Just A Note - Tumblr Posts

One of the moment when you know some people are just not meant to be in your life.

There are some certain people in life whom you only meet once in a life time. You only speak to them one or two times, and even it's just a short conversation, you find out yourself is interested in getting to know them. You find something interested in them, maybe it's the way they look; or the way they speak; or the way they smile. They leave a great first impression to remember. But then as the time goes by, you find yourself never see them anymore somehow, simply because the universe is against it; simply because they are only meant to be some people who just pass through your life. 

I realize that some people just easily break down the wall that you always build inside yourself to keep that safe distance from people. They don’t just come into the wall through an open small gate, just like most people you let inside the wall do, but they just come and break it down, like it was never been there all the time. 

No matter how strong you think the wall you build inside of you is, some people really know how to break it down and make you feel defenseless. Once you feel defenseless, they instantly gain access to your trust, your mind, and even your feeling. The problem is that sometimes you don’t know what are their intentions of breaking down the wall, or the reasons why they care enough to break it down. I think you just need to find the answers - perhaps if you are lucky enough, you will get the answers of those questions just in time, or if you are not, maybe a little too late.

“Thank you.” I know I don’t say it a lot to you, but I just want you to know that I am so thankful to have someone like you in my life. I know it has been hard trying to understand a person like me, with many thoughts and imagination inside my head that are often mixed with the reality that sometimes I get really confused about what is real and what is not. I always have my own thoughts to think about, and my own problem to solve, but it feels good to know that there is always somebody who stays even at times when I am at my worst or even when I show the worst part of myself. I know we don’t always get in sync, and you know how easy it is for me to get tired. Sometimes I am a good girl who are easily pleased, sometimes I am a moody and messy girl who can’t be messed up with. I know it has never been easy trying to keep up with me, but you always try even at times when I don’t ask or need you to. So thank you for always. Thank you for doing things even more than I expect from you. 

thinking about me in a way i never did before

I have been wondering what is wrong with me lately. It is like suddenly everything gets even blurrier from this point. First I thought I knew what I had always wanted in life, even though I never had real plans, at least I always knew what I want or what I thought I wanted. And suddenly things just changed.

Right now I don’t even know what I want to do, like suddenly I just fall into a total confusion, and lose my consciousness about what I have always wanted for myself. I don’t even know what I feel right now. I am numb, but I feel dumb. Everything has been going on very well lately, and I know there is a say “you can’t always get what you want”, but lately I feel like I always get what I want, until I don’t know what I want anymore. The problem is that I don’t have a list right now, and I hate to think that I need to make a new list of things I want. Maybe I only want too few things in life that when I get everything I want, I get bored and I just don’t know what I want other than things that I already have right now. So I am stuck. Or maybe I actually want more but I am just too afraid to admit that I want more than what I have right now, or just too lazy to think about it because it sounds complicated. 

I believe life is still full of surprises though in a good way. So I will just sit and wait for that kind of surprises. Well I can’t expect too much, but I can always sit and hope right? I guess when you expect too much you might get hurt, but when you expect too little or nothing at all, you might end up being bored like the way I am right now. And it is a new thing that I need to keep in my mind.

There is a say “the truth will set you free”. 

And I have been wondering how long has it been since the time I started to carry this burden on my own. I know I have been hiding, and keeping the truth for myself. First I thought it would be easy, but it never gets easy. I thought I would just carry this on my own and it would just come out eventually, but now I am still carrying it and I still don’t know when is the right time for me to let it come out. I know I should have spoken the truth but I still haven’t, and I wonder what on earth that I am still waiting for. 

Tell me when is the right time to tell someone the truth? because right now I don’t think I can keep it any longer, but I still don’t have any courage to tell the truth. What if the truth destroy everything that you have been working on? What if the truth break someone that I care about? I am sure the truth will set me free, will I be totally free if it breaks a person’s heart, especially the ones that I care about?

I have been asking questions, a lot of questions about this, and the only answer that I have right now is telling the truth. No matter how much it will hurt them, they deserve to know. Yeah, I knew it right from the beginning that being honest was the only way, I guess I just have been waiting for the right time. And I hope one day I will wake up with no more burden of keeping the truth. 

Top 10 Songs on My Current Playlist

I currently don’t have much thing on my to do list, and at times like this I mostly spend my time reading good books, watching television, taking lots of selfie by my self, eating good foods outside, reading and posting stuff on tumblr, and listening to music of course. 

