Jaehyun Imagines - Tumblr Posts

find love, find happiness.

tw: cheating

“leaving so soon?” unfamiliar yet familiar arm wrapped around your waist as you tried to escape from the unknown man’s bed. the more foreign the arms were, the more guilt spread around your chest; the shame of your wrongdoings. with unspoken words, you got up and left the man’s apartment. the strange route to your apartment gave you another slap of shame, just shame.

the door; unlocked. your heart started racing, million thoughts ran across your mind. he knows. how can he not? the thing was; you ran away for countless reasons; not because you were scared but because you were not bothered by every action that could possibly hurt your significant other. jaehyun was different, instead of letting you sprint away to your wonderland, he would talk about it. so unfamiliar gesture by someone you deserve no ounce of respect from.

“where were you?” billion dollar question, but was it worth winning and losing him, so you lied. “i was at my friend’s house.” you uttered softly with almost no hesitation. shameless. you shut your washroom’s door as you finally saw your reflection clearly, on the mirror in front of you. the shame arising making you look away from the mirror.

you lied. you lied. for what? at what cost? at the end, he will find out, he will know what you have been doing behind his back. he will look at you with disgust and agony. he will be in pain; caused by you, because of your wants; your unstability. you. you are the cause of what you have become now. but; jaehyun is delicate, he is gentle with what he has, cherishes what he loves; he cherishes you, loves you yet that is how you repay him.

so, you twisted the doorknob as your feet naturally brought you towards him. “i cheated, on you.” relieve was not the first thing you felt after the unspoken words left your lips. guilt, hurt and the urge to hug him. the man stood still facing you, his eyes glitched with pain, almost not believing it. “no, you are lying to me. you were with your friends.” he spoke with his raspy voice yet he did not move an inch. the jeopardy of your relationship was you, nobody else. just you.

“listen to me clearly. i went home with another man who i don’t even know anything about. i just came back from his house.” you spoke with no emotions; who are you to show your vulnerability when all you did was, hurt others? the sun shine upon through the window of your sitting room in your apartment, your eyes glanced at jaehyun’s silhouette on the floor of yours, eyes failing to glance his.

“do-” he whispered, barely audible - “do you not love me anymore? is it something i did?” he touched your cheeks, as your teary eyes met his. questions, nothing but questions flooded in your mind; how do you comfort the person you have hurt? how are you so worthy to be held by him even now? “i do. i do love you.” because you do, there is no denying, you do. there is no understanding on what you did; that is why he needs to go.

“but why-” the man was lost in his own words, forming words into sentences as he questioned you with his clouded mind, “you need to leave.” you stepped away from his palm, warmth leaving your cheeks. so familiar, yet so foreign, so distant. why do you destroy the love you recieve from your own hands; why are you the murderer of your own happiness?

“this is so fucking stupid, you lied to me then told me you cheated on me, said you love me. now you are asking me to leave?” this was his breaking point, the probability of this being a nightmare was low. “you want to stay with a woman who cheated on you?” you raised your voice, his actions were laughable, how can he stand few steps away from you and does not scream at you? how much are you able to hurt him?

“i am asking for an explanation, y/n. why did you do that?” his voice was laced with hurt and anger as he clenched and unclenched his fist, repeatedly. “i am not good with relationships neither am i convincing you that whatever i did was a mistake so you can easily forgive me. not being good in relationships is also not an excuse. i simply did not think about you when i did what i did, last night.” you wiped your tears away from your cheeks quickly, glancing at jaehyun, who was taking in what you said.

one step, two steps away from you.

the more he dragged his feets away from you, the need to step forward was desperate. you wanted to reach for his hands and hold it. ask for forgiveness, beg him to stay, anything. “i am leaving then. thank you for everything.” he smiled, sadly; tears escaping down his cheeks. so you reached out for his hands; for him to move back, once again. your palm itched, itched for his hands, you want to hold him, so much.

“yeah, that’s okay. please, know that you tried your best in this relationship. you were never the problem, please please, never blame yourself for anything. god, you gave so much love to me. you have so much love in yourself-” you smiled back at him, maybe another time, another time where you know yourself better then you can cross path with him and fall in love all over again. “so fall in love again, please be happy with someone who gives you love and happiness. i will always root for you.”

-

the sun still shines bright, it’s april again. the cherry blossom is overrated in your opinion. you personally like sitting on the rooftop of your workplace where you can observe the whole seoul.

for now, you fixed your borrowed dress as you were about to leave the venue, “you came?” the voice you yearned so much, jaehyun, he wore his black tuxedo; how perfect for a groom. he looks happy. “i would never miss your wedding.” you gave a soft smile, you stared at his eyes; happiness, warmth, still comforting. he just does not look happy, he looks in love. “i am so happy for you.”

masterlist

post-party.

“so, you want me to be in this call for how long?" your friend from the other line asked again, not understanding the use of you freaking out for the tenth time. the plan was simple; make your friend hear everything he was speaking, eat dinner, and bye-bye forever. they did say easier said than done; you felt like your heart is about to burst out from your chest, alongside with your hands trembling in nervousness and a slight flutter but you refuse to admit it to anybody.

the more you admit; the more feelings you will let in since you have been blocking all the invalid feelings the minute, he walked away without saying goodbye to you. who is he to twirl in your life again? after all the mess he created in your life, vice versa. "you heard me right." you said back, clearly.

the pathway was familiar for you, the small party you would have in the diner after breaking up then fucking with no feelings, and lastly, confessing feelings for someone else. the restaurant was most probably tired of both of your shit, and you do not blame it. you were tired too, but you were tired of the restless nights with no answers, tossing and turning in your bed after seeing him in your dreams and sneakily stalk his instagram from your friend's phone. you sighed understanding that you need inner peace of what happened happened, it is okay to put him in your past.

"you missed me that much?" you cracked a joke once again. jaehyun realized you have grown more carefree; you smile more and you glow. the y/n jaehyun knew evolved into the person he always wished you to be, yet he had a bitter taste in his mouth realizing how many hardships you had to go through to finally fuck the world to set yourself this free. "i left with any words, so did you. so our whatever we had kinda was left in the road." he initiated the conversation you wished you had years ago. you remember crying when he left you with no message, no letter or anything. he was just gone.

"you missed me that much?" you cracked a joke once again. jaehyun realized you have grown more carefree; you smile more and you glow. the y/n jaehyun knew evolved into the person he always wished you to be, yet he had a bitter taste in his mouth realizing how many hardships you had to go through to finally fuck the world to set yourself this free. "i left with any words, so did you. so our whatever we had kinda was left in the road." he initiated the conversation you wished you had years ago. you remember crying when he left you with no message, no letter or anything. he was just gone.

"you missed me that much?" you cracked a joke once again. jaehyun realized you have grown more carefree; you smile more and you glow. the y/n jaehyun knew evolved into the person he always wished you to be, yet he had a bitter taste in his mouth realizing how many hardships you had to go through to finally fuck the world to set yourself this free. "i left with any words, so did you. so our whatever we had kinda was left in the road." he initiated the conversation you wished you had years ago. you remember crying when he left you with no message, no letter or anything. he was just gone.

you acknowledged what he meant by 'left in the road.' even after having relationships with multiple people, he was stuck with you at all times; as if he never left you. the traffic he caused in your mind, all the new potential relationships you rejected with the reason being one day, jaehyun will come back to you. fuck jaehyun, fuck everything.

"here is your favourite dish. we missed you guys so much. enjoy." the manager served us our regulars from years ago. you and jaehyun smiled pleasingly. the heavenly fish filet curry with rice combo was the first dinner date with jaehyun, and it felt like just yesterday of you,- "you remember you nearly teared up at how good this was and i recorded you." jaehyun woke you up from the memory field-trip you were taking, so he remembers as well. "you remember?" your eyes widen surprisingly.

jaehyun shook his head, "you really think i would forget? y/n, i was fucking in love with you like crazy." he let out a smile, giving you a spoon for you to dig in. you froze still. ah, really, fuck jaehyun. taken back by his sudden outburst, you were left dumbfounded; what do you do with a piece of information like this? but this is why you are here in front of him. "aw man, really because felt like i was just your go-to girl most of the time." you smirked slightly, the unsettling feeling absorbed your chest as it started tighten thinking of how much he belittled you; even after knowing your feelings for him.

"i was young and stupid as i grew up, i felt the need to impress people around me to keep them. when we dated, we were so young but i knew for sure that i loved you. there was not one moment where i didn't." jaehyun choked out, "even after you broke up, i was mad at you, why did you do it? so i hated you or i tried. at the end, you came back and you stayed, no matter how shitty i fucking treated you and how much i used you." you inhaled loudly, as the tears blurred the image of jaehyun in front of you.

"i cried not knowing what the fuck did i do for you to treat me like garbage. you ran back to me when your girlfriend broke up. you would come back to me asking of doing this relationship with me again but the next moment, you would say you could not do this and leave again, making me feel like a fucking loser." you spilled out everything you could not do it before. in fear of losing him.

but you got nothing to lose anymore

"i kept you around because you made me feel better about myself. no matter what people would say to you, at the end of the day, you would be with me, assuring me that i was a lot better than what people say about me. i did not want to lose you in any way." jaehyun confessed, fist clenched on the table. as you stared up as your tears rolled down anyway. the burning sensation on your throat and the twisting curls on your heart hurt you. you wanted to go.

