Ex Relationship - Tumblr Posts

Call me weird but I’m still the bitch you dated TWICE, am I weird or was your mental illness effecting me

Tw: abuse

Me vibing but suddenly I remember all the times he hit and manipulated me into apologizing to him because he had to hit me.

Not fun. Not what I wanted to randomly remember. Why the fuck does my head keep reminding me of all of that shit??

And the worst part is that I still can't belive someone loves me if they don't hurt me. Like, the way I was taught love works, is always through hurting me.

I don't want that.

Am I still in love with him or do I just love him now?

I don't know...

It still hurts to think of what we had and how it all ended.

But I still for sure love him, as a person, as a friend, as someone who I trust.

But am I still in love with him??

I don't know, I don't think so. Not like I was.

I am a little bit in love with everyone who I ever was in love with.

They stay a part of me, but I think that's all. I think I'm not in love with him anymore.

I want things to be normal between us again. To be friends, joke around, tell secrets, drink and laugh and cry and cuddle.

Just that.

I really really want him back, as a friend.

Cried about him today again.

All the things he said, did he mean them?

Does he still mean them?

Can I ever stop wondering if he just lied to me the whole time or if he actually meant it?

What the fuck?

I want to talk with him.

I miss him.

I wanted us to last.

I wanted to actually try and maybe even succeed.

I wanted to be with him.

I wanted to not be the only one who fell.

I'm still lost in the way his arms made me feel safe.

I wish he would hold me like that again and not let go this time.

Remembering doesn't bring comfort, it only brings confusion.

I actually didn't think about him today.

Which is funny and good I think.

But now that I do think about him again, I still miss him.

But it hurts less.

And I am less angry too.

I was once a star.

He made me burn.

Now I wanna burn down his house <3

Not actually.

I want to keep on burning.

I try to fill the void he left with anything that could kill me.

I'll die before letting myself fall in love again.

It's funny how love changes things.

His shirt was my favorite item, now it's just a shirt, not even a pretty one.

I am not repulsed by it, but I don't feel the need to wear it like it's an eternal hug.

I miss him.

But not because I still love him, but because I could trust him. Because he made me feel safe.

He is the first and only person I ever told everything to.

And today when I had flashbacks and a panic attack, all I wanted was him to hold me.

Because to me he means safety and trust.

Still.

Even if he is not here anymore.

I am always the second choice.

Always.

For ever everyone else will be chosen before me. Everyone else is better.

Why can't someone choose me?

Why doesn't anyone love me?

Someone please love me like I love them.

Please?

Someone I love tells me a story,

It reminds me of you,

Suddenly I am calling you good when you say you are bad.

Suddenly I am still in love with you.

And when I come back,

I am happy like it is now,

I see your name and smile,

My scars itch,

But I am getting better.

I am starting to heal.

On topic of that ask by normanon aka me, your boyfriend also really is a toxic person to others except you

How should you know? My ex boyfriend (you obviously don't keep up) was kind to me and taught me a lot, I appreciate meeting him and he isn't toxic, he is actually still pretty cool.

But yeah, whatever???