//problematic Behavior - Tumblr Posts
the art of educating versus dragging
HELLO GOOD PEOPLE OF TUMBLR.
today we are going to talk about the art of educating versus the pointless art (can we even call it that?) of dragging, as the title suggests.
i’m glad to say that the generation of millennials are growing up each day more socially aware, accepting, and liberal than their predecessors. adults can mock us for ‘selfie culture’ all they’d like- it doesn’t erase the change we as a group of young minds are starting to demand. we understand things they do not and cannot as they are products of their time. black lives matter! support trans lives! inclusive feminism! and so much more!
yet while a large part of the millennials are educated in social instances, many of them are not. there are multiple ways to fight against ignorance in this day and age, like lobbying or protest, and smaller instances, like standing up for what you believe in when you see an idiot at your school in a meninist shirt or hear casual racism in conversations with people who are you friends. calling someone out is necessary; if no one tells them they’re wrong, how are they going to change?
but, as the title suggests, there is an art to it. when someone displays problematic behavior, you call them out because you want them to get educated. and if they respond positively, your job is done! but dragging them without telling them what they’ve done? how the hell are they supposed to learn?
granted, there are people who just can’t be saved from ~idiocy~. you have fuckboys who will continue to adorn meninist attire even after you rant about it’s damaging effects, or white kids that will never stop using the ‘n’ work no matter how much you insist that they, for the love of GOD, stop.
but certain peopled don’t know any better and want to learn. and while this doesn’t excuse their actions, helping them acknowledge how their behavior is harmful and then letting them know how to check themselves leads to a more educated society. here is how you can let someone know their behavior isn’t wrong without, you know, losing your shit (unless the shit deserves to be lost).
first off; name-calling and death threats? these things do nothing to advance a policy of equality and justice. no one is going to want to learn from someone that calls them a ‘slut that needs to kill themselves’ (i have seen this online!). as a feminist, i’m happy to say that i work my hardest to be inclusive towards all groups of women, whether that be WOC like myself or trans woman, gay woman, disabled woman, and anybody that identifies themselves as a woman! was i always like this? definitely not. i used to participate in a feminist culture that was very ‘white feminist’, which is ironic since i’m not even white. i talked about the right to wear shorts to school and how makeup isn’t made to impress men, or how cat-calling was a serious problem. yes- these things are feminist issues. but did i ever speak about the issues black women face in comparison to white women? how white women have advantages over say, an islamic women, when it comes to environments like the workplace. i never talked about trans women. and i participated in HEAVY slut shaming. how did i learn? i was educated. not dragged. educated. if 13 year old feminist me was told to kill myself because of my stupidity, i would not have wanted to get educated. i would have gotten annoyed and told everyone to piss off. that doesn’t mean i was right, or that i had the right to be mad, because being problematic obviously means there will be consequence. it’s just that rants, threats, and just blatant horrible behavior alienate people and do nothing to inspire people to listen or change perspective. the substance of your argument can be lost if you’re covering it up with threats and name calling. this doesn’t mean that you should coddle said problematic person. be strong and firm! they’re wrong and they should know that! but don’t make it a situation where it’s the end for them. it’s not game over. calling out is not striking out and let them know that they have the opportunity to become better.
so how do you call out a friend? let’s be real. while a lot of millennials are becoming more open minded and smarter in terms of social justice, there is still a huge group of them that use slurs and have senses of humor that basically depend on being racist. something i used to do whenever a guy i was friends with displayed problematic behavior was scream at him. “THAT IS SO RACIST/SEXIST/TRANSPHOBIC YOU PIECE OF TRASH HOW THE FUCK AM I FRIENDS WITH YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU ASSHOLE OH MY GOD” it just pissed me off to a point where i couldn’t even see past my anger. looking back on it, i know that my behavior literally did nothing to change anything. think about why you’re friends with someone. it’s because they’re good people right? and a good person is willing to listen to how they can improve if you let them know instead of attacking them and refusing to talk to them for the rest of your life (i am guilty of this behavior). i don’t want to criticize anyone who angrily responds to offensive language. it’s exhausting to constantly spoon feed education into the mouths of people that don’t have any qualms about throwing their ignorance at you and anger naturally will surface; but not everyone whose problematic is hopeless. see moments like these as moments of discussion; not THE ONE MOMENT WHERE EVERYTHING WAS OVER AND THE FRIENDSHIP CRUMBLED. you can’t live a life thinking that everyone in the world is as socially aware as you think YOU are.
