Martha - Tumblr Posts
Martha and Atticus finally have a ship name
From now on I shall post any updates on their love story under #Marthacussy
QwQ
I'll also put my old posts under that too for good measure UwU
MARTHA IS BACK, HOLY JESUS OUR QUEEN IS BACK
I just got back home and I saw this and MARTHA HAS RETURNED I WAS SO WORRIED THEY HAD RETIRED HER BUT SHE'S BACK
Evolution of Martha the First Twin
She's officially living rent-free in my head unironically now
QwQ
What can I say? She's funny!
This may be just me, but I find this quote to be true satire in context of the film. In the film, Martha May is unable to find peace due to her traumatizing past on the farm. But I believe she has always been at war with herself. Her fears imprison her, and cause her to be in a perpetual state of unhappiness. To me, the film is about discontent. No matter where she goes, or who she's with, she is unhappy. She is always fighting something, always struggling. This is her glory in the film. This hypothesis may not explain all of her behavior, but it can give us some insight on how to explain the "intent" of her behavior (in the words of my acting professor).
Actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the overcompensations for misery. And, of course, stability isn’t nearly so spectacular as instability. And being contented has none of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt. Happiness is never grand.
(Aldous Huxley, Brave New World)
My Thoughts on Chaz's Purpose
So I found out that Chaz, the horny-ass shark demon in Exes and Oohs, was created solely, if not mostly, to prove that the creator wasn't afraid to kill off their characters. I instantly disagreed.
I'm not sure if anyone's ever said this before - and I mean everything that I'm going to say, not just the rest of this sentence - but Viv has killed characters before. Multiple times. The whole premise of her show is that a group of imps go to the human world to kill off people for the citizens of Hell who pay for such services. Even if Viv strayed away from that to focus on a romance between two characters I don't really care for, she at least started off with that premise.
Was Chaz and his fate just to prove that Viv can kill off named characters? Well, that's rendered a moot point because, right off the bat, we have Murder Family, the very first episode of the series proper. There's Martha and Mrs. Mayberry, who died in their debut episodes and we at least feel more for Mrs. Mayberry than we can for Chaz in his own. And hey, as much as we learn little about those two ladies in their debut episode before dying and never coming back again, at least they just seem to be intended to be one time characters so they have that excuse.
Even before the Helluva Boss series starting officially, there's Eddie in the pilot, who also died in his debut episode. So Chaz really doesn't have any significance to the whole 'proving-I-can-kill-characters' thing. The only significance he really has is adding more to Moxxie's backstory. Millie's, too, if that was scrapped. Because yeah, I heard that was going to be included, Millie's backstory with Chaz, but it was taken out when the episode was made.
(Funny thing, Chaz is meant to be hated for being a hyper-sexual jerkass and I enjoyed him far more than I ever did Blitz, who is basically the same thing as Chaz but with more backstory and in a protagonist spot)
Moments of Stupidity
What I mean is, I feel like listing all the instances I can think where a character does something stupid, whether it be their natural inclination to be or just taking a turn holding the stupid stick. By the time Oops rolled around, I wasn't at all upset by the characters' stupidity because, around the time Exes and Oohs came around, I learned that Helluva Boss is one of those universes where plots only happen because everyone is naturally an idiot. The degrees of which are varying but most, if not all, the plots happen because someone's a moron.
And like I said, I feel like doing this so why not? So whatever examples I can think of as I recall the whole series by far, I'll list here. Now for those who have this seriously favorite character of theirs - which is bound to be everyone, especially those who give some of their time to read this list - sorry if they end up on this list. But please remember that I'm in the belief that Helluva Boss is an universe full of idiots and that the only true difference is the varying degrees of it. So that means even my favorite characters aren't exempt from this list and I'll put the examples of stupidity when I come across it in my head. And what are my standards of stupidity, at least in this case? Instances of someone doing or saying something that leads to consequences that could have been avoided if they just had common sense and/or information that should have told them the more sensible thing to do or say but didn't because it's clearly shown that they weren't inclined to using a fucking braincell (And yeah, I know that Viv and her writers are in control over how stupid the characters are but I believe my point still stands. If someone doesn't want others to say shit about them, then that someone shouldn't do shit so stupid that it gets others to say it)
And I think I'll post it one episode at a time. That way, it'll be easier for me, especially when I'm posting late at night because that's usually when I do it, and because new episodes of Helluva Boss will come out and I'd have to make another post anyway. Seriously, if I'm hearing right, then another episode of Helluva Boss is already going to come out on Halloween. Finally, I think I'll either save the pilot for later or even pass on doing it since, as far as I know, pilots to shows aren't really canon. Haven't decided yet. Finally, please let me know if I missed any instances of stupidity because I'm just going off on memory and I don't love the show enough to go back and rewatch episodes
Anyways, without further ado...
