Dimpled Boy - Tumblr Posts

My masterlist.

Updated. Nov 19, 2023.

[ key. ❃ ⇾ fluff; ☁ ⇾ angst; ☆ ⇾ smut ]

☾ kim namjoon.

☾ kim seokjin.

☾ min yoongi.

☾ jung hoseok.

☾ park jimin.

☾ kim taehyung.

☾ jeon jungkook.

If comfort was a person it would be namjoon<3

promises

pairing: reader x namjoon

summary: marriage life with namjoon hasn’t been the same lately. he’s been cold and distant, always whispering on the phone. and you can’t help but notice…

genre: angst

content/warnings: established relationship; married!au; idol!namjoon; cheating/infidelity; implied sex; eventual smut; explicit sex

soundtrack: lemonade by beyoncé

a/n: this used to be a series but I decided to rework it into a oneshot. The plot is mostly the same, however now the reader gets to choose the big decision at the end (kind of like a choose your own adventure).

word count: 18k

Pray you catch me

♪ you can taste the dishonesty/ it's all over your breath, as you pass it off so cavalier. but even that's a test/constantly aware of it all/my lonely ear/pressed against the walls of your world. ♪

. . .

Something is wrong.

You don’t know how or when things changed, but something shifted between the two of you. There is a distance now, more tangible than the miles that separate you from him when he’s on business trips. Farther than the long-distance phone calls that became less and less frequent. Even now, as you lay in the same bed with him only a few feet away you can tell.

Something is wrong.

Because you can’t remember a time when you and Namjoon had ever been so far apart.

He would always come home late at night. Languid footsteps trailing towards the bedroom. Eyes tired and red from too many hours spent awake working on the newest album. Gravity pulled him down in a slump that could only be from the heaviness of leadership, from carrying the weight of the entire group.

And though he was exhausted, he would still find a way to come and take care of you. Even dead-tired, his warm brown eyes would light up and his lips would curl at the sight of you. He’d make his way over and pull you close, until your bodies became an entangled mess of arms and legs, chests pressed together as you curled into each other's warmth. His fingers would run soothingly through your hair and he’d ask you how your day went. The moments you spent within his arms seemed to make even the bad days good.

But it's been a long time since your husband held you close and melted away your bad days.

The clock on your nightstand reads 1:23 AM in angry red letters when his phone goes off in the middle of the night. You can hear the sheets rustle and feel whatever is left of his presence slip away as he sits up, answering on the second ring. “Hello?” Before you can even stop yourself the words are flying out of your mouth. “Who is it?”

The woman who speaks sounds nothing like you. Her voice is broken and fragile, spiked with worry and fear. He shrugs his shoulders and rolls his eyes because, “It’s just Yoongi.” The lie rolls off his tongue effortlessly. You are already hurting and the way he brushes you off tears right through you.

It’s not Yoongi. You know better. Your husband’s best friend loves his sleep and would never stir in the middle of the night. You want to confront him, put all your thoughts out in the open but before you can even gather the courage, he stands up, makes his way across the room and closes the door behind him, leaving you alone.

Again.

Somehow you can’t decide what’s more unsettling: the loneliness you feel when your husband leaves or the loneliness you feel when he’s around.

You are too unnerved to go back to sleep. Not that you are sleeping anyways. Now that you are truly awake to the situation before you, sleep does not come. You’ve been staying up for days, eyes wide open. But it was more than just insomnia. Your mind is awake with all the possibilities, visualizing every single scenario. You can’t close your eyes because in an instant you are there. Thinking about it all over again. You can't ignore it, nor pretend not to see it. You are not blind anymore. And so sleep does not come.

With every nerve on edge you throw back the covers and swing your legs out of bed. You can’t just lay there trapped within your own mind. You need a distraction—any distraction from the truth. Even if the only release you can find is putting your body into motion. You find yourself pacing back and forth, frazzled energy bouncing from one point to another.

Until you hear him laugh. It’s a deep and throaty noise that breaks through the walls and interrupts your racing thoughts. You find yourself tiptoeing closer to the sound, trying to be as quiet as you possibly can so you can creep up and press your ear up against the door to listen. How desperate you are, eavesdropping like this. You feel ashamed for sinking this low, but that shame does not stop you from wondering if you should get the glass from your nightstand so you can hear him better. If you could only hear what he was saying! But the words are muffled, like he’s talking underwater.

He used to talk to you all the time, share his innermost thoughts, his nightmares, his dreams. Talk to you about everything and nothing. Work and play. Past and present. But now, nothing.

Now all you got were glimpses of his world.

You used to be his world.

The realization leaves you cold and you press yourself closer to the light trickling through the cracked door. You can see him now. His back is turned towards you and he’s hunched over, phone clutched to his ear like he’s trying to keep all his secrets from spilling out of it. In that moment, you pray he will turn around so you can read his lips and decode whatever it is he’s whispering huskily into the receiver. You pray he will turn around and catch you. You wonder what he will do. Will he jump? Will he be angry?

Ironically, out of all the times you’ve prayed for God to answer you during your marriage, this is the prayer God answers because it happens. He turns around.

You expect to see the face of a cruel man. You could not have prepared yourself for what you do see. Because when he finally turns around, it’s not the face of a monster, but the face of your first love. Namjoon is smiling. Smiling. This is the moment your heart breaks. When was the last time he smiled at you like that? Pink lips pulled back, pearly whites gleaming. Dimples flashing in his cheeks. The way his eyes squint into tiny crescent moons.

When was the last time he smiled at you like that? You can’t remember. Your mind flickers through the memories filed in your head, though each image never seems to be quite right. Maybe because they are now clouded with suspicion. Was that last smile real? Or merely a mask?

The fact that you can’t be sure made you anxious. You can’t tell the difference because you didn’t know him anymore. Where was the man you loved? This person you do not recognize. His eyes are dark, lit with the desire you once thought was only reserved for you. You watch as his lips curl from a smile into a wicked grin.

Something is wrong.

You tried to fix it. The problem. You. It had you be you, didn’t it? Maybe he wanted someone more gentle. You tried to be meek, mild, and kind. Soft spoken, as you were always previously so assertive. You didn’t want to chase him off with harsh words or accusations. You wanted to be what he wanted. You thought that maybe he wanted someone sexy, so you tried to be that too. You made your eyes smokey and put on red dresses, even though you hated the color red. You wanted to be enough. You tried everything to get his attention, but it made no difference. You still ended up in this exact moment.

A sigh slips past your lips, almost a whimper. It’s the sound of loss.

This is when he sees you.

His smile disappears. Then he walks forward and closes the door in your face, shutting out the light and leaving you in darkness.

. . .

When he comes back to bed—wearing a scent that is distinctly not yours—it’s 5AM. He kisses your forehead and climbs underneath the sheets, yet the distance between you remains. Maybe you already know the answer to the questions that keep swirling in your mind. You don't want to believe that he broke his vows. But that hope does not stop the doubt you feel every time you look at his face.

Are you cheating on me?

Don’t Hurt Yourself

♪ I am the dragon breathing fire. Beautiful man I’m the lion Beautiful man I know you’re lying…. ♪

. . .

It is quiet in your house. The sun and it’s warm amber glow have long since disappeared, fading into black. The stillness is unusual. Normally you hate such things, always needing some sort of noise playing in the background like the tv or the radio while you clean up and do work, but not today. You need the silence so you can collect your thoughts and prepare yourself for what you are about to do.

You are done being passive. Sick and tired of sitting and waiting around for a man who did not so much as blink an eye at you. You are done crying. You already cried so much. All your tears have dried up and gone away. You can’t bring yourself to be sad anymore. There isn’t any room for you to hold inside two emotions. Especially when all you can feel now is anger.

You are mad as hell.

So you came home from work and sat down on the couch, waiting on him for one last time. Head held high, poised and collected. Muscles coiled and ready to pounce.

Just like clockwork, keys slide into the door and Namjoon comes in at a quarter to three, completely unaware of the situation he just stepped into. Looking up he stops, surprised to find you sitting in the living room. He can feel something is off. Sense it in your body language, see the difference in your eyes. For a minute, he wonders if you know what he’s been doing all night long...but that’s impossible right? How could you possibly know?

But you did know.

You watched nonchalantly as he flashed a casual grin your way. “Hey babe...what are you doing up so late?“ You didn’t respond right away, taking the time to examine him closely before you decide to speak.

“Where were you tonight?”

The second the words leave your mouth there’s a shift in the atmosphere. Thick silence fills the space between you, but your eyes never leave him. You see him blink, catch the bob of his adam’s apple as he swallows down a gulp, note a flicker of emotion pass in his face too brief to figure out the expression. Was that fear? Was he nervous?

But then he laughs. It’s almost a scoff as his eyebrows pull together he shakes his head in what masks as confusion. “What?”

“I know you heard me Namjoon, I’m not going to ask you again.”

“What are you talking about? I was with the guys tonight, we—”

“Don’t,” you stop him, holding up a hand. ”Don’t do that. Don’t lie to my face. I am so tired of you lying to me, please for once just be honest.”

He doesn’t say a word, only sighs and runs his fingers through silver locks and as unsatisfactory as it is, you realize this action is the closest you’ll ever get to a confession. But it’s not enough. Your hands come up to rest on your face almost like prayer before you ask your next question.

“Did you sleep with her?”

“God (Y/N), are we really doing this right now?”

Anger presses up against your chest and before you know it, you’re on your feet. “Yes, Namjoon, we are really doing this right now. Because I can’t stand one more minute of this fake marriage. I’m not stupid. I see you! And I’m not going to pretend like I don’t anymore.”

“Fine. Fine! What do you want me to say, huh? What do you want?”

“I want the truth!”

He fixes his gaze, eyes locked on you. “Oh, you want the truth? Ok here’s the truth. Yes, I was with her tonight, and yes I fucked her, and it was the best goddamn fuck I’ve had in months. Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you happy now?”

His words hit you like a bullet to the heart. No, you weren’t happy. You wanted his candor but not this. His tone...the way he was talking to you...You almost couldn’t believe it. How could he? The man you called your husband would never so much as raise his voice towards you. Yet here he was, spitting out cruelty. The brutality of his words mixed with his contempt was too much. Your nails dug into the couch as you tried to steady yourself, tried to push through the pain.

Your mind was swimming with information, trying to come to terms with the new knowledge but one question still lingered. You had to ask:

“Why?”

“Fuck, why? I’m on tour all the time, It’s not like you’re around?”

Are you kidding me?

Whatever pain you felt quickly turned to anger and you whipped around to face him.

“Who the fuck do you think I am Namjoon?! You didn’t marry one of your little groupies. I have a job and a life! I can’t just drop everything and follow you around the world like some love-sick puppy!”

“Yeah well, maybe if you did I wouldn’t have needed to find someone else.”

The nerve of this man!

“So you want my entire world to revolve around you? You are so selfish! As if I don’t already do everything for you. I cook, when you come home at night there’s dinner on the table. I keep this house spotless, but it’s not like you’re even here to notice--”

“I’m not here cuz I’m too busy working the job that got you this house in the first place!”

“Wow. So it’s ok for you to be away from me on your job, but if I can’t be there for you then I’m the problem?” You stared him in the face, only to be met with a glare to rival your own.

“You’re a real piece of work Namjoon.”

How is it that he could look at your relationship and see only your flaws, but never his own? You should have known better than to put all your faith in a man with a god-complex. He only ever cared about himself and his own career. All he had were excuses. You started to walk away from him when his next words stopped you in your tracks.

“Oh please, don’t act like you’re so perfect. It’s not like you haven’t done it.”

You cast an incredulous look over your shoulder. “Excuse me?”

Just what is he trying to imply?

Namjoon rolled his eyes. “Now who’s playing dumb. I’m not stupid either, I know you’re seeing him behind my back.”

This again? “How many times do I have to tell you, Jackson is just a friend.”

“You’re a fucking liar. He doesn’t look at you like ‘just a friend’, I know you slept with him.”

Now you were furious. You took several steps towards him till you were so close you could feel his heated breath on your face. “Let’s not get it twisted, I’m not the cheater—You are!” you said, jabbing a finger into his chest. “You don’t get to put this on me! You and I both know I’m not the one who’s unfaithful!”

By the end of your sentence you found yourself out of breath, panting. You were shouting the entire time. Unable to keep the fire inside; your fury, abated. You looked at your husband, finally eye to eye and sighed.

“I wouldn’t do that to you.” You spoke, your voice coming out much softer than either of you had expected. “I wouldn't do anything to disrespect you like the way you disrespect me.”

Once again silence swelled within the room and all you could do was look at him and wonder how you had ended up here. The two of you never used to fight, not like this. It was never this bad. But things were different now.

“W-why did you do this to me? To us?” On your wedding day you both took vows to be united as one in this relationship. He was hurting himself just as much as he was hurting you but he was so wrapped up in his own pride that he couldn't see it.

“Are you even sorry?”

Namjoon didn't say a word.

You closed your eyes and counted to ten, trying to find some kind of peace. But by the time you finished counting your anger still hadn't subsided. You couldn't find peace because there was no peace here.

Everything in this relationship was so, so hard. You couldn't pick up the broken shards of your relationship all by yourself and he wasn't even trying to fix it.

“I can't—I can't do this anymore”

Namjoon narrowed his eyes. “Can't do what anymore?”

“This!” You yelled, throwing your arms out.

“You. Me. Us. I can’t do it anymore and I don't want to.”

And with that you spun on your heel making a direct line for the bedroom. You could hear him follow behind you, but you didn't care. Your mind was focusing on something else now.

All you cared about was getting the hell out of there. You went into the closet and pulled out an overnight bag, snatching clothes off hangers and stuffing them inside.

“What are you doing?”

You had to laugh at his question. “Isn’t it obvious? I’m leaving you.”

You didn’t stop packing. After taking out enough clothes you grabbed your bag and walked out of the closet. On your way you caught a glimpse of Namjoon with a blank expression on his face.

“Don’t tell me you're actually surprised?”

Brushing past him, you made your way to the bathroom. “I was so blindly in love with you that even when I knew—I knew what you were doing, I tried to stay. But I deserve better. I deserve so much more than you.”

After gathering the rest of your stuff you turn around to walk out the door only to find Namjoon leaning against the frame. Taking in his image made your steps falter.

He looked strong and athletic in a white muscle tee. His arms were crossed over his chest, a gesture built out of displeasure, but only served to highlight the curve of his biceps. When you finally tore your eyes away from his body and up to look at his face, you sighed. He was clenching his jaw, showing off all his angles while his lips pushed out into the perfect pout. His eyes as always were dark, intense, and fixed on you.

Well, not always fixed on you.

He was so beautiful and you hated him for it. Or rather how he made you feel. He could still make your heart skip a beat even as it was breaking.

Yes, you still loved him. But clearly his love for you didn’t run quite as deep.

“So what now? You want a divorce? You signed the prenup. You're not going to get any money out of me.” He growled, voice deep and raspy.

There he goes again, always so damn arrogant…..His words served as a reminder. This is why you had to go. You broke eye contact, concentrating on zipping up your bag. “You can keep your money. I’ve got my own, and I can take care of myself.”

You crossed in front of him, swiftly taking a pair shoes then sitting on the bed to put them on. It dawned on you that he didn’t even ask you to stay. But then again, although it hurt to make this decision, you didn’t have to blink away any tears.

“Where the fuck are you going?”

You laced up your shoes, pulling the strings tight. “I don’t know.” You snapped. “Since you seem to think all I do is sneak around behind your back, maybe I’ll go see Jackson. Or maybe I’ll go out and find me another man. All I know is, I’m never coming back to you. I can promise you that.”

You weren’t playing nice but you were honestly so done with his attitude, mistreatment, and all the pain he caused you. Confident in your decision, you got your bag and stood up, striding towards the exit.

“Hey!”

You ignored him.

“Don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you!”

“Kiss my ass, Namjoon!” You sassed, walking out the door and out of his life.

Resentment

♪ I may never understand why. I’m doing the best that I can. And I tried, and I tried to forget this. But I’m much too full of resentment…

. . .

Kim Namjoon knew you would probably leave him if you found out about his affair.

You weren’t the type of woman to let yourself be walked all over, and honestly he was surprised you’d let him get away with it for so long. For months you put up with the late night calls, the sneaking around, the constant lies...And he watched the light dim in your eyes as he broke his vows. It wasn’t like he wanted to cheat on you—not at first.

But anytime he was away from you on tour he just got so lonely.

Sure he had his bandmates and his fans but when the stage lights turned off and the cheers died down none of that was enough to keep him going. Whenever he got by himself it’s like the floodgates opened up. And all the pressure, the high expectations, the push for success, the hate, all of it came washing over him.

And Namjoon felt like he was drowning in it.

As much as he wanted to tell you what ailed him, he didn’t wanna put you under any more stress. You were already constantly worrying about his welfare, filled to the brim with your own concerns. He didn’t think it fair to make you shoulder his burdens as well. But holding all his feelings inside only made things worse.

The helplessness, the anxiety...he just wanted to make it go away. Even if only for a moment. And that’s all it was. A moment of weakness.

The first time it happened he regretted it immediately. He stayed up the whole night, staring at the ceiling, consumed by his guilt. It was the biggest mistake he had ever made. He planned to go home and just come clean, tell you everything that happened. Then beg and beg for your forgiveness.

All he could do on the plane ride back home was pray to God you would somehow take him back.

But then he saw your face. The bright smile you gave him when he walked in the door and heard the joy in your voice as you greeted him. Felt your love as you curled into his embrace, nudged your head in the crook of his neck and whispered “I missed you so much”.

How could he tell you the truth then? How could he tell you what he had done, that he’d broken his promise and given himself to another? He wasn’t even on stage, yet here you were, looking at him with stars in your eyes. You were the only person who truly knew him, flaws included, and despite it all you still loved him.

He couldn’t watch the love and devotion in your eyes turn to hatred and disgust. He couldn’t cope with the reality of the situation. The fact that your heart might close to him forever, that you might leave him.

And then he’d really be alone.

No, that couldn’t happen. If you left..? At the time, he hadn’t wanted to even think about it. So instead of doing the right thing and being honest he closed himself off. If only to keep himself from breaking down. Everytime he looked at you he felt ashamed of his actions. It didn’t feel right, lying to you. Maintaining a distance was the only way he could keep his secret a secret.

The second time it happened, it wasn’t a mistake. A mistake repeated more than once is a decision. And when temptation swept by, manifesting itself in long legs and a warm body to hold at night, Namjoon couldn’t resist.

