would you like me to come with? Better not get tricked by any sirens.”

You felt your cheeks warm up again, flustered by this man and his alluring personality.

“What did you say your name was again?” You asked, realizing you had never gotten his name in the first place. Unconsciously beginning to walk, making your way back home.

This almost felt familiar….

Sharon walked her way back home with the claimed stranger which she had seen earlier that day.

Questions arose from the young girl's mouth, not anything wrong, at least not to the ears of something so magical and mythical like a siren.

“What was your name again?” Sharon asked in a low pitched muffle.

“I couldn't catch that.” His eyes glew in the dark as his mouth spoke. Something about this man was so alluring and she couldn't catch a grip of what it might've been.

Maybe his attractiveness? His eyes? Seductive and teasing nature perhaps? Everything about him seemed surreal, the way his words were able to manipulate her to make decisions that she wouldn't have made otherwise. It almost seemed effortless.

Sharon smiled nervously, “Your name. I didn't manage to catch it.”

He grinned, “Edward.”

One of the rules about a siren, they only ever said their first names in an introduction, never their last. They didn't have a last name to give, at least not now.

Sharon looked back at the man who walked behind her, his eyes locking on hers as she kept the eye contact for a hot moment. It wasn't willingly, because something about his eyes felt as if there was some type of rope connecting and bonding their souls, as she was unable to look away.

“You have beautiful eyes Edward.” She smiled, noticing him nod knowingly.

“I've been told before, young Sharon.”

It felt odd, they were both young, around each other's age perhaps. It was likely a form of speech however it was still off putting. Sharon could never get used to being called young by someone who looked so young themselves.

“Alright then; Edward, how old are you.”

It was a forbidden question and she knew it. Sirens didn't have an age, at least not that they were aware of. Normally becoming unable to answer the question properly, ending up in them executing their plans earlier than expected, causing a scene that would be far too messy to clean up afterwards.

“Not sure. I was abandoned at a young age and have no idea of when something so basic like my birthday is.” He responded, voice lowering as he turned to his side.

Good answer, Sharon thought. Looking back at the young man and smiling.

“You look fairly young. Edward.”

He was taken aback, he normally disliked the mention of just his first name because of how disrespectful it sounded, and this… this had been the third time she directed him by his first name solely.

He looked at her sharply, “If you could, I'd really appreciate a title in the beginning like Mr before my name.”

The young girl turned around enthusiastically, still skipping towards the direction of her house rapidly as she laughed softly. Her face giving off nothing but innocence.

“But why? Edward is a pretty name. A last name like … would suit you impeccably!” She exclaimed.

“Jungwon.” He answered.

Walking up the pathway which sat on the hill that led up to your house, grass awaiting you at the top.

“Well then, Jungwon do you believe in sirens?” You asked, almost testing him for an unknown reason that not even you knew.

It seemed like he had caught onto this, as he half sighed, half chuckled. “You really can't believe nor not believe in something you haven't seen before. There will always be those who claim to have seen other worldly creatures, you can't believe them, but you can't proclaim them as liars either.” He smiled.

Good answer, you thought.

“Say, Jungwon, how old are you?” You grinned, noticing him do the same.

It's a test, he thought to himself, unable to think of the correct answer if there even was one. As a siren one of their biggest pet pieves was lying. He couldn't even make up something to protect himself unless if he wanted to be looked down on.

“Not sure, I don't even know something so simple like my birthday.” He frowned. You looked back, sincere nostalgia hitting you the moment those words came out from his mouth, however you were unable to pinpoint why or where it was coming from.

“I see,” you added, turning around and looking at him directly.

Unable to hold back, you looked back at him and sighed.

“Do you believe sirens are as evil as humans depict them to be?” You found yourself asking, continuing to walk forward even if the answer he'd give held you anxious.

He grinned and kept his gaze on you, despite not looking at him you could feel his eyes pierced through your skin.

“I think it's similar to humans. There's bad people out there and there's good. I don't see why something so similar should be any different. Sirens are technically human, that's why they don't have too much trouble blending into humanity, they can pull it off rather easily in a matter of fact.”