"but for me, i kept you because maybe one day you will come back to me. i know i did wrong, breaking up with you at the first place. perhaps, we would have recklessly gotten married or would have had kids. i always wanted t-" you clenched your jaw to prevent yourself to sob in front of him, "i have always loved you. even when you left without any words, i thought of you and wished you well. i hated you but i could not curse at your life anymore." you let out a sob.

"i still love you, jaehyun. i miss you, i miss you so much. you left me wounds but i learnt to be better for myself. after this talk, i wish you to stop staying mad at yourself, i want you to forgive yourself. let me go." through all the tears; where your cheeks are, most probably, red, you let out a smile.

he returned back, glassy eyes staring at you. "i am so sorry. i am so sorry. i wish i could take back things that i did. i wish i treated you better. you deserve someone who keeps you because they want to make you happy with them. i love you," jaehyun chuckled again with tears rolling down again. as his hand slide towards yours to hold onto it, for the last time. "i wish you nothing but happiness. i wish you have good days, but don't forget about me. keep me in your memories and i will keep you in mine. please know i will pray for your happiness." you tighten the embrace. his hands still felt home and safe but unknown.

he is not yours anymore.

maybe in another life, you two would be perfect for each other. in another life, you guys will find ways back to each other. "this time, i am really letting you go, jaehyun. thank you for loving me. please be happy as well." the food turned stone cold now, yet his hand was on yours, still warm.

letting his hand go, you smiled so did he. "thank you again." jaehyun stared at you with just adoration and sadness. he wished also, in another life, he will keep you safe with him; but for now, it is time to let go. "thank you." he nodded, and off i go.

putting your phone back on your ears, "it's okay, y/n. i am proud of you, baby. cry your heart out for the last time."

so you did.

side-note. break-ups are messy but what’s messier but braver is talking, no matter how long it takes. it’s good to let them know that you are ready to set them free from your mind and from your heart. the whole drabble is messy in a way because i picture when you talk to someone who you have hurt and who has hurt you, it is gonna be messy because you do not know where to start and where to end. it will be all over the place. but i hope the pain eases when you let it go, let it heal. so please be free, do not hurt yourself anymore and i will do the same.

happy reading till then. x

One of the best fics I've read!! I can't stop thinking about it.

𝐁𝐀𝐃 𝐇𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐒 [𝐌]

𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐛 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 @𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐦𝐫𝐤 [before she deactivated]

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: boxer!jaehyun x reader

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fwb!au, romance, angst, smut, slight fboy!jaehyun

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: swearing, mentions of blood, smut (shower sex, car sex, riding, unprotected [always have safe sex], marking, degradation, dom!jaehyun & sub!reader)

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 21 k (i am so sorry)

Keep reading

mafia! jaehyun: stitched heart

summary: when a stranger hides in y/n’s apartment, she isn’t prepared for what she just got sucked into

pairing: mafia! jaehyun x college student! reader

warning: small amount of violence, mentions of drugs, angst, my friends @huangsren and @hwangdol dragged me down this stupid writing hole and now i’m here, yw :)

jaehyun seems like your REGULAR man who goes about living his life like any other citizen in seoul

yet, what no one knows is that jaehyun runs the most infamous gang, nct

jaehyun has been with nct since the beginning and watched the gang grow to be as successful as they are now

he was there for every single drug exchange that allowed them to be able to financially sustain themselves and every turf war where they had to defend their base and such

however, he can never forgive himself for dragging an innocent college student into his line of work

one night, after being heavily injured, jaehyun was on the run from a rivaling gang

he was running out of ways to run until he saw a window open on the fifth floor of an apartment building 

he began ascent up and climbed into the window of the stranger’s apartment, closing the window as fast as he could, in order to go unnoticed by those chasing him

as he sat on the ground to catch his breath, he saw a girl sitting on her bed with a bowl in her hand, ramen hanging out of her mouth as she just stares at the strange, bloodied man that came into her room

the ramen drops from the girl’s mouth as her mouth is still agaped

as a scream was about to leave the girl’s mouth, jaehyun put his finger to his lip, peeking out the window to see the gang running past the apartment complex

he looks back to see the girl had closed her mouth and had her chopsticks up as if it were some weapon that could protect her 

“please put down the chopsticks, i won’t hurt you,” he tried to calm the girl as the shock had finally hit her that some man had just jumped into her window when it was five floors up

“i just wanted to eat my ramen in peace tonight and now i have to deal with some man hopping into my room and getting blood ALL OVER MY CARPET,” the girl responded, putting her chopsticks back in the bowl

jaehyun looked down to see a puddle of blood sitting below him due to the amount of cuts he had gotten 

the girl finally spoke up, “please just go in the bathroom while i get the first aid kit” 

jaehyun followed the girl into the bathroom and sat down on the toilet seat as the girl walked away to get her first aid kit, not forgetting to put on her bunny slippers on her way out

she came back with a white box and opened it to get bandages and antibiotic ointment to prevent any infections

“before i start treating you, i deserve to know your name after you basically broke into my house and ruined my ramen eating session” the girl said, cutting the awkward silence

“jaehyun” he had responded curtly

“well i’m y/n and the least you can do is actually talk to me while i’m doing this, the silence is suffocating me”

thus, the two began to speak about their themselves as y/n was cleaning his cuts

jaehyun later learned she is in college studying to become a nurse and y/n learned about jaehyun being in nct and the reason why he had randomly popped himself into her apartment

after tending to his injuries, y/n had set up a makeshift bed on her couch in the living room for him to spend the night, even after jaehyun had attempted to politely refuse

she insisted that his injuries were still healing and he needed to rest for the night

it is now 12:42, y/n was snoring peacefully as jaehyun laid on her couch staring at her bowl of unfinished ramen sitting on the counter

although jaehyun had the mindset of making this their first and last time meeting, he couldn’t bring himself to never see her again

thus, began their weekly hangouts in y/n’s apartment

whether it be watching high school musical and singing along to all the songs or eating ramen like every broke college students

y/n really began to see that behind the tough mafia persona was a little soft teddy bear with cute dimples

although, there were the few times that jaehyun did come to her apartment all cut up again causing y/n to tend to his wounds while scolding him about being careful and making her worry 

through this time period, they began to develop feelings for each other 

and like every oblivious character in fanfics, they took every display of affection to be completely platonic

because all friends cuddle each other on the couch and give each other random cheek kisses right??

jaehyun realized how hard he was falling for her as he knew every little thing about her

from wrapping herself in a blanket burrito whenever she sleeps to scrunching her nose when she’s focused

especially when he as super deep cuts from fighting that cause her to stitch them together rather than the normal neosporin and hello kitty bandaid 

jaehyun, like every other idiot in fanfics began to distance himself from y/n thinking it will stop his feelings 

this caused y/n an immense amount of distress because she began to miss his company and his comforting hugs as her finals were approaching

but she took it as jaehyun being caught up in his line of work and tried to be understanding, making up any excuses for his absences 

jaehyun came over one day as y/n had called him over which had him questioning what could she possibly have to tell him at 1am

when he came over, y/n ran up and hugged him leaving him all confused

“i passed my finals and i have enough credits to be able to graduate early” y/n screamed while having the biggest smile

jaehyun smiled at her, showing his dimples (wow i’m soft)

“you’ll be there at my graduation right?” y/n asked while pouting, making it harder to jaehyun to say no

“of course, i wouldn’t miss it for the world” jaehyun responded which made y/n’s smile grow bigger as she planted a kiss on his cheek and skipped to the kitchen to make ramen for the both of them

jaehyun watched her from a distance thinking, “yeah my feelings are still there”

jaehyun continued to distance himself and submerge himself in his work

on a particular day, he was dealing with a drug deal with another rivaling gang which turned very violent very fast

what he had forgotten is the drug deal had taken place on the same day as y/n’s graduation

y/n looked around the crowd in her cap and gown for the dimple boy and couldn’t find him anywhere

soon enough it was here turn to walk across the stage for her diploma

she looked up as she was on the stage and still could not point him out

after graduation, she waited outside the graduation hall for him, until she was the only one left in the whole building

tears began to fall on the floor as she realized jaehyun had broken his promise

she began to walk towards the bus stop in hopes of catching a late bus to take her home

as she got off the bus, the bus driver took pity as he saw her puffy eyes

“hey, congratulations kiddo” the middle aged man said to y/n seeing her in her cap and gown 

y/n looked at the kind man and smiled replying a quiet “thank you” 

mumbling a small “at least someone was there for me” as walked towards her home

y/n threw her cap and gown as soon as she got into her apartment, taking a shower, and changing in her comfortable clothing

she plopped herself on the couch and turned on high school musical, singing all the songs by herself as she continued crying

jaehyun, who was once again bloody and heavily injured made his way to y/n’s apartment hoping she was awake to treat his wounds

once he walked into her apartment using her spare key, he saw the girl sitting on her couch with red eyes 

she looked at the doorway and saw jaehyun 

she glared at him and went back to watching the troy and gabriella singing breaking free, jaehyun’s favorite song

jaehyun walked up to her, standing in front of the tv

“hey, do you mind helping me out?” jaehyun asked pointing out all the cuts he had, while y/n just looked out the window away from him

