Tw Eating Disorder - Tumblr Posts

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you weren’t meant to be fucking skinny and that’s okay.

Modern diet culture and female beauty standards are horrendous, we had a horrible relationship with food. Don’t know if it was quite on the level of an eating disorder but in the very least it was close! We stopped eating regularly and felt really bad about when we did. It got to the point we ended up needing to have other headmates force us to not skip meals for our health.

We got pressured into a diet for a bit by our mother but we’ve started pushing back. We’ve been “cheating” on our diet, if you will. Our mental health is not stable enough to deprive ourselves of our little treats! We can have a bit of candy, it won’t kill us and will help us with our mental health.

What we really need is medical transition and our mother pressured us into a diet with some bs about how we won’t be able to transition medically unless we lose weight. That’s not true. You don’t need to be skinny to use HRT. I don’t even know why she said that, she doesn’t know shit about HRT, but it was cruel and effective and really damaged our self esteem.

We’ve realized we aren’t actually self conscious about our weight, it was just the societal expectations and shame put on us since we are expected to be a woman, combined with dysphoria of our body not being “right” but not being sure what’s wrong until recently. We just assumed the issue must be what society had told us all our life, that we don’t like how we look because we’re overweight, when that’s not the case at all.

We’ve realized we don’t really care about our weight because it’s not as important as we were led to believe! But sometimes we doubt, like if everyone is saying you can only be healthy when skinny what if we’re wrong? So it’s reassuring to see this. It’s really helpful to us to be reminded that diet culture is bullshit.

-Strix (she/they)

god i hate how normalized diet culture and shit like bmi and calories are. bmi is based on eugenics. calories are a measurement of how much energy something gives u and not at all of how much weight or fat ull gain. diets have been proven to be harmful and ultimately unhelpful in actually losing weight. fatness has been largely proven to not be inherently unhealthy and doesnt inherently cause health issues.

if anyone has more good links to add on then please do and if anyone knows more on this stuff than me then dont hesitate to correct me!

Everyday Freak of Science: part 4

(I, the author of this work, do not consent to this work being crossposted/translated without my knowledge or used to train an AI, ever.)

Masterlist

I can't sleep. I'm not used to having to lull myself away, after all- back in the lab, sleepless nights were thwarted with drugs, lightly dispensed into my tank until I was away and dreaming. This is different. I thought the lack of machines I'm hooked up to would make it easier to sleep.

Sigh. I should just get up and change- that's what my roommate's done, after all.

Okay, this outfit... looks great! The gold on the lapels of the jacket, the pale blue vest thing, the comfy pants- oh, I might need to take another potion soon.

The door opens quietly.

"Requiem, I've brought your potion and breakfast. If this is not enough, then you are free to get more portions from the dorm lounge- or the Monstro Lounge, if you have the funds."

"Uh, thank you, Jade."

Oh, thank the higher-ups! He has my potion. And, even better- there's algae on my plate! What a relief. I don't want to eat meat- it's never just been on my tongue, always getting forced into me by a scientist.

I don't want to think about that, so I'll just drink the potion and eat the algae. The potion is surprisingly savory, with a tiny hint of sweet, and the algae is terrible, but it's not meat- not that horrible taste and texture that make me gag, that were always forced down my throat because I could never bring myself to eat them.

Trauma. That's the word. I stopped eating one day, and then I was force-fed, and then I never wanted to eat again. It was always meat.

Admittedly, the reason it was always meat was an excellent one. I can't digest plant matter, though I don't know if that's a species thing or a lab creation thing.

Ugh. I should go and eat.

Ooh, this place is nice! The lighting is ambient, it's not too bright, and there's a big table of food. Sea grasses, algae, and the dreaded crustaceans, fish, and seagull all line the table, piled high atop shiny plates.

I'm not taking any meat. In fact, I'm here to return some. Sure, I can't gain from the plants, but I'm not someone who likes eating meat. I should be, but I'm not.

Whatever. The mullet slides onto the plate easily enough, and nobody saw. I don't need to eat much anyway, right? If I just try, I'll be fine, even with an empty stomach.