Murder Family -
No one putting fire safety procedures or even just any safety procedures on the book. You'd think that if Blitz cared so much about getting screwed over in the worst way possible, then he'd make sure it's for sure safe in wherever it's kept. And yeah, I'm feeling that Blitz didn't do that when demanding if 'the fancy book is still intact'. As in, it sounds like there was a chance that the Grimoire could have been destroyed in the fire and Blitz knew it. So it was probably just lucky that Loona. Maybe it's slightly better that Blitz kept the Grimoire in the safe but, as Seeing Stars shows, it's its own moment of stupidity. (Which I'll get to in due time)
Blitz happily telling Moxxie that they're gonna ruin a family rather than killing a family. I guess this example isn't as bad as blatant examples latter down the line but it still resulted in his softer-hearted employee to intervene. All because Blitz is fully expecting Moxxie to be as cold as him. So it's still understandable given that Blitz is bound to not know the exact details of Moxxie's mother - that already giving Moxxie a reason to care so much about a family being ruined even if he was as cold-hearted as his boss - but I'm pissed off that Blitz at no point even thinks that it was his fault that they were in that mess and keeps pinning the blame entirely on Moxxie. Seriously, if Blitz didn't happily gloat about how they're going to ruin a family, then Moxxie wouldn't have interfered with the shot. What makes this a little stupider is that Blitz should have known Moxxie well enough by then since they apparently met each other in jail and broke out together. Meaning that Blitz should have known well enough that Moxxie isn't as cold as him or at least not enough to enjoy the thought of ruining a family. Because yeah, Millie was all 'if that's what the clients want' due to professionalism so it made a difference when it came to Blitz's attitude on the matter; I was able to tell that he liked the idea. (Which is seriously messed up given the episode Oops now that I think about it). Even if Blitz didn't know a single damn thing about Moxxie other than his name, Moxxie acted clearly enough that he didn't like the idea of killing a family so why would he find it better to ruin one? Yet Blitz just keeps up the anticipation over doing that like it wouldn't cause Moxxie any distress
Moxxie messing up the shot. Same thing as above example, it's understandable, especially when you get the context, but it still led to the family of Satan-worshipping cannibals to go after Moxxie, his wife, and his boss. If an action brought on by impulse and/or emotion leads to disastrous results, as stated above, then I'll be hard-pressed to call it smart. Blitz is to blame but just by half or at least partially. I can't ignore that Moxxie did mess up the shot and got them discovered by the crazy-ass family and put them all in danger
Blitz for fucking confirming to Martha when she gets the idea to just shoot him and Millie. Just because the fire didn't hurt you didn't mean you were invulnerable to fucking dying in general. Especially according to Viv who says that imps are just as vulnerable as living humans when it comes to dying and to just as many things (as much as she's being inconsistent about how she writes her characters and her show) Just because Martha would have thought of another way to kill you off when she inevitably discovers that the fire doesn't work, as well as her husband no doubt going to help brainstorm in permanent killing solutions, doesn't mean you had to confirm that shooting you will work. If Millie actually bothered calling you out, then it's a stupid move. Moxxie put you in that situation but you definitely didn't have to add more fuel to the fire, especially if your employees - with one of them right there with you and in just as much danger as you - is supposed to be so fucking important to you
Oh, and let's not forget the fucking phone. Blitz didn't put his phone on fucking vibrate. Considering that, in the human world, with his two field employees with him, there'd be no one but Loona to call or to be called by. And just because Blitz never expected to be running for his life. He's supposed to be an assassin. As in, no one's supposed to see him or notice him. As in, Blitz isn't supposed to be drawing attention to himself. So why the fuck would he not even put his phone on vibrate? That way, he'd just feel someone calling him instead of broadcasting his location to anyone and everyone who can hear it. And in the case of Murder Family, that includes a serial killing, Satan worshipping cannibal who's trying to shoot him dead. It's just that, in the dangerous situation that Murder Family provided, not putting the phone on vibrate became even stupider
Let's not forget Stolas now that I think about it. Yeah, he's incredibly selfish and self-centered for calling Blitz for transactional fucking when the imp is in the middle of trying not to get shot. He's still stupid because, if getting imp dick was so important to him, then he should have known that distracting Blitz in a survival situation like trying not to get shot could result in him DYING. Unless Stolas is gonna bring Blitz back from the dead or just outright perform necrophilia, then that horny owl won't get any transactional fucking whatsoever!