Well whatever, I am not here to talk about other stuffs that I have been doing a lot lately even though I have lots of story that I think I can write here. So I’ll just share my 10 most played songs this week :

1. Emotion by Carly Rae Jepsen

2. Hysteria by Katharine McPhee

3. Love Yourself by Justin Bieber

4. Sorry by Justin Bieber

5. Perfect (One Direction) cover version by KHS and GAC

6. Dear No One by Tori Kelly

7. Little Do You Know by Alex & Sierra

8. Over and Over Again by Nathan Sykes ft. Ariana Grande

9. One Call Away by Charlie Puth

10. Life Is Worth Living by Justin Bieber 

I think these 10 songs are pretty catchy and nice to hear, and they bring good vibes and mood to me personally. I know I have 3 songs from Justin Bieber on this list, and I should admit his latest album is great. I am not a fan, but I think his music is pretty amazing. 

What if

What if one day you just wake up and realize that everything has changed? You no longer are the person you thought you were, and there is something that has been inside you all this time looking for a way out of your self, suddenly just comes out, and you can’t even hold it back any longer.

If that ever happens what are you going to do about it? Fight it or surrender to it? 

be honest to your self

It is important to always be honest and open with yourself, because the more you try to hide something from your inner self, the more it will consume you. Once for a while, you need to stop thinking about what others think of you; or what others feel about you, and try to be honest with your own self. Ask yourself these questions: “what do you honestly believe in?”, “what do you honestly want or need?”, “why do you honestly do whatever you do?”, “are you okay?”, “what do you honestly think about?”, and try to answer them and be honest to yourself. Maybe you have been holding something inside of you, or you have been hiding something from your self, and you just can’t figure out what that is. At first you thought it just didn’t matter, but one day you realize that it starts to consume you day by day.

Well whatever the thing inside of you, just be honest with your self, because if you can’t be honest with your own self, you can’t be honest with the others, and if you can’t be honest with the others, you will live in a life full of dissatisfaction and burden from hiding what you have been hiding. Take your time to think about yourself and be honest! Don’t lose hope and faith. Someday somehow you will find all the answers to every questions you have been asking to yourself, and the anwers will all come out just in time.

Remember that in the end every little thing is going to be alright, and you will be just fine...

People who change you

In life that there are two types of people who change you.

First is the people who come and make you mostly feel bad about yourself. Those people are the ones who make you feel like you are never good enough; who make you focus on all your flaws and imperfections. They become the reasons why you try so hard to change and become a perfect person, and worse - live only to meet their standards. But then one day you wake up and realize that no matter what you do or how hard you try to change, you will never be good enough in their eyes, because the real problem is not you, it is the people who always bring you down.

Second is the people who see the good in you right from the start they meet you. Those are the ones who see you as an amazing person; who always look the good in you and have your best interest at heart. Those are the type of people who water and nourish all the good and kind seeds inside of you, who help you grow each day and put more kindness in your soul. And then one day you realize that they are the ones who make you feel good about yourself and not only that, they also help you change to become a better person each day.

Some people make you feel a little scared. They come without a warning and then show you a lot of things that no body has ever shown; they tell you stories that you never get bored of listening to and they are not afraid to show you who they are and what they believe in. First you thought it was all nothing. You thought you could handle yourself until you realized what they have brought into you, which is comfort. One day that comfort helps them undress your soul until they see what your soul is made of piece by piece. 

You know that there is a little danger in that comfort, and you just feel a little scared of that comfort, so you hold back. But how long will you be strong enough to hold back?

things I want...

We all want a lot of things in life, and I just realize how much things I want in life. I want to understand everything that confuses me. I want to stop wondering why and just know all reasons why things happen the way they happen. I want to have answers to every questions that I have been asking. I want to make my dreams come true. I want to learn new things that will inspire me to become a better person. I want to achieve something that I never thought I could achieve before. I want to see all the good things that I have never seen before, and to feel all the good feelings that I have never felt before. I want to know how it feels like to look at somebody and just know that I have found the right one at the right time. I want to have stories that my future self will proudly tell. 

Hey 👋 sorry my blog was hacked I’m trying to remove the adds but pls isn’t not my fault I’m sorry