Giving To Rebent Hayden Thirst Trap - Tumblr Posts

I've got some of the easier parents for this kind of thing. And it's still tough. They know I'm open to romance and having children, but they also allowed me to be a picky little bastard. And once you develop a particular taste for things, and rarely find fulfilling engagement outside of yourself and the *very select* slice of humanity you consider friends, it gets tough. Because those friends are also picky as hell, and don't flirt around, because they're picky as hell. And so yeah I'm addicted to the internet because that's where the weird picky people go. And then they post weird shit I wouldn't be able to see walking around (I like walking around.)

Uh.

Shit.

I'm open to finding someone who's company is preferable to my own, but it's quite hard to tell the almost everyone that I'd prefer to be sat in a room with a mirror, a good book, some paper to draw on, some music to dance to, some of the selected voices I like to hear.

When you crunch the numbers for yourself it can make quite a lot of sense to do what is enjoyable and not what makes you miserable.

In case that helps.

Ben

Venting here- I love visiting family but all the "Do you have a boyfriend yet? Do you have a girlfriend yet? Are you seeing anyone? Have you met anyone? What's your romantic life like? Who have you been with? Anyone you like?" stuff gets exhausting, doesn't it?

Like

How do you tell people who are worried about you being lonely that "I don't want sex, I don't need romance, and I haven't met anyone whose company I find preferable to my own" without worrying them *more*?

I went to an antique mall today. Got stuck up by some books I thought might pass me by if I didn't give my bank account a beating.

Today's Notes ^

_________________

One of my new most prized possessions:

A book with illustrations and beautiful writing about Texas Outhouses:

-------------------

A Collection of Readings for Writers

A book that might be interesting, but could quite well be some devious shit. (The cover was beautiful, the first essay was somewhat interesting. - On keeping mentally alive - not sure about some of the metaphors... but thought the book could be something.)

---------------------

A page from: International Calligraphy Today 1982

-------------

[Markings - Sacred Landscapes from the Air] Photographs by Marilyn Bridges

The Description for the image reads:

Overview, Uxmal, Yucatán, 1982

Most of the buildings at Uxmal were constructed between A.D. 600 and 900. The overview covers most of the excavated portion of the city, an area of approximately 312,000 square yards.

----------------

A page from: Prehistoric Art - T.G.E Powell

I went to an antique mall today. Got stuck up by some books I thought might pass me by if I didn't give my bank account a beating.

Today's Notes ^

_________________

One of my new most prized possessions:

A book with illustrations and beautiful writing about Texas Outhouses:

-------------------

A Collection of Readings for Writers

A book that might be interesting, but could quite well be some devious shit. (The cover was beautiful, the first essay was somewhat interesting. - On keeping mentally alive - not sure about some of the metaphors... but thought the book could be something.)

---------------------

A page from: International Calligraphy Today 1982

-------------

[Markings - Sacred Landscapes from the Air] Photographs by Marilyn Bridges

The Description for the image reads:

Overview, Uxmal, Yucatán, 1982

Most of the buildings at Uxmal were constructed between A.D. 600 and 900. The overview covers most of the excavated portion of the city, an area of approximately 312,000 square yards.

----------------

A page from: Prehistoric Art - T.G.E Powell

Some older doodles in dark mode (Inverted w/ some editing)

Doodled on Cardboard & Cardstock w/ acrylic marker or pen

I've started carrying cardstock and pens as often as I can. If I get restless at a social gathering [for one of 20 deliciously rude reasons] I can whip out my cardstock and start doodling. Nobody has seemed to mind yet. I don't have to talk, eye contact is long gone.

Slightly on that note I describe this sort of loose unplanned stuff as "stim doodles."

It's either I doodle, dance very much, say every horrific thought that makes me squirm, I climb, talk about historic atrocities (or another shared topic), gremlin yodeling, I start speaking as one of the bit characters, I try to figure out why people have built their lives in the way they have (in a nice innocent terrifying way.)

So the page up top, and the following page are the same piece of paper. I was at a bar with some half-acquaintances, and the paper became my little escape. The pages are in 4 sections, because it's the largest & easiest paper fold while still fitting in my pocket. And 4 mini canvases are fun.

The following two are drawn on scraps of cardboard with acrylic marker. I drew 'em real quick during my lunch break. ~min or two?

I drew the following page when my housemates threw a party. I wasn't feeling terribly social, I knew nobody. So wall-flowered under some of my weirder doodles in the living room while doodling. I enjoyed my doodling, problem solved. ['Getting bored' might have been in reference to the party, but I think I'd just been doing that kind of eye for a couple days and I wanted something new.

And the eye everyone draws while listening to the audiobook version of 1984 while in their kitchen. ~20min? Possibly less.

Yep!

Oooooooh wait. One last side note I think is really interesting!!!

In lots of old pottery, scrawls on cave walls, carvings, etc. There are patterns I use! Or rather, I use similar patterns. I've been into cave paintings and plenty of ancient art/craft since I was young as hell - so I might just be yoinking. But what's interesting is that THEY DIDN'T HAVE ACCESS TO WHAT I DID. A LOT OF THESE CULTURES ARE SEPARATED BY OCEANS, MILLENNIA. SO THE PATTERNS BEING SIMILAR IS COOL!

UGGGGGGGGGG. I LOVE FEELING AT ONE WITH THE WEIRD CROUCHING GOBLIN WHO CARVES THE TINY RHYTHMIC DETAILS INTO A COMB THAT COSTS MORE THAN THEIR HOUSE.

I think when limited to 1 color [in carving it might just be depth?] a lot of similar patterns come about between different people. All my friends have different patterns too! Many are things we've seen before, but it's interesting seeing what comes out of people when you get them to fill in a page with something.