The guilt hit him just as hard, if not harder than the last time. If he had to face you in that moment without a doubt he would have spilled out all the ugly truth. But it didn’t happen that way. He was on tour for an even longer time than usual, and the separation gave him more than enough time to compose himself, to bury the guilt far enough where it would not resurface. But in doing so he had to become a different person to you. Hard. Cold to the touch.

It affected him as much as it affected you. With every shrug and look of indifference, every evasion he could feel himself slipping further and further away from the man he wanted to be, from the man that you deserved.

And yet, he couldn’t find it in himself to stop.

The third time it happened, you knew. Even now he couldn’t figure out what tipped you off. He knew there wasn’t any lipstick on his cheek or lingering perfume (Namjoon was stupid for cheating, but he wasn’t that stupid). Nothing tangible to hold your suspicion but you felt it. You questioned him, asking things like ‘what’s wrong?’ and ‘did something happen tonight?’, each inquiry only put him on edge and he snapped at you, starting a fight to distract you from the truth.

That night he left home, seeking comfort in the arms of the first girl he cheated with. He crossed a line that night. He knew he shouldn’t have met with her. But she already put her number in his phone and he was too much of a coward to be left alone with his thoughts in a hotel room. But in doing so he opened up pandora's box. He lay in her bed as she stroked his ego, telling him how important he was, how much better he deserved.

And soon enough he started to believe it. That he was better than you and that you were somehow, not enough for him. His superiority somehow justified him stepping outside his marriage. He found himself faultless, thinking it was your job to keep his interest and if he wasn’t happy, it was only his right to seek out happiness elsewhere.

But now, sitting alone in this dark house, all Namjoon could see was how wrong he was. So very, very wrong.

Months. You’ve been gone for months now. At first, he barely missed you. He didn’t have to. The very next day he had to fly out to Tokyo for a concert and he went back to his regular routine. Practice. Performing. Parties. The occasional girl to keep him satisfied. He didn’t need you then. And why would he? When he had all the people surrounding him, screaming his name. Singing his praises. He had no need to miss you until he went home. And that's when reality sunk in.

He came home to more than just an empty house. As the days rolled by he came to realize just how much you took care of him. Not just as a homemaker but as a mate. You were his heart, the sun and moon, his entire world. Namjoon could have killed the man who said you don’t know what you have until it’s gone because as cliché as it was, the expression couldn’t have been more accurate and the truth stabbed him like a knife.

The loneliness he felt when without you was ten times worse than when he was with you.

Your presence had a bigger impact on him than he could have imagined. Something about your ambience was instantly calming. Even if you weren’t doing anything together, whether it be just sitting on the couch or laying in bed beside him your being there gave him peace.

He tried to fill the void, find your image in the millions of girls that threw themselves at him, the women he led to his bed deep within the night. But there was no recreating you.

Namjoon hadn’t known peace since the day you left.

If it was possible he was even more restless than before. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had a full night's sleep. It had to be retribution for all the nights he kept you awake with the creeping thoughts of his betrayal. You, the love of his life, who he took for granted.

He ruined the best thing that ever happened to him, for his own selfish desires.

All because he lied.

And now all he wanted was a chance to get you back.

He pulled out his cell phone, trying to reach you again. He couldn’t keep track of all the times he called your phone, only to be met with your voicemail.

When he watched you walk out that door…a part of him hadn’t really recognized it as real. He was too full of himself to see it happening. His ego told him you’d be back, that you wouldn’t—couldn’t—really leave him. You’d cool off for a couple of days, then come back and try to make things work because that’s the type of person that you were.

He knew you were strong. Strong enough to move past his mistakes. He just didn’t know you were strong enough to move past him entirely.

Namjoon runs a hand across his face, dials your number, and prays. He’s not necessarily sure who or what he’s praying to, but he could really use a miracle right now. Because that’s what it would take for you to actually pick up the phone.

“(Y/n) please, please pick up.”

The phone rings once, twice, three times and then—

"We're sorry; you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.”

He hangs up, angry.

He doesn’t have the right to be angry, that much he knows. Mercy and grace from the woman he scorned is far too much to ask for, but he needs you, and he’s desperate, so he’s asking anyway.

Namjoon foolishly made the mistake of thinking that you couldn't live without him. But it was he who was the one who couldn’t live without you.

So he’ll keep calling. Even if it only goes to voicemail. He’ll keep leaving message after message after message.

Whatever it takes.

…

♪ I may never understand why. I'm doing the best that I can. And I tried, and I tried to forget this. But I'm much too full of resentment...♪

…

You wake up to the sound of your phone ringing. You didn’t have to check caller ID to know who was on the other side of that line. Annoyed, you sighed and rolled over onto your side. Curling up into the couch, you choose the warmth and sweet bliss of sleep over another argument.

“Aren’t you gonna get that?”

“No.” You answered without so much as opening your eyes.

Behind you, you could hear Jackson moving around, presumably to shut off your phone (you didn’t care enough to look).

The ringing grew louder and louder and soon enough you could feel your phone vibrating against your back. “(Y/n), answer the phone.”

“No.” You repeated, throwing the cover over your head. It’s entirely too early for this. Didn’t he have something to do? Wasn’t he busy? You didn’t understand it. Now that you were separated, he suddenly had all the time in the world to call you?

You could hear Jackson sigh behind you. “I swear if I have to hear your ringtone one more time—I’m going to lose my mind. Just answer the phone!”

“If it bothers you so much, why don’t YOU answer it!”

“M-me! Me?” Jackson sputtered. “Do you want me to die? Do you know what that man would do to me if he found out you were staying with me? He would kill me.”

That much was true. Namjoon would be furious to find out you’d been staying with your male best friend, which is exactly why you went to Jackson’s place when you left him.

Was it petty? Yes. Was it worth it? Hell yes.

If his feelings and pride were hurt than good, that made two of you.

“I mean, I could probably take him. But Namjoon when he’s angry is a totally different person. Actually no, he wouldn’t just kill me. It would be murder in the First degree. I’m not answering.”

“Then put it on silent. I don’t care, I’m not talking to him.”

Suddenly, the warmth of your blanket was ripped away from you, forcing you out of your bubble of comfort. “Did you—did you just snatch my cover off? Jackson!”

“(Y/n),” He said, coming closer and taking your hands in his. “You are my best friend and you know I’m only saying this out of a place of love, but this has to stop. You have to go.”

“You’re kicking me out?”

“Look, it’s not like I don’t want you here, I love having you around you know that. It’s just—you’ve been hiding out on my couch for a couple of months now—”

“—Hiding! I’m not hiding!!!”

“And I refuse to harbour a fugitive anymore.”

“I’m not a fugitive…” you grumbled.

Jackson shot you a cross look.“Namjoon is searching high and low for you and you’re avoiding him here, in my apartment.”

You rolled your eyes. “Ok, AND?”

“And! I really don’t think staying here is doing you any good. You are not dealing with what happened. It’s not healthy. He’s calling for a reason, you need to talk to him. You can’t run away from this…”

You bit down on your lip, contemplating everything he said. He wasn’t really wrong. But you were far too exhausted to deal with Namjoon again.

You couldn’t go through another fight.

You weren’t angry. At least, not in the way you were before. The last of your anger had been exerted in a fit of rage when you returned to your home to pick up some things you left behind. This is what you told yourself. A lot of damage had been done. Broken dishes, shattered glass, photos ripped out from picture frames. Tiny vengeful acts that piled up to one huge mess. After all of it you were only partially satisfied. But that time had come and gone, you didn’t think you had any more fight in you.

You were filled with too much bitterness, too much resentment for any of that.

No matter what, you still couldn’t wrap your brain around it. How could he do this to you? You thought that having him speak the truth and actually admit to what he did would give you peace of mind but all it did was give you more questions than answers. Now just the thought of talking to him made bile rise up in your throat.

“I...I don’t even know what I would say to him.”

Jackson narrowed his eyes. “You don’t have to say anything. He’s the one who fucked up, he should be doing all the talking.” His expression softened. “But...I think you should listen. If this is really over, you need closure.”

“And on that note, you’re gonna pick up the next time that phone rings or I will revoke your couch privileges!” He said, standing up with a smile on his face.

“I hate you for this.” You growled at him.

He smiled back at you, “I love you too.” He kissed your cheek, placing your cellphone in your hand, then left for his bedroom.

You looked down at the piece of metal in you hand and sighed. You couldn’t do it. You couldn’t talk to him. And yet...there was still this small part of you that wanted to hear his voice. Determined to ignore that emotion you stood up from the couch, headed straight for the kitchen. Stress eating had become a terribly bad habit of yours, but you couldn’t help it. You were the type of person who ate her feelings (and honestly, food does make everything better).

You were shuffling through last night's leftovers, trying to decide if you should heat up a plate of dukbokki or humor yourself with dessert for breakfast when Jackson’s home phone went off.

You waited a bit, figuring he would pick up eventually, but he didn’t. “Jacksonnnn~”, you whined. Nothing. Whatever, you thought. I’ll just let it go to voicemail.

You turned back to the fridge, taking out a pint of ice cream when the beep of the machine sounded and a voice broke through the apartment's silence.

“Hey (Y/n),” At the sound of your name you immediately stopped everything and froze.

“It’s me, Hobi. I know you’re crashing at Jackson’s right now,” Your jaw dropped. How could he know that? You didn’t tell anyone where you were going.

You could hear him giggling on the phone. “Don’t worry I’m not gonna tell. I know you don’t wanna hear anything that I have to say but I’m still gonna say it anyway.”

“Namjoon’s a mess...We've been through a lot together—I’ve never seen him like this before. He made a mistake. A big mistake, and he knows it. But he loves you more than anything. Just hear him out okay? And not for him, but for you...I know you still love him too. Call me back, yeah? If you want, you can ditch him but don’t ditch us! We all miss you over here…..Take care of yourself.”

By the time the message ended you had teary eyes, only half a pint of ice cream left, and a decision to make. Suddenly, you didn’t have much of an appetite.

And then the phone rings. Your phone.

You let it buzz for a bit. Fully determined to ignore his call once again. But you couldn’t stop looking at the phone. Everyone’s words were circling in your head. What if your friends were right? Were you making a mistake? Would you regret this in the future?

The phone just keeps ringing. You wished it would stop so you didn’t have to think about any of this. You closed your eyes and decided to let fate make the choice for you. If he called back, you would use the last bit of fight in you to answer the phone. But if the phone call ended and he didn’t call back...then you’d really be done and let everything be.

Your ringtone died and you held your breath, waiting.

There was a long pause. Nothing.

Maybe he'll give up. Maybe he’s sick of all this too.

Expect—the phone rings again. Namjoon was still fighting for you.

So you pick up your phone, press the answer button, and put the phone to your ear.

“Hello?”

…

♪ Loving you was easy once upon a time. But now my suspicions of you have multiplied. And it's all because you lied. ♪

…

“(Y/n)?”

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“I......I didn’t think you would actually pick up the phone.”

“Neither did I…”

Silence is a funny thing. It’s nothing, and everything at the same time. Somehow the emptiness is still able to fill a void. Nothing is said aloud, but a thousand words are said in the silent space between you and Namjoon. It’s probably only been a few seconds, but it feels like minutes have gone by, or maybe even hours. In those moments of suspended time you decide you don’t want to listen to anything coming from him. Not even this silence.

It’s almost as if he can hear your thoughts. “Don’t hang up!”

His voice is rushed, desperate…..and soothing. Though you’ll never admit that you miss the sound of his voice. Your intellect tells you not to listen. To block him out. Hang up the phone, and move on with your life, you don’t need anything from him...Maybe that was true. But underneath all the hurt, and the deeply buried anger, there was a part of you that wanted something from him.

What that something was you couldn’t tell, but it was enough to make you linger.

When you didn’t hang up, Namjoon spoke. “I called you. I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for months now.”

“I know.”

“Why didn’t you answer?” His voice was strangled, raw. If you didn’t know any better you would think him to be holding back tears. But you couldn't even remember the last time you saw Namjoon cry.

“Maybe I wasn’t ready to talk. Everything isn’t always about you.”

You can hear Namjoon take in a breath on the other side of the line and you imagine him clenching the phone in a fist, the way he always does when he makes an important phone call. The silence stretches on for a beat too long and you’re two seconds away from hanging up again when he speaks. “I don’t wanna fight. I didn’t call to argue with you.”

His words are soft, yet you still find yourself on edge. “Then what do you want, Namjoon?”

“I want to see you.”

“No.” You said, shaking your head. Not gonna happen. You find yourself pacing against the kitchen floor. “I don’t want to see you.”

“Why not?”

His words are a match, igniting your fury and immediately all of the anger you worked so hard to keep suppressed comes bubbling up to the surface. “Why not? Are you serious?!”

“After everything you’ve done you really think I wanna see your sorry face again?” Tears filled your eyes—but you were frustrated—not sad. You were letting him get to you. Namjoon always made you feel too much. You knew you’d get worked up if you talked to him, it’s why you put it off for so long. You worked too hard to try and keep yourself together for him to tear you apart again.

You want this to end. “I have nothing to say to you. Goodbye, Namjoon--”

You take the phone from your ear, ready to press end call, and you would have, if you didn’t hear his faint voice through the speaker say: “If you feel anything for me at all, don't hang up!”

You can’t do it. Hang up. You won't lie to yourself. But you can’t force out a response either. Instead, you lean against the counter, letting the silence take over as you wait for Namjoon to form his next sentence. “I don’t blame you for wanting nothing to do with me. I didn’t call you to make you upset. I just want to talk about us.”

Us. What a foreign concept. You try picturing it in your mind but no matter what, you still can’t form a full image with the two of you together. You’d been apart for so long, and if you really thought about it, the separation began long before you ever left home.

“There hasn’t been an us for a long time. I tried to talk to you before—look what happened. I’m tired Namjoon. I just—I can’t keep doing the same thing over, and over again.”

“It’s not going to be the same.”

You frown. “How can you say that?”

“Because...I’m not the same. I’ve had a lot of time to think things over. I know I fucked up (Y/n), I’m so sorry.” You scoff at his poor attempt at an apology. “I’m supposed to accept that? You think you can just call me up, apologize over the phone, and everything will be okay?”

“No, of course not.” You hear him exhale sharply. “I know it’s going to take more than that. But it’s not gonna get better if we don’t talk about it. We can’t move forward if we don’t talk.”

“What makes you think I want to move forward?”

“You didn’t hang up…”

You hate that he’s right. You want to pretend like it didn’t mean anything but it did. It would be so much easier to just let it go—to let him go. Beyond all reason, you’re still hanging on to this relationship.

“Can we just talk, please. Just...just come home.”

“That’s not my home. It’s not. So much shit has happened in that place…” Your voice cracked and you couldn’t even finish your sentence.

How could you call that place home? Nothing felt right there. All it held were bad memories. Thinking of it only brought back the nights you spent alone, those times you cried yourself to sleep, and the worst fight you ever had with Namjoon. There was no peace there. You couldn't go back to that broken place. You feel a tear roll down your cheek and you quickly wipe it away. This time you knew the tears you cry come from pain, not frustration.

Dammit, I said I wouldn’t cry for him anymore!

“It is your home. It’s our home. You can come back anytime.”

“I don’t want to!”

“Okay, okay.” he said, his voice gentle. It was the same voice he used to use when he used to talk you down from your bad days. You could tell he was trying to calm you down, and it made you angry that it was kind of working. He suggested an alternative: “You don’t have to come home. Let’s just meet up somewhere.”

You don’t want that either. “Namjoon...Do you have any idea what you put me through?...W-why would I want to see you? Why would I want to hear anything you have to say?”

“I..I don’t have an answer to that. But I know you deserve an explanation.”

That made you quiet. These past months all you did was ask yourself why. Why did he do it? What reason did he have for breaking your heart? And there were so many more questions. You knew you wouldn’t get any peace of mind until they’re answered. It was what you wanted. No, needed.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I’ll do it,” You conceded. “Where should we meet up?” You were not going ‘home’. You don’t feel comfortable there. There was a lull on the other line as Namjoon thought of a location.

“Can we meet at our place?”

. . .

You knew exactly what Namjoon meant when he said “our place”. When the two of you first started dating, it was really hard for you to be together. You work as a stylist at a fashion magazine and you met him and the other boys while working at a photoshoot. Namjoon caught your eye with his intuitive gaze and cool persona. He spoke to everyone on set with a natural esteem you found attractive. You were so surprised when you actually got the chance to speak to him and he turned out to be nothing like he appeared.

Gone was the calm, collected image you saw in front of the camera. Namjoon stuttered when he asked for your name, his cheeks bloomed into a rosy red. His nervousness charmed you, and in that moment, somehow you knew you would end up falling for him hard.

It didn’t take very much for you to give him your number. But finding a spot to go on a date with the famous rapper proved a bit more difficult. You never liked the idea of sneaking around, but you understood why. Namjoon wanted to keep things private to protect you, just in case the news of him dating didn’t go well with the public. For a long time it seemed like there was never going to be a place where Namjoon wasn’t recognized.

All the face masks and hats in the world couldn’t hide his fame. You grew tired of being swarmed in coffee shops and restaurants. You just wanted a place where you could talk, maybe hold his hand, and be at peace. Ironically, you found it when you stopped looking. It ended up not even being in a building, but instead an empty park.

Its lush greenery held quiet beauty. Not very many people knew about it, which made it perfect.

Some of the biggest conversations you ever had as a couple were spoken out here, and today was no different.

You walk up to a table nearby, tugging on the hem of your white summer dress. Fidgeting like this makes you feel stupid. You shouldn’t be nervous. If anyone should be nervous for today’s meeting it would be Namjoon. But ever since you agreed to see him, a bad feeling formed in the pit of your stomach. You didn't want to be nervous. You didn’t feel like you’d make it out of this alive if you were. You had to be steel. Strong, unbreakable. You couldn’t allow yourself to get hurt again.

It did not surprise you to see him there early. He was the type of person who liked to be punctual. Or at least he used to be. You had to remind yourself that he wasn’t the same person you married. You didn’t know anything about him. Hell, after the last few months you were still trying to figure out some things about yourself.

Under the shade of the table's umbrella, Namjoon sits, bouncing his leg up and down. The only other time you’d seen him this nervous was during BTS’s first dome concert. His head faces down, staring at the ground with a look so intense he doesn’t even notice you approach him. The daze is broken once you sit down on the bench.

Namjoon jumps up, eyes wide as he looks at your face. “Y-you came?!”

It takes all your strength not to roll your eyes. Obviously...you thought.

He clears his throat, quickly sitting back down. “Thank you.”

For a while you just look at each other. You have to calm your heart as you take in his appearance. He’s just as handsome as you remembered. But something was different. He changed his hair. His silver locks were now a honeyed blonde. The warm glow of his skin had disappeared. And his once bright eyes now hold dark circles underneath them. He looked like shit, but you were still attracted to him, what logic was that?