Even if it's false, I'm still going to dream.

Okay, I should meet with Azul to discuss my phone. That's a good distraction. Where is that office?..

"Hello, Melanopterus. Is there something you need?"

"Phone."

"Ah, but of course! Here you are. I doubt you'll have time to set it up before class, though... You'll probably have to manage that after or during dinner."

"Alright, thank you."

I ought to go to class.

First period is tiring. My lack of sleep makes it ever-worse, as does my empty stomach. I faint, at some point- my rescuer, the boy who carries me to the nurse's office, is very, very loud. Sebek, he calls himself, but I imagine many call him boisterous. His voice booms. Nevertheless, he carries me to safety, unprompted.

Second period is boring. I remain conscious only by doodling in the margins of the notebook Jade so kindly left on my nightstand this morning, with a pencil he so kindly left with it.

Third period is fascinating. Though I fight it the whole way through, I can still feel nausea building up in my abdomen. I harness that, turning it into focus on the given tasks. Learning about the Sea Witch is more than enough to keep me from going to the nurse, though.

And then, lunch. I'm terrified, to be honest- what if Jade realizes I can't eat plants? What if Azul insists I eat lunch with him to set up my phone?

Oh, no. The nausea is stronger now, stronger now that I can smell the food. Meat- lots of it. I want to eat some, and I want it as far away from me as possible- biology versus psychology, and I can't win.

Turtle grass. I'll take some of that. I was never fed that in the lab. It tastes like something inedible, and it technically is, but I don't care-

Oh, no. The nausea is too much, I'm going to vomit, I need a bathroom, where's the bathroom? I can't keep this down. I can't. Is it here?

I burst into a stall, slam the stall door shut behind me, and release my breakfast and lunch into the water. Gross. But, hey, I feel a little better now.

Crap. I'm hungry again. It's more plant matter or meat. I don't want either one, but I'll go for the pants anyway- what's that sound? Heels clacking on linoleum.

"Requiem." Jade's voice is calm, with an underlying current of barely restrained anger. "What are you doing?"

"N-nothing, Jade, I just, um." He's looking down at me like I'm prey and he's predator. "I-I got nauseous during P.E. a-and it got worse when I ate. That's all."

"Look me in the eye, Requiem." He closes his right eye, leaving only the yellow one for me to stare into. "There we go. Shock the Heart."

Something overtakes me. What is this strange sensation? I feel idle- empty, but in a calm sort of way. It's...pretty comfortable, actually. I could get used to this.

"Why did you throw up?"

My voice speaks without me. For a moment, a brief moment, a surge of panic washes through me- I don't want to answer- and then it is calmed into nothing, washed away with the waves that exist only within me.

"I cannot digest what I have eaten."

Jade's gaze looks disapproving. "What did you eat?"

Again, my voice goes on without me, and the momentary wave of panic flows away as quick as it comes. "I had algae for breakfast, and turtle grass for lunch."

"What can you digest?"

"Meat."

He takes my face in his hands, pulling me into a standing position. "Why didn't you eat the mullet I brought you?"

"I don't want to eat meat."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to."

The spell dissapates. I remain, still and staring into his eye, for another second. Then, he moves.

"Come with me."

His hand is clamped around my wrist, and I have no choice but to do as he says.

Everyday Freak of Science: part 7

(I, the author of this work, do not consent to this work being crossposted/translated without my knowledge or used to train an AI, ever.)

Masterlist

Jade pauses, considering his next words. His apparent brother, however, either doesn't realize that or doesn't care, because he interrupts.

"Blacktip reef shark? Why's one of them in here?"

Jade doesn't sigh, but Azul does. How peculiar, the speaker doesn't mind it but the witness does.

"I was getting there, dear brother. This particular blacktip reef shark has some... issues involving food. He cannot digest plant matter, but appears to have flashbacks when eating meat."

"Flashbacks? To what?"

"To whatever made him stop eating meat in the first place."

"He looks frail."