Your shoulders fell in relief, not even noticing the way they had been so tense.

“I'm glad to hear that,” You smiled, “It’s better to not take guesses about creatures we have never seen or met before.”

He nodded.

“She's different.”

“Well, Jungwon, it looks like we've arrived.”

He nodded and peaked his attention to the house he found himself at.

He had forgotten completely, he was here for a reason and he was going to leave with that one reason fulfilled. He didn't need any doubts.

“It has been an honor my lady.” He leaned down, asking for your hand.

You gave it to him, and he landed a singular kiss on the tip. It was a regular gentleman act at the time, however your cheeks could help but rose and warm up, it was a little shameful to have fallen head over heels for a stranger.

“Yang Jungwon?”

Snapping, he immediately looked up at you.

Yang Jungwon, Yang Jungwon, Yang Jungwon

That name rang in his ear like a bell, repeatedly. What was this? Why did it sound so familiar to him?

“I'll hope to see you another day.” You smiled.

He simply smiled back and waved, nodding in response regarding your statement that had been said a little unexpectedly.

Tears rolled down your cheeks, as you looked at the bed with the pale kid who was at once a healthy boy... your friend.

“I would like to give you this.” He handed the hand which had been clenched shut, holding onto the piece tightly. “I unfortunately don't have much time left, however I would like to give you this. That way if we ever reincarnate again, I'll find you.”

You couldn't contain your emotions, the tears streamed down your face and a wave of emotions hit you.

You entered your home, closing the door behind you while holding your fingers and making your way upstairs to your room. You wanted to take a cold shower before heading off to bed.

Slipping off the coat and relocating it onto a chair that sat in front of your desk. Looking down at your fingers and noticing the bright blue ring missing. Only being left with your original red ruby ring.

You looked everywhere in a panic. Had you dropped it on your way back? It would've been possible as it slipped off of your tiny fingers constantly. It was far too oversized for you.

Suddenly the memory overcame you. He kissed your wrist, in contact with your hand and fingers directly.

Looking out the window, seeing the moon glowing bright blue with a tint of red on a few corners of it. The water in the ocean splashed as if something or someone had just went back in. Enough time has passed, the ring was his priority

Yang Jungwon, who are you?

It was about time, Sharon thought.

There was always going to be different habitats for every living organism. Humans would locate on land, you'd find them there if you ever found yourself searching. Maraine animals would be found in the water, and wild animals would be in the depths of the trees.

Just like marine animals don't belong on land, humans don't belong in the water. The same was wild animals wouldn't belong in the ocean, they wouldn't survive.

It was the same way that the world worked, it was cycle.

Sharon wrote furiously onto the sheets of paper, many stacked up on the side and many scattered on the floor, it was unavoidable to anyone who experienced the same that she had.

The main message the young girl left for anyone and everyone who dared to pick up and look at the contents of this novel which started out as a diary.

History repeats itself. Never doubt it.

i’m actually sobbing why do i do this to myself

i actually need to stop reading angst

ILY FOR THIS ITS SO GOODHSISNSISBX

bandaids are no good for heartache - y.j.w.

summary — with jungwon so busy with work, you've been feeling like less of a priority to him.

pairing — bf!idol!jungwon x gf!reader

genre — angst with a pinch of fluff

wc — 4.5k

warnings — lots of break up talk, super brief mention of potential cheating (no cheating happens tho), jungwon on his knees begging (very much self-indulgent and i am not sorry)

a/n — #ILOVEANGST <3 tbh i'm not super proud of this but i rly wanted to put smth out during my lil uni break. also i almost wrote my name instead of "y/n" multiple times while writing this ... the delusions are getting to me i think. anyway this whole fic is extremely self-indulgent (mostly the begging i just love when men beg *evil laughs*)

your eyes sting as they stay trained on the screen of your ipad, illuminating your face in the dark room. it’s been weeks since you saw him last, and now you watch your boyfriend dancing across the stage in a livestream of his concert, catching it in the early hours of the morning because of the time zone difference. he looks so happy. he always looks the happiest on stage, doing what he loves. you continue to watch him jump around and laugh with his members, trying to remember the last time you saw him smile like that with you.