The air tenses with silence, the way it always seems to do when you’re around him now. This is a mistake. Neither of you know where to begin. You hate it, but you know this conversation will never get anywhere if you don’t initiate it. “You said you wanted to explain. So explain.”

Namjoon looks tense. “I-i don’t even know where to start.”

That irritates you. You came all this way, and he didn’t even plan what he was going to say?

“What about the beginning?”

Namjoon sighed. He licked his lips, folded his hands, and then he did it. He told you everything. He told you about his anxiety, and the loneliness he felt. The desire to make it all fade away even for just a few moments. How he almost came clean the first time around. And the guilt that festered inside him for keeping the secret for so long.

“I wanted to tell you. But I knew I couldn’t tell you I cheated and keep you I—” Namjoon stopped. He looked away from you, biting down hard on his bottom lip before returning his gaze to yours.

“I was selfish. And I was wrong. There is no excuse for what I did. I’m so sorry, (Y/n).”

Your lips parted in shock. Going into this situation, you expected things to go a whole lot different. You expected him to try and defend himself, or at least blame you for the reason he cheated…but that wasn’t happening. Namjoon wasn’t trying to justify what he did, but instead taking full responsibility for his actions. Those words weren’t coming from the same man you walked away from. That man was filled with too much pride to even acknowledge his own actions—let alone apologize for them.

His actions surprised you. It was almost enough to make you drop your guard. Almost.

“I know you have questions. I’ll answer anything you ask me honestly, I swear.”

You paused. This is the moment you've been waiting for, and now that it was finally here you didn't know what to say. There were so many questions you wanted to ask. But you want to be sure you'll ask the right questions. And that you're prepared to hear the answers. Once you got the information you were dying to hear, you couldn't give it back. You’d have to live with it.

Finally, you spoke. “How’d you do it? How’d you keep this a secret for so long?”

“I kept a second phone hidden.”

The answer came with some relief. You knew you weren’t crazy, that there was some secret method to his deceit. The idea had come once or twice to go through his phone, but you knew Namjoon would never be that messy. “Did anyone else know?”

He nodded once, and a wave of aggravation rippled through you. “Some of the members knew.”

“Are you serious?” You laugh, but the sound felt hollow coming from your lips. “They must think I’m so stupid….”

“You know they don’t think that, they love you.”

You grimaced. Yeah, right. “Not enough to let me know the truth.”

Briefly you wondered which members knew and what kept them from coming to you, but you tried to push those thoughts away. You came here with questions for Namjoon. Nothing else mattered.

“Was it emotional?” You asked. “Did you love her?”

He shook his head vigorously. “No. No, it was just physical. They didn't mean anything to me.”

All the blood in your body went cold. “They?”

Namjoon opens his mouth. Then closed it again. “Shit.” He hoped to leave that part out of this meeting. A part of him knew it wouldn't be fair to you but would the truth really be any better?

“.....There was more than one girl?”

He ran a hand down his face then nodded, avoiding eye contact. “Yes.”

Through gritted teeth you ask, “How many?”

You wait for an answer but this time Namjoon keeps quiet. “You said you'd answer anything.”

“I know—”

“So that was a lie?”

“No.”

You crossed your arms over your chest. “Then why won't you tell me?”

Namjoon tensed, jaw clenching. “I don’t wanna hurt you.”

You narrowed your gaze on him. “Well it’s too fucking late for that don’t you think? ‘Honestly’, huh? You’re so full of shit Namjoon. Being honest means telling the whole truth. All of it!”

“How many?” You press. Part of you is afraid of the answer but you still need to know.

You wait, staring him down but Namjoon looked away. He can’t say it looking you in the eye, instead he buries his face in his hands then mutters out the word three.

“Three?” You repeat.

You lean back from him, gripping the edge of the table. It felt like the world was spinning around you. Wow. Three girls. Three different girls.

Sensing your distress Namjoon quickly added. “They're just girls. They don’t matter.”

You shook your head, refusing to accept that for an answer. “Of course they matter. You made a choice to go to them, instead of me. I have to know why. What did they have that I didn’t?”

“Everything.”

Ouch, okay. You close your eyes as the pain from that statement washes all over you. The pain you feel isn’t new, but familiar. Like reopening an old wound. But Namjoon isn’t finished. Before you can even process his words he speaks again. “They were selfish, demanding, and manipulative...the complete opposite of you.”

You feel your brows pull together. “Is that supposed to make me feel better? The fact that all the women you slept with are somehow lesser than me?”

Namjoon looks confused and hurt. “(Y/n), I don't know what you want from me. I can’t change the past, all I can say is I’m sorry.”

For so long all you wanted was for him to apologize. Really apologize. No excuses, no bullshit. But now that you finally heard it, sorry just didn’t feel like enough. Instead his words make you feel empty inside. Sorry, isn’t enough to stay. You want to leave now.

Clearing your throat, you got ready to go. “I don’t know what to say to that and I don’t have anymore question so—”

“Can I ask you a question?”

You huffed out a sigh. “Fine.”

“Why did you leave? You said you'd never leave me.”

You feel yourself flush with frustration. “And you said you'd never cheat on me. Promises mean nothing. Words, mean nothing. The only thing that matters is how you act.”

“Besides,” You said, looking away from him to the beautiful summer landscape. “You didn't try to stop me. It's like you didn't even care.”

“Of course I cared. I made a mistake—”

Standing up, you slam your hands down on the table. “It was not. A mistake! Oh my god! How can you still not get it? Cheating is a choice! You made a choice! You think I didn’t get lonely all those nights I spent by myself? You think you’re the only man who’s ever approached me???”

“Of course not—”

“No. Of course not! Because I’m a catch, Namjoon.” Not caring how loud you get, you raise your voice. “I am kind, I am smart, I am ambitious, I am beautiful. You had to be out of your fucking mind to cheat on me!” You said, pressing your index finger against your temple.

You’re crying now, hot tears streaming down your face.“Why can’t you see that? Everyone else can.”

It’s the only question that goes unanswered. Namjoon stares at you, eyes glistening, but he doesn’t say a word.

“I can’t do this,” You wiped at your wet face frantically, standing up to leave.

(Y/n), please.” Namjoon moved to stop you but you ripped out of his grasp.

“I have to go.” You say reaching for your bag, ready to walk away from him, from your marriage, and all the hurt he just laid at your feet.

Love Drought

♪ Nine times out of ten, I'm in my feelings. But ten times out of nine, I'm only human. Tell me, what did I do wrong? Feel like that question has been posed. I'm movin' on.

. . .

You haven't seen Namjoon but that doesn’t stop you from thinking about him.

You think about him almost every single day. What was he doing? How was he moving on without you? Was he moving on at all, or was he just sitting around somewhere...waiting for you to come back?

All these questions only fueled your anxiety and your determination to stay as far away as possible from Namjoon. If you didn’t see him, if you went away...Then those questions would go away too, right? You were going for the whole ‘out of sight out of mind thing’. But it wasn’t working. Because even though you said you were done—Namjoon still had pieces of you. Literally. Your things still remained untouched at the house.

You meant it when you said you didn’t want to go back home. But you needed to come get your belongings. It takes all of your strength to make the drive over without stopping to throw up, or cry. Stepping inside the place where your marriage died was the last thing you wanted to do on your day off. You put off the inevitable for months but it’s time now, you’re moving on, and you’re moving out.

So why was it so hard for you to move past the front door?

You stood there, frozen at the threshold. Heart aching at the thought of what you’re about to do. Fuck (Y/n), you cursed at yourself.You’re a grown ass woman, you can do this. Get in there. It was dead quiet in the house, as you hoped. You’re too much of a coward to call Namjoon and let him know you’re coming to take the last of your things. Couldn’t even text him. No message you typed out felt right. Anything you had to say you already told him. At this point, you both know your marriage is at its end. All you can do is pray that he won’t be there the same time you are. It’s why you chose to come in the evening. Namjoon wouldn’t be home until very late at night because of his schedule. It would give you enough time to get most of your things packed up.

Bawling your hands into fists you gripped your door key tightly, slid it in the keyhole, and unlocked the door. You take two steps inside, close the door behind you, and it feels as though you’ve stepped through time. It’s like nothing’s changed. You don’t quite know what you were expecting. You didn’t have any expectations coming over, but now looking at the space before you, you decided this isn’t it.

The house isn’t spotless, but it’s tidy, neat. In stark contrast from the last time you were here, and the fit you threw. Somehow you expected the house to look exactly in that state: broken. But nothing’s really changed. Soon your feet take on movement of their own, walking you towards the bedroom. Being back in that room is strange. It's almost as if you never left him at all. The sunset pools through the window, drowning the bed in light that looks like honey. The space has the essence of your home. The only difference you feel now is the emptiness. You spent many nights home without Namjoon but it never felt like this.

This time you’re really all by yourself. You don’t live in the same house anymore, but you're not completely alone living off your bestfriends couch. It’s been years since you’ve remembered what it feels like to be without a partner. You wondered...This emptiness...Is this what it would feel like to live without Namjoon?

You swallow down a sob, trying not to drown in your loneliness and turn and walk into the closet. Remember why you're here. Get your things, you just have to make it through these next few minutes. You reminded yourself that the hard part, the confrontation (and the leaving) was already over. All you have to do now is pack.

Strange enough your heart still aches, though not in the way it did before. This is not the ache of betrayal. You truly believed that pain would never subside but it did. Not by time but by choice. You had to choose to let go of the anger and the hurt, choose to free yourself from resentment. No. This ache was something else entirely. But you couldn’t put a name to it.

You step inside your closet, eyes studying your hung up clothes and the suitcases hidden underneath them. Not wanting to spend any more time than needed here, you got on your knees and started pulling out suitcases, folding up clothes, and putting them away. It all went much quicker than you’d expected (you got most of your clothes out during the beginning of your separation). You were picking off hangers at the end of the closet when you came across a garment bag. The garment bag.

Right away you knew you shouldn’t. Only a masochist would unzip the garment bag to their wedding dress when they’re currently living apart from their husband. And yet, you still did it. Tentatively your fingers reached out to grab hold of the bag. You pulled it into your lap and slowly undid the zipper. Then you saw your wedding dress, and you melted. As your eyes traced over the lace detail the memories of that day flickered through your mind.

It wasn’t at all what you expected. When you were younger, you always dreamed of a big wedding, everything you've ever heard about in fairytales. You wanted it to happen early in the morning, in a beautiful church with stained glass windows, surrounded by all your friends and family. You expected there would be flowers everywhere, and something else, something special. The romantic in you hoped for doves or maybe butterflies. And your dress? Only the most regal ball gown would do as you walked down the aisle to the man of your dreams.

Of course, fantasies rarely become reality. The issue of privacy is important when marrying a celebrity. At the time, just getting married seemed impossible, let alone doing it big. With the group's growing fame and Namjoon’s busy schedule, how could you find the time to get married? Or find a venue where fans or media couldn’t find you? You’d have to plan every second, every detail. Nothing could be left up to chance. Both of you were so in love but also, so very stressed with the situation before you until Namjoon made a second proposal.

“Why don’t we just elope?” he asked.

It was late at night. You lay in the comfort of his arms, head resting on his chest and mere seconds away from blissful sleep, so it took you a full minute to process that sentence. You lifted your head to look into his eyes. “What?”

Namjoon smiled down at you, thumb rubbing slow circles against your back. “Let’s just do it. Get married, I mean. Who says we have to wait or plan? I love you. I wanna marry you now.”

You sat up in bed, propped yourself up on your arm, and searched his face. “Are you serious?”

You watched amused as he narrowed his sharp eyes at you in a mock glare. “Why would I joke about this? Of course I’m serious! Let’s do it.”

You looked at him hard for a minute, but when Namjoon didn’t flinch you knew he was for real. Then of course the panic kicked in. “Baby, what? Let’s do it? It’s not like we can just walk into a church and say ‘I do’ !”

“Technically, we can.”

You shook your head, “No. What about all the plans we’ve made? I already booked the venue, and our caterer—”

Namjoon rolled over onto his side, facing you. “So we’ll cancel. The date’s still months away, that's more than enough time to give notice that we’ve changed our minds.”

You laughed,, but your shaky breath came out like a scoff. “Do you know how hard it was for me to get those reservations?! That cathedral is wedding heaven! It is stained glass perfection. The wait time is usually up to a year. A YEAR. And our cake, it’s being made by Giovanni Bianchi—world renowned pastry chef—Giovanni Bianchi. It’s a seven-tiered baked dream. And you want me to cancel?”

To your disbelief Namjoon simply shrugged. “Do we really need all that?”

He reached out, taking your hands in his. He looked down, stroking them with his thumbs in an effort to soothe you. “Grand cathedral or not, as long as we’re together, I’m already in heaven. Our wedding will be perfect no matter where we are because we have each other. And the cake? Well, why would I need a dream cake, when I can have my dream girl?” He said, winking at you.

Your heart swelled at sweet words. As much as you wanted to roll your eyes you couldn’t help but smile. God, he was so cheesy. But isn’t that why you loved him? Still...you felt anxious. He might have melted your heart, but you weren’t fully convinced.

“Yeah okay, very smooth. What about our families? They’ve been looking forward to this so much. Our mothers will murder us!” You made a face, suddenly remembering your wedding party. “Oh the boys…..Jin will be so disappointed if he doesn’t get to be your best man” (you distinctly recalled him rejoicing at the news knowing he’d be “the most handsome” best man ever).

Namjoon brought your fingers to his lips and kissed the tips in between explanations. “It’s not about them”. Kiss. “Jin will get over it”. Kiss. “Our families will forgive us”. Kiss. “We’re not getting married for anyone else but us, we can do it however we want.”

You nodded your head in agreement, though you were still unsure. You knew all these things. Of course your marriage would be just for the two of you. You had no interest in simply performing the act for others approval. You loved Namjoon, you loved your relationship together, and you wanted to do what felt right for the both of you. Still, you couldn’t help but worry about the public’s opinion.

“What about your fans?” you asked. “What if pictures get out?” The whole point of all this planning was for privacy. The world knew BTS was dating, many fans suspected they had secret girlfriends, but a wife? How would they react to that? You didn’t want to hurt anyone, least of all Namjoon and his image. You know how hard he and the rest of Bangtan worked to be respected in the music industry. What would happen if the world found out their leader was dating a nobody like you?

Namjoon looked you straight in the eyes, and spoke in a calm voice. “I don’t care. I’m not ashamed of loving you. Let the whole world see that I’m marrying the kindest, loveliest, soul I’ve ever known. I don’t care what they think, or what they say. I just want you. All I want is to be your husband, and for you to be my wife. Nothing else matters.”

You felt another wave of love pass over your heart. His sincerity stunned you. You glanced at him with glistening eyes. “Namjoon…Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

He grinned at you, letting go of your hand to reach up and cup your cheek. “Are you done yet?” He teased. “Despite all your protests, I haven’t heard you say no…?”

You took a second to think through your conversation. Namjoon was right. You never said no, because as crazy as it was, you agreed with your fiancé wholeheartedly. You wanted this, you wanted him just as much as he wanted you, and you wanted to get married as quickly as possible. With a new resolve you shifted in the bed straddling him, then wrapped your arms around his neck. “Okay,” you said.

Namjoon raised both eyebrows up. “Okay!? Just like that? Anything else I need to assure you of? We have our marriage license. I have a tux. You already have your dress. I know you’re concerned but we have everything we need.”

You nodded. This time you were sure. “Let’s do it.”

Namjoon hesitated, then his face broke into a smile that was so bright it gave life to one of your own. In that moment you realized what you thought to be nerves earlier was really just excitement. You brought your hand to his shoulders, squeezing tight. “We’re getting married,” you whispered, voice full of awe.

“We’re getting married!” Namjoon echoed.

Before you knew it, you were walking down the aisle. You let him plan it all. You got married at night, in a small church, without stained glass windows. There was no big guest list, but neither of you could stand the thought of going through the ceremony completely by yourselves, so you allowed for your immediate family to be there (that included Yoongi, Hoseok, Jin, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jeongguk). Flowers did not adorn every pew, but the space was illuminated by soft and warm candlelight. No butterflies or doves. It wasn’t like what you imagined in your head. Life rarely coincides with those kinds of plans. But Namjoon was right. Because you had each other, it was perfect.

In the end, the only part of your wedding that lived up to the fairytale was your dress. It was everything you wanted in a gown. All white with a sweetheart neckline, crystal embroidery and layers upon layers of tulle. The dress felt a bit heavy, but you can still remember the look on his face when he lifted your veil. In one glance, he made all that weight disappear. You felt lighter than air. “You look like an angel.” He whispered, voice sweet and low, so only you could hear. In that moment all you could feel was love.

So how did you end up here? Clutching your wedding dress on the closet floor, desperately wiping away tears. God, what a mess you are. You pushed out a breath and started shoving the white, fluffy fabric back into the garment dress. It was a mistake taking this out. You couldn’t get it back in again. Your fingers slip as you try to grip the zipper, and you can’t tell if it’s because of your sweaty palms or your wet tears, but it won’t budge. Why won’t it zip? You pull up hard, snagging the dress in its teeth.

Shit. Frustration flushes through you as you snatch the zipper back down only to hear the distinct sound of fabric tearing in the process.

You shut your eyes tight, shoulders slumping with defeat. When you opened your eyes again all you could see was the rip in the dress, threads straining and unraveling all at once. It looked as torn up as you feel inside. Part of you is falling apart at the idea of leaving Namjoon, pressured to leave all of this pain behind and let go of the relationship. Call it mind over matter. It didn’t make sense to stay with a man you had broken your heart and your trust. All logic told you to divorce him and never look back. You know this. And yet? There is a part of you aching to repair what’s been broken, pull out the sorrow from this home, and heal all the hurt.

You were so busy wrapped in your thoughts that you hadn’t heard the door unlock, or footsteps tread into the bedroom. From the corner of your eye you saw a glimpse of blond hair, wide brown shoulders. It was Namjoon. You couldn’t help the startled gasp that fell from your lips.

“(Y/n)”, he breathed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” Namjoon kept his distance. He didn’t look at you and didn’t cross the threshold of the closet door, generously leaving space between you. Instead, his eyes were glued to the floor. “I saw your car out front, but I didn’t think it’d actually be you here.” He reached up a hand, rubbing the back of his neck. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. I don’t mean to be rude. I’m just...confused.” Namjoon glanced up at you from underneath his eyelashes then slowly, his smokey eyes rose to meet yours. “Why are you here?”