Well, that's pretty obvious- no need to say it out loud, Floyd! I'm changing the subject. Passive aggression sounds really appealing right about now, too. I'm doing both.

"Thanks!" I beam.

Floyd, Jade, and Azul now all look baffled, but Azul remains silent. The twins do not, and their shared confusion reflects in their voices.

"Eeh? What's Melanopte-chaaaan talkin' about?/What exactly do you mean by that?"

Yes! They've taken the bait.

"Oh, y'know... the strongest ones always died first. Never really lasted more than a week, poor things. Being too weak just meant ya never made it into your water- you'd just never live over an hour, and they wouldn't waste a tank on ya. But, frail? That's the sweet spot. We frail ones got to live."

I'm not really lying, exept in one regard: the strong ones didn't die. The researchers would preserve them and they'd end up with a bunch of machines around them, keeping them alive and totally out of it. I don't feel like explaining that, though, so I summed it up as "died."

Jade is looking away. I saw him nod. Floyd, however, is staring right at me. I stare back, but only into his left eye- that encounter with Jade has taught me my lesson about looking Leeches in the yellow one.

Finally, Floyd asks me the question I've been waiting to hear: "What the fuck are you talking about?"

I grin. He's swallowed the lure, too.

"The lab I was made in."

Uncomfortable scilence. One second, two seconds, four. Five draws into six draws into seven draws into eight- still, nobody dares speak or move. Twelve seconds. Thirteen. Floyd's eyes dart around the room, fliting from me to Jade and back again. Behind the nervous, teal-haired boy, Azul blinks. The stillness settles back over the room. Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty seconds, and nobody dares break this suffocating scilence.

Twenty-two. Twenty-three. An off-putting twenty-five. Azul inhales deeply and resumes his quiet, shallow breaths. Twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty. I can feel Jade's eyes darting around the room. My gaze sharpens. Thirty seconds of this, and all three of them have willingly kept it going. Minimal interruptions, and it's only growing longer. Thirty-eight, thirty-nine... Forty.

How odd. Humans hate scilence, do these ones love it? Peculiarities, all three of them. Forty-two, forty-three, forty-four... We're approaching a minute now, and not one of these three unusual people has break it for any longer than a second. Fifty. Fifty-one. Fifty-two. Floyd is glaring at me now. Fifty-four. Fifty-five. Just five seconds more, and it'll have been a minute.

Five. Four. Three. Two. One. At long last, the scilence is shattered, a voice that surprises me with the anxiety and fear behind it practically echoing in the small room.

"Jade, what the hell is he talking about?"

I suppress a laugh. Floyd sounds downright terrified. He's talking quickly and staring right at his brother, but does not twitch. Interesting.

Jade stands. I am suddenly supporting my own weight, and the unexpectedness of that leads to me kneeling on the floor for a quick second before standing on my own two legs. Let's pretend I didn't try to stand so fast I fell.

"Well..." Jade leans in and starts whispering in his brother's ear. I can't catch much, but the words "issue" and "experiment" are easy enough to pick out of the conversation.

"Oh, okay." Floyd sounds a little defeated now. I guess it's an improvement from "scared," at least for him. "Why don't'cha just try cooking it? I'll go and make something right now!"

Before I can properly register what he just said, the exited twin is out of the room. The door slams behind him. Jade sighs and turns to me.

"Regarding your eating disorder: is the taste the problem?"

"Uh... good question. Never thought about it." As embarrassing as it is (not much) to admit, it's true.

Jade closes his eyes and contemplates. As soon as he's done that, they're open again and there's a piece of salmon on his fork. I notice that one of the cutting tentacles is gone- did Floyd eat it, or did I just miscount them to start? Maybe I'm going insaner. Is that even a word? Case in point, I guess.

Azul sits next to me. "I take it you've never worked at a café before?"

I think back. Part of my puphood was media- anime, movies, books, even the occasional podcast. They were used for many things- teaching me, testing me, entertaining me- sometimes it was all three. Those days were fun.