“y/n” jaehyun waved his hand in front of her which caused her to slap his hand out of reflex

“what’s the matter with you?” jaehyun asked

which caused y/n to be enraged as she replied “what day is it today?”

jaehyun looked at the calendar in her room where the day was marked “y/n’s graduation :))” making his eyes go wide that he forgot

“y/n i’m so sorry” jaehyun sympathetically said as he looked down to the floor

“I waited for you for so long, usually i’m so lenient with you ditching our weekly hangouts thinking it’s for work, but the one time i wanted you there, you can’t even do it” y/n said as tears began to make their way to her water line again

“it’s just a graduation it’s not that big of a deal” jaehyun scoffed

“it meant everything to me and you know that. i actually thought i meant at least something to you for you to actually care about my feelings but obviously all you care about is yourself” y/n spat out

“well maybe you’re right, you really meant nothing to me, you were just some who kept latching onto me and couldn’t even see that I never enjoyed your shitty company” jaehyun exclaimed 

immediately both their eyes went wide 

the tears finally fell from y/n’s eyes as jaehyun stood still not believe he had just spewed out such lies

as he tried to reach for y/n to bring her into an embrace, she ran past him, out the house in her bunny slippers

jaehyun fell to his knees as he finally let his words and its effects soak in

y/n kept running until someone pulled her into an alleyway and afterwards she lost consciousness

when she had awoken, she was tied to a chair where she saw a man cleaning a gun

she tried to scream but realized her mouth was taped

the attempted scream caused the man to turn around

the man ripped the tape off her mouth and covered his ears as he heard her scream’s full volume

“wow jaehyun, really picked a loud one” the man mumbled

“what do you want with me?” y/n asked

the man then explained who he was and his intentions of luring jaehyun to the warehouse to kill him, using y/n as bait as jaehyun loved her too much to let her die

y/n scoffed, “i mean nothing to him”

the man then took a photo of her replying “let’s test it”

jaehyun then received the picture of y/n held captive with a message attached saying “come to warehouse 42 if you want to save her”

immediately, without thinking about the injuries he already had, he ran to the warehouse without thinking about the car he had perfectly parked in the parking lot outside the apartment complex

but as he got to the door of warehouse 42, all he heard was a gunshot and a scream

was he too late?

i still love you - introduction part 2 ( jaehyun and his friends )

main masterlist | previous | next |

synopsis

⇲ going from dating to one of the biggest basketball players in school to dating the biggest football player was not easy. you went from love at first sight to not knowing what love felt like. struggling with their relationship because of their differences and leads them to a fatal break up that may or may not come back to life.

i still love you- introduction part 1 ( y/n and her friends )

main masterlist | next |

synopsis

⇲ going from dating to one of the biggest basketball players in school to dating the biggest football player was not easy. you went from love at first sight to not knowing what love felt like. struggling with their relationship because of their differences and leads them to a fatal break up that may or may not come back to life.

i still love you - introduction part 3 (mingyu and his friends )

main masterlist | previous | next |

synopsis

⇲ going from dating to one of the biggest basketball players in school to dating the biggest football player was not easy. you went from love at first sight to not knowing what love felt like. struggling with their relationship because of their differences and leads them to a fatal break up that may or may not come back to life.

i still love you- introduction

main masterlist| previous | next |

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jaehyuns pov:

i hated seeing her with him. the thought of seeing her happier with someone who isn’t me makes me hurt. the way i have lost her touch makes me weak. the way i can’t hold her in my arms when she cries in her sleep. the way i can’t kiss her goodbye when we leave to our classes in the morning. the way i can’t love her like there is no tomorrow. i miss her. i miss everything about her. her honey brown curls and that honey skin. the freckles on her nose and the beauty mark on her right cheek. everything is his now. all of her love is to him.

y/n and i broke up 6 months ago in mutual terms. it was the definition of right person wrong time but she doesn’t believe that. she thinks mingyu is everything when he isn’t and i know how he plays. see me and mingyu and his friends were on really good terms last year but i saw how they played their women and i was not okay with that. ever since then we all started to hate each other.

y/ns pov:

i missed jaehyun. i missed him a lot. but i was scared to leave mingyu and potentially leave for my ex who doesn’t want me anymore. when i left jaehyun i went to mingyu for emotional support. i don’t really love him- matter a fact we never said our “ i love you’s “ yet. he just isn’t the one for me. jaehyun was my ride or die, my everything but we couldn’t make it. we were too different for each other. we didn’t have the same interest or the same views on things which is what made is argue 24/7 yet... we still loved each other.

i don’t think i could ever loose my love for him. he is too pure and too good for me. he had said it was just “ right person wrong time “ but i didn’t believe that until now. i didn’t realize how miserable my life was without him. i thought maybe mingyu would be my cup of tea. we like to party, have fun, live life- unlike jaehyun who is more conservative, stay home, study, watch movies and cuddle. even though he is a professional basketball player, that doesn’t make him a frat boy. he could care less about basketball. but thats what i needed.

i needed that pureness again. i needed someone who actually cares and doesn’t ditch hanging out with me for frat parties. it hurts seeing jaehyun look miserable because i moved on to someone i didn’t care for. i just thought me and jae weren’t meant to be..

_______________________________________________

synopsis

⇲ going from dating to one of the biggest basketball players in school to dating the biggest football player was not easy. you went from love at first sight to not knowing what love felt like. struggling with their relationship because of their differences and leads them to a fatal break up that may or may not come back to life.

i still love you- chapter 1

main masterlist | previous | next |

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marks pov:

as y/n’s best friend i try to keep her protected and safe at all times. i try to make sure she is stable and not hurting inside- but ever since her breakup with jaehyun it has not only been rough for her but for him too. when y/n moved on to mingyu , that was a very big mistake on her half . she went to someone who didn’t give two craps about her and just dated her for laughs and giggles and to prove jaehyun wrong. mingyu wanted to make a point to jaehyun that he can snatch whoever and whatever he wanted from him- regardless y/n asked out mingyu.. that’s one thing he took from jaehyun. mingyu didn’t want to give up that chance.

mingyu and y/n is quite the couple. they aren’t a passionate or real to or for each other. they don’t actually love one another , it’s basically just a toxic game waiting to end. they absolutely hate each other as well. y/n speaks so bad of mingyu like her life depends on it but i don’t blame her. mingyu does the same thing though ( according to the fishes in the sea ) . y/n thought that just because they were the total opposites that meant they weren’t right for each other when in reality that makes them complete . when y/n texted me about mingyu i wasn’t surprised but when she mentioned her missing jaehyun... that was a turn i wasn’t ready for.

_______________________________________________

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synopsis

⇲ going from dating to one of the biggest basketball players in school to dating the biggest football player was not easy. you went from love at first sight to not knowing what love felt like. struggling with their relationship because of their differences and leads them to a fatal break up that may or may not come back to life

i still love you- chapter 2

main masterlist | previous | next |

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y/n’s pov:

i was laying in bed reading my book, trying to get away from my emotions and confused feelings when i suddenly get a text. “ hmm, heard you missed me 😳 “ it read. i was shocked - i didn’t realize i still had his number nor was i expecting a text from him. i assume maybe mark told him about what i said since they are best friends because i mean how else would he know. i panicked a little since we haven’t talked in 6 months rather than everyday. i did miss him as we know and i do want him but i am just so confused.

i didn’t answer immediately. i waited maybe 15 minutes to answer because i didn’t want to seem like i needed him at that second. something in me was kind of excited but also scared.

i told him to meet me at the ddong cafe at 2 pm. i wanted to talk to him and catch up. i wanted to tell him how much i missed him even though that maybe a mistake on my end but i need him to hear it. i say it maybe a mistake because of how i feel. i am scared that i will let him down again. even though we broke up on mutual terms we cut it off for each other. we put up with a fight everyday and it wasn’t healthy for us. i don’t want it to be like how it was before.

it was 1:23 pm when i started getting ready. jaehyun and mark have their last period together that ends around 1:30 today. i got up and took a quick shower then put on a pair of black biker shorts with a white graphic tee, paired with my white air force 1’s. i left my curly hair out and added a blue headband. i grabbed my purse and left to go see the one and only jaehyun.

when i arrived to the tiny cafe, it was decorated so beautifully. i didn’t even realize that jaehyun was already there sitting at a table staring at me. we looked in each others eyes for a good five minutes. with those brown chocolate eyes those plump lips , i was aching for him. he had his hair pulled back with a beige hat on with a plain white shirt and black dress pants on it looked like. he looked so hunky and i loved it.

i then get out of my thoughts and finally walk over to him. i started to get real nervous and i could tell he was too. i can read him like a book. those pretty thoughts are pretty nervous now. i break the awkwardness and hugged him and he hugged back. this was such a relieving feeling. i felt so relaxed and at piece. he made me feel so secure and safe at this very moment. when i am with mingyu it feels more like a chore. more like a playdate but with jaehyun it is so much more despite the differences.