“. . .” You faltered. Once Namjoon laid his eyes on you, you softened, even after all this time he had that effect on you. You were still consumed in thoughts about your marriage...feeling that again, you didn’t know what to think. You almost preferred it when you felt anger or pain at the sight of him. Instead you felt something else. You looked down at your lap, fingering the dress. Was it longing? You started again, making eye contact. “I came back to get the rest of my things.”

A look passed across Namjoon’s face but before you could identify it, it was gone. Namjoon nodded, looking away from your face. His gaze shifted to your hands. “Is...is that—”

“—My wedding dress? Yes.” You tried to think of an excuse, some reason for you having it out but nothing came to mind. You shrugged, settling for the truth. “I just wanted to look at it I guess.” Both of you ignored your tear stained face.

Namjoon bit his lip, the silence stretching between you until he said, “I’ll leave you to it,” and abruptly walked away. Finally alone you breathed out a sigh.

You felt a tinge of disappointment. And you were angry with yourself for it. You don’t know what you were hoping for, or what you wanted to get out of that conversation. What’d you expect? Did you really think after everything that he’d lower himself one last time and beg for you to come back? Again? The man you married you would have, but the man who cheated on you? No, he had too much pride. This wasn’t a romance movie where the couple fights and breaks up but somehow everything magically fixes itself and they get back together. It was really over.

The finality of it all stunned you. You sat there, numbing yourself to the pain for a minute. Then you striantened out your wedding dress, and zipped up the garment bag. This time it went up without a hitch. You were just getting up off your knees when Namjoon whipped back into the room, surprising you.

“I know you could care less about anything I have to say right now,” he began, raising a cautious hand. “You probably hate me, and I understand that. I hate myself for what I’ve done to you.” He looked up in thought then pressed his hands into his eyes. When his hands fell away you braced yourself for what came next. “I’m asking you for a second chance. I’m asking you for a second chance because I love you more than anything. You are the love of my life, and I’m sorry I forgot that. I know you don’t owe me anything, least of all your forgiveness.”

He stopped, voice thickening as he gulped down tears. “But I’m asking for it.”

“I couldn’t live with myself knowing I didn’t do everything to get you back.”

Tears filled your eyes. “Are you saying that, because you love me? Or are you saying that because you want me back?”

His gaze never wavered. “Both. I want you back, because I love you. Knowing you and loving you has been the biggest blessing in my life. I don’t regret it. I'd do it all over again, just to have you in my life. Even if it meant losing you. ”

All at once it hit you. That feeling, the one you struggled to identify when you held your wedding dress in your arms. It wasn’t longing. It was love. You were still in love with Namjoon.

And so you did the unthinkable. You kissed him.

Sandcastles

♪ We built sandcastles that washed away. I made you cry when I walked away, oh. And although I promised that I couldn't stay, baby. Every promise doesn't work out that way.

. . .

It only takes seconds for you to cross the space between and press your lips to his. For a moment, Namjoon doesn’t move—doesn’t even breathe. Then his arms wrapped around you, brought you flush against him and you melted in his embrace as he kissed you, his lips softer than ever. Deep down, you know you shouldn’t. It would be too painful to become wrapped up in Namjon again only to tear yourself away from him. But your body has a will of its own. When his tongue swept across your bottom lip, you parted for him like the red sea and every emotion you’d ever felt for him came flooding back.

Every kiss you’ve ever had, every whisper of “I love you,” all of it ignited in your mind the second Namjoon kissed you back in a moment so intense you felt your body tremble at his touch. His lips moved gently over yours while his hands came up to cup your cheeks, and before you know it, you find yourself in the middle of the most sensual kiss you’ve had in your life. Namjoon kissed you like he was hungry, tongue rolling into your mouth. You couldn’t help but moan, arching into his embrace.

It was shameful how your body responded back to him. You could feel your heart rate increase, the heat rushing to your cheeks. You couldn’t remember the last time you wanted him like this. Your thoughts traveled back to the words that sparked your desire: “I want you back, because I love you. Knowing you and loving you has been the biggest blessing in my life. I don’t regret it. I'd do it all over again, even if it meant losing you.”

All this time you’d been fighting against your love for Namjoon, convinced any feelings he had for you were long gone. But everything he said proved otherwise.

It was confusing to you. You spent so much time thinking that Namjoon didn’t want you anymore, you’d even come to accept it but now? You didn’t know what to think. Your mind was screaming for you to pull away, stop before it went any further. That everything you were doing right now was wrong. Except, it didn’t feel wrong. It almost felt...good. Right.

The truth is you feel exactly the same. Despite everything you’d been through, you still loved Namjoon. He was the love of your life and you wished with everything in you that you could turn back the clock and start over. If what he said was true—if there was even a possibility of Namjoon still loving you, you needed to feel that.

Namjoon’s touch made you desperate. You found your hands tracing the planes of his body, running down his muscular arms before coming back up as you linked your arms around his neck. He kissed you deeper, groaning low in his throat, and the sound was enough to drive you wild. Even this close, you couldn’t get enough of him. All you could feel was the compulsive need for more. More of his touch. More of his kisses. More, more, more.

You could feel Namjoon’s body backing you up to the bed. Your knees hit the mattress and you allowed yourself to fall back against the soft sheets. But Namjoon didn’t fall with you. You opened your eyes, instantly giving way to panic. His pause alarmed you. Your anxiety reared its ugly head, speaking cruelty into your mind. How could you be so foolish? What were you thinking, kissing Namjoon? He didn’t actually want you. He was leading you on, playing with your feelings. That’s why he stopped.

You pulled yourself up, leaning your weight back on your elbows to look into his eyes. You expected to see cold rejection on his handsome face, but what you saw in his gaze wasn’t at all what you imagined. Instead, when you looked into his eyes, all you could see was raw, unfiltered desire. And strangely enough, uncertainty.

Namjoon had a million thoughts racing through his mind, all of them questions.

How did he end up here, with you spread across his bed when only minutes before you seemed worlds apart? The situation didn’t feel real, more like a fantasy, like he dreamed you up. But if this dream was real—if this dream was really coming true—should he let it?

Of course he wanted you. If you kissed him like this a couple of months ago, Namjoon wouldn’t hesitate to take you; he’d have his way with you until you screamed his name. But tonight, the last thing Namjoon wanted. He’d spent months craving your touch; the feel of your lips against his, how the heat of your body felt flush against his. He caused you enough pain acting on his lust. He didn’t want to hurt you further by taking advantage of the situation.

Both of you got caught in an emotional whirlwind but this kiss was a mistake, wasn’t it? He looked down at you, waiting for you to push him away but you didn’t make a move. Instead, you stared at him, desire burning in your eyes. God, that look alone was enough to arouse him. Still, he didn’t make any move to kiss you.

You took a moment to look at Namjoon, really look at him. Trying to uncover the emotion swirling behind his dark eyes. The longer you stared, the more you felt like your heart was going to burst from your chest. You could see his uncertainty but the feeling wasn’t mutual.

Was it insane to sleep with your soon to be ex-husband? Yes. Did it make you want it any less?

Not even in the slightest.

I must be losing my mind. You couldn’t explain it yourself, but kissing Namjoon opened up something in you. Feelings you didn’t know you still had swept all over you. Heat washed over your body. You could feel your skin flush, passion stirring in your blood.

“Are you sure?” he asked, voice taut with apprehension.

Your body was practically screaming yes. But Namjoon’s hesitation made you pause.

Reading the confusion in your eyes, he quickly backtracked. “I’m not saying I don’t want to—believe me I do—I just don’t want you to do something tonight that you’ll regret in the morning.”

Your mind wasn’t there. That moment seemed so far off from the ever-present now and the rapid beating of your heart and the warmth of Namjoon’s body. You knew you had to make a choice. Yes or no. There was a small voice in the back of your head cautioning you against this. But tonight you were following your heart. Consequences be damned.

You looked up at him and nodded. “I want this.”

Namjoon leaned forward to kiss you, and you shivered at the feel of his lips against yours. This time, there was no hesitation. You couldn’t remember the last time Namjoon kissed you like this. Slowly, tenderly, like this kiss mattered. Like you mattered. Any inhibition you had melted away as you leaned into his touch. You felt yourself lower back down onto the bed. Namjoon’s hands passed over your body, slimming down your waist, before coming to rest on your thighs. You let them linger there, savoring the feeling of his hands on your body.

Your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer. You were so into the kiss, the feel of him you didn’t notice his hands pry off your clothes until you were left in only your underwear.

He stopped then, pulled away from your lips to look at you. Then the only thing you could feel on your body were his eyes drinking you in. The eye contact alone had you squeezing your thighs together. You watched the heat build in his dark gaze until his eyes lingered just a little too long, until your skin tingled all over from the intensity.

Then he was all over you, leaving open-mouthed kisses down your throat. Hands cupping your breasts. The feel of him against your thigh. It was an assault to your senses, but instead of overwhelming you, it only made you crave him even more. You arched your back as Namjoon kissed your collarbone, slowly making his way down the valley of your breasts. You moaned at the sensation of his tongue moving down your body, closer and closer to where you needed him most.

“Namjoon,” You breathed, body humming with pleasure. He looked up from between your thighs, dark eyes connecting with yours for a split second. You watched as he hooked his fingers into your underwear and dragged them down your legs. Then he gave his complete attention to your body, licking a long strip straight down your center that had you moaning his name again.

Namjoon gripped your thighs firmly in his hands, pulling you closer towards him. He wanted you to know that this meant more to him than just sex, that he loved you, and that he was more than willing to show you just how much. He takes his time tasting you. Each lick languid and loving. He didn’t want to tease you, all he wanted to do was to please you. To touch you and erase the pain he caused--even if only for a second. Namjoon swirled his tongue across your clit. Once, twice, a third time, drawing sweet moans and gasps from your lips.

You couldn’t keep yourself quiet. It’d been so long since anyone touched you. Throughout everything, you still remained faithful to Namjoon. And even if you’d been with another, no one could ever make you feel like this. Have your toes curling, back arching. It was almost embarrassing how easily you melted under his touch. Some part of you still wondered how you could give in so easy. Shouldn’t you be feeling some resistance? All you felt was longing.

You found yourself rocking your hips against him, and crying out as his tongue delved deeper.

You wanted to bring your hands up to your face to muffle the sounds but before you could, Namjoon stopped you.

“Don’t,” he said. He took hold of your hands and threading his fingers through yours. All the while his tongue was still swirling against you, making lewd sounds that had you feeling hot.

You could feel your body heating up, the rise and fall of your chest coming faster and faster. When you felt him slide tongue inside you, pressing up against your sweet spot—it was enough to push you over the edge. You came, squeezing Namjoon’s hands tight.

Namjoon lapped up your juices, enjoying the taste of your slick on his tongue. Even then he didn’t stop, coaxing a second orgasm out of you with soft licks against your center.

“Joon,” you whimpered, body humming with oversensitivity. “Too much.”

Only then did he pull away, moving to place a tender kiss on the inside of your thigh. He sat up, and you rose on your elbows ready and willing to return the favor, but Namjoon gently pushed you back down on the bed, shaking his head.

“I just wanna be inside you right now,” he rasped.

God, you wanted that too. They way Namjoon ate you out had your body begging for more. You weren't going to argue with him.

Namjoon sat up and placed a hand around your neck, guiding you back to his lips. It started out slow. Soft, sweet kisses against your lips. It wasn’t until he slipped his tongue inside your mouth that he found himself suddenly desperate for you. Even more surprising was your reaction to him. You kissed him back with just as much fever, completely captivated.

The kiss seemed to go on forever. When you finally pulled away, you looked at each other, panting, the air thickening between you two. Namjoon’s dark eyes stared down at you with an intensity that pierced your soul. You knew he felt it too. This energy...There was still love between you. But you’d already made your decision. You wanted this moment, this passion but you couldn’t trust him with your heart and be sure he wouldn’t break it. I can’t fall for him again. I can’t. You wanted him badly but wanting him, and trusting him were two different things.

“Namjoon,” you started. Then stopped, trying to find the right words to explain. “This isn’t—I can’t—”

“—Stay? I know.” Namjoon knew what he was getting into the second you kissed him. He knew this was goodbye, and that it would hurt like hell come morning. He didn’t care. If only he could change the past, he’d take it all back.

But he couldn’t. The damage was already done. This was the last time he’d ever hold you in his arms again. If he could have you, even for this short time, he’d take what he could get. He wasn’t going to fuck it up trying to make this into something it wasn’t. He loved you too much to be selfish at this moment. If this were the last time, he would make it well worth your while.

“I just need tonight.”

Namjoon pulled you tighter against him, molding you against his body. Before making any sudden movement, he pulled back a little to look in your eyes, to make sure this was still what you wanted.

You cupped his cheek and kissed his lips, reassuring him. Then he aligned his cock against your entrance and pushed inside you with one smooth move. You tensed, freezing in his arms. The feeling of your walls clenched around him made staying still absolute torture. But Namjoon wouldn’t dare move.

You close your eyes and breathe out a shaky breath, familiarizing yourself with the burn of the stretch. He’s so thick it takes a minute for your body to adjust to the size. Though the sensation of Namjoon nuzzling into your neck helps turn the pain into pleasure. You hooked your leg around his waist nudging him forward.

The small act made both of you moan in unison. “Namjoon...please,” you breathed.

He moved, starting out with a pace that had your insides feeling molten. His hands gripped at your hips as he pulled out almost all the way, then slowly slid himself deep inside you. You were so wet, so tight he couldn’t help but groan. The feel of you taking all of him, giving him this pleasure and the look in your eyes...Namjoon was sure he’d never love another the same way.

This wasn’t just sex. Namjoon knew the difference now. What it really meant to be intimate with a partner. To share his body with someone not for a distraction or stroke his ego but for love. To draw closer with one another. This was it for him. You, it was always you. There would never be another. He started to rock into you, deep and slow, desperate to make you feel that.

You closed your eyes, losing yourself to the sensation. Needing more, you raised your hips to meet his thrusts and Namjoon took the hint, snapping his hips to meet yours faster. You cried out as he filled you again and again and again. Right now, you don't have to worry about future decisions. You didn’t have to think about all the conflicting feelings you had for this man.

Not that you could think about that anyways. Your senses were all wrapped up in how good Namjoon was making you feel. His pace was brutal just how you liked it, but his touch was nothing but kind. His hands trailed up to the small of your back keeping you close. Namjoon cupped your face as he kissed you; he only pulled away to rest his forehead against yours and looked into your eyes. You’d slept with Namjoon before, but something about this time was different. If you didn’t know any better—you’d think he was making love to you. He was so strong, yet so loving. You wished he could be this way with you always.

You wanted to stay here, savor this moment. But Namjoon was grinding his hips against yours in a way that had you breathless. You were so close. “Namjoon, I—”

“Come for me,” he said.

Growling, he thrust harder against you and reached down between your bodies to rub your clit, driving you towards your orgasm. Your pleasure built inside you, sweeping over your body like a wave until it crashed and washed over you, sending tremors down your body.

Feeling you come apart in his arms, Namjoon slowed his thrusts. You clenched around him till pleasure flooded his senses and he came too, burying his face in your neck and moaning out your name.

The only sound heard throughout the room was panting as the two of you came down from your highs. Namjoon brushed your hair away from your face and ran his thumb across your cheek.

“Are you okay?” he asked, voice full of concern. He rolled off you and onto his side so as not to crush you but remained close, his skin flush against yours.

“Mhmm…” you hummed. You stared at the ceiling as your heart rate slowed back down. You were expecting to feel something. Regret...maybe relief?

You don’t know what you were hoping for. Maybe subconsciously you thought sleeping with Namjoon would help you come to some kind of resolution. A grand epiphany that would tell you what to do with your situation. But really you didn’t feel any different than you did before.

“What are you thinking about?”

You shake your head as if to shake all those thoughts out of your head. “Nothing.”

Namjoon didn’t press you, but the silent tension in the air gave you the impression that he wanted to ask for more.

You’ve never felt so divided. The ego in you wanted to walk away from it all. Say goodbye and cut your losses, no matter the cost. You made peace with leaving because you were so sure that Namjoon didn’t want you. You knew you couldn’t be with a man who had no love for you. But now, knowing that there was still love here. That he still cared, that you still cared. It changed things. You wanted it to work. But you weren’t sure if you could love him the same; there was always the issue of trust. How could you ever trust him again?

“I’m sorry,” said Namjoon. “I thought this was what you wanted.”

You turned to face him then, lying on your side. “It was what it wanted and now…” You trailed off, lost to your thoughts again. You had to think about it. Dig deep and really question what it was you were searching for.

“Now what? What do you need?” His expression was torn but honest.

So you asked for what you really wanted out of him. You asked for the truth.

“I need you to tell me everything.”

. . .

And he does. That night, as you bathe together, he finally tells you the truth. The whole truth.

When the sweat on your skin dried and became sticky, Namjoon ran a bath. You both got inside the clawfoot tub and sat on opposite sides, bodies intermingling as you faced each other. It was thick with quiet as the bath filled up with heated water.

At first, Namjoon hesitated. You could tell he wanted to spare your feelings. So he gave you the truths in little bits. Pieces of information you could swallow, like the names of his past lovers, and when each act happened. Then slowly, bigger chunks that had you holding your breath as you processed the facts of his betrayal. He told you about it all. About the weakness, the desperation, and the loneliness he felt on tour. The need to be touched and seen–really seen–by someone. Even if that someone wasn’t you. How one bad decision turned into two, turned into three. And the guilt. The guilt that accompanied the deception that rose and rose like high flames, eating him up inside.

By the time Namjoon’s done speaking, the water’s gone lukewarm, and your fingers were pruned, yet neither of you gets out of the bath. You let Namjoon bring you to close, till your back's up against his chest. He lathers his hands, and you let his calloused palms wash the pain away. Till the only thing you feel is his light touch. You repeat this action to him, stroking his skin with absolute ease. Then, and only then do you step out of the water. Namjoon drapes a fluffy white towel over your shoulder and wraps it around you.

He looks you in the eyes, and tells you that you're the only woman he’s ever loved. The only woman he would ever love. And you believe him.

. . .

That night, you lay down beside him exhausted. Not the kind of exhaustion that comes from lack of sleep or a long day at work. Not the weariness that leads to nights of deep slumber–no–this is the weariness that puts stress on your heart. The kind that leaves you feeling drained. Empty. Beside you, Namjoon sleeps, but you’re wide awake.

Every nerve in your body is begging for rest. But it’s your heart keeping you up tonight.

Heart over mind, mind over matter. You're split in both directions. Wanting to stay, and wanting to go. You told yourself that you were leaving. Walking away from it all.

But something felt wrong.

Everything was already moving in one way, but your heart was starting to face another. You still hadn’t made up your mind.