as the concert comes to an end, you watch jungwon’s sweet grin as he waves goodbye to his fans. fans. honestly, that’s what you’re starting to feel like too. it’s been months since you felt his presence in yours—even when he’s with you, it feels like his mind is spiraling elsewhere, never keeping his attention on you. is it his fault? of course not, and you know that. being as young as he is, and having as many responsibilities as he has can definitely take a toll on someone, especially on top of constantly being on the road. although you’ve always been supportive of him, there are times where you feel like you’re not getting enough back. this is something that’s been in the back of your mind for a while now, but you could never bring yourself to voice it to him. you know how much jungwon appreciates your support and care, and you cannot fathom putting more of a burden on him when he’s already so stressed and busy. so, you stay silent, just as you always have. it’s just a little seed of concern anyway.

what you didn’t notice though is how over the years, that seed of concern started growing as resentment in the silence of your heart, spreading roots that tangled with your love for him, making it harder and harder to separate the two.

your thoughts and worries fade into nothing as you fall into a quiet slumber, your body curling into just one side of the bed in jungwon's absence.

--

the day of jungwon's return home arrives like any other. it’s a routine you’ve fallen into—knowing he'll walk through the door sometime in the evening, bringing with him the familiar mix of exhaustion and relief. as you await his arrival, you decide to make his favourite dinner as a small surprise. 

as you prepare the dining table, you hear the rattling of the door knob, turning around just in time to see your fatigued boyfriend come through the door. despite his exhaustion, he wears a lazy smile on his face, always so happy to see you.

“wonie! i missed you so much!” you jump into his embrace, his arms instinctually wrapping around you, dropping his bags in the process. you feel his face fall into the crook of your neck, taking a deep breath as if to ingrain your scent into his mind.

“i missed you a lot too, baby,” he pulls back to look at you and give you a chaste kiss before setting you down, keeping his arms wrapped around you. “i’m hungry as hell though. we had snacks for the road but fuckass sunghoon ate them all in the first half of the ride.” 

you snicker at his expression of distaste towards his friend’s actions. “well, lucky for you, i made your favourite!” you gesture towards the table set up with your home cooked meal. you watch jungwon’s eyes sparkle with excitement as he looks between you and the dining table. you feel his arms wrap around you tighter as he pecks the top of your head. “what did i do to deserve you, y/n…” he asks rhetorically, affection prominent in his voice.

“yeah, sometimes i ask myself the same thing,” you reply teasingly.

as you two start to eat away at your hard work, jungwon tells you all about what happened at the concerts they had in the past two months. 

“no way, he did that? oh my god, that’s so dangerous!”

“i’m serious, he jumped off the platform while it was still in the air! it was insane, but you know what jay’s like during concerts, so it’s not too shocking.”

you sigh as you poke the food on your plate with your spoon. “i wish i could’ve been there. the livestream didn’t show that,” you huff.

jungwon smiles at your pouting. “well, we’re having a show here in two weeks, so you can come to that one!”

he looks at you expectantly, waiting for your squeal of excitement, but it doesn’t come. what he gets instead is a blank stare, that quickly turns into a hesitant smile. “oh, nice!” you try to muster up as much excitement as you can, but your disappointment is too evident. he just came back and they’ve already planned the next concerts, meaning he’s not going to be around at all for those two weeks since he’ll be too busy preparing and practicing. you’re going to be alone again. you can’t help but feel a bit selfish for thinking this way, but you’re starting to feel like you don’t know how much longer you can handle this for. at the same time, you feel like you can’t bring it up because you don’t want to burden jungwon even further.

he raises an eyebrow at you. “nice? that’s all i get? i thought you’d be more excited about this.”