"I'll take that as a no. Do you know how cafés work?"

Oh, that's right, I'm talking to Azul. "There were a lot of shows and books... I think, around half had a café of some sort. I've always thought they looked cool."

Secretly, I've always wanted to live in one. When I was really little, I thought café workers lived in their shops, sleeping in an unknown place in the back. When I got older, I was shown a book about a woman who got a job at a café, and that got cleared up. Still, my little fantasy remained.

Azul does the "pay attention to me" throat noise that humans make when they want people to listen to what they're trying to say. "Well, you're going to need training. Jade and Floyd will handle that, but you do need to pay attention, okay? You can't learn it if you don't try."

I nod. "Okay."

The door opens. Jade walks in, small, clear glass of water in hand. I didn't see him leave. Back in the lab, people leaving was just one of those things I learned to ignore.

He takes the fork from the plate, drops the salmon in, and stirs. I watch, entranced, and Azul pushes his glasses up on his nose.

He holds the glass up to my lips. "Try this." I obey.

An experiment, something different, to see if I'll eat on my own-

Jade is shaking me by my shoulders. My voice- I'm yelling, shouting for help. "Calm down, calm down. You're okay. Look around. See where you are?"

Jade sounds calm and collected, and I focus on his voice. Firm, but kind. I use that to ground myself.

"I-I... I think I'm okay now."

The door opens again. I freeze, momentarily failing to recognize the boy in the doorway as not-a-fake-Jade. However, my mind is pulled away from that as soon as I realize Floyd is carrying a plate with the cuttlefish tentacle and some sort of sauce on top, obscuring its shape.

"Here ya go!" His voice is cheery, uncharacteristic of the room and its vibe. It's a little nice, to be honest.

I take the plate and Jade hands me a fork. When I poke at the sauce, it reveals the tentacle to be darker than it was before.

Floyd grins. His teeth are slightly thinner than my own. "I grilled it."

Distantly, I hear Azul tell the twins they're going to be training me. He sounds like he's in the next room over- I'm too busy staring at the plate.

...Can I bring myself to eat this?

TW: venting about my whole ass panic attack. So yeah

So I'm literally in tears rn. My acne flared up really bad. My nose is to big. My lips are too small. My hair just won't work with me. I may be skinny isn't good when your face looks like God hit you 1000000000000000000000x with the ugly stick.

My brother decided to say, "It's not that bad. Why are you upset?"

Easy to say when you have every female in the world falling at your feet.

Like all my siblings got the attractive gene & my genes decided I'd be the ugly one.

My teeth are messed up to. Not lined up, under bite. Got scars lining my body so that's another flaw to add.

Why would anyone decide to date me.

The guy I was dating kill himself. I would to if I was dating me.

He didn't even leave my ugly ass a note. Such a shame ig.

Got ADHD, Bipolar, ODD, Generalized Anxiety, Depression, PTSD, & now possibly falling on the Autism spectrum.

Ugly af

Annoying af

Always fall in everyone's shadows. Only this person's younger sister or this persons older sister maybe this other person's daughter.

Can't even make a name for myself. Sometimes I wish I'd disappear. I was suppose to have a twin. If she made it maybe it'd be better.

School is stressing me out. I somehow passed last year. Kind of tired.

I'm just tired.

No matter how hard I try or how hard I work. Nothing will ever be enough.

Not for me, my mum, my siblings, my friends, my teachers, no one. I'm never enough.

I have a panic attack my mum decides the cry.

What gives her the right. She looks great. She's witty, kind, independent, knows what she wants. So why is she crying. Literally nothing happened.

You're crying cause I'm upset & making everyone else upset. Literally not my fault I'm having a panic attack while looking in the mirror.

Hell now I've started starving myself. Afraid of weight gain ig

I lie. Say how cool my family is. How I don't care whether I am skinny or not. Lie that I'm not ugly or pretty. I lie. Straight through my teeth.

I pretend my life is so great.

No.

I never have been close with my mum. I've always wanted to. Seems everytime I start to I get pushed back.

