Gay Science - Tumblr Posts
Why do Humans have Such Big Boobs? (They're Not Just for Milk)
Humans are the only species whose females have enlarged breasts their whole lives after puberty.
As anyone with large boobies will attest, massive fuckin’ titties are kinda inconvenient. Especially before the invention of fitted bras able to contain the power of your super stuffed up milkies. Also they get cancer a lot of the time.
So, it seems kinda weird to evolve massive honger donger, doinky boinkies, right? Why aren’t human women flat chested? Why evolve to be attracted to them?
You might think that we evolved bazongas because its a sign to men that the women can feed their baby. And you would be wrong! It turns out boobs evolved for an entirely different and much funnier reason.
Link to article
Biowogy, geowogy, astrowomy, chemuwustry, sowocial sciwence, paweontowogy, engayneering, femsics, mathemeowtics, meowdicine, computer science, psychowogy
Superhero; "This is the third atrocity this week! You won't escape this time, doc!"
Hopelessly gay mad scientist leaning against a Doomsdayinator™; "um, yeah, so you come here often?"
Stupid, handsome secret agents sneaking into my lair with their impractical sexy black suits and their dumb suave accents and foiling my silly little plans and seducing my female minions and always getting the girl. WHY CAN’T HE GET ME FOR ONCE?
If you graph badassery against the ability to have sex; the line raises steadily until after the Chuck Noris point where it just drops off a cliff.
I call this the "Erkon Virginity Phenomenon", which describes how extreme badasses stop being able to get laid because women fear their size and/or they’ve transcended the very need for sex.
This is why I’m still single. Totally.
the superhero just did that thing where they caused my evil facility to self destruct then begrudgingly saved me and carried me to safety 😳😳😳
Nyal Degrasse Tysowon
Rawrchard Dawakins
Awan Tuwuring
Meowrie Cuwurie
Alpurrt Einstein
Isaac Neuwuton
Nyakowola Teswa
“So our first date was at the bank so I could show him my new science project.”
Therapist: “Okay… and that’s when your boyfriend hit you?”
“Yes! Then he dropped me in a jail cell and flew away! It’s like he doesn’t even know we’re dating.”
Therapist: “Wait…”
I'm married to science!
i mean, i'd rather be married to the hero or a hot lab assistant but science is fine too i guess
Evil inator #69: the GAYinator™®!
This doomsday device will INFECT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD WITH HOMOGAY! With no more heteronormative relationships the birth rate will plummet causing the END OF THE WORLD (eventually)(probably)
Why? BECAUSE I'M EVIL! MWAHAHAHA! and definitely not so I can smooch that superhero I have a gay crush on
Edit: Even a concentrated blast from the GAYinator™® had no effect on the superhero?! 🤨😳 Anyways, then they just threw it into the sun so no gay apocalypse unfortunately.
As a mad scientist, I happen to be an expert on gooning. Lots of work experience. I have many goons in my employ.
Mad Scientist Wrapped
This year you:
Laughed nefariously 489 times.
Concocted 52 evil schemes.
Made 52 inators.
Were Defeated by heroes 52 times.
Asked out Heroes 26 times.
Were rejected by heroes 25 times.
Asked out then got seduced by Secret Agent Superspy and tricked into going on a date where he tied you up and foiled your evil scheme 1 times.
Got 306 new hypnotized evil minions and fellow villains on Tumblr!
Gay Mad Scientist Villain: "So, did it hurt?"
Superhero: "No. I'm indestructible."
Gay Mad Scientist Villain: "When you fell from heaven!"
Superhero: "Well, my entire species had just died when I first came to earth, so when I fell from the sky it did hurt emotionally, yes."
Gay Mad Scientist Villain: "L-let's start over"
Gay Mad Scientist; "And I would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for you superdorks, and your little side kick too."
Superhero; "You're too cute for prison, wanna come by my place instead?"
Gay Mad Scientist; *is killed instantly*
Is it normal to have pet names for all my nemeses? Mr. Inhuggable? Agent Hunk? Schwuper-Duper-Bear?
Oh, shit, honey-bunny himbo-bimbo is attacking my secret lair!
Naked Sperm Plants
Gymnosperms are weird.
The thing all gymnosperms have in common, and that separates them from their much more successful rival cousin group the angiosperms (flowering plants) is that they have seeds without a seed coat. That’s literally what "gymnosperm" means.
Sperm means "seed" or whatever. And the Greek root gymn- means "naked". Because in ancient Greece the gymnasium was a place where manly men would go to work out, make gains, be naked, wrestle, hang out with the boys and appreciate each other’s gains. While naked. Together. Y’know… Man stuff. For men.
Gymnosperms include pine trees, cycads (which look like giant half-buried pineapples with a single giant pinecone/flower thing coming out the top), gnetums (look like normal leafy plant vines), ephedras (weird stick shrubs with no leaves), the welwitschia(an immortal desert plant that grows exactly two blade leaves endlessly until it’s just a tangled pile of leaf), and the gingko (a single species of tree that paradoxically hasn't gone extinct for 299million years despite being completely unadapted to any existing ecosystem and also makes vomit "berries") So you see, all the Gymnosperms are freaking weird.
I mentioned ginkgo “berries” in scare quotes because these aren’t actually berries. They’re not even fruits. It’s actually just the seed but with a fruit-like fleshy seed coat bit around it. Remember how I said that gymnosperms by definition don’t have seed coats? Yeah, the ginkgo has one of those despite being a gymnosperm; taxonomy is a folly of man’s hubris.
Love inator #9: The CUPIDINATOR!
BEHOLD! A ray of pure concentrated LOVE that will finally make my unrequited love for the hero become COMPLETELY REQUITED!
Update: they deflected the shot with a mirror and now I'm even more in love with them wtf
IF SUPERGUY DIDN’T LOVE ME THEN WHY DOES HE KEEP SENDING ME TO JAILS HE KNOWS I CAN EASILY BREAK OUT OF AND PERPETUATING THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE INSTEAD OF KILLING ME OR HELPING ME SEEK REHABILITATION FOR MY MAD SCIENCE MENTAL ILLNESS? HMMM???