Su1c1d3 - Tumblr Posts

I wish I could go back to times when I was working out after every single meal 20 to 60min and really had control, but right now I don't even have intention of waking up the next day

Eu me destruí mental e fisicamente

i wish i was dead

i wish i was dead

i wish i was dead i wish i was dead i wish i was dead iwishiwasdeadiwishiwasdeadiwishiwasdeadiwishiwasdeadiwannadieiwannadieiwannadieiwannadieiwannadieimgonnakmsimgonnakmsimgonnakms

:)

i wish i was dead so badly...

like if i could take a pill and just die i would gulp that shit down in half a nanosecond

but i don't have access to poison...

god why does living have to be this hard

PLEASE JUST LET ME FUCKING DIE

WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THIS DIFFICULT???

i just. wish i wasn't useless. i want to die. i want to kill myself. i would be better as a corpse. but i fucking can't. i wish i could- but i can't! god im so fucking pathetic. why am i like this? why am i like this? why am i like this? i just wanna die. i wish i was never born. i would be better if i was never born. but i was. and now im here being a fucking burden on everyone i love. i hate myself so so much.

mmm nothing like graphically fantasising about suicide

ugh i wish i wasn't such a fucking pussy :(

"im actually gonna kill myself" proceeds to not kill myself

It's back...

I'm drowning in my depression once again...

Please god please, please please set me free from this hell let me just be happy for once please please please.

I saw this sideshow on TikTok and I want to share it here, these slides are not mine credit to the original creator ♡

For anyone thinking of falling asleep and never waking up again.

What if I d1ed in your arms? Bl00dy and cold?

Im sorry that I currwntly dont post a lot but rn im just in a really dificult space.

TW: VENT

In February I relapsed with my sh I had at that point been clean for 4 months.

I felt at that point that I could never forgive myself for how the way that I had betrayed myself.

That's probably the point in my life where I have the most physical scars from.

I was also this 🤏 close to doing another attempt but I thankfully worked through it, because I don't want to die.

I'm just tired.

I'm so tierd.

Almost a month ago I got asked out by the girl I have been in love with for 4 years now, yesterday I visited her house for the first time and I slept at her place.

Her parents are angels and they seem to thankfully really like me :)

Me and My (then) gf went upstairs to sleep and we cuddled AND we also made out.

I thought that the evening went amazing and according to my sleep tracker I have never slept that good in my life basically.

But earlier today I got a message from her telling me that she's not ready for a relationship and all that stuff (look at my post from earlier today to read the message) so I'm absolutely heart broken.

When I got home I went straight to my room so that I could ignore life and when I went downstairs for dinner this is what happened:

My ugly ass stinking annoying brother did not have the brain capacity to understand the word STOP and my other brother called me fat, which to some people would not be that big of a deal but that is my biggest complex and even though through my ed I have lost almost 25kgs in the last 8 months and it's obvious when you look at me he still calls me fat...

I just realized how little I have lost... it's been 8 fucking months...

Also, my parents were shouting at each other and it was the last week of year 8...

I dont want summer break just yet.

Not because I like school because I really don't.

I just feel like making it to summer is an accomplishment and something I look forward to.

I forget that if you keep walking, no matter how slowly, what's in the horizon will come closer and someday you will be at your destination...

This is me if you would pick me up :]

Not like anyone ever will be able to since i weigh the same as a fucking truck.

I'm not a big girl I'm a colossal girl, Jabba the Hutt level, I'm so gross like ew 🤢

Everytime I look in the mirror I expect it to break, shrek style.

If I had to describe my body I would say Jabba the Hutt meets Jon Brower Minnoch.

I wish

I wish

I wish

I wish!

I wish I was a normal teen

Whos parents would not have to worry about me fucking killing myself

I wish I didnt have to call my mom because after 8.45 i cant use my phone.

I wish the real! Friend, I have that don't judge me for beaing upset, a nerd, my past whatever!

I wish she was in my class

I wish I could move out.

Move out and live on my own.

I won't have to worry about my family saying things that hurt my very fragile feelings every day.

I wish I could move out so I would not have to eat.

I wish I could live a normal teenage life filled whith friends, parties, family, the internet, decent grades,beaing liked...

Yk all that stuff.

I can not imagine a life without depression.

At this point I don't have any reason to keep going.

Why

Why me?

Please God I beg and plead take this pain away PLEASE i can't do this anymore!

I suicide the only way out now?

Okay okay I know im fucking sick okay I know I need fucking help BUT WHY DO I HAVE TO BLEAD SO FUCKING MUTXH.

Like okay blood is fun, I like blood and crimson is my favorite color but WHY I BEARLEY CVT MYSELF THE WOUNDS ARENT DEEP AT ALL WHY ARE YOU BLEADING!

Like bruh I can't see what I'm trying to fucking do.

I'm also such a pussy that I don't really cvt I car ve so they look like scratches and my friend always cvts more and deeper.

Her scares are way more pronounced than my little pussy scares.

I need to man up and cvt like a man and not just a little pussy bitch.

I don’t wanna get better,i love this feeling.

i feel like i’m collecting diagnosis like pokémon cards

⚠️ suicide mentione/talk

Not gonna lie.... that's so fucking true....

And really only few people realize that....

"I live"

How funny it sounds after so many attempts of taking my own life

How this shit means literally nothing to me

It's just a sentence

Just words

I laugh when I hear it, say it or see it

Because I know how meaningless it is

So we just had the housing guy come round bc of something, and then the staff basically asked him to ask me to go into my room because I haven’t let them in today —which, okay, my bad but also, I’m AUTISTIC?! I need a fucking warning, and they didn’t give me one and they said oh we didn’t think you needed one and then I proceeded to cry in front of the guy because I got overwhelmed and I just. GAH.

Like yes my room is a mess. I know that. I can fucking see that! But I am working on it for fucks sake. I am currently in one of my lows and it’s making me want to fucking die and he doesn’t understand that and neither do they and I just. I am crying as I type and I hate it. I want to die or get drunk to the point of being hospitalised because at least then they’d see how bad I’ve gotten because if they have seen they sure as shit haven’t SAID ANYTHING.

And I just. I’m 23 and I hate being alive. I have hated being alive since I was a child. I literally spent most of my life wanting to be dead. I thought I’d be dead by now. And so here I am, no fucking clue on how to live, and unfortunately still alive. And I don’t need bullshit people told me about ‘oh it gets better’ IVE BEEN LIKE THIS SINCE I WAS FUCKING FIVE. I WANTED TO DIE AT FIVE.

And I’m 23 now. That’s 18 years of wanting to die. Nearly two decades and yet people go ‘oh it’ll get better’. Fuck that bullshit. It hasn’t in nearly two decades. It hasn’t since the day I felt like I died when I was a child and it probably never fucking will. So don’t give me some bullshit platitude that doesn’t mean shit.