You lay in bed with your eyes closed and remembered the first time you left. Before you knew the truth, before you knew anything really, except for the fact that you didn’t want to live in a lie. You packed your bag and drove to Jackson’s, but you couldn’t make it through the night without breaking down and calling your mom. You spilled your heart to her, and she heard you, even through all the tears. You called to get everything off your chest, but you were also searching for answers. You were desperate for her to give you some kind of sign of what you were supposed to do or an out, but she didn’t.

“Do you remember when you were little, and you used to make sandcastles at the beach?” she asked. “You used to love playing in the sand. Barely even went in the water. You spent all day just creating something, building your own world.”

It caught you off guard. You were so shocked that for the first time in hours you stopped crying.

The memory was hazy in your mind, but you could still picture those summer days filled with warm golden sun, and the salty sea air.

“Some days as the sun set, the tide would come in and wash away everything you worked on. And you’d cry. Cry your little heart out. There wasn’t anything I wanted more than to pick you up, and hold you in my arms, comfort you. But you were at that age where you needed to start learning how to comfort yourself. So I let you cry. And after you’d got out all your tears, sometimes you’d start over. Dig your hands into the sand and start building all over again. Make something new. And sometimes you’d give up, walk away and come sit by me.”

“Yeah mom I remember...but, what does that have to do with anything?”

“You built your marriage with Namjoon on a foundation of love, faith, and trust. That’s your sandcastle. And now that trust has been washed away you don’t know what to do, and you're crying out for me. Baby, I love you, but you’re gonna have to make this decision for yourself. I can’t make it for you. Whatever you decide, I will be right behind you, supporting you. If you want to stay and find a way to be together I will be here. If you want to divorce him I’ll be here for that, too. But you have to decide.”

You let her words sink in. You knew she was right. But you were so frustrated, so overwhelmed you burst into tears again. “How am I supposed to decide? It’s so hard to know what choice is right.”

“I don’t–I don’t want to make a mistake…” You said through sobs.

“(Y/n), the only thing worse than staying or going, is you holding your breath and being indecisive. You have to make a choice. Decide.”

You couldn't think of how to act on your mother’s advice back then, but in the present, you understood. You squinted in the dark and looked at the time. The clock on your nightstand reads 5:22 AM in bold red letters. You hadn’t even realized you’d been up all night with your thoughts.

You looked over at the man causing you this great affliction. Pale moonlight streamed through the window illuminated his heart-shaped face. You once thought of him to be a monster, but he wasn’t. He was just human. And for once, you finally sorted your feelings about him. You weren’t in limbo anymore.

You knew your decision:

Leave him | Choose him

Bad Things | KNJ

Pairing: IDOL!Kim Namjoon x Manager!Fem!Reader

Rating: 18+, MINORS DNI

Genre: Co-workers to lovers, forbidden love, fluff, smut, angst

Word count: 4,409

Summary: He wanted you. You wanted him. However, was that enough for both of you to risk your careers?

Warning: penetrative sex, soft dom! Namjoon, rough sex (kinda), studio sex

Note: I read somewhere that Namjoon loved strong, independent woman and I couldn't stop thinking about him falling for a strong, self made woman. Also, have a crazy yandere in my asks and I can't wait to share it with you all T-T

Masterlist

Namjoon watched carefully as you talked to Zian, the manager of the different K-pop group. He poked the inside of his cheeks with his tongue as he tried not to barge in and drag you away. What were you thinking talking to him like that? Did you have to smile that much? Being polite, my ass. You were clearly flirting with him. 

That was it. Why else would you walk up to him looking like that? The red dress hugged you perfectly, accentuating your wide hips and thighs, making your waist seem tiny. It pushed your breasts together, giving you a delicious cleavage. The minute Namjoon saw you tonight, he had wanted to do nothing more than take you away and devour you whole. You had no business looking like that.

He scoffed, looking away from you to down his drink as you slapped his bicep lightly, laughing at something he said. “Drop it, Joon-ah,” Jin told his friend. “You know it will only get complicated if you do this.” 

Namjoon didn’t respond. He knew his hyung was right. It would get complicated if he was to get involved with you. You were their manager and they were your bosses. That was what stopped him from approaching you ever since the last time he saw you. 

You were so timid around them at first. He felt a sense of pride to see how far you have come, how confident and smart you have become in just over a year. You were absolutely loveable, everyone adored you. You seemed less like a manager and more like a friend to them. 

The maknaes were the first ones to accept you. They had just claimed you as part of them by making you a part of every one of their shenanigans. The Hyung line was a little reserved about their opinions about you, especially Jin and Yoongi. You were too young, they thought. Hobi was willing to give you a chance, but the other two were very watchful. But you were an early graduate from a top university. That gave Namjoon a sense of confidence in you. He always knew you would do well. 

But did he let you know? Absolutely not. 

In fact, if the members didn’t know better, they would think that he hated you. 

Ever since the first time he had seen you, he knew he was doomed. You were like a breeze of fresh air in this office. You were very different from all the other female employees he had worked with so far. You didn’t blush at their compliments. You didn’t fall for their puppy dog eyes. You didn’t go lenient on them in any way. Well, you were very lenient and easygoing, to begin with, but when you wanted to be, you could be the stern manager who knew exactly how to pull their reins. 

It took you only a week to show them why the company had decided to put you in this position. You were smart, quick, resourceful, and most importantly, you were focused and wanted nothing but the best for your “boys” as you liked to call them. 

So, Namjoon knew he would be risking a lot if he ever tried to pursue you. Which is why he kept his distance. At first, it was a safe distance, to ensure that you would never find out he liked you. He thought this attraction would fade away eventually and he could reclaim himself. But he was wrong, so so wrong. His feelings only grew the further he pushed himself away from you. 

You hadn't a clue. You thought he didn’t like you for some reason. At first, you wanted to see and fix it but when he kept running away from you, it became apparent to you that he didn’t want to be around you. So, you kept your distance. 

That was until the snarky comments followed. You weren’t sure what his problem was but you absolutely hated it when he would make comments about you about the most random things. Slowly, you started noticing his gaze lingering on you for a moment longer than necessary, how his eyes darkened whenever he saw you with someone else. Like right now. 

You could feel his eyes burning holes into your skull as you continued talking to Zian. You knew what he was feeling. You understood why he was staying away. But you didn’t want him to stay away. “You need to be careful, Y/N,” Zian leaned closer to your ear to warn you, “You’re playing with fire.” 

You looked at him, a little flushed. “I have no idea what you mean.”

“Please, darling. I know when a man is being teased, guilty of doing so myself. I’m assuming Namjoon doesn’t know I’m gay?” He asked, looking at you meaningfully. You blushed, looking away from him in guilt as you shook your head. He chuckled. “I hope you know what you’re doing. Because he is your IDOL and you’re his manager. We all know how it would end up. He doesn’t have a lot to lose but you, my friend, have a lot on the line.” 

You pursed your lips. He was right. You knew that. If anyone knew that you liked Namjoon, your entire career would be finished. You would be fired, bashed in the media, the toxic fans would hate you and there would be no one who would want to hire an employee who flirts with her boss. You could almost see the headlines “Y/N L/N CAUGHT SEDUCING HER BOSS”. 

You sighed, “You’re right. I have no idea what came over me. He probably doesn’t even want me. It was just wishful thinking, I guess.” 

“Okay, stop.” Zian shook his head. “Firstly, he definitely wants you. Watch–” you gasped when he leaned in and placed a kiss on your cheek, close to your lips. “Don’t react.” He immediately said when he moved away. “Second, go for it if you’re sure it’s more than an attraction, which I think it definitely is. Third, if I disappear tonight, please take Luna’s custody. She loves tuna, make sure to feed that to her at least once a week.”

“What are you–” you gasped when you felt someone grab your elbow and turn you around. You came face-to-face with Namjoon. You were surprised by the pure rage that filled his face as he stared at Zian. He looked so murderous that you were scared for your friend for a moment. You started to say something but when he turned to look at you with the same look, all words died in your throat. He turned around with your elbow still in his grip and dragged you away from the party, paying no mind to the people around him.

“Namjoon, what the fuck are you doing?” You hissed once you were away from everyone’s gaze, trying to break free from his grip. You gasped when he turned you around and pushed your back against a wall. 

“What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck are you doing kissing men out at parties?” He asked, his voice a dangerous mixture of possessiveness and envy. 

“What is it to you?” You finally asked. “With all due respect, my personal life is my own concern and you cannot dictate how I live it. I can kiss whoever I want and you can’t stop me.”

“Is that so?” He asked, his nose flaring. He knew you were right. He had no right to meddle in your personal life. He made the decision to sit back and let you be. He should have left you alone when Zian kissed you. You weren’t doing anything wrong, but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. The minute he saw Zian leaning in, he lost it. He couldn’t let you go. Not when he wanted you so damn much. “I don’t think the HR would appreciate you fooling around with another employee. It’s against the company's policies. You could get fired.” He let his jealousy get the best of him, putting his hand on the side of your head. 

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Is that a threat, Mr. Kim?” You asked, crossing your arms in front of your chest. 

Namjoon cursed inside his head when your arms pushed your breasts up, leaving them vulnerable before his hungry gaze. He wanted to pick you up and take you right then and there, his hyung be damned. You felt a blush creeping up your cheeks when you saw his eyes drifting down. The hunger in them made you push your thighs together, an action that didn’t go unnoticed by him. 

It made him growl at the back of his throat, pushing you further back to the wall till your chest was pressed against his. “Are you fucking testing my patience?” He asked, grabbing your jaw to make you look at him, “Because I assure you, I have none left.”

You closed your eyes and moaned at the feeling of his fingers digging into your waist as his entire body pressed her into the wall. Namjoon cursed under his breath when he heard the most seductive sound leave your lips. He had only heard of it in his dreams up until now. He groaned, “You drive me fucking crazy.” 

“Namjoon,” you whispered his name, grabbing the front of his shirt. He bit his lip, swiping his thumb across your pulpy bottom lip. You opened your eyes and looked at him pleadingly. You wanted him, needed him. You couldn’t bring yourself to care about the consequences of your actions as you grabbed his collar with both hands and pulled his face down till his lips met yours. 

You both felt like time froze for a moment as you took in the feeling of your lips against each other. The entire world was lost to you as your lips moved against each other passionately. His hand found its way into your hair, grabbing it to move your head to the side and his tongue fought for dominance against yours. You completely surrendered to him, wrapping your arms around his neck.

You broke apart from him when you felt someone clear their throat. You heard Namjoon growl in protest, covering you with his entire body as he turned around to face Yoongi. “Leave it alone, hyung.” 

“Joon,” Yoongi started warningly. He only wanted what was best for you. He didn’t want you to be thrown under the bus for being involved with someone you shouldn’t. Over the months, you had proved to be more than just a manager, you were their friend and he didn’t want you to get hurt. But he didn’t say anything when he caught the furious look in his leader’s eyes. He looked like he had already made his decision and was ready to fight anyone who came their way. 

He sighed. “I just hope you know what you’re doing,” he said, shaking his head. He left the two of them alone after that. 

Once he left, you looked at Namjoon with panicked eyes. “Namjoon–” you started, feeling like you were going to pass out from stress. Being caught like this was a slap to your face. “I can’t,” you said, walking away from him. “I’m sorry, I can’t.” You repeated as you raced away, leaving him alone with his heart shattered in pieces at his feet.

—

You didn’t come to work yesterday, or today. Namjoon was worried. It was his fault, wasn’t it? He should have just shut the fuck up and let you be. Why did he think coming to you was a good thing? 

Now you were avoiding him. When you didn’t know, at least he could still see you everyday. Was this permanent? Would you avoid him forever? You couldn’t do that, right? You wouldn’t. You were their manager, after all. 

“Why is noona not here?” Jungkook asked. “She would have solved this problem immediately. You can’t even open the damn folder.” He complained, frowning at Jin. 

“Yay! You brat!” Jin reached to hit the younger one on the head. “You ungrateful shit.” 

“Where is she, anyway?” Jimin asked. “I haven’t seen her since the party.”

Suddenly all eyes were on Namjoon. “What?” He asked, irritatedly. 

“What happened between the two of you?” Taehyung asked. 

“What makes you think something happened? She must be sick or something.” 

“We saw you leave with her, hyung,” Jungkook said, rolling her eyes. “We were there, remember?”

“Plus, you have been in a pissy mood since that day,” Hobi added. He shrugged when Namjoon looked at him in disbelief as if saying ‘Not you too’. 

Namjoon shook his head. “Nothing happened,” he said with an edge to his voice. When he spoke in that voice, everyone knew better than to mess with him. So, they quit trying to make him talk. What was he supposed to say anyway? That he wore his heart on his sleeve and you crushed it by downright rejecting him? That the world-famous IDOL got rejected by his own manager? 

He wasn’t too proud to admit that he did, but the wound was still fresh. The feeling of your lips still lingered on his. He knew he couldn’t have been the only one who imagined the passion that you shared. You wanted him too, right? Then why? Were you scared? He sighed, snapping his laptop shut aggressively before getting up. He muttered an excuse to the rest of the team as he walked out of the studio, making Yoongi and Jin share a worried look. 

—

You were scared. 

You knew you liked Namjoon, despite his aloof behaviour. You weren’t blind. You had seen the way he interacted and cared for everyone around him. You were attracted to him the moment he fought with the management to provide you an assistant. He thought you didn’t know but the management told you. 

 You started falling a little more when you noticed the extra chair he would always set up at the table, how he would pick fights whenever you would be with someone else but still never disrespected you, how he always made the maknaes make sure you reached home safely.

But you hadn’t expected to feel this intensely for him. When he had you in his arms, he was all you could think about and that scared you. You hadn’t felt like this before. You were ready to risk it all for him but you shouldn’t. You really shouldn’t. You had worked so hard to be where you were today. You couldn’t throw it away for a man.

No, you wouldn’t. 

But you wanted to. Fuck, you wanted to. 

—

Namjoon let out a sigh, rubbing his neck. It was day five and you still hadn’t come to the office. It had caused utter chaos at work. The boys pretended like nothing was wrong, but he knew that they talked about him in hushed voices, worrying about him. The assistant was doing her best to make everything work but she wasn’t able to handle it. It wasn’t until now that they realized just how dependent they had become on you. 

He did his best to manage everything in your absence. He was the leader, after all. He would have to lead, no matter what. But Namjoon couldn’t care less about work right now. He wanted to see you, to know if you were okay. Everyone tried to reach out to you but you didn’t respond. You just disappeared. It was very unlike you. Even if you were on a leave, you would always reach out. Were you gone? 

His heart skipped a beat at the thought. No, you wouldn’t just leave, right? That was unreasonable. But what if you did? What then? 

A knock on the door of his studio pulled him out of his thoughts. “Come in,” he said, cracking his knuckles before going back to work on the beat. 

“Are you free?” 

He snapped his head in your direction the minute your sweet voice fell in his ears. “Y/N…” He called, surprised to see you standing there in front of him. He paused, was this a mirage? Was he imagining this? 

You stood there in your cream-colored loose blouse tucked into brown trouser pants. Your hair was set loose, falling over your shoulders. He was relieved to see that you looked healthy and well-rested. As bitter as he was, he didn’t want you to be sick. Whatever anger he had been feeling in the past couple of days melted right away when you gave him a small smile. “Hi,” you said. 

That irked him. “Hi?” he asked in disbelief, standing up from where you were sitting. You disappear for days and then say hi? 

“I know!” You rushed to explain. “I know. I’m a total dick for disappearing like that. I’m sorry.” 

He wasn’t sure how to proceed. He didn’t need your apology. He needed an explanation. What happened? Why did you leave? Did he do something wrong? Was he not good enough? “It’s fine,” he ended up saying. 

You shook your head. “No, it’s not. It’s never fine. You have every right to be upset with me.”

“I don’t want to be upset with you,” he said. “It’s fine. I get it. It’s too risky. It’s probably a smart thing to stay away.” 

“Yes, but that's the problem,” you said, walking towards him. “I don’t want to do the smart thing. I can’t stay away.” 

“What are you saying?” he asked, not daring to assume anything. He didn’t want to get hurt again.

“Namjoon,” you said so tenderly that he couldn’t help but reach for you. His hands rested on either side of your face, his thumbs caressing your cheeks softly as he waited for you to continue. “I want to be with you.”

“Then why did you leave?” he asked, his voice unrecognizable to him. He had never sounded so dejected to his own ears before. 

“I was scared,” you admitted. “Namjoon,” you whispered as if you were letting him in on a secret, “I like you.”

He felt his smile stretch into a soft smile as he whispered back, “Shush, don’t let anyone hear you.”

You pulled away, glaring at him as you hit his chest for laughing. “I’m serious!”

You gasped when he pulled you against him, the humor gone from his eyes. It was replaced by something dark that both excited and scared you. “Are you?” he asked, his face inches away from him. She loved being this close to him. The feeling of his warm body against her, his spicy cologne, his hot breath… It was like he was all she could think of. She had never felt an attraction like this before. “Tell me something serious, then, doll,” he said, his eyes staring intensely into your own, “If I told you that I liked you from the moment I saw you, that I might be in love with you, that I want to marry you and have kids with you, that I want to grow old with you, would that scare you enough to run away again?”

You felt a very strong emotion hit you in your chest at his confession. “No,” you said. “I never want to run away again.” 

“Are you sure?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “I’m giving you a chance to leave. Go and we will forget this happened but if you stay, you stay forever. This isn’t a one-time thing.”

You felt tears pool in your eyes as you stared at him. “I don’t want this to be a one-time thing. It was never a one-time thing for me.”

“It won’t be easy.”

“I know,” you agreed. “Now shut up and kiss me again.”

He didn’t need any more encouragement. He brought your face up, making you go on your toes, and smashed your lips against his. You reached for his T-shirt, pulling it towards you so that there was no space between you. Taking his bottom lip in yours and sucking on it, you put your hands in his hair. He moaned against your lips, grabbing your hips and pushing you onto the top of the studio table. 

Pushing your head back, he attacked your neck with aggressive little kisses, littering it with love bites. You threw your head back and moaned when his thumb came to play with your hardened nipples through your blouse. You rolled your hips against his pelvis. He growled when you rubbed yourself against his hard length, grabbing your jaw and kissing you breathlessly. 

You pulled his shirt over the top of his head, and all conscience flew out the window when his hard chest and ripped muscles came into view. You passed a hand through his chest, staring at him lustfully. You had seen him shirtless on multiple occasions but this was the first time you had let yourself openly stare at him. 