My mother is proud of all my other siblings.

I gave up on art. I was like 12 or 13. I went to show my mother a drawing.

My mother told me to shut up as my older brother & sister were gonna sing. She couldn't even wait one second to take a glance.

When she decided to look. After praising her oh so talented children. She just said my drawing was cool.

I flushed that drawing down the toilet.

I've decided that I'll just not try.

I'm 16 atm. I try to impress my mother. Be a oh so good kid.

Never one glance.

Where did I go wrong.

My ex boyfriend gave me hope. Maybe someone could love me. Someone could find a way to look past all my flaws & see some beauty that I just couldn't see.

But the rope he hung from could say different.

No goodbye, no letter. Nothing.

Last words were him breaking up with me in a group chat without notifying me .

Having to find out through someone he hates.

Someone who he despises knew.

Then when I joined. He just ridiculed me. Put me down. Kept saying cruel words. Just to break up. Then leave this world.

I know I wasn't the cause. That his world came to an end. But why?

I've only ever looked at the bright side. Wanted to help others. Sit by those who hurt. Helping others gave me purpose. Hope that maybe I one day could.

My mother's name is Hope though. Even she couldn't believe in me. How ironic. The woman who gave birth to me is named Hope. Yet any hope she could've had in me never met my eyes.

I would leave the world as well. I guess I just like the challenge. Tried to leave a couple times. Each one a fail. For 6 minutes & few seconds. My heart stopped. I was at peace. Then my heart decides to beat again. Body decides to work again.

October 23rd 2018. Was my near death experience. Was great honestly. Sadly death just won't take me. No matter how much I've tried. Even death doesn't want me.

How ironic. Death takes everyone. Yet not me.

Take people I care about. Not me though.

I gave up on attempting suicide. Never leads me to death.

I just kind of exist now.

Mother won't let me get a job. Won't let me pierce even my ears.

She says she cares yet victim cards Trump all.

I weirdly love my family though.

My mother saved me from going to foster care. Plus my father was abusive. The memories that'll never leave haven't grown because of her.

Yet it seems I really was just part of the package.

To care for any of the others. I was just the con.

She showed up to my football practice in 8th grade.

She looked so proud & congratulated me on knocking guys 10x my height down. For once she was proud.

One of my matches she showed up to. I was knocked down by a kid. Are team lost. Any hope she had in me. I could see disappear.

She lectured me after. Saying how I could've done better.

I quit the team. Coach said that I shouldn't. It just wasn't as full filing when the person who gives birth to you. Well the one you spend all your time trying to make proud. Look at you with cold eyes.

I had a choir concert not even a year ago. I did the whole thing. Hoping maybe she walk in. See that I was overcoming my fear of singing on stage.

She texted me once I was done. She waited outside the entire time.

Didn't take the time to come in. I thought maybe she was doing something. Shopping or riding around. No. She just sat in the parking lot.

It hurts. I lost my childhood. Lost someone I loved. Lost any hope of my mum being proud. Lost my pride. Lost any love for myself. Lost any meaning for my life.

I've given up. Won't kill myself.

Wouldn't give myself the satisfaction. Plus I've tried to many times. Shot my shot. Missed everyone besides one that I rimmed & missed.

Guess I'll live just to survive. Then die peacefully in life.

Maybe I'll die saving someone. That'd be good to. Be remembered as someone who saved someone .

Well thx for reading ig

SORRY FOR THE VERY PERSONAL COMIC!!

This is my half of “Unhealthy”, an essay comic double header with the lovely and talented Sarah Winifred Searle. She and I both wrote about our personal experiences as overweight ladies with eating disorders, and her story is breathtaking! You can buy a physical copy of the book here: https://topatoco.com/collections/abby-howard/products/ah-unhealthy

Or buy a digital PDF here: https://abbyhoward.itch.io/unhealthy

Warning- Mentions of Eating Disorders Below CuT

This just came to me out of nowhere but what if Skully, our lovable goof in the newest Twst event, has an Eating disorder?