I'll probably include Mayberry, too. After all, she was completely overrun with emotion that overrode common sense when finding out that her husband was cheating. She never at any point turned off the computer, not before she left the school and especially not before shooting herself, especially if Mayberry is gonna act like her students are precious to her. Although I said I'll 'probably' include Mayberry because her actions have been inherently selfish. When she left the school, she thought about getting revenge to satisfy herself, well, she never thought of turning off the computer so that the kids wouldn't have to see it. Then Mayberry realizes what she did and she still never turned off the computer before committing suicide, which just traumatized the kids even further than what the teacher would have wanted. So maybe Mayberry genuinely loved and cared about her students but got so emotional that she lost common sense concerning the computers and her students, which would make it stupid. If not, then the concern for the students' mental well-being was just a facade and the only stupid thing she did was still not turning off the computers so that she wouldn't have witnesses and so wouldn't feel the need to kill herself to escape being convicted (okay, so I did still find a stupid moment in there)
(And yeah, I bitched on Blitz far more on Moxxie. There's probably favoritism, at least partially, but all this still seems and feels pretty damn logical. Besides, it does help my opinions on my most favorite that Moxxie took responsibility for his goof-up, complete with apologizing, while for my least favorite, it only hurts when Blitz fucking pinned the blame entirely on Moxx and threatened to rape him and Millie for another screw up. Besides, this is just the first episode of the series proper. I'm sure everyone will take a turn in being an idiot, and in large quantities)
Established But Not Quite Couples
And what I mean by that is that, yeah, we know a couple is together. We just don't know how, exactly, they're together. They could be dating or they could just be fuck friends. If nothing is outright said or confirmed directly, either in the show or even by the mouth of anyone in charge of it, then I'm not running on my assumptions. So far, there's only one couple I really know who applies so here it goes.
Mayberry and Martha -
This couple is living together but that doesn't automatically mean a relationship. Like I said, they could just be fuck friends. Not to mention, more importantly (at least to me to bring up)...
These two women being together doesn't make any fucking sense to me. Mayberry caught her husband cheating on her with Martha and went on a literal murderous rampage. Martha not only got almost killed by her but had to deal with assassins that Mayberry hired because she hated that much that Martha died.
Even if Martha doesn't know about the hired hit part, there's still the 'I-almost-got-killed-by-you' part. Why the fuck would anyone want to be intimately involved with someone who tried murdering them? Typically, you gotta be outright forced to be with someone who does that shit. And while Mayberry may have gotten revenge on who she wanted dead, I doubt that means she completely got over it and would be - likely should be - incensed if she ever came across Martha again.
Seriously, of all the female same sex couples for the show to put out, why did have to be the two women who, by all logical means, shouldn't even want to be in the same fucking room together, let alone be fuck friends?
Then there's not getting into Martha's family, which is its own can of worms. Sure, maybe the family managed to escape before the cops came since Moxxie did tell them that he would call them. Or maybe Ralph and the kids landed in a different spot from Martha when falling down in Hell and couldn't find her, especially Hell should be a huge, overpopulated place. All in all, it's one of the most improbable things ever that the family would personally want their beloved wife and mom to be with someone who tried killing her
Martha cheating on her husband, that's something people bring up sometimes. Except I don't think that was ever a problem because she and her family are cannibals. Wouldn't be surprised if Ralph not only allows his wife to seduce men to lure into their home to trap and eat later but also that Ralph does the same thing for women (and of course gay men for Ralph if the man swings both ways, like how Martha likely seduces the gay women). As for the kids, they're likely told by their parents that Martha just takes men to their home and get all close to those men because it's all part of the trap
Hermes headcanons :p
Note*: Hermes was human/demigod before he was turned into a god
-adding to the note above, Hermes had ADHD
-He also never learned how to read because 1. Poor and 2. Education was for rich people and even that was rare.
-Hermes doesn't know how to read meaning he can't read where the letters are supposed to go or who they are addressed to
-Zeus chose Hermes to be messenger not only for his speed but also because he can't read meaning he can't divulge important or top secret information.
-Of course, Zeus didn't count on George and Martha to read the letters to Hermes and he especially didn't count on Athena and Apollo to help teach Hermes how to read.
-Hermes' ADHD only grew once he became a god.