and now let’s talk about my worst pet peeve in the world. you know what i hate? when someone who is obviously smart and educated is confronted with something they’ve said in the past, i want to roll my eyes until they fall out of their sockets and tumble into the ocean. if somebody has apologized for their behavior and made it OBVIOUS that they do not share the same beliefs as they did before, why bring it up and ‘drag’ them? isn’t that counterintuitive? you wanted them to educate themselves and they have- what is the point of continually penalizing them for behavior they displayed when they were a more unintelligent individual? a good example of someone growing from problematic behavior is the company warner brothers. they released a statement before airing their cartoons that read
“the cartoons you are about to see are products of their time. they may depict some of the ethnic and racial prejudices that were common place in american society. these depictions were wrong then and are wrong today. while the following does not represent the warner bros. view of today’s society, these cartoons are being presented as they were originally created because to do otherwise would be the same as claiming these prejudices never existed”
to me, this is an adequate apology that shows clear understanding of the harmfulness of problematic behavior without making warner bros. the victim in the situation, something that a lot of people do when called out on problematic behavior. doesn’t it seem like a waste of time to then pull up screenshots of cartoons with racial prejudice in them and to then proceed to ‘drag’ warner brothers? i see this most often with celebrities. ashley frangipane, better known as halsey, used to run a harry styles blog on tumblr before she started killing the music industry and used to say some pretty bad things about taylor swift. it was typical slut shaming. but anybody who knows jack shit about halsey also knows that she is not that person today. as a mixed race bisexual woman in the music industry, she has done a lot to speak out about feminism and acceptance. she has apologized for the things she has said about taylor when she was 17 and dumb. but people like to pull up her old text posts about hating taylor or erase all the other work she’s done FOR social justice just because of her mistake. she doesn’t have that attitude anymore! those text posts do not represent her attitude today! this is why drag culture can be so harmful; it does NOTHING for equality and is basically just a way for someone to give themselves a tap on the back for feeling like they’ve done something to help a movement, when they’ve actually done squat.
educated peeps- spread as much knowledge as you can! just remember to do so in a way that actually, you know, spreads knowledge and not hate.
send an ask for advice requests!
CW: PROBLEMATIC BEHAVIOR MENTIONS, SUICIDE, ANXIETY, A FUCKTON OF SELF BLAME, VENT
---
You really want to know how i truly feel? fine.
I don't want to keep talking about my behavioral issues from 2021 and the accusations that came with that behavior. I know you guys are getting sick of it, trust me, I am too.
but if every single little thing in my life is just gonna keep reminding me of it
EVERY SINGLE DAY I BREATHE...
So be it.
I'm not even trying to be funny about it, anytime i think, no matter if my thoughts are just casual or intrusive, the memories are still there. I don't even know what to do with myself anymore.
And given how many bullshit apology videos are out there to basically blame the victims of a specific situation, I'm starting to question if making my own apology video is even a good idea anymore. I don't want to blame my victims or the witnesses for something that happened 4-5 years ago. It's not and never was their fault, at all. Even if i did make that apology video, all it'd do is just make more people angry at me, so what's even the point anymore?
And god forbid I relapse my problematic behavior and not realize it untill it's too late, because then i get told it's my fault that I'm suffering and probably at my lowest point in my life since 2020, and that I should just kill myself at this point.
And probably the worst part about it: It doesn't even matter if I get professional help to fix my behavior, it doesn't matter how much I hold myself accountable and try to repair the damage I've done. Nobody will view me as a human being thanks to what happened. Everyone will always view me as nothing more than the "tiktok bitch filthy fangirl that causes trouble for everyone" and basically avoid me like the plague.
To the people that cancelled me and/or made me this way in the first place: Congratulations, I hope you're fucking happy, because i'm 17 years old, meaning that i'm about to be an adult soon, and I don't want to get a job because I'm worried my digital footprint is ruined permanently, I can't sleep at night because all I can think about is how bad my future is gonna be, I don't want to go out or hang out with friends anymore because I'm scared to death they're gonna find out and leave me, and then convince other people to straight up avoid me and treat me like shit, and I think about killing myself almost on autopilot because I feel like i'm beyond repair and that I can't be saved.
The only reason why i haven't just up and quit by now yet is because of fucking Tony Crynight of all people. AND THAT EMOTIONLESS PUPPET INCEL DOESN'T EVEN FUCKING REMEMBER ME ANYMORE BECAUSE HE'S SO BUSY WORKING ON ANIMATIONS THAT ANY MEMORY OF ME HAS FADED INTO OBSCURITY.
...
Okay, maybe the incel comment was a little bit fucking over the top, but at the end of the day I'm just surprised people even talk to me anymore despite what happened in 2021. why do people even care about me anymore? for that matter, why are people even around me, even if they do know? Don't they know i'll just hurt them again? God, people are stupid.
Oh! and I know there's gonna be tons of people asking me "well, what DID happen back in 2021?" Trust me, it's for the best that you don't get the context. There's some of you out there that already know anyway.
Even I get sick and disturbed looking back at what happened..
I don't even know why i'm even making this post, considering i'm just getting more people involved into something they shouldn't, but fuck it at this point. My reputation's already fucked anyway.
I can't do this anymore.. Why am I even trying..?
---