But he had other plans. He pushed your blouse open, a few buttons flying off, making you gasp. “Fuck, you make me wanna do bad things to you,” he confessed as he fondled your breasts roughly. They always drove him up the wall. He took one of the nipples in his mouth, nipping on it. You humped against him helplessly, whimpering with need.  

“Do them,” you said, “God, do bad things then.” 

“Fuck, I will fucking ruin you,” he said, turning you around and pulling your pants off your legs. He released a string of curses when he saw how wet you were, rubbing his covered length against your dripping core. You moaned, and the rough texture of the cloth felt amazing against your clit. He grabbed both your hands and held them behind your back as he continued rubbing against you. He pushed your legs apart wider and pressed harder against the bundle of nerves. 

You whined, gasping out his name. He loved that. He loved hearing you sound so broken with need. “Yes, baby? Something you need?” He asked. His voice was so sweet, nobody would be able to guess just how he was torturing you. 

“Fuck me!” You begged. “Please!”

“Fuck you?” He asked, almost condescendingly. “Fuck you where? Here?” He asked, pressing his fingers against your dripping hole. 

“Yes!” You screamed out, pushing your hips back. You needed him inside you. But he didn’t give in. He simply pressed the flat of his palm against your core, letting you rut against his hand till you felt your legs shiver as you came, crying his name. 

He suddenly decided that this was the perfect time to end your torture. He turned you around and pushed your legs up to your chest. He unbuckled his belt and pulled his throbbing cock out. Without wasting any more time, he speared the precum all over the tip, taking a packet of condom out and wrapping it over his length before pushing it inside you. 

You screamed in absolute bliss. He was so big that there was barely any space to move. He bent over you for a moment, giving you a long kiss. “I love you,” he confessed. 

“God, I love you, too,” you said before he pulled all the way out and pushed back in. He continued slowly but deeply thrusting into you before he decided the foreplay was over. 

He grabbed your hips, got on his feet again, and started pounding into you. He loved the little screams of pleasure that you were making as he fucked your tiny hole. You pushed your legs further apart, feeling light-headed from the pleasure. You completely let go, staring at him as he worked his body. Sweat dripped down his forehead, to his exposed chest as he moved his pelvis back and forth quite forcefully. You closed your eyes and groaned when he hit your spot. “Right there,” you gasped, losing yourself to the various sensations that he was subjecting you to. “I’m about to cum!”

He moaned when he felt you clench around him. He was so close. “Fuck,” he cursed when you came around his dick. It was enough to push him over the edge. With your name on his lips, he finished inside you, shooting rope after rope of cum inside the condom. 

You both lay there for a moment, just catching your breath. When you looked at each other again, you both knew you made the right decision. 

—

“So, we are dating,” you announced to the boys as their leader sat next to you, holding your hand in his. He smiled at you reassuringly when you looked his way. You were nervous, to say the least. You knew that the boys, especially Jin and Yoongi, weren't a fan of the two of you getting together but you both had decided. You were going to date, come what may. 

You weren’t going to let the society or media decide what you should or should not do. Nobody should be made to choose between their career and love. If you succumb to the system now, people after you will have to do the same. Someone had to make it stop. 

To your surprise, both of them shook their heads, chuckling softly. “I’m so glad that you are,” Jin said. “This man was insufferable in your absence.”

“You aren’t mad?” Namjoon asked, clearly taken aback. “I thought you didn’t approve.”

“We didn’t approve of you two hooking up,” Yoongi said. “But that doesn’t mean we are against love. We understand.”

The minute they both confirmed that they were fine, everyone visibly relaxed. “Well, about time!” Taehyung commented. 

“Seriously, hyung was being such a dick!” Jungkook complained. 

“Okay, that’s enough!” Namjoon said. “Y/N has a lot of work to do. She has to go now.”

“I do?” You asked, eyes sparkling with mischief. 

“Yes, you do,” he said, looking at you pointedly. 

You bit your lip to hide the smile that was creeping up on your face. You loved it when he used that voice on you. You wanted him to talk to you like that while he was nested in between your legs. There was something seriously wrong with you. You just had sex. You couldn’t possibly want him again. 

“Ew,” Jimin said, watching the two of you flirting with each other. “It’s like watching your parents have sex,” he added with a shudder. 

“You know what?” Your boyfriend turned to Jimin, looking ready to fight him.

Corruption Kink (Namjoon)

Anon asks: Namjoon and corruption kink 👀 how does that sound? Wanna give it a try? 😋 (please do 🥺)

Thank your for requesting Anon!

Warnings: Female reader, smut, corruption kink, 

Word Count: 457 

nsfw below the cut!

Keep reading

Two Years

↬ pairing: husband!Namjoon x wife!Reader

↬ genre: fluff, expecting parents au, parents au

↬ summary: After two years of trying to conceive, Y/n is elated to find out she and her husband Namjoon are going to be parents

↬ wc: 11.4k

↬ warnings: mention of weight/weight gain, periods, ttc, pregnancy, ultrasounds, pregnancy, minor mention of possible miscarriage, anxious parents-to-be, IV mention, hospital mention, breastfeeding

↬ date: December 15, 2018

Pacing back and forth on the small bathroom floor, ___ waited the agonizing three minutes to pass so she could look at the pregnancy test she had just taken that now sat on the bathroom counter. She bit her lip as she ran her fingers through her hair, tugging at the ends of it. Namjoon would be home any minute, and she wanted the results before he came barreling through the door and caught her.

She had stopped taking pregnancy tests when Namjoon was home; hated the look of disappointment and sadness that would appear on his face whenever the test result was negative. She had taken so many without his knowledge and she just wanted to protect him from the negative result. Every negative test made her heartache. She shook her head to clear those thoughts out of her head.

She didn’t know what to expect from this test. She hadn’t been showing any symptoms other than a period that was nine days late, but she had periods more than a week late and still got a negative test result or her period later on. A heavy sigh left her lips as she saw there was only one minute left before she could look, though her hopes were extremely low.

___ wanted nothing more than to surprise Namjoon for their second marriage anniversary today. She had dinner in the oven and her present for her husband, but she hoped she could give him what they both wanted; a family.

She bit the nail of her thumb as she counted down the last five seconds on her phone. She took a deep breath that got caught in her throat when she reached to grab the test, only to knock it down on the floor. Quickly, she bent to pick it up and had to clutch onto the bathroom counter to not fall when she read the word ‘positive’.

She sat down on the closed lid of the toilet as she placed her hand over her mouth, only to let out a body-shaking sob. Happy tears flowed freely from her eyes. She couldn’t believe it! She grabbed the second test from the counter and read the word ‘positive’ again. Holding both tests in her hands, a smile broke through her tears. Her hand instantly went to her stomach as her smile grew larger.

Walking out of the bathroom with her tests, she went to the bedroom she shared with her husband and took out a slender, green gift box with a gold bow. She opened it and placed her tests inside just as she heard her husband open the front door and call out for her.

“I’m in the room! Don’t come in! I’m wrapping your present!” She called back and Namjoon halted in the hallway. He had already smelt the delicious dinner his wife had made for tonight, and he was just eager to wrap his arms around her and kiss her. He had missed her all day while he was at work and now he couldn’t wait to kiss her and give his present to her.

In the bedroom, ___ was wiping away her tears with the tissues she kept on the nightstand. She checked her appearance in the mirror on the wall and rubbed off the mascara that had run. She tried to make her eyes less puffy, but she knew Namjoon would be able to tell she had been crying, regardless. _____ threw the tissue in the bin and reapplied her red lipstick, adjusting her dress afterward. She walked over to her king-sized bed and grabbed both gift boxes off the mattress and walked out into the hallway, where her handsome husband was leaning against the wall, smiling at her.

“Baby,” Namjoon smiled as she walked up to him. He looked her up and down, appreciating the way her red body-con dress hugged every curve of her body, her heels clicking on the tile. “You look amazing,” he breathes, taking her in fully.

Thanking him, she kisses his cheek, and he notices her puffy eyes. “Were you crying?” he asks, his thumb grazing her cheek softly.

“It’s because of the present I’m giving you,” ___ replies. Namjoon smiles at his wife, taking her hand in his and raising it to his lips, pressing them to her hand then leading her to the dining table. He pulls out a chair for her and she sits down before he pushes it in.

“I know we should have dinner first, but seeing you like this makes me wonder just what the present can be,” he says, a wishful twinkle in his eye.

“I’m too excited to wait, so just this once we can do presents before dinner,” she obliges as she hands over the green box with the gold bow. Namjoon places a quick kiss on her forehead, taking the box and sitting in the chair next to hers. His fingers tremble slightly in eagerness as he lifts the lid of the slender box, her breath catching in her throat once again as she watches her husband set the lid down and gasp.

“___, is this real?” Namjoon asks, shocked. His eyes leaving the positive tests to look at his wife’s smiling face, new tears running down her cheeks.

“Oh, baby!” he shouts, tears now spilling free from his eyes as he stands, setting the box on the oak table gently and pulling his wife to her feet to embrace her. His chest filled with elation, a smile breaking free as happy tears continue to fall from both of their eyes. Namjoon pulls his wife closer, a hand placed on her stomach gently as he kisses the top of her head and then her lips.

“A baby,” Namjoon whispers into his wife’s hair, the smile on his face starting to hurt his cheeks, but he couldn’t care less. After two years of trying, his wife was finally pregnant with their first child.

“We’re having a baby, ___!” Namjoon cheered and lifted her to spin her around, her giggles filling the air before tapping Namjoon. “The baby, Joon,” she reminds him. He apologizes and sets her back down.

“I’m just so excited, ___! We need to call the doctor and set up appointments. Do you need more prenatal vitamins? Should we start working on the nursery? Should we call our parents? Or should I call the guys? What should our theme be for the baby shower?” Namjoon asked, his eyes glowing as he sat you down on a chair.

“Easy, easy.” His wife laughed at his excitement, gently caressing his hands.

“I’ll call the doctor in the morning to set up an appointment so they can confirm the pregnancy and we can go from there. Let’s wait to tell our parents until the doctor confirms. We can worry about the rest once the doctor confirms our pregnancy,” ___ states and pulls Namjoon into a kiss that he gladly returns.

“I love you so much,” he whispers and kisses her temple softly.

The next morning, the sound of the alarm wakes Namjoon and ___. Groaning, she rubs her eyes before she sits up, looking at the time on the alarm clock. 7:45 a.m.

“Why so early?” She asks Namjoon, who smiles and gets out of bed to get ready for work. “Your doctor’s office opens in fifteen minutes. I wanted to make sure we could get an appointment before I head off to work,” Namjoon explains as he changes out of his sleeping clothes into his slacks and a button-down shirt.

___ reached for the crackers Namjoon had placed on her nightstand the night before and began munching on one as her first bout of nausea hit her. “I don’t know if I should thank you for preparing the crackers for me or be mad at you for jinxing me. I have had no nausea until today, Namjoon,” she sighs heavily and grabs her phone to see she still has a few more minutes until the office opens.

She pulls the covers off of her body and walks over to the mirror, feeling her husband’s eyes on her the entire time. She lifts her shirt and turns to the side, studying her stomach only to realize it still looks the same as yesterday before she took the tests. “It’s only been fourteen hours since you found out, babe. It’s not gonna show just yet,” Namjoon teases, his arms wrapping around his wife, his hands placed gently on her lower tummy.

“I know. I’m just nervous and excited. I can’t wait for the doctor to confirm.” She muses and Namjoon leans down to place a soft kiss on her shoulder and then her neck. Her natural scent filling his nose as he sighs contently.

“I’ve never been happier, ___. You’ve made me the happiest man in the world,” Namjoon whispers, his kisses trailing from her neck to her shoulder.

She turns around, kissing his lips softly, her fingers in his hair. Namjoon moans softly before pulling away and looking at the clock on the wall. “Time to call babe.”

___ grabs her phone off the nightstand and unlocks it, scrolling through her contacts to find the name of her doctor. Once she found Dr. Garcia on her phone, she hit call and waited for someone to answer. On the third ring, the medical assistant answered, and she greeted her happily.

“Good morning. This is ___ Kim. I was calling to make an appointment with Dr. Garcia to confirm my pregnancy.” Namjoon hears ___ on the phone and smiles widely, dimples on display.

“We can get you in on Tuesday, next week,” the medical assistant replies after typing on her computer for a few seconds.

“What time would you like? I have 10:00 a.m and 2:30 p.m. available,” she states and ___ quickly looks up at Namjoon, who motions for 10 a.m. on his fingers.

“10:00 a.m. is fine, thank you,” she states, and the medical assistant books her appointment and says her goodbyes.

“We’re all set!” She relays to Namjoon, pulling him into a hug.

“I can tell the guys I’m going to have to be late for practice, but I’m sure they’ll understand. What are you going to do today while I’m working?” Namjoon asks as he takes your hand and leads you to the kitchen to start breakfast.

“I need to work on my novel and then clean up the house a little,” she replies, sitting on a barstool watching as her husband takes eggs out of the refrigerator and starts cooking for them both.

“How’s it going so far?” Namjoon asks, cracking the eggs and frying them on the pan he had placed on the hot stove.

“I need to have three chapters by the end of the month so that Ashley can read it before finalizing it,” His wife explains, and he nods, as he places two slices of bread in the toaster and the eggs on a plate.

“Do you want orange juice or apple? Have you taken your vitamin?” Namjoon asks, his wife shaking her head as she walks to the cabinet to get her vitamins.

“I can’t wait till Tuesday,” Namjoon hums and watches his wife take her vitamin.

Tuesday morning’s filled with excitement and nerves for both Namjoon and his wife. They’re both up early getting dressed, Namjoon reminding his friends he won’t make it to dance practice and he’ll explain why after the appointment.

“It’s going to be okay, ____. I promise,” Namjoon tries to reassure his nervous wife as they check in to the doctor’s office and sit in the hard green, plastic chairs in the freezing waiting room. They’ve arrived fifteen minutes early, and the wait is making his wife more nervous and more nauseous.

“What if the tests were wrong, Namjoon?” She asks, wringing her hands in her lap, then wiping the bead of sweat that had formed on her forehead.

“Have you gotten your period?” Namjoon asks, and his wife shakes her head.

“Then there’s still a chance, love. We’ll know soon enough,” he reassures her, placing a soft kiss on the top of her head. He’s trying to control his shaking leg to put on a strong, confident front for his wife, not wanting to show his worry. He takes in a deep breath and hopes the doctor will hurry.

Twenty minutes later, the couple sees the door leading to the examination rooms open, and a nurse calls, “Mr. and Mrs. Kim, please come in.”

Namjoon grabs a hold of his wife’s hand and she squeezes it as he leads her through the door.

“Such a pleasure to see you again, Mrs. Kim. If you’d please step on the scale so we can get your height and weight,” the nurse instructs and she does as she’s told, handing her purse to her husband as she steps on the scale and the nurse records her results.

“If you’ll follow me to room two, a nurse shall be here in a few moments,” the nurse says, and gathers the charts to lead Mr. and Mrs. Kim to room number two. The nurse leaves once she places the charts on the basket on the door and shuts it after her.

___ is staring at the health posters on the wall, while Namjoon sits in a chair and stares at the door waiting for the next nurse to appear. A rather soft knock’s heard shortly and a voice calls, “Mrs. Kim, may I come in?”

“Yes,” comes the reply the nurse hears, and the door opens and shuts as the nurse comes in and takes a seat on the rolling chair.

“Reason for your visit, Mrs. Kim?” The nurse asks after she introduces herself as nurse Linda.

“I took two pregnancy tests last week and we want to confirm,” ___ replies. Namjoon nods in agreement.

“Any other symptoms you have had? Missed period? Nausea? Tenderness of the breasts? Fatigue? Headaches? Bleeding?” Linda asks, going down the list in the chart she’s looking at and ____ lists the symptoms she’s experienced so far.

“Great! We’ll get you in the bathroom down the hall and we can go from there,” Linda states and motions for Mrs. Kim to follow her, leaving Namjoon waiting in the room.

A few minutes later, she returns to the room telling her husband that it could take a few minutes for the urine exam to be done and then they would have the option of a blood test if it did not confirm the results of their desire.

Nurse Linda comes into the room, a bright smile on her face. “Congratulations! Your results are positive! You’re pregnant!” She exclaims. Namjoon is the first to react, pulling his wife into a tight hug.

“The doctor will meet you in just a few moments to tell you how to set up your next appointment and the process from here on out. It was so good seeing both of you and congratulations once again,” Nurse Linda states, shaking their hand and leaving the room.

The Kims wait for the doctor and talk to her for a few minutes before setting up their appointment for their eight-week ultrasound.

Namjoon takes his wife back home, kissing her lips as soon as they make it through the door. “Namjoon,” she breathes, and his lips are on hers again, his hand gently caressing her cheek.

“I love you so much, ___. We did it! We actually did it!” he shouts, his dimpled smile on display, his lips planting a quick kiss on his wife’s cheek.

“Do you want me to make you something for lunch before I head to dance practice? I’m working from home after, but you, me, and the baby can get dinner,” he suggests and ___ nods, telling him to get to practice and she’ll take care of lunch for herself and their unborn child. With a quick peck, Namjoon is out the door with his workout bag and keys in hand, calling out a ‘love you’ as the door shuts behind him.

“Welcome back, Mrs. Kim,” ___’s welcomed as she walks through the door of her doctor’s office, Namjoon’s hand in hers.

“Thank you,” she replies as she stands on the scale for the nurse to record her weight. Namjoon and his wife follow the nurse to the examination room to wait for the doctor.

“If you could change into this please,” the nurse hands ___ a paper gown and exits the room. Namjoon helps his wife change out of her clothes and into the gown, setting her clothes on the table next to him on top of the outdated magazines. He then helps ___ onto the examination table and holds her hand until the doctor walks in and greets them.

“Hello, ___ and Namjoon! It’s so good to see you, especially under these conditions!” she exclaims and shakes the couple’s hands before taking a seat and going through the charts, asking questions, and jotting down the answers clearly so that they can get stored digitally for future reference.

“We’re going to do an ultrasound to determine your due date and we’ll be able to print some images for you as well. If you’ll give us a few minutes to get the equipment ready, we’ll be back soon,” Dr. Garcia states, and thanks to them as she walks out of the room to track down an ultrasound technician.

It isn’t long before the equipment is ready and Namjoon is standing next to his wife, who’s clutching his hand tightly, nervously waiting to see her baby.

Minutes later, Namjoon and his wife able to see their baby on the screen for the first time.

“It looks like a little bean!” ___ exclaimed, tears running down her face as she stared in awe at her child on the screen. Namjoon squeezed her hand in both of his and brought them to his lips, planting a warm kiss on them. Tears flowed freely from his eyes, excitement and love bubbling in his stomach, filling his chest with pure elation. He wasn’t sure this moment would ever happen after trying for years, and he thanked everything in the universe for finally letting him experience this moment for the first time with the love of his life.