Think about it. He either admired Jack Skellington so much, he starved himself to look like him the best he could.

Or

He had the Eating Disorder prior to being obsessed to Jack and now cosplays as Jack to cope and hide that fact.

Or

Maybe I'm overthinking again about how serious his dedication to his osshi is.

This was me thinking about if he ever gets hungry in this event like back in the Stitch one, where everyone on that team still felt hunger on that island. If Skully was also sucked into the book, he still has his senses, like hunger.

But then again, he's obsessed with Jack so... who knows what's going on under that fan boy grin?

Hello! I would like to know if you have any spn dark fic rec? I have read a lot of them but I'm running low. I don't care how dark, fucked up or long they are (as long as they are good and not being fucked up just for the sake of it) and any ship is ok, although I *do* prefer Destiel. Thank you very much in advance! :)

ooh, this is a good one! i'm not sure exactly what you would class as dark but here are a few destiel fics which would definitely require you to check all the tags before reading :)

Nightmares Lived (It'll Be Okay) by CrowleysRat (11k)

this is an angsty fic about how john treated dean as a kid! it's got major character death and hurt no comfort so i'm pretty sure it classes as dark lmao

Snow Bones by full_moon_pills (6.4k)

this one is set after dean gets possessed by michael, and involves him suffering with mental health problems (especially eating disorders) because of it. it's pretty angsty but it is written beautifully!

Smells Like Roses by orphan_account (53k)

honestly there is no reason for me to include this fic on this list, other than the fact that the premise of it absolutely horrifies me. i don't really want to spoil it in case you haven't read it, but seriously, it always gives me chills.

You Can Keep Holding On by Northern_Sparrow (352k)

again, this one isn't so much dark as incredibly angsty... but it is absolutely incredible and the emotional rollercoaster i went through while reading it was impressive!

Down Like Water by museaway (14k)

this is my all time favourite major character death fic so i had to include it on here <3

Father Knows Best by DarkHeartInTheSky (81k)

this is just top tier john winchester being an asshole along with some whump :)

the inexhaustible silence of houses by Askance (31k)

this fic is basically a horror movie and it has haunted me ever since i first read it, so i really recommend it!

4545 by anyrei and queerwerewolf (120k)

now this one is set in a dystopian society, and the whole setting is pretty dark, but it is somehow still really sweet!

alright, i think that's about it!! again, all of these have warnings so please check them out properly and read the tags so you can keep yourself safe. i hope you enjoy them, and thank you to all the writers for writing them!! if anyone else wants to request some fic recs, just drop me an ask!

She knows what she looks like and she knows she is sick. Her being so low weight is the only way she can call for help.

The amount of self hate involved with being ed at a low weight is ungodly massive. She isn't unaware of her issues. HOWEVER she can not deal with them. They are bigger than her. Her condition is effecting her brain in a terrible way.

She probably wants help. But when you have a disorder like this they are a slave to it. There is nothing outside of the disorder.

The comments on Eugenia Cooney’s videos are infinitely more triggering and harmful than anything Eugenia does in her videos. They’re 90% variations of these two things:

-“ShE kNoWs ExActLy WhAt ShE’s DoInG”  

what the fuck does that mean? you know when you’re having a panic attack that doesn’t mean it’s calculated or a choice or somehow not genuine????? 

-“aaAa you’re BODY CHECKING you’re so Manipulative!”

???? that’s….. literally a symptom of an ED???? checking? like a compulsion? why are you acting like you caught her?  

This shit makes me want to fucking die. I feel like nobody understands and if i opened up they’d think I was an awful person. what the fuck is wrong with people? I hate it when people say “google is free” but accurate information about mental illness is not hard to find. It’s so depressing that we have access to so much info yet people never second guess what some drama influencer who knows nothing (or even designs these things to have the power to make people die) tells them. Shows nobody gives a fuck.

the vacker family and their fucked relationships with food <3

tw: eating disorders

Alden - He's mostly okay (in this aspect), but sometimes forgets to eat because he gets so wrapped up in his work, or he'll get up to eat and then end up watching the fish for half an hour before sitting back down. Usually he only misses one or two meals a week, but the longest he went was like 45 hours, and nobody noticed, since they only have meals together when other people are over or for special occasions or holidays.

