Trauma Dumping - Tumblr Posts
Seven words，
Seven stabs and followed hurts，
A fountain filled with blood
That's when I wake up
☆ Written by me ☆
☆ Explanation: the sentence which is written in the picture has seven words. if these kind of words ends up unrequited, they would be seven stabs pointed to your own heart. “waking up” in here can have different meanings and I'll let this one up to you.
Well, now I’m absolutely pissed.
Just learned that our ex-abuser had told Blue🍓 (our host for those who don’t know and the one who suffered the most from the past abuse) that they shouldn’t trust their headmates.
Our ex-abuser had said not to trust our headmates. Said it was to take “system-responsibility.” Said it was because “no headmate should ever be fully trusted.”
To that ex-abuser, I say fuck you. Because we are all literally here to keep the system safe no matter what. Yes, persecutors go about it the wrong way, don’t get me wrong. But what the absolute fuck?
We are all literally here because of the trauma we have endured and because there was this little girl, sad and alone, who had no support system. So the brain made up its own. And that’s where everyone else in the system comes in.
Blue🍓 knows it’s ok the trust us, because we’re all here for them and each other. We’re the support for everyone else that we desperately needed growing up. We are the loving parents (no matter how hard our parents tried to be so, they sadly failed but we care for them anyway), we are the older siblings, the friends, the ones who never leave due to just naturally growing apart. We’re the ones that will always have the backs of our headmates because no one has ever had our backs. When it came to our past abusers, our friends always chose them over us because our past abusers are always more “traumatized” and more “broken” than us.
And to everyone who believes that shit about comparing trauma, fuck right off because trauma is trauma and you seriously should not compare trauma you mfs. Just because an abuser is traumatized does not mean they are excused from that abuse. Just because an abuse victim lashes out and pushes back at one point or another does not mean they weren’t abused.
So for fucks sake, I hope everyone who has blocked us because they know about the drama that happened with our ex-abuser and took our abuser’s side rots in hell no matter how nice they are because they are comparing trauma and ignoring the abuse another person inflicted on another because they deem them to be “more traumatized.”
We’ve moved on from the aftermath of the abuse, we’re getting better, we’re living life and absolutely having a blast about it (currently on vacation, got a tattoo, hot tub soaks, ocean waves, so many gluten-free restaurants with some bomb ass food). But I am still pissed that people are supporting our abuser in all of this. That’s the only thing pissing me off. That there are people who compare our traumas and decide that the abuser is the victim here.
Also a note: our abuser was younger than us. Yes that can happen. Abusers can be any age. If anyone thinks someone younger can’t abuse someone older, you are very much wrong. Abuse is abuse.
Ok. That’s my internet ramble over.
-🎳
I drew myself as I am now in headspace.
Being a factive is super hard… especially when my source caused so much trauma for us (sadly, all of what my source had done was unintentional and with 0 malicious intent).
It… sucks. Knowing that my source is a real person out there living his life, completely unaware of everything we’ve gone through. Especially since he blocked us.
No one else in the system might hold resentment towards him, but I do. You might be able to tell who he is, since my art style is… really similar to his. Or at least how his was when we knew him.
It really sucks knowing what he’s gone through, and having my own ideas of what he’s currently going through. Knowing how badly my headmates want to contact him because they’re so worried about him. I completely understand.
It just sucks knowing that I’m just a copy of him formed because of the trauma he and his boyfriend caused us.
While we struggle and attempt to find a way to get better, to heal from the past trauma and attempt to build connections with people that might actually last, they have no idea. They don’t know what they did to us, do they? They have no idea how many nightmares our host has had about it. About the random triggers we find. About the things we can no longer enjoy because of the trauma they caused us.
We had a panic attack when going to see the FNaF movie, something people in this system have been looking forward to for 8 years, because of what they did. Because of the hurt they inflicted.
Ghost feels he can’t enjoy Taleblr anymore because of the hurt they inflicted. Blue handed him the TMNTPIE AU not only to focus more on the AFF, but because Taleblr is a source of trauma for us now because of what they did.