“Our baby,” he whispered, kissing his wife’s forehead and looking back at the screen. The technician smiled at the happy couple, then hit a button on the screen. The sound of the baby’s heartbeat filled the room, and the couple cried even more. Looking at each other with tear-stained faces and kissing, expressing all their emotions with that one kiss.

The technician gave them some time to themselves and began printing their images, allowing the doctor to fill them in on all their findings.

The couple paid close attention to what the doctor said, and they’re disappointed in knowing their next ultrasound wouldn’t be until ____ reached eighteen weeks, which seemed so far away now that she was eight weeks and two days.

The happy couple left the doctor’s office, elated to have proof of their child in their hands. They got into their car and drove home, where they had gathered their friends and family to announce their pregnancy.

They gathered all their family and friends in their home and greeted them happily once they walked through the door. Although the couple had kept their conceiving a secret, both had continuously gotten asked when they would start a family. The questions only became more frequent when they got married. Now that it had been two years of marriage and still no baby, the questions came up in almost every conversation. Annoying as it may have been, it also made ____ uncomfortable because they had been trying to conceive for two years and it had made her anxious and disappointed with every negative test she had taken over the course of those twenty-four months. Nobody knew of their struggle and ___ made it a point to not ask anybody when or if they wanted kids. It was rude and just not anyone’s business but their own.

“We asked you all to come here because we have an announcement we would like to share with our dear family and friends,” Namjoon began, looking around the room and seeing his parents smiling. His dad sent him a wink.

Namjoon chuckled and held his wife’s hand, raising the ultrasound picture in the air.

“____ is pregnant!” Namjoon announced, and the house filled with cheers and clapping. Family and friends rushed to hug and congratulate the happy couple and wish them nothing but health and happiness in the new chapter of their lives.

“Way to go, man! I’m glad it finally happened!” Jimin congratulated Namjoon, who had an enormous smile on his face. He pulled Jimin into a hug as the rest of his brothers came over to hug him as well. Namjoon looked across the room at his wife, who was radiating happiness as her family hugged and kissed her.

Everything was perfect.

“Namjoon! Namjoon! Wake up!” he heard his wife’s piercing voice rouse him from his slumber, the urgency in her voice causing his eyes to pop open and sit up.

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong? Is it the baby? Are you hurt? Is something wrong with the baby? ___ answer me, please!” he cried as he looked at his wife standing across the room.

“Come here!” she urged, and Namjoon hopped off the bed, tripping on the blanket that had tangled around his feet before he ran over to his wife to inspect her and make sure there was no blood on the floor or her legs.

“No, we’re fine! Look at my tummy! I’m finally showing, Namjoon!” ___ blurts out, a smile on her face and tears in her eyes.

Namjoon looks at his wife’s stomach, seeing the tiny bump that had appeared almost overnight. His dimples became very prominent on his face as he smiled, placing his hand on his wife’s stomach to rub it tenderly. He got down to his knees and pulled her closer to him by the back of her thighs, ___ still looking at her bump in the mirror.

“I love you, little Joonie,” Namjoon whispered to his baby in his wife’s belly, placing soft kisses on her skin. ___ looked down at her husband, smiling warmly at him. She felt so loved and joyful. She felt overwhelmed by the amount of love she already felt for her unborn child. _____ wiped away her tears, reminding her husband of their upcoming appointment with the doctor the following week. They would—hopefully—see if their baby was a boy or a girl.

The days passed quickly and before they knew it; they were sitting in the examination room once again, with the doctor fiddling with the ultrasound machine.

“Would you like to know your baby’s sex?” Dr. Garcia asked, looking at the screen to confirm and then at the happy couple sitting a few feet from her. She watched them look at each other and nod before answering yes.

“Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Kim! You’re having a girl!” Dr. Garcia announced, and the couple embraced each other in a hug and a quick peck on the lips. With their ultrasound images and their knowledge of their baby’s sex, the couple left the office happily holding hands, eager to call their family and friends to share the news.

“We can work on the nursery and call our families while we work on setting up the dresser and doing laundry,” ___ suggests and Namjoon shakes his head. “We need to paint the room first before we put anything in. I know you’re wanting to get started, but why don’t we head to the store to get some clothes and paint for her nursery,” Namjoon suggests instead and his wife smiles, kissing his lips softly before urging him to get in the car so they can get started on shopping.

At the store, Namjoon pushes the shopping cart towards the aisles of baby items, allowing ____ to pick out anything she wants while he stays nearby looking for outfits for his daughter. He picks out a lilac dress and shows it to his wife. “Like it?”

“Do you think we should do the nursery lilac?” she asks, placing the dress in the cart and looking at Namjoon, who smiles and agrees. The couple continues shopping before they head over to the paint department to look at the various shades of purple they can choose from.

Before long, the couple chooses the perfect shade for their daughter and Namjoon sends a message to his brothers asking if any of them would give up a Saturday to paint his daughter’s nursery.

“It’s a girl!” messages fill his screen, and he chuckles as he shows his wife. She smiles and hands over the ultrasound image to Namjoon so he can send a picture to his brothers. They all agree to show up on Saturday to paint the nursery, putting ___ at ease.

Hours later, Namjoon was pulling his wife onto his lap, wrapping his arms around her waist. “You need to rest, ___. You’ve been on your feet for hours. Let me finish the laundry and you can prop your feet up and pick a movie for us to watch.”

“But I need to fold it and hang up some of it on those teeny, little hangers we bought!” she whines and Namjoon shakes his head, smiling. “I can do it, babe. She’s my baby too and I’m going to put away her clothes and you are gonna stay on this couch and rest,” Namjoon demands, and his wife nods, placing her feet on the couch and laying on her side.

“Don’t take too long,” she pleads, and Namjoon kisses her cheeks before standing up and going to finish the laundry.

It’s not long before Namjoon finishes his baby girl’s laundry and joins his wife on the couch. She beams at her husband when he kneels in front of her, his large hands placed on her baby bump, rubbing soothing circles on her skin. “You look so beautiful and radiant, babe. I love you so much,” Namjoon whispers, his eyes meeting hers as a pink tint covers her cheeks. Namjoon smirks, loving the way his words have made his dear wife smile.

His attention’s drawn back to her middle, where his child is currently growing inside the love of his life. He scoots closer, his knees meeting the couch as he gently traces a line down his wife’s round abdomen. “I love you, little Joonie. Your momma and I can’t wait to meet you, hold you, and love you so much. You’re going to grow up big and strong, as pretty as your momma, but hopefully with my ability to sing instead of your mother’s.”

“Joon!” ___ exclaims, a giggle slipping from her lips as her angry facade falls apart. Namjoon looks up at his wife and smiles innocently, his attention back on his child after he winks at his wife. His hand is rubbing circles into his wife’s skin. He softly hums his favorite song to his child, not noticing his wife has teared up.

She’s so overwhelmed with emotions, from happiness to sadness. She’s ecstatic to see Namjoon interacting with their unborn child, but can’t help the tug at her chest at the fact that it had taken two years to give him the opportunity. They had begun to consider a specialist; they were eager to start a family and weren’t sure why it wasn’t happening. They knew people could struggle for years trying to conceive, and that dimmed her hopes more. Now here she was, finally pregnant and watching her husband dote on her child. She couldn’t wait to see Namjoon holding their daughter in his arms, rocking her to sleep, and kissing her tiny little hands and feet.

“Baby? Why are you crying?” Namjoon’s voice brought her out of her reverie. She let out a choked laugh, wiping her tears and shaking her head from side to side. “I’m just so happy!”

Namjoon stroked his wife’s hands, smiling at her as he brought it to his lips and kissed it softly.

Saturday rolled around quicker than expected, and ___ had woken up by the doorbell and Namjoon’s voice hissing, “I told you to call when you were here, not ring the doorbell.”

___ heard footsteps pass by her closed bedroom door as she got out of bed and walked out of her room to see who upset her husband. Her feet led her down the hall to the room Namjoon and she had chosen for the nursery. She took a peek inside and saw Namjoon’s six brothers apologizing and looking around the empty room—the supplies and paint sitting in a corner.

Namjoon turned to face his wife, a sheepish smile on his face as his brothers apologized for waking her. She waved her hand in dismissal, thanking them for giving up their Saturday to paint their niece’s room.

“We’ve got this, babe. Why don’t you call your sister and head on out? I don’t want you breathing in these fumes or upsetting your stomach. The morning sickness finally tapered off,” Namjoon states. ____ nods in agreement, looking at the three white walls and the nook with the window that held the view of the backyard and the forest just behind their picket white fence. They had chosen this room for their daughter because when she was older, she could sit and look out into the forest or watch the thunderstorms in her cozy room.

With a kiss goodbye to Namjoon and a wave to his brothers, ___ was off with her sister to make plans for her baby shower in two months.

___ returned home that evening, shopping bags in hand. As soon as she crossed the threshold, seven good-looking men were taking them out of her hands, scolding her for over-exerting herself. She laughed, rolling her eyes, and walked towards her husband. “You’ve got them acting like you now.” Namjoon’s face burned red, earning a laugh from his brothers as they took the bags to the couple’s bedroom.

“Were you able to get much done?” ___ asked, knowing the seven men often got distracted by one another goofing around.

“We finished actually,” Namjoon surprised his wife, earning a bright grin.

“Really?”

“Yes. We have to re-coat it tomorrow, but I can do that on my own,” Namjoon explained, and she nodded, his brothers coming back into the living room.

“Like hell, you will,” Hoseok stated and Namjoon rolled his eyes, sighing.

“You don’t have to give up your entire weekend, guys.”

“She is our niece, and we will be here tomorrow to help. We’re not discussing this further, right guys?” Hoseok asked, the rest of the brothers nodding in agreement. ____ had tears in her eyes. She was so fortunate her daughter would be born into a family with so much love. She felt the hot tears roll down her face and Namjoon’s brothers froze, Jimin coming over to wrap his arms around her and rubbing her back to soothe her.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he whispered, his hands moving in circles as Namjoon walked over and kissed her head.

“I’m just so happy,” ___ cried, laughing and wiping her tears with her hands. Jungkook handed her a tissue, and she thanked him.

“There’s no need to cry, ____. We’ve got food coming, and you can pick what movie we watch,” Jin stated as he walked over to her and moved Jimin out of his way so he could hug her and lead her to the couch.

The rest of the men joined in after and the food arrived shortly. They spent the rest of the night eating takeout and watching the Rush Hour movies.

“Namjoon!” came the cry months later, a startled Namjoon getting tangled in the sheets as he jumped out of bed to find his wife in their master bedroom, crying. He walked over and knelt in front of her as she tugged at fabric in her hands.

“It doesn’t fit!” she whined, pulling at the fabric, trying to stretch it further. Namjoon chuckled at his wife’s antics and kissed her lips softly.

“What am I going to do? Jungkook will be here in an hour and I have nothing to wear now! The maternity photoshoot’s ruined, Joon!” his wife cried. Namjoon shook his head, standing to walk to their shared closet. His eyes scanned the floor, and he found the blue bag with the silver script he had bought last week when he had gone out shopping with Hoseok and Taehyung.

“I got you this as a backup,” Namjoon explained, handing the blue bag to his seven-month pregnant wife, who was still sat on the closed toilet lid, crying.

He watched as she opened the bag, moving the gift tissue out of the way to reveal a lilac maternity dress. It was sheer enough to show off her bump, a slit in the middle to show off her bump and velcro to close it if she didn’t want to show too much. It was long, made of organza material. Under the dress lay a lilac headband with flowers, a pair of silver sandals, and an anklet with a tiny heart dangling from it.

“This is perfect! You’re the best husband in the entire world!” His wife cheered while he beamed proudly, kissing her lips, his hand stroking her cheek delicately.

“Get ready. I’ll make my girls something to eat,” he said, leaving his wife to get dressed as he headed for the kitchen.

His hands moved quickly as he prepared a simple dinner of macaroni and cheese, which is all his wife and daughter had been craving the past few days. A soft knock had him setting down the plate in his hand as he walked to the door, looking in the peephole to see a black bucket hat and a bright smile on the other side.

“Jungkook! Come in, man!” Namjoon greeted his youngest brother. Jungkook walked in, a camera around his neck and a large black bag in one of his hands.

“Taehyung will join us shortly, he’s going to help,” Jungkook explained, setting his bag down in the dining area.

“____ is getting ready and I need her to eat before we’re on our way,” Namjoon replied. Jungkook nodded.

“We have plenty of time until sunset. We can do a few shots before it sets and the rest during. I want to get her most wanted poses during the sunset,” Jungkook said and Namjoon nodded in agreement.

Minutes later, ___ walked into the dining area to greet Jungkook and eat her dinner. She went back to her bathroom to brush her teeth and grab her bag before joining the men at the front door.

Jungkook drove to the location they had agreed on, and they saw Taehyung waving at them, a smile on his face.

“Hi guys!” he greeted the group and gave ___ a cautious hug, which caused her to chuckle.

“Let’s get you guys started by standing there with those flowers behind you,” Jungkook instructed the couple.

Taehyung watched from the side as he saw Jungkook instructing the couple on poses and talking about the lighting and how the sunset would cast shadows.

The couple posed together for several pictures before it was time for ___ to be by herself. She bit her lip in anxiousness, wondering if the men cared to see so much of her skin. Of course, they had all seen her in a bathing suit, but this time it was her seven-month baby bump and some of her underwear.

“I’m a professional, _____. There’s nothing I’ve not shot before!” Jungkook called, noticing the way his sister-in-law was fidgeting with her lilac dress. He worried that if she didn’t have the confidence she needed, the sun would be long gone, and they’d have to reschedule.

Namjoon walked over to his wife, his hands placed on her face, her eyes meeting his. He kissed her lips gently, allowing her to stop him. She didn’t. She allowed him to kiss her until he pulled away to breathe in deeply.

“Babe, you look absolutely gorgeous. You’re glowing! You’re growing our child and you look amazing doing it! I know how badly you wanted these shots, and Jungkook is ready to do them, love. It’s only for a short while. He and Taehyung are professionals. Hell, Jungkook’s done boudoir shoots; seeing his niece in your tummy will not affect him any. We all love you. I promise you look breathtakingly beautiful. I wouldn’t lie to you,” Namjoon states, his hand on his wife’s stomach, waiting for her to open her dress.

She hesitates, Namjoon noticing right away. He drops to his knees in front of her, his lips kissing her stomach through the sheer fabric. She looks down at her husband, a small smile appearing on her face, unaware that her brothers-in-law capture the sweet moment.

Seeing Namjoon being so loving gives her the courage to open her dress, allowing Namjoon’s lips to kiss her baby bump. Jungkook is snapping away, instructing Taehyung to walk behind ___ to pull on the tail of her dress so it’ll look like it’s flowing behind her as he snaps some more shots.

After Taehyung does as he’s told, he waits for Jungkook’s next instructions as his youngest brother takes shots of ____ by herself. Jungkook walks over to his sister-in-law, having her raise the heel of her foot, her leg bent slightly, both hands on her stomach, her head tilted back slightly and her eyes closed. He takes the shot, then has her move her head down, before snapping the next shot and moving her to the next position. He’s trying not to make the mother of his niece too uncomfortable by moving her into the right positions and making sure he gets every shot as the sun nearly disappears.

“One more and we’ll call it a day!” Jungkook exclaims, the last sliver of sunlight about to slip away. Namjoon joins his wife, his hands forming a heart on her belly, her hands holding little lilac booties. Jungkook snaps the last shot and gives them a thumbs up. ____ closes her dress, and Namjoon places a kiss on the top of her head as they walk to join his brothers.

“That was a great shoot!” Taehyung praises, causing Jungkook to beam.

“I’ll get you guys home and then I’ll start working on these,” Jungkook states, waving at Taehyung as he gets in his car.

It’s not long until the couple is back home, Namjoon rubbing his wife’s belly, planting soft kisses on her skin. He’s absolutely in love with the way her body has grown to accommodate his child, how beautiful she looks, and how lucky he is to be experiencing this with her.

On a particular kiss, Namjoon feels something hit his cheek. He pulls back, eyes wide as he hears his wife’s giggle from above.

“She kicked you,” she laughs, her hand covering her mouth as her laughs rock her body. Namjoon grins widely, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes as he gently taps the spot he had just kissed. Another soft movement makes his finger move, and he can’t help the tears of joy that roll down his cheek as his dimpled smile makes an appearance.

“I finally felt it! She’s been kicking you for weeks without me around and now I’ve finally felt it! Little Joonie is going to be an amazing soccer player! I just know it!” Namjoon thrilled, causing his wife to laugh harder as she shook her head at her overzealous husband.

“She’s not even here yet and you’re already having high expectations for her!” she chastised her husband, who kept smiling and talking about how she’ll be part of the South Korean soccer team.

Namjoon ignores his wife’s chastisement and rubs his hand on her stomach, hoping to feel his child’s movement once again.

“Come on, Little Joonie. Move for daddy! You can do it!” he encouraged, but nothing happened. Laughing, she felt the baby move within her, but the baby’s movements weren’t that obvious to Namjoon, who pouted.

“You’ll feel her again, babe,” His wife reassured, and he nodded, pulling her close to his chest to plant a kiss on her lips.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you as a wife and mother of my child, but I am so thankful. You’ve done nothing but make me happy and give me the greatest gift I could have ever asked for. I love you, ___. You and baby Joonie,” he coos, his hand drawing little patterns on his wife’s stomach.

“Baby Joonie and I love you too.”

“You know, had you asked us earlier, we could have been here hours ago.” Yoongi proclaimed, earning eye rolls from the father-to-be.

“You know how ____ is. She’s started nesting and everything has to be a certain way or it drives her off the walls,” Namjoon replies, huffing as he and Yoongi move the cooler out to the deck where Jimin and Taehyung have hung the banner with Jungkook giving them instructions on how high and which way to move it so that it’s centered.

“I don’t see how I got stuck doing this,” Hoseok whines from the opposite side of the deck, his hands struggling to tie a balloon after inflating it with the small helium tank.

“Because you trying to help me cook was a disaster,” Jin called from the buffet table he was arranging across the backyard. Hoseok sucks in the air from the balloon, his high-pitched voice cursing at the eldest brother.

“Knock it off before ____ comes back out and tears us a new one!” Namjoon exclaims, getting all his brother’s attention. Hoseok mutters something under his breath, but drops it.