“i am excited, wonie,” you lie as you start to get up to clear your plate when you feel your eyes begin to burn with tears. as you walk towards and into the kitchen, his eyes don’t leave your face for a second.

“okay, obviously you’re not, y/n. i know you, and i know when you’re not telling the truth,” he says, his eyebrows so furrowed that they’re almost connected. “what’s wrong?”

an uncomfortable tension starts to settle in the air as you continue to lie to him. “nothing’s wrong! i’m just tired.” you hope he didn’t hear the slight crack in your voice as the tears start threatening to fall. unfortunately for you, jungwon knows you better than you know yourself and he knows when you’re upset. he heard the familiar crack loud and clear, and he knows exactly what it means.

“wait, baby, are you crying?”

you swallow down the tears rising in an attempt to hide them from jungwon. “no, what do you mean?” you try to mask your sadness with a chuckle, but jungwon knows you better than that.

“my love, you know you can tell me anything, right? talk to me,” he says softly.

and apparently, that’s your last straw. the second his words hit your ear, the dam breaks.

alarms blare in his mind as soon as he sees the first tear fall, screaming for him to get up and wrap you into his chest, as he usually does in this type of situation. and so, that’s exactly what he does, just as he has in the past. the only difference here is that when he reaches for your crying form, you brush him off and leave for your room. jungwon feels his heart crack while he watches you walk away from him in this state. this is the first time he’s felt like he didn’t know how to help you, since he doesn’t even know what he’s done wrong.

after hearing the door of your shared room shut, jungwon cleans up the rest of the dining table. he decided to give you some space to cool down, while also giving himself some space to figure out how to approach this. now that he’s thinking about it, he hasn’t seen you cry in months. you’ve always put on a smile for him, and now he can’t help but wonder what he's been missing. after what feels like a long few minutes, he decides he can't wait any longer and heads to your room. he doesn't want to push too soon, but he can't stand the thought of you hurting alone. lifting his hand to knock on the door, he calls out for you.

“y/n? can i come in?” hearing a muffled noise of approval from your side of the door, he hesitantly enters the room. the first thing he sees is you lying under the covers with your back facing him.

you feel a dip in the bed behind you as he sits next to your sad figure. not knowing what to say, he gently smooths down your hair, hoping to relieve you from even an ounce of your heartache. the tenderness of the act, although small, is enough for you to start crying again.

before jungwon came into the room, your mind was reeling with thoughts about how this is going to work out. how can you tell him that you need more from him when he’s already working himself to the bone for his career? you can’t put that pressure on him, so instead you came to the conclusion that maybe it’s time to let go. he deserves to focus on his career, and you can’t keep waiting for someone who's never fully present. when he starts petting your head to cheer you up, the guilt hits you like a truck. you sit up, thinking it’s better if you just bite the bullet now.

jungwon worriedly looks into your teary eyes, now filled with sadness and a hint of something more complex. he’s never seen you like this before, and it scares him. sure, he’s seen you cry before. many times actually. after all, you’ve been together for two and a half years. but usually, the first thing you do when you’re upset is lean to him for comfort. the second he opens his arms for you, you fall right into them. this time, it almost feels like you’re pushing him away, like you don’t want his help. and that terrifies him. 

his eyes are stuck on your wandering ones, as you don’t have it in you to look at him as you say this. jungwon’s hand goes to hold your cheek, gently urging you on, encouraging you to speak. he holds you so softly, so delicately, as if you’re the most fragile thing in the world. your eyes shut with guilt. you need to get it out now, before the moment slips away from you.

“jungwon, i don’t think i can do this anymore.” your eyes are still closed, afraid that seeing his face will make you regret your decision. the words leave your mouth much weaker than you intended them to, but jungwon hears you loud and clear. hoping you don’t mean what he thinks you mean, he asks for confirmation.