jaehyuns pov:

when i saw y/n she looked absolutely stunning. beautiful as ever. it sucks that i have to look at her from afar because she is my everything. i could see in her eyes that she needed comfort- she was dull and looked so miserable. when she hugged me i didn’t expect that at all. it was a very cold-sharp hug. she needed warmth. she needed someone who she could call home. she needed someone who could make her smile and fill her up with all the happiness in the world. she needed a home. she didn’t have that with mingyu and to be honest i don’t think she ever will.

when she pulled away from the hug and said “ i’m sorry “ and started to shed tears. i wanted to kiss her and tell her that i have her forever and ever but i didn’t want to overstep my boundaries especially because she still is with the kim mingyu. i just hugged her so tight. i couldn’t even speak even if i wanted too. i wanted to take in everything.

we sat down and took our usual orders. “ so how have you been y/n “ i ask. she looked at me with a “ you should already know i am going through hell “ type of look. i already knew she wasn’t happy in their relationship. the way mingyu talks about her is ridiculous but i never wanted to say anything plus i am sure she knows already. she probably got it through her head that mingyu is trash. “ my relationship is throwing me off guard and messing with me mentally but- i am trying to fix myself “ she says. i gave a little chuckle and smile to brighten the mood. “ i just want you to know that you are too good for him. you know that. don’t let a jerk like him mess with your head. mark has told me about his ways and how he plays you like a book. “

y/n’s pov:

he was so right and i hated it. if only he knew how much i wanted him. we start chatting about our lives and how our professors are asses. it felt so nice to have a normal and civilized conversation with someone. it’s something i don’t get everyday and i needed it. the way he smiles from ear to ear everytime i laugh at his corny jokes and ask about basketball makes me so happy. “ i heard you won your last tournament hm “ i say. “ yeah i am still so psyched about that. i trained so hard to make those shots haha “ he said. i made a slight smile. “ i wish you were there to cheer me on “ he says. i knew that was coming.

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synopsis

⇲ going from dating to one of the biggest basketball players in school to dating the biggest football player was not easy. you went from love at first sight to not knowing what love felt like. struggling with their relationship because of their differences and leads them to a fatal break up that may or may not come back to life

i still love you- chapter 3

main masterlist | previous | next |

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mingyu’s pov:

i was about to head to my car to pick up seokmin and jungkook when jungkook shot me a text to look at my instagram. i open it to seeing y/n with jaehyun. i am not gonna lie it made me furious to see my girlfriend with her ex knowing they still love each other. i never got mad at any of my girlfriends for being with another guy- especially with the reputation i have i shouldn’t be mad. something about y/n drives me insane and i don’t know how to describe it nor feel. i feel bad because i treat her like shit and she thinks i don’t like her when really i am in love with her.

i act like an ass because i never felt this way about someone. when we went to our first frat party as a couple it was a sight i never saw of her before. she looks so innocent on the outside but when you get to know her and see her in a free state it makes you so crazy. the only people who knows about my crush on y/n are my friends because lets be honest here- who would think that kim mingyu has a LEGITIMATE crush?! i barley believe it.

it sucks because i know she doesn’t love me. i know she’s with me to get over her ex but it’s nothing that i’ve never done before...now i know the feeling. i can’t bring myself up to tell her i like her because she’s gonna think i am a fool or drunk when these are really my true feelings. it sucks being a jock sometimes. i let my thoughts go in the back of my brain so i can enjoy my night but i couldn’t. all i could think about was y/n possible leaving me for jaehyun.

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⇲ going from dating to one of the biggest basketball players in school to dating the biggest football player was not easy. you went from love at first sight to not knowing what love felt like. struggling with their relationship because of their differences and leads them to a fatal break up that may or may not come back to life.

i still love you- chapter 4

main masterlist | previous | next |

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jaehyuns pov:

going up to the school building, i see mingyu walking with his friends jungkook and seokmin. as we made eye contact he did a handshake with his friends and walked over my way. i was confused but scared because i didn’t know what he was going to say to me- especially since i am y/ns ex. he came up to me with a somewhat preppy face which confused me even more. “ whats up jaehyun ! “ mingyu says. “ uhh hey? “ i say in a confused tone. “ look i gotta question, i don’t do this often but how do i get closer to y/n ? “ he says. i was in shock- not once has mingyu ever wanted to get close with someone before. this makes second guess my relationship with y/n..maybe i won’t be with her again.

i take the offer anyways and help mingyu out. this honestly came by surprise and this will of coarse break me. seeing them date is already enough even if it isn’t real love. me and mingyu start talking about y/n and he threw everything at me. he named such amazing things about her but they were things everyone knows of. he doesn’t know the intricate stuff- the little things. that’s what matters the most to me.

mingyus pov:

i texted y/n thinking she would respond nicely, but i forgot i ditched her the other day. so obviously she was upset when i texted her about wanting to talk. i wanna tell her that i love her because that’s what jaehyun said i was feeling. it felt weird going to jaehyun since that’s her ex and he’s clearly in love with her still.

now i know j am just wasting her time but i really want to be with her. she thinks i am a joke and i am but i really do love her. i just know she doesn’t love me and it kills me.

y/ns pov:

_______________________________________________

⇲ going from dating to one of the biggest basketball players in school to dating the biggest football player was not easy. you went from love at first sight to not knowing what love felt like. struggling with their relationship because of their differences and leads them to a fatal break up that may or may not come back to life.

note: sorry for being so inactive,, school has been taking too much of my time:(( i will try to be more active soon !

i still love you - chapter 5

main masterlist | previous | next |

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y/ns pov:

as i am walking to the local cafe i spot a familiar face. jaehyun.. ofc. i continue walking, pretending to not see him- hoping he doesn’t see me. i have been thinking long and hard last night about my love decisions. don’t get me wrong, mingyu is very cute but i don’t think he wants my time. when me and jaehyun hung out again it was like we were dating again- it felt surreal. when mark asked me if i loved mingyu or not i started to think a little bit. like i said before he is cute but he was more like a rebound rather than a real boyfriend and i am sure he thinks the same. as i was thinking i ran into someone...of course it was jaehyun. u honestly didn’t want to run into him again since i am confused.

“ hey y/n , i didn’t expect to see you “ he said.

“ yeah same haha “ i say. i didn’t know what to say for some reason. i was trying to come up with an excuse to leave in my head but i couldn’t think of anything. my mind was just blank. just at the wrong but right time mingyu calls me. he sounded like he was crying. i look at jaehyun with a i have to go look and he understood so i walked away with a relief. i then drove back to me and mingyus room to see what was going on.

i walk up to the apartment to see mingyu sobbing with seokmin basically holding him. “y/n “ seokmin says. “ come here “ he says in a concerned voice. he walks me to the hallway and tells me that mingyu is having trouble with his feelings. “ y/n i think mingyu is in love with you.. when you didn’t respond it made him think you are going to leave him “. i was in shock. i didn’t think it was true to be honest and i forgot to respond by accident i swear. “ shit “ i mumble. “ i really don’t know what to say, i really didn’t mean to not respond i was just confused in my head. i didn’t think he actually loved me.. “ i say. “ y/n he never loved anyone until you. something about you makes him go crazy- that’s what he is trying to figure out now . “ says seokmin. “ how am i supposed to love him when he doesn’t know how to love me? “ i say. “ and that is exactly what he is trying to figure out ... “ he says.

mingyus pov:

i see y/n walk out the main door. it really makes me think we will never have anything which makes me sob even more. seokmin comes over to me and tells me about the conversation and how y/n most likely won’t fall for me unless i try which i will. i want her to be mine but something tells me that won’t happen. i get up to go get an ice cold beer out of my fridge. as i open it i start to think about things i could do to win y/n over.

jaehyun told me a lot of things that she liked- like foods, drinks, hobbies, etc and it seems like me and her are pretty much the same. thats what jaehyun and y/n lacked. they are just too different but maybe- just maybe me and her can be something. i started to write my ideas down when i get a message from y/n.

marks pov:

i am really excited for y/n- though i am scared at the same time especially because of mingyus reputation. i am glad she is exploring though- lets just wait until jaehyun sees..