Della - she's had an eating disorder since she started dating Alden, which wasn't Alden's fault, more like Della thought she couldn't be good enough to be in the Vacker family. It spiraled out of control a few months into their relationship, and was really bad for a year or so, but now she manages it. She has a certain amount of calories she allows herself to eat in a day, and measures food out very carefully, never eating anything if she doesn't know what went into it. She fasts all day once or twice a week. During family gatherings, parties, or other events, she lets herself eat anything she wants, especially to keep up appearances, as long as she throws up not long after. Edaline noticed once, but Della told her it must have been something in the food. Eda worried for a while, but years went by and she eventually put it in the back of her mind.

Alvar - He hated himself since he was a kid, and he noticed Della's eating habits, and how little she ate, and picked up on that in his early teens. He tried to force himself to eat less and less, then he started binging late at night, then he felt terrible about it and made himself throw up. At some point he started doing this nightly, and somehow found comfort in this routine, despite how much it hurt and how bad it was for him. He sought help from Elwin once he started the elite levels, since it had been messing with other parts of his life. He slowly got mostly better, but he'd sometimes binge and purge on bad nights. Once, Keefe walked in on him forcing himself to throw up after Alvar had snuck a bunch of food, while Keefe was with the Neverseen. He was having a bad night because he thought a little too much about his family and how he can never go back.

Fitz - Like Alvar, Fitz also observed his mom, and over time started to become obsessed with his weight, especially after the attack in flashback, where he was unable to eat much for a long time and ended up losing a lot. He weighed himself after going back to Everglen, and the stress with Alvar being there made it hard to have an appetite anyway. That was the lowest weight he was, and when he noticed he'd gained after starting to eat more normally, he freaked out and started eating less. Biana was the only one who noticed, and she started to get concerned. Fitz admitted to her that he was trying to lose weight, but he had it completely under control. Spoiler alert: he does not.

Biana - She doesn't really have an eating disorder, but she often diets and tries to limit her food intake, because she never sees herself as good enough, pretty enough, etc. She tends to overeat when she's stressed, and then tries to make up for it by eating less afterwards. She used to try to force herself to throw up, but never succeeded, and eventually decided it wasn't worth it. She's been doing better now than she used to, now that she has real friends who she can talk to, and who love her for more than what the world sees her as.

The fact that people encourage me to skip meals and stuff when I am already told by doctors that I need to get more nutrition in my blood (iron deficient and deficient in other vitamins too just not as severe) baffles me

i've recognised a pattern in fics.

i was looking for fics about eating disorders, specifically binge eating disorder, to make me feel a bit better about mine.

all i found, were; anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. maybe one or two on binge eating disorder.

we need to recognise that anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa isn't 'cooler' than binge eating disorder.

being skinny isn't 'cooler' than being overweight.

i mean no hate to people with anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa, i'm saying that in fics they are more popular, because in these two disorders you're underweight and skinny, because apparently in our fucked up society they can't compute that it is completely fine to be overweight.

gladly, i have seen more fics on binge eating disorder, but the ratio of fics on binge eating disorder compared to anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa, is very much uneven.

this is not on anyone who has is, this is on our fucked up society for putting in peoples brains that, skinny= good, overweight = bad.

this is not right in any way, shape or form, whatsoever

i mean no offence to skinny people, whatsoever.

normalise binge eating disorder, normalise being overweight, normalise thick thighs, normalise *beautiful* stretch marks, normalise soft stomachs.

normalise binge eating disorder

I finally found a counselor whose treatment for my restrictive disordered eating is learning self love and not “have you tried losing weight this way instead?” 😄

My last one straight up told me she didn’t believe I have a problem because I’ve never been underweight and then recommended portion control and intermittent fasting which is basically what I was doing. The one before her straight up congratulated me on losing 65lbs by basically starving myself.