Martha gets a twisted kind of validation out of Mayberry's violent possessive behavior, she regularly flirts with people just to watch Mayberry beat them senseless then drag her home and angrily rail her brains out, and is just in general enjoying her afterlife being a bratty power bottom,
Mayberry insists to anyone who sees them that Martha is a slave being forced to keep her house clean cook her meals ect, because she's very busy with being a valuable commodity in hell as a teacher with up to date credentials who you can trust around kids, Martha is not her house wife, and she could care less about her, then rips someone's eye out for winking at Martha while screaming not to touch her woman,
Martha gets home from running errands and sees a bigger fancier and more personalized gift basket with her favorite whisky and moon shine various homemade treats and even that fancy jerky from cannibal town she likes, next to the destroyed remains of the one Blitzo left earlier, the card has "I love you honey" scrawld over with "That imp can't have you, you can't leave me! I will kill us both before I lose you! I own you! You are mine!mine!mine!mine! P.S. please floss and brush your teeth before kissing me after eating the jerky."
Martha (hugging the card to her chest): "Aww shucks Slayberry you sure know how to make a lady feel wanted!"
Timey Wimey detector: *goes ding when there's stuff*
New Helluva Episode dropped and they are going good! Kinda surprised.
"Leo WHAT the fuck is this!?"
"It's just a meme Danny relax-"
"I KILL YOU, FUCKING PSYCHO!"
JESUS CHRIST I ALMOST DIDN'T POST TODAY. Literally almost immediately failed Johnnytober. Anyway.
Johnnytober 1°: double penetration.
Martha x Miss.Mayberry x Blackwater(oc)
what went wrong?
Seriously, Blackwater had to wonder. He had a simple mission: get the territory on the border of pride. Straight to the point, all he had to do was convince anyone that lived there and kill who disagreed or was too wild.
There weren't even many people there, just a couple near the imp town and some World War stragglers in a poor made bunker.
Yet here he was.
"Fucccckk~ Go harder~"
"Yeah cmon speed up, donkey~!"
Urgh.
Yes, he was fucking two women at the same time. Rather crude, but there wasn't any better way to put it.
Well, there was. Like he could describe double girthy and lengthy dicks stacked on top of each other, constantly entering and leaving the ladies cunts, even frictioning between them as a bulge appeared at their belly each time in went deep.
Perhaps, he could explain how the both women clashed tongues between them, doing the equivalent of a tango by how much they twisted together, minus of course the saliva dripping from their mouths and sliding to one of their chests, as their breasts clashed together and sometimes rubbed together their hard nipples.
All things he wasn't a fan of. He wasn't homophobic, just not found of this intimate connections, no matter the gender, specifically if their happening only because one of them has the ability to shapeshift.
One million dollars to guess who it was.
"Fucking hell I said faster!" One of the women, Martha by her thick southern tone, exclaimed while kicking his ass. Literally.
"If I do it any faster I will hit your organs." He said in a matter of fact tone. Maybe better description would be sarcasm but he genuinely was surprised by how both were alive to this point. There wasn't even any need, he knew from biology books that the female g-spot was located near the entrance, and certainly didn't need to be poked by a 20 inch pole the size of a light machine gun.
"Does it look like it m-matters~? Mmmh~ just do it~!" Miss.Mayberry said weakly, more like one would dealing with a monstercock (he couldn't believe that though occurred in his head.)
"If I want it you two dead I just shoot you." He warned yet again. Couldn't both wait? It was just a war of attrition at this point.
"All I hear is a little coward~!"
"You think this insults will work? I not doing it."
"Cmon boy~ won't you do it for mommy- AH~!"
"I don't have any masters to control me." He snarled through his teeth as he pushed the top one down, pounding fervently at them. "If I have to prove it throught your ruined guts then so be it."
These imbeciles thinking they could talk him down? Him? He was the one that planned for 30 years the fall of the hierarchy of hell, he was the one so close to proving even destiny wrong, and he wouldn't be outsmarted by a couple of freaks in the middle of nowhere.
The wet slaps reverberated though the house, the two ladies moaning and whimpering like bitches in heat. Stench of sweat stung around with the smell of sex, and the smell of cum when he finally climaxed.
His vision actually went dark for a moment, but it went back to normal... Which was just the corners being black.
It took a few seconds, long seconds, but it all went all. They all breathed heavily and deeply, seeking for air like they ran a marathon.
In the end, Blackwater got out as quick as his trembling legs could, morphing into a more discreet figure to get out, basically having nothing down there since if he had a pussy it would drench his pants the moment he completed formed it. Speaking of which he was fully clothed and on the exit door in seconds.
"W-Wait a second-"
"No. Calm me only if you die, please."
Oh, the sacrifices he made for democracy.
Did someone miss the manhunt gifs~?
...
No?
Awh okay :( also wrote this in a cocaine fulled streak at 9 pm. And maybe sparrowrye might be a bit traumatized in seeing Blackwater this way-
Cakes - Aunt Martha's Jewish Coffee Cake