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synopsis

⇲ going from dating to one of the biggest basketball players in school to dating the biggest football player was not easy. you went from love at first sight to not knowing what love felt like. struggling with their relationship because of their differences and leads them to a fatal break up that may or may not come back to life.

playlist🪴🧸 4/22/21

_____________________

neo culture technology~

🦋 7 days

🦋candle light

🦋 1,2,3

🦋angel

🦋pandoras box

🦋replay(pm 01:27)

🦋horizon

🦋let me love u

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day6~

⛈everyday we fight

⛈days gone by

⛈you were beautiful

⛈love me or leave me

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ateez~

💫mist

💫inception

💫wave

💫utopia

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here are some of my favorite songs atm; you should listen if you haven’t already <3

i still love you - chapter 6

main masterlist | previous | next |

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y/ns pov :

immediately after school i go home to get ready for me and mingyus date. i have three hours before he picks me up so i wanna look as good as possible. once i was done with my 45 minute shower the bathroom smelled like blossoms in a flower field. i throw on my favorite blue jeans and a black bodysuit on . it was a lot chillier today so i have to wear a bigger coat and a comfier fit . i go sit on my vanity to do my hair - i straighten it to perfection . i throw on a hat and i go to my perfume collection on my dresser . i look and see my tom ford collection… it reminded me of jaehyun and his amazing scent. he bought them for us to match back when we were dating but i never realized i still had them. i wanted to wear it but i just went with Chanel N°5 .

i put on my shoes and simply wait for mingyu . it took me about 2 in a half hours to get ready so i am pretty good on schedule. i didn’t receive any messages from him which scared me . i don’t want to be let down especially since i am giving him a chance . maybe about a good 10 minutes i hear someone knocking on my door .

i open it to see a very handsome mingyu. he had on khaki color dress pants with a gray sweater on . he completed the look with low top black converse and black bag- his hair cutely parted on the side. i didn’t even realize we were staring at each other until he broke the silence . “ hi “ he says with a smile. the raspiness in his voice caught me off guard. why didn’t i realize how handsome this man was before? i ask to myself.

“ hey .. wow you look great - different from what i usually see you in “ i say with a slight chuckle. mingyu does that cute little giggle he does and looms away shyly. “ i am a man of different styles what i tell you “ he responds . “ you look amazing by the way “ he adds. i smiled and grabbed my bag. we walked down to his car in the parking garage - we were silent the whole time, just taking in each other’s presence for once. it was nice. his car smelled like roses and champagne, a smell only a man like him could have. he turned on some music and it was definitely a relaxing ride.

again, it was silent . the whole 30 min car ride was silent but like i said before it was a nice feeling. “ are you ready to be wowed at my amazing surprise date ? “ he asked me , adding a smirk at the end . “ no .. i am kinda scared now that you ask “ i laugh jokingly . he continues to drive at his normal pace and i just relaxed. i look to the left of me to see an area lit up to the sky with led lights. i look up and we are at the Namsan tower.

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synopsis

⇲ going from dating to one of the biggest basketball players in school to dating the biggest football player was not easy. you went from love at first sight to not knowing what love felt like. struggling with their relationship because of their differences and leads them to a fatal break up that may or may not come back to life.

note: hello everyone !! i know i have not uploaded ,, i have been on my last couple of weeks of school and it is a lot! i am on summer break now so i will be uploading regularly like before :))

༊*·˚Jaehyun Lockscreens༊*·˚

Like or reblog if you save ♡

The Pull of You

Brace yourselves, guys – this shit’s heavy. I wrote this during a moment of depression, so expect heavy themes here. 

This piece is connected to Conflicted, so if you want to know what happens after that, then click that link below.

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

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Summary: The aftermath of Essie’s affair with Jaehyun complicates her dynamic with her house mates, most especially her boyfriend Johnny. That’s already a given, but how do they resolve this? Or will they ever do? 

POV: 3rd person. 

Word count: 3,000 + words 

Warning: Aside from the drama and angst this piece exudes, there is also a mention of cutting here. Please don’t do it, kids. Don’t be like who’s still trying to recover from it. And of course, smoking again if you’re sensitive to it. 

Recommended listening: If you concluded that I’ll recommend The National here, then you are correct. I listened to ‘The Pull of You’ and ‘You Have Your Soul With You’ repeatedly while writing this. Lyrics from the song are in bold and italic. 

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The affair ruined her. Essie slowly descended into madness, her conscience guilty, and her thoughts spiraling out of control with a million thoughts.

She couldn’t take it anymore. She couldn’t afford to see Jaehyun behind Johnny’s back. It lasted for a week, and she had to tell her lover that she had to end this.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can continue this anymore,” she sobbed, “I want to love you both, but I can only love one of you. I should only love one of you.”

“I know, mon amour. I understand,” was Jaehyun’s reply as he rubbed her back. “I know this wasn’t meant to last long, I know that you love him more than me.”

“I’m so sorry, Jay. I really am. Maybe in another lifetime, we could’ve been,” she sobbed even harder this time.

Jaehyun spent the whole afternoon comforting her and gave her his last kiss before they went their separate ways. “I have no regrets, I am happy that we became together for a moment,” he whispered.

Essie didn’t reply, she was already a mess that couldn’t be fixed.

\\\

In the next few weeks, Johnny noticed that his girlfriend wasn’t acting her usual self. She didn’t talk to him that much and was always holed up in her room.

Although he did his best to be the most caring and patient boyfriend a girl could ever have, Essie wasn’t responding to any of his sweet gestures. He hadn’t heard her speak more than a few words. She didn’t even greet him or say thanks.

As much as he wanted to confront her, he knew that he couldn’t handle the sight of her crumbling in front of him. He let her be for the moment, hoping for the day that she will be back to her usual jolly self.

However, he felt hurt when he saw her conversing with Mark. She looked fine as he saw them talking in her bedroom, as there was a small space open in her door that he could peek through. The younger guy was listening intently to her story, and he observed how she was more animated compared to the past few weeks.

When Johnny saw Mark emerge out of Essie’s bedroom, he wasn’t able to ask his other housemate what he was doing there. Mark walked away with his head bowed, as if he was avoiding any conversation with his hyung. This left Johnny standing on the hallway with his mouth agape, his eyes fixated on the closed door of his girlfriend’s room.

What could have he done to deserve this?

\\\

Mark felt conflicted about the stories that his dear Essie noona told him. He wasn’t sure if he was the right person to listen to this kind of story, but he had to now that she and her boyfriend weren’t on speaking terms lately.

Essie told Mark of her affair with Jaehyun. It only lasted for a week, but she felt horrible that she was able to do it. She never expected that she would end up like her father. She should not tolerate cheating since that was what tore her family apart.

“I love them both, Mark,” she wiped a tear from her eye, “but I don’t know how I can tell John about this. I don’t know what to do if he leaves me. And I don’t know if I can pursue a relationship with Jaehyun further now.”

He just held her hand and squeezed it, not knowing what to say. “I’m sorry if I told you this, but I needed someone to talk to. This might be a lot for you to process, but what do you think I should do?”

When he saw how wrecked she looked, his heart ached. “I…I don’t know. I really don’t know,” were the only words he said before Essie cried for the hundredth time that week.

\\\

Essie didn’t come out of her room the whole day. That worried Johnny because even if they weren’t on speaking terms, she still slipped out of her room to eat (lately it’s only once a day) or use the bathroom.

It was already late in the evening, and the itch to confront her resurfaced. He took a deep breath and walked toward the landing where his keys were. He had the key to all of the rooms, hers included. It was time to take action.

He opened the door to her room and saw her bundled in her comforter. He almost dropped his phone when he noticed that there were bloodstains on it.

He rushed to her side and saw that the blood came from her wrists. They were still bleeding. He extracted a pair of scissors on her bed and threw it away. She had hurt herself.

“Maaaaark!” He shouted, trying not to let panic get to him. “Mark Lee, come here immediately, please!”

The younger guy peeked into Essie’s room and was shocked to see the bloodied comforter. “I’ll call 911,” he said, immediately fishing his phone out of his pocket to call the hotline.

Johnny unwrapped Essie from her beddings and examined the wounds she created. They were a bit fresh, and they still bled. He noticed that she wasn’t breathing regularly anymore.

He was crying throughout the ordeal – the medical staff had to calm him down, and Mark had to step up to take care of the situation.

He didn’t know why Essie ended up like this. She wasn’t talking to him for weeks. He gave her space, and he tried his best not to be mad at her. He was a kind, understanding, and caring partner. But she was being selfish, and it broke his heart day by day.

Now, he might lose her because he wasn’t strong enough to break her walls.

Is this how I lose it? Everything at once?

\\\

Essie’s thoughts continued to consume her.

I don’t deserve to be loved.

I have been a bad partner.

I have become like my father.

I am a whore, a slut, a bitch, or any derogatory names you could call me.

I am not worthy of Johnny’s love, nor Jaehyun’s.

I am the most selfish person on this planet.

I deserve to die.

She had no energy to get out of bed or even eat properly. She only had one meal a day, the portions becoming smaller each day. The last thing she ate was a single cracker.

As she buried herself deeper into her sheets, the desire to cut returned. Wordlessly, she got up from the bed and grabbed the nearest scissors she could find.

She shut her eyes and dragged it across her wrist first to see if it was sharp enough. She saw thin lines etched onto her skin, with one of them oozing a prick of blood.

She tried again, this time harder and slower. She let out a small grunt as she felt the metal digging into her skin. She felt the blood gush out, which was both a painful yet wonderful experience. She did it again to her other wrist albeit shakily, for the blood was making her lose her control.

They were thick gashes on each wrist, and she gave a faint smile at her work.

I wish all these thoughts would stop now, she thought as she closed her eyes. She felt faint, which she hoped would lead to her losing her conscience until she never gets it back.

\\\

When Essie opened her eyes, she was at the hospital. It was a sight she never thought she’d see or experience. There were bandages on her wrists, and she felt a twinge of pain when she tried to move her hands.

“You’re awake,” a voice beside her croaked. It was Johnny, who looked worse for wear. She tried to say anything, but her mouth was too dry. She settled on looking at him instead, observing the dark bags under his eyes and his messy hair.