“what can’t you do anymore, darling?” although you can’t see him, you hear the shakiness in his voice, suggesting that he’s holding back tears. when you finally open your eyes, you’re met with the view of his glistening eyes and sad smile, as if he’s unable to accept your words.

your heart aches at his state, but you have to do this. for the sake of both you and him. “jungwon, please don’t make this harder than it has to be.” 

his heart shatters at that. disbelief, sadness, and anger seeps into his bones. harder than it has to be? his beloved girlfriend of almost three years is breaking up with him, is this supposed to be easy? 

what part of losing you could ever be easy?

“what? are you serious?” he manages to muster out, the words barely audible in his state of shock.

he stands up from the bed, hand going straight through his hair in frustration. “okay, y/n, what the fuck is going on? why are you doing this? you’re breaking up with me, for no reason, and you think i’m just going to be okay with it? what, you think i’m not going to fight for us?” 

“jungwon, i’m sorry--”

“no, y/n, you’re not sorry, because this isn’t happening. we’re not breaking up, because there’s literally no reason to.” he looks at you with a twinge of insanity lingering behind his eyes. have you lost your mind? no way in hell is he letting you go, especially when you two have been fine until now.

but now you’re starting to get frustrated with the tone he’s taking with you. jungwon’s talking to you like you’re crazy, as if this is something you decided on a whim. you’ve both raised your voices at each other before, but this time it feels like new territory. “alright, tone it down, jungwon.” you say, gentle but firm.

your demand seems to anger him even further as he stares at you with disbelief etched into his features.

“oh my god, y/n, can you even hear yourself? telling me to tone it down when you just tried to dump me, of course i’m going to be upset!”

“i really don’t want to fight right now—”

“do you think i want this to be happening right now? of course not! i just came back from tour and i’m so fucking tired. i don’t want to be here right now either!” the words slip out quickly, before he can even think about them. for a split second, his face twitches with a hint of regret, but he quickly masks it again when he sees your stare piercing into his.

at that, you snap. “yeah, i can tell! you never want to be here, and i know that because you never fucking are! you’re always off on tour or at group dinners, and i basically live by myself at this point!” the words spill out uncontrollably, too late to stop them even if you tried. your tears are all dry now, the previous feeling of sadness in your body now being replaced with anger.

“you’re never here, jungwon. and even when you are, it’s like i don’t even exist to you!”

jungwon blinks at your outburst. you’ve never vocalized these feelings before, and it takes him by surprise. he had no idea you felt this way.

“y/n, that’s not fair. this is my job—you knew this when we started dating.” his voice is calmer now, but there’s a hint of wariness, as if he’s trying to tread carefully, afraid that your frustration with his career might mean you’re really ready to walk away.

before you can respond, jungwon’s phone buzzes, interrupting the charged moment. he glances at the screen, and you can see the frustration carve deeper lines on his face. “it’s my manager,” he mutters, eyes narrowed. “i can’t believe this is happening right now.”

the irony makes you scoff, jungwon head snapping away from his phone to look at you. “this is what i mean, jungwon! i know it’s not your fault but i can’t keep doing this anymore! even when you’re with me, your mind is constantly somewhere else!” you exclaim exasperatedly.

“okay, y/n, but what am i supposed to do about that?” he yells out, his voice raising once again. “i just don’t know what you want from me right now. you knew about my job since we met, you knew what you were getting into,” he breathes out, frustration filling him to the brim.

“yeah, i know, and i thought i would be okay with it, but i can’t keep waiting for you like a sad puppy while you’re out having the time of your life with who knows who.” you don’t mean that. you know you don’t. but right now you can only see red, and all you want to do is hurt him the way you’ve been hurting. 

and that you did.

your words hit jungwon in the chest like a truck. of everything that’s been said today, this one hurts the most. as if his heart wasn’t already in pieces, it feels like an anvil has crashed down on the fragments, crushing them even further. his eyes fill to the brim with tears, and he does everything he can to keep them from falling.