And knowing that my source was one of the causes for all of this… it hurts… especially when everyone here treats me so kindly… Blue and Ghost both call me their little sister. And I’m very grateful for that…
I just wish so badly that my source didn’t do this shit to us.
-🧸
Adding onto this with some things I've experienced.
Guilt-tripping: "The intentional manipulation of another person's emotions to induce feelings of guilt" (Liza Gold). In layman's terms, it means to actively and intentionally make someone else feel guilty for something that, most of the time, they have no need to feel guilty for in order to get what you want.
What it is not: Someone genuinely expressing their emotions, even if it makes you feel guilty.
Trigger: Something that affects your emotional state in an extreme, often negative way. This can lead to being overwhelmed or highly distressed. They affect your ability to remain present and function in the moment. It may also be defined more strictly as something that leads to a flashback or panic attack.
What it is not: Something that makes you feel a little uncomfortable or that you'd rather avoid. It's also not a generally unpleasant topic that makes most people upset, unless that does trigger you, in which case. It is.
Trauma-Dumping: "Sharing specific details about a traumatic experience with somebody who isn’t ready or doesn’t want to hear it" (Naomi Torres-Mackie). This can include doing it repeatedly or inappropriately. This can be highly distressing to the person who's on the other end of it, especially if they themself end up triggered by the content within it.
What it is not: Someone complaining about their day, or someone venting to you about regular issues.
A lot of pop psychology gets thrown around and since I already have a headache, here's preventing you lot from making it worse.
Love-bombing: A manipulation tactic of increasing affection and grand gestures before or after doing something abusive, specifically to weasel one's way out of consequences.
What it is not: A streak of affection and generosity towards friends/loved ones.
Trauma-bonding: Knowingly traumatizing someone to take advantage of their vulnerable state, to then act like the "hero" or the one who cheers them up.
What it is not: Bonding over similar traumas.
Gaslighting: *Knowingly* convincing someone they cannot trust their own perception of a situation in pursuit of one's own narrative.
What it is not: Misaligned perception of events.
Narcissist: Someone afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a traumagenic cluster B disorder, that struggles with self-obsession, paranoia, craving validity from the public, delusions of grandeur, and social disconnection.
It is not: Your rubbish ex that cheated on you.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
-Xanthe
me to my friends: *trauma dumping*
my friends: *concerned*
me: oh um anyway also here’s some cool music i found
The last one 100%
Talking about your fears and sorrows with friends? That deepens the relationship. I like to give a trigger warning in the beginning, especially when I know the person I'm talking to might not be in the right space of mind for it at the moment or if I'm not sure whether something is a touching topic for them. I don't want to accidentally trigger my friends; that'd be awful for both of us.
On the other hand, my mom trauma dumping on me and seeking validation for her emotions as well as her actions, even if that had been actively hurting me? The fact I'm not able to freely leave in this situation, especially combined with the power dynamic makes it damaging.
One is clearly distinct to the other.
If the sky wasn't blue...
-
If the sky wasn't blue and the sea wasn't too...
would I have dared to run?
Just pack my things
and spread my wings
far away from everyone.
-
If the fire wasn't red and my friend wasn't dead...
would I have told my mum?
That I'm moving away
and why I can't stay
That she is the reason I'm numb.
-
If the kid wasn't afraid that the man bared the blade...
would I have punched his face?
The stranger who screamed at me
full of conspiracy
while my heart broke like a vase.
-
If she wasn't annoyed while she created the void...
would my heart still be okay?
Would it still be whole
without the pieces she stole
I think I'll replace them with clay
-
If my thoughts weren't hazy and my teacher not crazy...
would I have stopped with the knife?
I know life is rough
But would I be enough,
Would I be worth this life?
-
If my head was alright and the darkness brought light...
I think I might make it.
I got this chance
So I'll try a dance
Hoping that I will make it.