“Do you need anything?” She shook her head. “Water?” Another shake. “Come on, baby, please,” he said, on the verge of tears.

She could only stare at him, her mind still processing everything that happened for the past few weeks.

“Why won’t you talk to me still? What did I do? I want to know if I hurt you in any way, so I know how I could make it up to you,” he started, tears falling from his eyes.

“You’ve been talking to Mark, but not me. Are you hiding something from me?”

Those words made her heart pound loudly against her chest, and she tried not to break from her poker face.

“Baby, whatever it is, please. Let me know. I’ll understand. Whatever you did, I’ll forgive you. Just talk to me.”

Still, Essie would not budge. She just stared at him crying, unable to say anything for fear of him breaking further than her.

I cheated, John. With your best friend. I’m sorry.

A tear slipped from her eye, which Johnny didn’t notice as he continued to weep in front of her.

There was a knock on the door, but that didn’t stop him from crying. The door creaked open, revealing Mark in his trademark baseball cap.

He was about to say anything but noticed that his hyung was close to bawling.

“I guess I’ll be back later,” he mumbled, about to close the door. That was when Essie found her voice back, even if it was hoarser than usual. “Mark,” she started, “please stay.”

The younger guy was surprised at this, and he re-entered the room. Johnny’s eyes widened that his girlfriend wanted to talk to his other roommate instead of him.

“Sorry, Johnny hyung, but can you excuse us for a second?” Mark whispered, still not making eye contact with him.

“I can’t believe this,” Johnny muttered, glaring at his housemates for a second before storming out of the room.

He went out of the hospital to calm himself down, and for the first time in ages, he lighted a stick.

\\\

Everything came back to her once she started speaking to Mark. The younger guy updated her on what happened, and he saw how her face was coming back to life with various expressions. Her eyebrows knitted, her mouth frowned, and her eyes expressed the most emotion of them all.

“Mark, I still don’t know what to do. I can’t talk to him, not like this,” she murmured, looking at her bandaged wrists.

“You have to now, Essie noona. Please. It’s breaking him too. If you don’t want him to leave, you have to do it,” he said, softly tapping her arm.

She cried again, and Mark took this opportunity to excuse himself and find Johnny so the lovers could finally talk.

\\\

It took Mark an hour to find his hyung. He tried calling, but he wouldn’t answer. He had to resort to calling their other friends. Eventually, he found him through Yuta. “He’s at that coffee house with the nice smoking area,” the Japanese guy said before he hung up.

It was the place that he went to with his girlfriend. Mark knew that Essie smoked, but she was trying to cut it down. He didn’t know if she had quit, but that didn’t matter now.

As he went to the smoking area, he saw Johnny blowing a smoke ring. “Johnny hyung,” he approached the guy carefully, afraid that he might hurt him due to what he witnessed earlier.

“Mark,” the older guy said harshly and even blew smoke at his face. “What brings you here?”

“I’m taking you back to the hospital. She needs you now,” he took a seat beside him and twiddled his thumbs out of nervousness.

“What makes you think she needs me? She only talks to you now! Tell me,” Johnny said as he put out the cigarette, “are you two in a secret relationship?”

Mark shook his head vigorously. “No, hyung. She already made her choice when she decided to be in a relationship with you. I will never do that to you, to her, or anyone.” His voice was firm.

“Then, why is she talking only to you? I’m always here for her. Mark, please tell me, what’s wrong? Why isn’t she talking to me?” The older guy was in tears again, his sadness and frustration about the situation coming up again.

“It’d be best that she explain it, to be honest. I don’t even know what to say,” Mark rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Please, Johnny hyung. Have a bit more patience. She’ll talk.”

“I’m doing the best that I could, Mark Lee. I hope I still have some patience in me left,” were Johnny’s last words before he went back to the hospital.

\\\

“Baby, you said you needed to talk to me?”

The six-footer was now seated beside his love, who looked more alive than he saw her earlier. She nodded, opening her palm and moving it toward his direction.

He took this as a cue to hold her hand, which he did. He was gentle in picking it up, slowly slipping in his fingers in between hers.

“Can you tell me why you hurt yourself? Can you tell me everything why you haven’t been talking to me in ages?” His voice cracked as he asked.

“I…I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I really am. I am truly, deeply sorry.”

“I know it’s easy to say I forgive you, but I don’t know if I can accept it just yet. You really hurt me,” Johnny’s grip tightened. “But I know you still have a lot to explain. Can you start?”

She looked at him with teary eyes, slowly untangling her hand from him. She didn’t know where to start. She didn’t know if she could say what she has practiced in her mind while she was waiting for him to return.

I had only one thing to do and I couldn’t do it yet.

///

It took some time for Essie and Johnny to repair their relationship. She wasn’t able to tell him what she really wanted to say when she was at the hospital. They just held hands and cried.

Once she was discharged, Johnny was hands-on in taking care of her. He didn’t leave her alone – he accompanied her to the bathroom, he slept beside her, and he was there for her when she had to go out of the house.

In one instance, they had to return to the hospital for a follow-up check-up and an appointment with the psychiatrist. They held hands as they went to the car silently. Essie didn’t talk that much, and if she did, she only gave single statements.

Johnny’s patience was wearing thin, but he prayed that the Lord give him more. He didn’t want to lose the love of his life, even if she still hasn’t told him everything yet.

From all the things that she said, he only knew that she was apologetic for everything.

Something's leaving me behind

It's just a feeling in my mind

\\\

It was during their ride to the hospital that Essie finally cracked.

“I’m sorry that I broke your heart,” she wept, looking away from him.

It had started raining outside, and they were stuck in traffic.

“I already forgive you for that,” he squeezed her hand. “Stop apologizing so much. I got it.” He bent forward to look at her face in the car window and saw that her eyes were red and puffy.

“It’s more than what you think, John. I really am sorry.”

He let go of her clammy hand and placed it on the steering wheel. Could it be?

A moment of awkward silence enveloped the car. They weren’t listening to any of their playlists lately. Music took a backseat in their lives as Johnny was intent to fix things with Essie.

“Who did you do it with?” His tone was serious, making the hairs on the back of Essie’s neck stand up.

“Jay,” she whispered as she sat up straight. “It was Jay.” She repeated with certainty.

“Jeong Jaehyun,” Johnny growled his best friend’s name. It made sense to him now. No wonder he wasn’t talking to him despite leaving multiple voice calls and private messages. “How dare he do this to me? But how could you too, Essie?” The instant change of tone of his voice made her heart ache.

It was one of the most painful things that she heard him say, along with the pleas that he said when she was at the hospital.

“I’m really sorry, John. There are no excuses for what I did. I gave in to temptation when I could’ve avoided it…” Essie’s voice cracked at each word she said, and she was in tears again.

“How long did it last?” Johnny’s question cut through her like a knife. He wasn’t dilly-dallying around.

“For a week. I couldn’t take it anymore…” She distracted herself by studying her hands since she didn’t want to cry all day. She knew she would cry more during her appointment with the psychiatrist.

“Essie…” He breathed, his eyes intent on the traffic sign. It was still red, and he was wishing that it would change to green.

“I’m sorry, Johnny. My sincerest apologies. I am remorseful for what I did. Please forgive me more for what I have done,” she said, taking a glance at his face.

Even if it pained her to see his reaction, she had to know how he felt.

He had an inscrutable expression as he continued to drive. Of course, it hurt him that his best friends cheated on him. Jeong Jaehyun, a man he considered his brother, had an affair with the woman he wanted to marry and have a family with.

He had to right to be angry about this. But he didn’t feel it right now. Instead, he felt defeated. Deflated. Depressed.

His love for Essie was too much that he wanted her to get better soon so they could fix their lives together.

Processing anger can take a toll on someone, and he didn’t want to feel that just yet. He would get angry later on. That could wait.

He took a look at Essie, who has now fallen asleep. He gave her a small smile before focusing his attention back on the road.

We're connected by a thread

If we ever get far apart

I'll still feel the pull of you

–––

FIN

P.S. I hope you didn’t make a drinking game out of all the times I mentioned hyung here!

Snippets from an Affair

The title already told you what you need to know, so before you continue, here’s Jaehyun for you to look at in that iconic suit he wore in the ‘Kick It’ MV. 

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. 

CHAROT! Anyway, you know the drill:

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

–––

Summary: Take a glimpse of Essie and Jaehyun’s affair from the second day until the fifth. I’m not sure if I’ll consider these as completely canon, but I might write a mini-series on their rendezvous soon. 

POV: 2nd person again.

Word count: 1,300 + words

Warning: Baby’s revealing her first smut, and then another. Well, sort of. But there’s smut here, so you can skip that if you’re uncomfortable. 

Recommended listening: I mentioned two songs: The Internet’s ‘Give It Time’ and The Beatles’ ‘And I Love Her’. I think both will be Jaehyun-approved too! 

–––

When insomnia hits you, Jaehyun was one of the people you always called. You were all alone in the apartment, and you needed someone to talk to.

Good thing that your now-lover was there to keep you company since your boyfriend was out of town for a gig. Mark was abroad with Taeyong for a special project, leaving Jaehyun all by himself in his apartment as well.