as your words continue to sink in, hurt flashes in his eyes. “you think i’m out there having the time of my life? with “who knows who”? you really think i would cheat on you?” he looks at you incredulously as he says that, as if he can’t believe those words even came out of your mouth. jungwon’s voice is quieter now, everything coming out in a whisper. “you have no idea how hard it is for me to leave you every time i go on tour,” he sighs, his voice laced with frustration and shock. “i’m not some asshole who’s choosing this over you. i’m doing it because i care about us, y/n! it’s like you don’t even know me anymore.”

the pain in his voice goes straight to your heart, but you know you can’t stop now. “i barely do, jungwon, that’s what i’m trying to tell you! this relationship is going nowhere because we’re never around each other anymore… i thought i’d be able to handle you constantly being away but i guess i overestimated myself.”

jungwon lets out a bitter laugh at your remark. “overestimated yourself or your love for me?” he pauses for a second before continuing, “you know what, maybe you’re right. maybe it is best if we break up,” he looks at you, his sweet brown orbs now replaced with piercing feline eyes filled with anger and sadness, “because if you really loved me, you wouldn’t have given up this easily.” his fists are clenched tightly as he speaks, nails digging into his palms almost painfully. he doesn’t really want to break up, right now he’s just throwing your words back at you in a pathetic attempt to hurt you back.

your heart sinks at his words. “oh my god, jungwon, don’t you get it? it’s been like this for months now, this isn’t a new issue,” you stand up and face him, hands reaching out for his arms to hold him down, trying to ground him to get him to listen to you. “i’ve reached my limit, jungwon. we’re at two different stages in our lives right now, and i can’t keep spending my life waiting for you while you’re out living yours,” you say, your voice much more gentle now as you watch his eyes soften back into the adorable big brown eyes you’ve always loved to lose yourself in.

he squeezes his eyes shut, struggling to contain the whirlwind of emotions swirling within him. “i can’t help my job, y/n. i want to be there for you, but you’re acting like i’m actively choosing my job over you as if i have a choice... it’s just not that simple.”

“i know, none of this is.” your hands move to brush his overgrown bangs out of his face. silence hangs heavy between you, both of you grappling with your emotions. jungwon’s gaze flickers away, and for a brief moment, he looks lost. “i didn’t realize how hard this was for you,” he admits, his voice barely above a whisper. “i just... i thought you understood.”

you soften at his sad tone, all the anger drained from your veins now. “i do, jungwon, but i feel so alone sometimes, and i can’t go on like this anymore. this is what’s best for us. for both of us.” despite the tears softly trickling down your face, your voice was steady, almost serene, as if you had been preparing yourself for this moment. jungwon’s confusion deepened, his brows knitting together as he tried to process the calmness that radiated from you.

“how can you be so calm about this?” jungwon asked with a sniffle, almost in disbelief. his voice had softened, but there was a hint of desperation behind it. “you’re just… okay with breaking up? just like that?” his heart drops to the bottom of his stomach with the realization that this is really happening. you’re really breaking up with him right now. his eyes fill with tears for the nth time this evening as he looks at you, waiting for an answer.

you met his gaze, and for a moment, jungwon saw a flicker of something he couldn’t quite place—was it resignation, or acceptance? he couldn’t tell, and that only made him feel more unsettled.

“i don’t know, jungwon,” you replied with a sigh, glancing away for a moment. “i’ve thought about this so much… and maybe i’ve just come to terms with it. we need different things, jungwon. you need someone who’ll be okay with your busy schedule, and i need someone who’s always going to be there for me.”

at your last sentence, jungwon’s resolve breaks, salty tears flowing out of his beautiful eyes. 

you need someone who’ll always be there for you. you’re saying you need someone else. 

hearing you say that you need more than him pains him to no end, as if each word is a dagger to his heart. he feels a surge of panic, the thought of a future without you consuming him. his mind races, replaying every moment, every laugh, every shared dream, and he realizes how much he’s taken for granted. he wants to scream, to tell you that he can change, that he can be better, but the words feel stuck in his throat. instead, he stares at you, feeling helpless and terrified, grappling with the reality that the love of his life feels abandoned in a relationship he thought was built on understanding.

jungwon’s face crumples at the thought of you needing someone else, his expression torn between hurt and understanding. “you’re right,” he says after a moment, his voice barely above a whisper. “i haven’t been giving you what you need, and i hate that i’ve made you feel so alone.”

your eyes widen as jungwon gets on his knees as he reaches for your hands, holding them tightly in his, as if anchoring himself. “y/n, i know i’ve been so focused on my job that i haven’t been there for you. but i don’t want you to feel like you need more than what i can give. i want to be enough for you—i need to be enough for you. i’m ready to change, to do whatever it takes to make this work.”