EATING DISORDER - TEXTING THE LOVE AND DEEPSPACE MEN

Warnings : mentions of eating disorders and weight loss, unhealthy coping mechanisms, conflict avoidance, reader is gender-neutral!

Genre : hurt/comfort I guess?

Additional notes : To the nonnies who requested this, and to everyone who’s ever struggled with an eating disorder: I see you and my heart goes out to you. It’s a hard struggle and a vicious cycle, but I know we can all break through one day💗💗💗💗

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Not hungry, if try to eat food, will taste like ash. Favorite/comfort foods might give some flavor but are on thin ice.

One of my least favorite mental illness things is “hungry but dont feel like eating” and its companions “hungry but all the food in the house is Illegal,” “hungry but can’t make anything,” and “hungry, want to eat, but why bother”

thoughts on pro-ana? (gathering data for a paper/report)

awful and dangerous. i hope everyone in those circles will someday get the help they need, and that all the people they hurt—because pro-ana spaces hurt people uninvolved in them, too, for example people whose personal photos are used as "fatspo"—will also find healing.

I ate some cake in the morning and I will try not to eat anything until tomorrow morning to save calories, I need to lose the fucking weight

(TW: disordered eating, fatphobia, body image stuff)

Putting it under the cut because it's a long one.

It's a fucking miracle I've made it this far without a severe eating disorder. It's insane to think back on how fucking disgustingly fatphobic my dad was growing up (and still is sometimes, tbh). Like, some of my clearest memories of things he's said to me involve him shitting on other people for being "fat."

Like, the most vivid one is when we were stopped at a Wendy's on a family road trip, and there was a girl close to my age, probably a few years younger, wearing those Soffee gym shorts. The waistband was cutting into her sides a little so it looked like she had a "muffin top" (she was absolutely not overweight, probably skinnier than me at the time tbh) and he said something like "I can't believe how fat kids are these days - she's probably one of the fittest girls in her class and she looks like that." Literally if you have enough skin for it to be dented by your clothes, you're fat and unattractive.

He would always comment on how much too skinny or too fat women on TV were, or the clothes other people wore in public, or the food other people were eating (ESPECIALLY if they were bigger, but also if they were very thin). He also loved to say any disabled person who was at all visibly overweight "isn't disabled, they're just fat," or otherwise blame their disability on their fatness.

I also remember him shitting on my mom's weight when I was even younger, when I was weighing myself (I think, or maybe using the scale to weigh something I was holding). He said something like "yeah your mom's 175lbs 😬😬😬" as if that was so fucking fat. For a very long time I had in my head that anything over 200lbs was like, an actual whale. I'm currently about 180-185lbs at 5'8", and it's fucking crazy to me that he was calling my mom fat TO HER CHILD at a similar BMI to where I am now, after she BORE HIM THAT CHILD!!!!!

I think maybe what saved me is that it crossed the event horizon in my mind, like he was *too* ridiculous about it so that even my very malleable, insecure brain was like "that seems like an insane thing to say, actually." He also never said much directly *about my body* to my face that I can remember, which definitely helped, but he did (and still does) *constantly* harp on how I need to exercise, get in shape, go outside, whatever - even when I was working a job that literally required heavy lifting, walking long distances, and other assorted manual labor outdoors for literally 8 hours a day!!!! (Which, guess what!!! My highest weight was while I was at that job, because I was fucking miserable!!!)

And like, I definitely don't have a particularly great and healthy relationship with food, nor with my own body/appearance, but oh my god I got so lucky because it honestly should've been so much worse.

"I'm really insecure about my weight but also im worried about falling back into my eating disorder habits"

Therapist: Lets talk about how you can eat less

"I'm really dysphoric and don't want to shower"

Therapist: Oh, what's making you dyphoric? Your breasts and your vagina?

I fucking hate therapy I want to stop this, this was a mistake

My ED is starting to take over again, and I’m scared. I thought that I was over this. I’m trying hard to fight through this, but I think I’m losing.