It was the second day of your affair, and he decided to drive around the area after picking you up in your area. While one of his hands was on the steering wheel, the other held your hand. You chatted about everything as he drove, your eyes moving from him to the scenery outside.

Late-night drives made you feel warm despite the freezing air conditioning inside the car. You wished you could always do this with him, but you know that you couldn’t afford this with your situation.

“Darling, look. There’s a new café open there,” he pointed at a small but brightly-lit shop at the corner of a new building. “Want to try their offerings?”

You squeezed his hand in affirmation, which he stroked to mean that he got your message. As he parked the car nearby, he noticed that you kept on wrapping your arms around yourself. After all, you just wore a thin long-sleeved shirt and a mini skirt.

“Essie, take this,” he said softly, removing the hoodie that he wore. You took it wordlessly and slipped it on. “It looks good on you,” he commented, stroking the material of his jacket that seemed a bit baggy on you.

“Thanks for letting me borrow your hoodie, mon amour,” you said, tugging at the strings at the neck of his jacket. “I wasn’t prepared for a late-night drive like this.”

“Well, you should next time. And I don’t mind you wearing my jacket.” He grabbed your wrist and pulled you into a hug, which you reciprocated.

You didn’t mind that you hugged in the middle of the street at 3 in the morning. You stayed in that position for a bit until you felt him shuffling. You saw that he got his phone out of his jeans pocket and took a photo of you in an intimate position.

“Must you always take a picture every time?” You asked, amused at his boldness to take a picture of you together.

“Yes, mon amour,” he said, smiling. “Hey, I like the sound of that. I’ll call you that from now on.” He led you inside the new café wherein you were the only customers they had.

\\\

You never expected that your tryst with Jaehyun will turn out like this on the third day.

Playing in the background was The Internet’s ‘Give It Time’ as he planted kisses all over your body. You were in a swanky hotel room, and he had already stripped you down to your underwear. You wore your best lingerie as he took you out to a fancy dinner after work. He wore a suit and bow tie, while you wore a red dress with a high slit. It drove him crazy, and you felt his hands caressing your thigh throughout the dinner.

Now that you were back in your room, he went loose. Although he was already whispering the dirty things he’ll do to you in the elevator, nothing could compare to the beast he unleashed as he threw you on the bed and undressed you within seconds.

“I want to do you so bad, darling,” he moaned as he caressed your breasts. “Please,” you mouthed, your hands playing with the collar of his shirt. “May I?”

When you heard him say yes, you were quick to unbutton his shirt and his jacket. “I want to leave this on,” you purred as you tightened the bow tie on his neck. He let out a strangled cry when you tightened it a bit too much, making you bite your lip in excitement.

You unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants, leaving him only in his boxer briefs. His bulge grew bigger when you used your teeth in pulling down his underwear, eliciting a loud moan from him. “Darling, be careful,” he hissed, berating you for using your teeth.

After all, the first time you did this, he was hurt when you grazed your teeth on his member. But you always thought that was sexy and decided to try again.

“Sorry, but I can’t help it.” You were on your knees, and you licked the tip of his member gently. He seemed to enjoy it until he grabbed your hair forcefully and pushed your head closer to his dick.

“Don’t be a tease, and take it all in,” he grunted, moving your head as you tried not to gag. He was getting bigger in your mouth, and you closed your eyes to relish the moment.

As the rhythmic slapping of his cock against your mouth continued, you peeked that his legs were becoming unsteady. “I’m about to cum, darling,” he said, his voice shaky from too much stimulation. You shut your eyes and anticipated his release. When it did come, you gulped it all in.

He slowly took out his dick from your mouth and watched you lick the remaining cum from your hand. “I’ve got enough protein now,” you giggled as you looked at him straight in the eyes. His sultry façade faded as he saw your reaction, and he bent down to your level to kiss your forehead.

“I’ll give you more of that, mon amour,” he said as he carried you to the bed. “I’m going to fill you up with my loving.”

\\\

In the week that you and Jaehyun had trysts, you realized how much of a boyfriend material he is on the fourth day.

As you cuddled on the couch at his place, he suddenly sang you an old love song. It was one of your favorites: ‘And I Love Her’ by The Beatles.

He looked at you in the eyes, arms wrapped around your waist, as he sang the song wholeheartedly.

She gives me everything

And tenderly

The kiss my lover brings

She brings to me

And I love her

You couldn’t help but smile at how romantic he was being and felt your cheeks flush as he swayed you in his embrace.

A love like ours

Could never die

As long as I

Have you near me

You poked the dimples that appeared on his face as he continued singing, which prompted him to squeeze you tighter.

Bright are the stars that shine

Dark is the sky

I know this love of mine

Will never die

And I love her

He kissed your forehead after he wrapped up the song. “I love you so much, darling,” he whispered.

You could only kiss his nose in response since you were afraid that you were falling hard for him as well.

\\\

Jaehyun never fails to mention that he gets extremely sweaty whenever you’re together. You remembered it the most when you fucked – you never wanted to call it making love since you knew you were sinning every time you did it – and you just wanted to dry him off with a towel.

“Mon amour, does it bother you?”

He asked after a round of sex on the fifth day of your affair. “What do you mean?” You tilted your body toward him, and he grabbed your forearm.

“I mean, look at me, darling,” he gestured at his naked sweaty body with his free hand, “I’m bothered by this. Aren’t you?”

You took the towel on the bedside table and wiped him on his neck first, then dabbed it down his torso. “I am, but I don’t want to think about that when you’re ramming your dick inside me, you know?” You chuckled, now wiping his arms.

“Sorry for that stupid question,” he laughed, grabbing the towel from you. “But I get sweaty so easily. I hope you wouldn’t be bothered by it in the long run.” He was now drying his legs with the soaked towel.

“Whoever chooses to be your partner shouldn’t be, mon cheri,” you kissed his now dry shoulder. “Because they should focus on your performance, as always.” With those words, you pinned him down and dominated the next round of sex.

–––

FIN

P.S. I wonder if you’ll get drunk every time you read their pretentious name-calling in French. Did you guys try it? 

Fling Things

Let me introduce you to some fling things! Did you read that to the tune of ‘Kick It’? If you did, then you are a real NCTzen! 

Kidding aside, here’s a lighthearted story with the special participation of Wong Yuk-hei, also known as Lucas from WayV and Super M! 

Lest you forget, this is predominantly a Johnny (and Jaehyun and Mark) fanfiction blog, so read on to know how Lucas gets into the picture this time. 

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

–––

Summary: Like a page taken out of a rom-com storyline, Essie has a one-night stand with Lucas, and Johnny and Jaehyun aren’t happy about it. Hilarity ensues, as always. 

POV: 2nd person still. I wrote a lot of stuff last year, can you tell? 

Word count: 1,200 + words 

Warning: It’s a bit steamy, but not too much that it’s foggy. Get that? Otherwise, it’s just good old fun with the boys. 

–––

Before you and Johnny became official, you had a couple of flings with other guys. One of them was with Lucas, whom you had a one-night stand with. It was during a party that you ended up with the head-turning Hong Konger. 

The party was to celebrate someone’s birthday – you were sure it was for the Aquarian group of Doyoung, Johnny, and Jaehyun – and somehow, you ended up on the couch with Lucas. 

Both of you were tipsy already, with him affectionately rubbing your thigh, and you caressing his arm. You were talking too close to each other that nothing else mattered – if you weren’t that drunk, you might have noticed that Johnny and Jaehyun were glaring at your interaction with Lucas. 

Everything happened so fast, and before you knew it, you were in bed with the younger guy. You could only remember snippets of the deed, which were too steamy to even recall in detail. 

You woke up around 7 a.m. and found that Lucas was still beside you, scrolling through his phone. He was still topless, exposing his neck and arms that were almost filled with your love bites. You flushed at the memory of yesterday’s debauchery and decided to get up.

But before you could even do that, Lucas pinned you back on the bed. “Hey baby, morning,” he said in his trademark sultry voice. You gave him a weak smile, which he responded to with his awkward laughter. 

“You were great last night,” he started, leaning closer to you, “and I mean it.” He eyed the marks you left him. “Uh, thanks? You were great too,” you replied, starting to relax in your current position. 

He pecked you on the lips before he got up, revealing that he was already wearing his underwear. “Want to get breakfast?” He asked as he rummaged on the chair across the bed for his clothes. 

“Sure thing, but let me wash up first.” You held the blanket around you as you stood up, now shy of your naked body. 

“Okay, I’ll just be here,” Lucas winked at you as he slipped on his jeans. 

\\\

Breakfast with Lucas didn’t feel anything special. It was like eating with a friend – he cracked a lot of jokes while you tried your best not to spit out your coffee from laughter. 

He was a nice boy, but you know that he’s not the one for you. Blame it on the alcohol that you were able to do something you thought you would never do. 

He pecked your cheek before you left his car. “Let me know if you want to hang out, okay? I’ve put my number in there,” he tapped at your phone, “and you can chat me up too.” 

You nodded, bewildered that he was able to unlock your phone and put his number in your contacts. The boy might be more into you than you thought. 