“jungwon—” he cuts you off as he notices your hesitancy to accept his words. 

“please, y/n. i’m not letting you go like this. not when i know i can give you what you need. just give me a chance to show you. please, baby, don’t leave me like this.” his hands are wrapped around your smaller ones, his watery, pleading eyes looking up at you as he begs you to stay with him.

you want to believe him, you really do. you’re just scared of nothing changing. he opens his mouth to speak again when he notices your silence. his grip on your hands tightens, as if he’s afraid you might slip away. “i know i’ve messed up,” he says, his voice raw and honest. “but i’m willing to fight for us. i’ll make time for you, i’ll change for you. just give me the chance to prove that i can be the boyfriend you deserve. the one you need.”

“please, princess, trust me.”

you feel a tear run down your cheek at his words. “i’m scared, jungwon. but i want to believe you. we can try again, but if things don’t change…” your words trail off, shaking your head while looking into his eyes, gesturing that this is his last chance.

“i understand, baby,” he replies, his tone earnest. “and i swear i’ll make it happen. i’ll show you that i can put you first. just please don’t walk away from me. i love you so much, y/n.”

“i love you too, jungwon.” you smile at him, a twinge of sadness still evident in your expression, a result of the heated argument you two just had. you pull him up by his cheeks, your lips meeting his a kiss filled with love, fear, and relief. you taste the saltiness of his tears on his lips as they continue to fall from his eyes. when you pull away from him, he gently drags you down onto the bed with him, his warm body enveloping yours in a tight embrace. you hear his uncontrollable sniffles coming from behind you, making you turn to face him. your hands instinctively move to his face to wipe his tears away, and his eyes close at the feeling of your fingers carefully treading his soft skin.

“wonie, baby, it’s okay, i’m here with you.” you whisper to him, kissing his nose in reassurance, trying to soothe his emotions that are still in the process of coming down from their high. his heart rate starts to slow at the sound of your sweet voice calling him by your nicknames for him again.

“i just can’t believe i almost lost you, princess. that was so scary,” your heart aches knowing that you made him hurt like that, but at the same time, you knew it had to be done. “please don’t ever do that to me again. i promise i’ll never give you a reason to feel like you need more than me ever again.” his hands move to rest on top of yours which are still placed on his cheeks.

“i won’t, baby. i didn’t want to hurt you, but i guess i needed you to understand how i felt. i never wanted to bring it up before because i didn’t want to add my needs to your already full plate.” you can’t shake the slight feeling of embarrassment that rises at the realization that this whole argument happened because you hid this one thing from him.

“you can always tell me anything, my love. your needs are my priority, your happiness being the most important thing to me over everything else in the world. please don’t ever think otherwise.” his eyes don’t leave your glossy, embarrassed ones as he speaks, ensuring that you remember his words. his chapped lips move to leave a soft kiss on your forehead, his lips barely grazing your skin as if he’s scared you’ll fade away at his touch. “and next time there’s something on your mind, please just tell me as soon as it comes up. slapping a bandaid on it is just going to let it fester and blow up again, and i can’t stress enough how badly i don’t want to lose you.” 

“i understand, wonie. i’m not going anywhere.”

he nods, relief washing over his features. “no more hiding our feelings, okay?” a small smile breaking through his tears.

“okay,” you promise, feeling the warmth of his hands still cradling yours, grounding you in the moment.

in that shared silence, you both know that challenges may still lie ahead, but you know you have each other. and right now, that’s more than enough.