Have a life!

Ben!!!

Some older doodles in dark mode (Inverted w/ some editing)

Doodled on Cardboard & Cardstock w/ acrylic marker or pen

I've started carrying cardstock and pens as often as I can. If I get restless at a social gathering [for one of 20 deliciously rude reasons] I can whip out my cardstock and start doodling. Nobody has seemed to mind yet. I don't have to talk, eye contact is long gone.

Slightly on that note I describe this sort of loose unplanned stuff as "stim doodles."

It's either I doodle, dance very much, say every horrific thought that makes me squirm, I climb, talk about historic atrocities (or another shared topic), gremlin yodeling, I start speaking as one of the bit characters, I try to figure out why people have built their lives in the way they have (in a nice innocent terrifying way.)

So the page up top, and the following page are the same piece of paper. I was at a bar with some half-acquaintances, and the paper became my little escape. The pages are in 4 sections, because it's the largest & easiest paper fold while still fitting in my pocket. And 4 mini canvases are fun.

The following two are drawn on scraps of cardboard with acrylic marker. I drew 'em real quick during my lunch break. ~min or two?

I drew the following page when my housemates threw a party. I wasn't feeling terribly social, I knew nobody. So wall-flowered under some of my weirder doodles in the living room while doodling. I enjoyed my doodling, problem solved. ['Getting bored' might have been in reference to the party, but I think I'd just been doing that kind of eye for a couple days and I wanted something new.

And the eye everyone draws while listening to the audiobook version of 1984 while in their kitchen. ~20min? Possibly less.

Yep!

Oooooooh wait. One last side note I think is really interesting!!!

In lots of old pottery, scrawls on cave walls, carvings, etc. There are patterns I use! Or rather, I use similar patterns. I've been into cave paintings and plenty of ancient art/craft since I was young as hell - so I might just be yoinking. But what's interesting is that THEY DIDN'T HAVE ACCESS TO WHAT I DID. A LOT OF THESE CULTURES ARE SEPARATED BY OCEANS, MILLENNIA. SO THE PATTERNS BEING SIMILAR IS COOL!

UGGGGGGGGGG. I LOVE FEELING AT ONE WITH THE WEIRD CROUCHING GOBLIN WHO CARVES THE TINY RHYTHMIC DETAILS INTO A COMB THAT COSTS MORE THAN THEIR HOUSE.

I think when limited to 1 color [in carving it might just be depth?] a lot of similar patterns come about between different people. All my friends have different patterns too! Many are things we've seen before, but it's interesting seeing what comes out of people when you get them to fill in a page with something.

Have a life!

Ben!!!

Hum de dum. Don't really know what to call this.

Good luck!

Ben :)

Hum de dum. Don't really know what to call this.

Good luck!

Ben :)

My go to responses for "how are you?"

"I'm functioning"

"Alive"

"Slowly dying"

"Breathing"

"I'm here." (Mainly used when arriving to work)

"huh."

"Let me run the numbers."

"Can I get back to you on that?"

"I'm the weather is nice."

"I'm no longer crying. The crying was fun though."

"I want to run. In a field. I want to breath the dreams in a world that feels all to big for me. I want to feel tiny looking into the vastness out there. I'm tired of the city. LET ME RUN."

"Doin alright."

"Unfortunately without my knives."

"I'm a tad parched."

"Desperate for some quality lollygagging."

"Gweeeeeeeeeeeeep. Scoooooooooorbonoxious. Crombolonious."

"I don't know."

My go to responses for "how are you?"

"I'm functioning"

"Alive"

"Slowly dying"

"Breathing"

"I'm here." (Mainly used when arriving to work)

"huh."

"Let me run the numbers."

"Can I get back to you on that?"

"I'm the weather is nice."

"I'm no longer crying. The crying was fun though."

"I want to run. In a field. I want to breath the dreams in a world that feels all to big for me. I want to feel tiny looking into the vastness out there. I'm tired of the city. LET ME RUN."

"Doin alright."

"Unfortunately without my knives."

"I'm a tad parched."

"Desperate for some quality lollygagging."

"Gweeeeeeeeeeeeep. Scoooooooooorbonoxious. Crombolonious."

"I don't know."

Platonic until proven guilty.

Platonic until proven guilty.

I was looking for this.

Stuck in my memory.

This is she.

Beautiful.

how is that pooh bear tv i miss her sm

she’s good, she’s exclusively used for playing vintage gay porn while i cook

Reblogging this puts me in a bad position.

For the record I had nothing to do with any of this.

I'm glad to see she's doing well.

I was way too busy drawing ducks, or demons, or little frogs!

thank you to everyone who contributed to my 4/5 star rating on wikifeet, this is a huge moment for me ♡

Reblogging this puts me in a bad position.

For the record I had nothing to do with any of this.

I'm glad to see she's doing well.

I was way too busy drawing ducks, or demons, or little frogs!

thank you to everyone who contributed to my 4/5 star rating on wikifeet, this is a huge moment for me ♡

Risk by Gracie Abrams [Car Based Sing Along Activity]

I’m going to sleep. I will leave this here.

Risk by Gracie Abrams [Car Based Sing Along Activity]

I’m going to sleep. I will leave this here.

Currently imagining myself rolling around in a lightless meaty giant mouth.

Squished against molars, flicked around by a dolphin sized tongue.

No particular reason why.

Toodles!

Currently imagining myself rolling around in a lightless meaty giant mouth.

Squished against molars, flicked around by a dolphin sized tongue.

No particular reason why.

Toodles!