Even if it has already been a couple of hours since you two did it, you still have the post-sex pain. 

You hobbled towards the door barefoot since you know you wouldn’t be able to walk in heels. As you fumbled for the keys in your bag, you heard footsteps approaching the door. 

Johnny, who was in a baggy shirt and sweatpants, opened the door for you. “Hey, wouldn’t you look at that,” he said, leaning against the doorway. “Baby’s got a fun time last night, and we weren’t invited!” His sarcastic tone annoyed you, but at the same time, you also felt guilty. 

You weren’t able to notify the guys that you were still at the venue of the party, in one of the rooms having your way with one of the most handsome men you’ve ever known. Aren’t all of your guy friends?

“Hey, I’m sorry,” you croaked. “I didn’t mean to not text or call you guys but…uh, things happened. And I didn’t expect that to happen. Not in a million years. I don’t know what came over me–––”

Johnny cut you off by pulling you into the house. “Stop blabbering and come inside,” he whispered, his hand still on your wrist as he dragged you to the sofa. 

You followed him silently, and he even patted a spot on the couch for you to sit on. Once you were seated, he flicked your nose. “You deserve that for making us worry,” he said before taking a seat beside you.

“But I said I was sorry!” You grumbled, rubbing the spot he hit. “Please don’t do that again, Essie. Jaehyun and I were worried about you, but especially me.” With that, you turned around and saw that one of his best friends walked toward you with a cup of coffee.

“Looks like you need one,” he said as he handed the steaming cup to you. You thanked him and carefully took a sip. It tasted just the way you like it – with milk and two packets of sugar. 

“Hey, you know my blend,” you gave an approving look at Jaehyun, who rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Because I’ve observed you enough to know what you like,” he mumbled. 

You could only look at the boys in shock. Jaehyun usually didn’t act this flustered, and Johnny’s concern was bordering on anger. You set the coffee on the table and explained yourself again, this time more confidently. 

“I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to message or call you guys. I know you were concerned because I had too much to drink, and I was flirting with someone…” You softened your voice at the end, embarrassed of admitting that you had a rendezvous last night. 

“Yes dear, you were with Lucas. The young sex god. You got pulled into his charms,” Johnny said dryly while rolling his eyes. “You were too weak to resist it,” Jaehyun piped in, folding his arms in disappointment. 

“I didn’t expect that too, honest! But anyway, now I’m home safe and sound, I’m really sorry I made you guys worry. What can I do to make it up to you guys?” You pleaded, giving your best aegyo to appease them. 

Both guys looked at each other, deep in thought on what you can do to make them forgive you. It took them a moment until both of them said the same thing.

 “Be my assistant for the week.” 

“Hey, I said it first!” Johnny grumbled, glaring at the guy standing beside him. 

“No, I was the one who said it first!” Jaehyun rebutted, raising an eyebrow at his friend. 

They bickered for a moment, and you shook your head at their immaturity. 

“Well, I guess you two should settle that first. I’m going to take a long bath, and let me know who the winner is,” you said, standing up with the cup of coffee.

“Let’s settle this with rock-paper-scissors, so we know who the winner is now!” Johnny screeched, getting into a competitive stance. Jaehyun mirrored him, and you watched them play the most intense rock-paper-scissors game ever. 

The taller guy won with paper against Jaehyun’s rock. The latter drooped his shoulders in defeat while Johnny pumped his fist in the air. “I win! Better prepare yourself, girl, I’m going to tire you out!” He said, pointing a finger at you for emphasis. 

“Yeah, whatever. I’m going to rest for now,” you took a sip of your coffee before walking away from the two guys. 

Sometimes, being surrounded by more guys makes things more complicated for you. All you ever wanted was to be with that one special guy, but life has to make things challenging for you. 

Is this a conquest you should continue, or should you stop now?

–––

FIN

A Kiss for Luck

As mentioned before, I don’t write in chronological order. Here’s another example of that in this Essie and Jaehyun piece. 

This one’s also dedicated to @gyuschilli, which I will discuss more in the summary. 

And how can I not forget to add an adorable GIF of Jeong Jaehyun for your pleasure? 

Mahal ko kayong lahat! :) 

–––

Summary: This story was inspired by this tweet that @gyuschilli sent me, and I thought it might tie in to their affair as well. Consider this as the main event of their fourth day, even if I wrote a snippet of it on a previous post. 

POV: 3rd person as this is one of my most recent writing. 

Word count: 1,000 + words 

Warning: As always, they are a horny bunch. Nothing smutty, just a bit of sexiness here. 

–––

“Yoon Oh, what’s up?”

She never called him his real name unless she was serious. Jeong Jaehyun looked at Essie Park, who was rubbing circles on his back. They were hanging out at the couch in her apartment, which she shared with two of their friends. One of them happened to be her boyfriend, who was abroad at the moment. The same could be said for the other one, who was with Jaehyun’s housemate for a special project. In short, they had their apartments all to their selves.

“It’s just that…” he started, looking at anything than her worried face, “I might go out of the country too in a week or so. I’ve been offered a project, just like Mark and Taeyong. It's a solo one, and I might not be back for a couple of weeks.”

This made her lean back against the couch and place her hands on her lap. “Oh, why are you all leaving one at a time?” She asked in a small voice.

“That’s what my manager told me, mon amour. I thought that this project wouldn’t push through until next year, and I was shocked to hear this news earlier.”  

“Oh, I see,” Essie scrutinized her fingers as she waited for Jaehyun’s response. “I’m sorry about that,” She felt him move closer to her, “but we still have a couple of days to enjoy each other’s company before I leave?”

When she looked up at him, his lips were immediately on hers.

Ah, it was already the fourth day of their affair. They drove to the beach, ate good food, and fucked as much as they could for the past few days. Hearing that he would have to fly for a project next week broke Essie a bit, but she was also relieved deep inside since she could still detach herself from him.

If she took the time to reflect, then she would realize how much this is hurting her. She knew she loved her boyfriend, The One and Only Johnny Suh, but she could not resist temptation in the form of Jeong Jaehyun.

Both of them started as her friends, but it was the Korean-American who won her heart eventually. It was only recently that Jaehyun admitted he liked her, and as much as she didn’t want to break his heart, she had broken hers (and her boyfriend’s) for starting this affair.

When they pulled away from each other, Jaehyun buried his face on the crook of Essie’s neck. “My darling, I don’t want to leave you,” he whispered. “Not now that we’re getting to know each other better.”

“I could say the same, mon cheri,” she kissed his cheek. “I’ve always wanted to have deep conversations with you, but we never had much time, no?”

“Because you were always with Johnny hyung,” he scoffed, pulling away from her to show his sarcasm. “But that doesn’t matter right now. You are all mine,” He started to pepper her neck with kisses, which she encouraged by stroking his hair.

She closed her eyes and let him pleasure her. Once again, she will forget that she is someone else’s and that she is for him alone.

\\\

As they spent the afternoon listening to records and drinking wine, Jaehyun suddenly wore his serious look again, which concerned (but mostly bothered) Essie.

“Yoon Oh…” She wrapped her arms around his waist. “It hurts me when I see you look like that. What’s up, my sweet lover?”

“I remembered my project again. This will be the first time I’m doing something like this, so…I’m quite nervous about it.”

Although his confidence level was not as extreme as Johnny’s, Essie found it heartbreaking that Jaehyun was not feeling his best about this new endeavor.

“Is there anything I can do to help you?” She looked up at him with puppy eyes, making him suppress his groan by biting his lip.

“How about…you kiss me for good luck?” He flashed his trademark dimpled smile, which she responded to by thwacking him on the shoulder.

“Seriously, Jay? Will a kiss really help you?” She folded her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow at him.

“If it woke up Sleeping Beauty and turned frogs into princes, then I guess it would,” he was practically beaming at how absurd he sounded, but he hoped that she would buy it.

“Then you might turn into a frog if I kiss you then?” She readjusted her arms over her chest and moved closer to him. “I don’t want to see you turn into that.”

He wanted to roll his eyes at how their conversation was going but decided to approach his request in another way. He did his best aegyo, which involved him talking to her in a baby voice and doing a silly dance.

“Can baby get a kiss from his mommy?”

Essie had the urge to hide from secondhand embarrassment but pulled through when she saw how desperate he was for it.

“Okay, if that’s what you want,” she closed the gap between them and kissed him on the cheek. “Is that enough, mon bebe?”

He shook his head and pointed at his lips. “Isn’t my baby demanding?” she sighed.

“Come on, mon amour. Just this one, and I’ll be okay.” He puckered his lips and made kissy noises.

She gave in to his request, and he responded with such passion that it led to them making out on the couch.

It was déjà vu – didn’t this just happen a while ago? As she became lost in his kisses, the thought of him leaving her crept back in her mind.

She was conflicted once more. It is for the best that you cut this as soon as you can, her logical side told her.

No, you will never get to do this again, her emotional side lamented.

Shut the fuck up, she told both sides of her brain as she felt Jaehyun’s tongue go deeper in her mouth.

She moaned at how good it felt, and as always, they fucked.

This was becoming a routine, and she wondered if she could keep it up before he leaves or not.

–––

FIN