Indian Parents - Tumblr Posts

My thoughts exactly

sometimes i wonder what must it be like

to have a father you can talk to

without your breath getting stuck in your throat

or your heart pounding so hard like it'd burst

i wonder what it's like to have a father

you are not afraid of.

sometimes i wish i had a normal relationship

with the one man I'm supposed to trust in my life

instead, I'm afraid of him as am I

of any other man who comes my way

maybe this is what my life is going to be

always running away from every man I've known.

idk if this is an adhd thing but I never truly rebelled against my parents because it turns out that everything I wanted to do was exactly what my parents wanted me to do, i.e. staying at home and reading in my room, and they still somehow found like a crapload of reasons just to shout at me anyway

being neurodivergent in a strict family is so funny because why do I feel guilty asking my own parents to do the things they do anyway

self esteem so low i get guilt by asking my parents to pay ONLY my chem tution fee lmao.

will never understand kids who yell at their parents because they bought them iphone 11 and not iphone 14.

because mai nokia ka keypad chala rahi hu.

like some of yall had unconditional love and support from your parents who never made you feel as if you didnt deserve anything and it shows.

kyuki mere ghar pe toh har ek cheez conditional h. marks acche nahi aaye toh bahar se accha khana deserve ni karte, naye kapde deserve ni karte, doston se baat karna deserve ni karte, abey aur toh aur "tution nahi bhejenge kyuki tum education ke layak hii nahi ho" (which is what i get to hear after asking to join a tution for the first time in my life in 11th grade).

like kabhi kabar lagta h ki aisi hii zindagi honi thi toh kyu 1st se 8th tak jee jaan lagake mehnat karke hamesha full marks laayi mai? uski appreciation kabhi di nahi, vo ab ho nahi raha toh sunne ko bhot milta h. saala uss time ye sab chodhke thoda jee hii liya hota, atleast life ka ek part toh khushi se nikalta. ab lag raha h 16 saal ki zindagi toh barbad hii kardi maine. uss time ki mehnat ab matter ni karti, par ab mehnat ho nahi rahi h.

it just...gets unbearable to watch other people living their life after a while ya know? like you look at people who are going out, having fun with their friends, doing what they love, having good relationships with their family, and just, like their problems are so much different? they may not have their life together either, but you envy them because you don't have the privilege to do the same as them, because you know you're the one to blame for the subjects you chose, the life you chose. you see them actually living, and realise that youre still stuck in a loop, waiting for your life to begin, as you have for as long as you have been alive.

a couple days back one of my friends adopted a dog and i had a breakdown over it because....ye toh mai bhi deserve karti hu na yaar. mujhe kab milega ye? kabhi milega bhi? abhi tak toh nahi mila. aur ab toh milne ke chances bhi itne kam hain kyuki dena mujhe JEE h.

you can't help but feel hopeless.

pehle lagta tha jab kuch bhi sahi nahi tha ki....koi nahi, atleast academics ho raha h. atleast acche dost hain ab bhi. atleast ek acche future ka prospect h.

and then you lose it all. nothing to comfort you. nothing to make you feel as if atleast one thing in your life is going right, because it isn't. because your life is just one huge black hole now sucking away your happiness, your sense of identity. mujhe khud nahi pata mai kon hu. ab toh dost bhi chutne lage hain.

like, outwardly yes ill work hard and get out of this, but what then? people say "it's just 2 years uske baad sab bhot easy hoga" but what they don't understand is that it's not just 2 years. ive worked hard my entire life, and im sick of the constant guilt, constant expectations, constant pressure. i dont know if i have it in myself to hold on for 2 years more.

fir agar tumhare coping mechanisms maladaptive daydreaming and internet addiction h then toh hogya bas tumhara.

i could go on for a millennia with this rant. abhi toh family trauma bhi touch nahi kiya h. but then that will just be another proof of "yes, here's another thing going wrong in your life"

like, i have to remind myself each day that i dont have anything to be shameful about, i dont have anything that i dont deserve. love shouldnt be conditional. support shouldnt be conditional. especially if love and support are from your family and if they are based on a handful of figures.

like if at this point if i go and start doing drugs and alcohol to get some relief then can my parents blame me? but i cant do that, because guilt!

when will this end? i just wanna sleep.

par sone ke liye 5 min shanti se letna padta h and mai apne khudke thoughts tolerate kar paane ki ability kho chuki hu.

My Emotions (Romance wise, as an alloromantic unfortunately)n

honestly speaking im lowkey feeling mad lonely romance wise. the issue is i know in theory that a romantic relationship requires commitment and effort and all of the ingredience to form a rs. what i know even clearer is that especially right now with all my commitments and with all my physical and mental issues i might not be able to make it out if its the wrong person for me. however, in practice its like the emotional side of me still wants (needs) certain things, things that everyone else seems to be getting now a year into uni. some part of me wants someone to tell me they find me genuinely fascinating romantically, but i can't shake off that friend vibe ive got going on with everyone. the worst part is i know im relatively ugly where i'm currently at and i can't help but wish i was fairer and had prettier features than what i do right now. even worse is the fact that any relationship i were to pursue right now would have an expiry date or the person would have to take on the insurmountable task of convincing my parents to marry me which will not happen and i am not someone brave enough to go against my parents' decisions. so rationally (and obviously) i am not in the dating pool, but can't help wanting someone to pull me into the waters and let me drown with them for a while till i crawl back to shore.