___ appears on the deck moments later, a beautiful purple dress hugging her bump before it flows down to her ankles.

“I wish you would have let me make it shorter, ____. I don’t want you tripping and getting hurt,” Taehyung said, admiring his work on the dress but still apprehensive about his sister-in-law tripping and hurting herself or his niece.

“I’m fine, Tae,” his sister-in-law stated with annoyance, dismissing him and his concerns with a wave of her hand. Taehyung stuck out his tongue at her, only to be smacked on the back of the head by his older brother, Namjoon.

“Be nice to the wife,” Namjoon said, earning a smile from his wife, who turned to Taehyung and stuck her tongue out at him.

Taehyung gaped, earning laughs from all his brothers. He pouted in defeat and went off to help Hoseok, who had given up trying to tie the balloons and was just singing songs after inhaling helium.

“The party is starting soon, I hope people come,” Namjoon hears his wife express her worries out loud. She had never enjoyed hosting parties or events, the fear of nobody showing up hindering their social life now and then. He kept reassuring her that his six brothers would always be in attendance, but she still worried, regardless.

“They’ll be here, babe. They wouldn’t miss Little Joonie’s baby shower,” he soothed, his hand rubbing her arm up and down as he leaned his head down so he could be at eye level with her and helped her breathe in and out to ease the anxiety she was feeling.

“They’ll be here,” his wife repeated and went off to join her brother-in-law, Jin, at the buffet table. Namjoon watched as she grabbed a carrot off the veggie tray and bit into it before turning his attention to his brothers, trying to wrestle Hoseok away from the helium tank.

“It never ends with this one,” he muttered, making his way to his brother.

Hours later, Namjoon had his arm wrapped around his wife’s waist, smiling a dimpled smile into his youngest brother’s camera. They had taken some time for pictures before starting the games. Namjoon was glad that he and his wife had opted for a co-ed baby shower, seeing as his brothers would have insisted on coming, anyway.

Jungkook was taking pictures of the happy couple and allowing the guest to pop in for their photo-op with the expecting parents.

Off to the side, Hoseok was entertaining the guests with his rendition of Paul Anka’s, ‘Having My Baby’ which made Namjoon roll his eyes.

Hoseok’s gonna be Hoseok.

“All right, that’s enough!” Jin exclaimed, ripping the microphone out of his brother’s hand, pushing him off to the side.

“Thank you!” Namjoon called, earning a glare from a pouty Hoseok.

Jin took over, informing the guests to pair up before he announced the rules of the game. Taehyung and Jungkook formed their group, Yoongi and Jimin, leaving Hoseok with an annoyed Namjoon. The rest of the guests who wanted to join in on the fun paired up as well.

“The objective of the game is to have one partner blindfolded, while the other spoon-feeds them baby food. The person blindfolded has to guess the flavor correctly three out of four to win the game. Remember guys, our ice breaker game is still going on. Don’t get caught crossing your legs or you lose your pacifier necklace!” Jin announced, looking at every guest’s feet to see if their ankles crossed so he could get more necklaces. Although he already had most of the guests’ necklaces around his neck.

___ watched as her husband and brothers-in-law played rock, paper, scissors to see who the unlucky one would be to eat the baby food.

Much to Yoongi’s dismay, he’s blindfolded instead of Jimin. Next to him, a pouty Taehyung sat with his arms crossed, a gleeful Jungkook in front of him. Off to the side, Hoseok was glaring daggers at Namjoon, who paid him no mind.

“Let’s get started! Partners, wrap the blindfold around the person’s eyes, make sure they can’t see!” Jin called, walking by the pairs to hand out a blindfold to each team.

Yoongi stiffened as Jimin wrapped the fabric around his eyes. He was not looking forward to tasting baby food. Jin did another walkthrough to make sure everyone had a blindfold, and he had one of the guest’s hand out the baby food to the non-blindfolded partners.

“We’re going to start with my darling brother, Yoongi!” Jin smiled devilishly, earning a deep growl from his silver-haired brother. “I’m gonna strangle you, Jin,” he threatened, causing the eldest to guffaw.

“Jimin, please proceed,” Jin instructed, causing his younger brother to grin widely, an evil glint in his eyes.

Jimin opened the first jar of food, taking one spoon and placing a decent amount on the spoon before telling his older brother to open wide.

Yoongi opened his mouth, hands clutching the bottom of his chair, knuckles white, as he felt the spoon in his mouth with the baby food. He gagged, turning his head to the side to spit it out.

“Did you seriously just give me fucking peas! Seokjin, when I get my hands on you, prepare to feel my wrath!” he threatened his older brother once again. Jin’s laugh filled the air as he tallied his brother’s correct answer.

Yoongi guessed the next three foods wrong, disqualifying him and Jimin. Jimin wasn’t upset about losing, seeing as he was just glad he didn’t have to partake in eating it.

Next up were Taehyung and Jungkook, who were restlessly waiting for Jin to come around with different jars.

“Team number two! Here’s your first jar,” Jin announced to the guests, who were watching eagerly.

Jungkook opened the jar, his nose wrinkling in distaste as he scooped the food onto the spoon. “I’m sorry,” he apologized before putting the spoon in his older brother’s mouth. In an instant, his golden-haired brother was gagging worse than his silver-haired brother.

“Oh god! Oh, fuck! I can’t,” Taehyung gagged repeatedly, causing his sister-in-law to waddle over with a bottle of water. He took it appreciatively, and she walked over to her husband. “We’re not letting our baby have that one.”

“Your answer is…?” Jin prodded, once Taehyung had stopped gagging.

“I don’t know what the hell was just in my mouth. I’m sure it was poison,” Taehyung replied, dramatically earning laughs from the crowd.

“Wrong answer!” Jin exclaimed, chuckling and handing Jungkook the next jar. This time Jungkook felt more at ease as he scooped the food into the spoon and put it in his brother’s mouth.

“Still doesn’t taste good, but it’s banana,” Taehyung answered correctly, earning his team a tally mark. He got the next three guesses correctly, putting him in the lead.

Jin moved on to Hoseok and Namjoon, handing Namjoon the jar of food and waiting for Hoseok to taste it.

“Ugh! Is this the one Tae got? It tastes like shit! How come Tae got banana and I get baby poop flavor?!”

The guests laughed at his reaction, causing Hoseok to gag some more and ask for water.

“Wrong answer! The correct answer was green beans!” Jin stated, handing Namjoon the next jar of baby food.

Namjoon quickly scooped it into a spoon and shoved it into his brother’s mouth. Hoseok gagged again, turning to the side to spit and chugging a drink from his water bottle.

“What the actual fuck? ____ don’t feed your child that! That’s disgusting! What is that?” Hoseok choked out in between gags, not able to get the taste off his tongue.

“It’s ham and gravy,” Jin replied, smirking from the sidelines. How he was glad he didn’t have to play this round.

“Moving on!” Jin declared as he moved past Namjoon and Hoseok to the next team. Once he finished the game, Jin announced the winners to be the two youngest brothers, Taehyung and Jungkook. The brothers cheered, hugging and claiming their prize, two gift cards to their favorite video game store.

Namjoon walked up to his wife, his arm encircling her waist. She leaned into his embrace as he planted a kiss on her soft hair.

“Having fun, Mrs. Kim?” he asked, his eyes scanning over the smiling faces of the guests. Hoseok had taken the microphone from the eldest to host the next game, which had the guests trying to finish their drink from a baby bottle.

“This baby shower has been so amazing, Namjoon! I’m so overwhelmed with happiness and the guests actually came, and they brought so many presents for Little Joonie! And despite all the cursing, your brothers are making this hilarious,” she replied, smiling at her husband’s brothers who were sucking down their baby bottles without a care in the world. Namjoon’s chuckle filled his wife’s ears. She turned to face him and kissed him.

“Thank you,” she whispered, her head on his chest while he held her a little closer.

“For what?” he asked, puzzled.

“For everything.”

“Namjoon, we need to go now,” Namjoon heard his wife say from down the hall. His heart was racing as he took long strides to reach his wife. He held her hand, helping her put her shoes on and leading her to the door. He looked around their home, anxiety and excitement filling his chest as he realized the next time he and his wife set foot in their home, their baby girl would be with them.

“Namjoon?” His wife asked, wondering what had made her husband freeze in place. He looked down at her and kissed her lips. “This is our last time here, just us two.”

A smile appeared on his wife’s face as she, too, looked around their home one last time. Tears pricked the corner of her eyes. She wiped them away before they could fall and gave a reassuring squeeze to her husband’s hand, “let’s bring our baby home.”

Hours later, Namjoon was at his wife’s bedside, holding her hand, trying to soothe her through a contraction. They had admitted her, hooked up to machines, poked and prodded, and now her contractions were stronger and coming more often. Namjoon was doing the best he could to help his wife, but seeing her in pain made him feel terrible, no matter how many times his wife told him she was doing fine.

“Do you want me to get your mom back in here?” Namjoon asked his wife, wiping the sweat from her brow as she stared at the beeping monitors. She turned her attention to her anxious husband and smiled. “She’s just down in the cafeteria with dad. It’s going to be a little longer before she needs to be in here.”

“My brothers are here, wanna see them?” Namjoon asked, looking for ways to distract his wife from the pain.

“I doubt they’d wanna see me like this,” she stated, lifting her hand that had her IV. Namjoon shook his head, heading to the door of their private room to call one of his brothers. When Namjoon returned to her side, Jin was with him as well.

“How’s it going?” Jin asked, keeping his eyes above her waist, just in case.

“It’s painful,” she replied, a heavy sigh leaving her lips. Jin reached out to take her hand and carefully gave it a gentle squeeze.

“You know, we’re all so proud of you! You’re doing so well, ___. You can do this, okay? We love you all so much, and you’re bringing so much joy to our family. We believe in you,” Jin encouraged and ___ swallowed the lump in her throat, tears wanting to break free from her eyes.

“Thank you, Jin,” she said, and Jin leaned down to hug her, kissing the top of her head before heading out of the room to send in the next brother.

A minute later, Yoongi was poking his silver head in to give a thumbs up before shutting the door and disappearing, causing the couple to laugh before Hoseok waltzed in with a bright smile.

“Hey! There’s my favorite sister-in-law!”

“She’s your only sister-in-law,” Namjoon responded, earning a hearty laugh from his older brother.

“Therefore, my favorite!” Hoseok replied, planting a kiss on her forehead and showing her the little stuffed lilac bunny he had brought for the arrival of his niece.

“I can’t wait to hold Little Joonie!” Hoseok enthused, looking at the monitors and then at his sister-in-law.

“We’re not naming her Little Joonie,” Namjoon stated, making sure his older brother was aware of that fact. Hoseok waved his hand in dismissal of his younger brother and focused his attention on ____.

“Have you picked a name for Little Joonie?” Hoseok asked curiously, excitement bubbling in his chest.

“We’ll reveal it when she’s here,” ___ stated, clutching her husband’s hand as a contraction hit. Hoseok watched in amazement as the contraction passed and a curse left ____’s lips. He kissed her head and asked if they wanted the other boys to keep coming.

“Send them in,” Namjoon told his brother after his wife had given her approval. Hoseok gave a parting wave and went out the solid, brown wooden door.

Seconds later, the three youngest appeared, meek smiles on their faces as they approached the bed.

“You’re doing so well, ___!” Jimin exclaimed, as he quickly hugged her and stepped to the side to join Namjoon.

“It shouldn’t be too much longer,” Namjoon stated, watching his two youngest brothers looking around awkwardly.

“Can I take a picture of you two before she arrives?” Jungkook asked, raising the black camera that hung around his neck. Namjoon looked at his wife for approval, and she nodded.

The boys stepped off to the side and Jungkook took a few pictures, asking his two other brothers to join the couple. Seconds later, the three oldest popped back in, grumbling about being left out of the family pictures.

A nurse took a picture of all seven brothers and ___, before scolding them about all of them being in the room. Namjoon sent for his parents to join them for pictures before appointing Jimin to get ____’s parents from the cafeteria.

After all the pictures are taken, it was time for the baby to arrive. Namjoon held his wife’s hand through it all, while Jungkook captured the moments with his camera, not allowing his tears of joy to ruin his photographs of his niece’s birth.

Tears of joy filled the room as his niece’s wailing cry was heard. He took picture after picture, smiling widely as his sister-in-law held her baby for the first time. Happy tears rolled down her cheeks as she looked up at his brother with so much joy and love in her eyes, their baby cradled in her arms against her chest. Jungkook snapped a photo, another as his brother kissed his wife on the lips and then his baby girl.

Namjoon couldn’t help the tears that fell from his eyes as his wife moved over so he could join her on the bed and hold his daughter for the first time. Jungkook took another picture of his brother and his daughter, excited to have his niece here.

A nurse came over, as Jungkook snapped a picture of the happy family. She took the baby for a few minutes to clean her up and hand her back to the new parents.

“I’ll give you guys some time,” Jungkook stated, his camera hanging from his neck.

Namjoon shook his head, waving him over to the couch. He took the camera off his brother’s neck and set it on the bed next to his wife.

“We want you to be the first to hold her,” Namjoon states when he saw his baby brother’s confused face. A wide smile lit up his face as he rushed over to the sink to wash his hands and sit back on the couch. He was nervous but excited. He felt so honored to be the first to hold his niece, as his elders often overlooked him.

Namjoon held his daughter and settled her into his brother’s arms, allowing him to hold her. He then picked up the camera and snapped a photo of his brother beaming at his daughter, fresh tears falling from his dark eyes.

“She’s beautiful, Joon,” Jungkook whispered, looking up from his niece’s angelic face to the two proud parents. Minutes later, Jungkook was handing her back, so they could have some time together.

Jungkook stepped out into the hall, where his brothers all stood along with their parents and ___’s family. “She’s here, and she’s beautiful! She’s so tiny too!” Jungkook gushed, showing the pictures to his brothers who circled him to sneak a peek at their niece.

“How come you got to hold her first?” Taehyung huffed, stomping his foot to show his displeasure. “They wanted me to be first,” Jungkook replied, beaming proudly.

Namjoon popped up next to them, startling the boys.

“The nurse said we can only have two people at a time, aside from Jungkook. We’re gonna start with ___’s family, then mom and dad, then down the line,” Namjoon explained and the families nodded, ___’s parents following Namjoon into the room, along with Jungkook and his camera.

It felt like ages for Jin as he waited for his turn, but once he saw his niece in his brother’s arms, all his annoyance disappeared instantly. Jin washed his hands at the sink, followed by Yoongi, before he took a seat on the couch.

“How are you doing, ___?” Yoongi asked, as his niece was placed in his older brother’s arms, a bright smile already on his face.

“Overjoyed,” ___ replied, smiling at her brother-in-law, who was watching Jin hold his niece. Jungkook’s camera snapping shot after shot of his brothers. Jin handed his niece over to Yoongi, who sat up straight and gently held the little newborn in his arms.

“She’s so beautiful,” he whispered, watching his sleeping niece in his arms. Her little mouth puckering as she slept. Jungkook snapped a few more pictures before Yoongi whined at him in annoyance.

“Her name is Da-Hae,” Namjoon announced, smiling brightly, making his dimples prominent. Jin and Yoongi returned his smile as they looked back down at their niece, Da-Hae.

“It suits her,” Yoongi stated, watching his niece sleep for a few more moments before handing her back to his younger brother.

“We’ll go get Hoseok and Jimin,” Jin announced, getting up from the couch and leading Yoongi out the door.

Moments later, Hoseok’s head was popping in the room, Jimin’s head popping in under him, asking for permission to enter.

“She’s so little!” Hoseok cooed once he washed his hands and sat on the hard blue couch next to the bed. Namjoon handed his daughter over to his brother, who grinned at the still sleeping baby wrapped in a purple blanket. Hoseok was so focused on studying his niece’s features, he didn’t notice Jungkook snapping away on his camera until he looked up and smiled proudly, teeth on display.

“My turn!” Jimin whined after his brother hogged his niece for too long. Hoseok rolled his eyes and helped his younger brother hold his niece properly, making sure he supported her head.

“I can’t believe she’s here! She’s real,” Jimin said in awe, his niece still sleeping soundly in his arms. He felt overwhelmed with emotions, his heart clenching in his chest as he looked at her tiny face. He loved her so much already, he would do anything for her.

“Her name is Da-Hae.” ___ said from the bed, her eyes focusing on her little girl, making sure she’s held correctly.

“My little Da-Hae,” Jimin cooed. This was the best day of his life. He looked at his younger brother and smiled, allowing him to take his picture before handing Da-Hae back to her parents so Taehyung could finally meet his niece.

“You know, I hate this older to youngest rule for doing things,” Taehyung complained as he scrubbed his hands and dried them with a paper towel before setting himself up on the couch.

“Gimme baby,” he said, his hands outstretched, his fingers grabbing at the baby as if his hands were crab claws. Namjoon chuckled, handing his child to his overly excited brother, who cried tears of joy when his baby girl was placed in his arms.

“I can’t even begin to explain how I feel right now,” he said through tears. He tilted his head back, sniffling harshly and wiping his tears on his shoulder.

Jungkook smirked from the sidelines as he took his pictures.

“Stop!” Taehyung whined, earning a smile from the proud parents.

“Everyone cried, Tae. It’s okay,” ___ reassured him, and he winked at her before handing the baby back to Namjoon.

“What’s her name?” Taehyung asked, kissing the top of ___’s head.

“Da-Hae,” she answered, holding her daughter in her arms and kissing her hat-covered head.

“I’ll get the others for a picture together,” Jungkook volunteered and took off, only to return with his brothers and parents.

They all took photos and rushed back out before the nurse came back to scold them for having too many people in the room.

“We’re going to head home, but we’ll be back tomorrow. You guys get some rest and enjoy our little Da-Hae. Call if you need anything,” Jungkook stated, hugging his brother, kissing the top of his sister-in-law’s head, and taking one last look at his niece, before he stepped out of the room and gathered his brothers to go home.

Once they were alone, Namjoon held his wife in his arms, watching his daughter stir and her cries fill the room. He smiled as a nurse came in and showed his wife how to breastfeed his baby. He watched in awe silently.

“We can take your child to the nursery for a while so you two can get some rest and we’ll bring her back when you’re awake,” the nurse said and reluctantly the new parents agreed, apprehensive to let their child leave their sight.

“She’s going to be fine,” Namjoon tried to soothe himself and his wife. She nodded and held her husband’s hand, finally having a moment alone with him through all the hecticness of the day.

“How are you?” she asked, her hands holding his large ones.

“I’m excited, overwhelmed, eager to get her back here,” Namjoon admitted honestly, kissing his wife’s cheek.

“Me too,” she replied, and she let go of her husband so he could get her overnight bag to get some of her items. Namjoon handed it to her and got his own bag so he could get ready to get some sleep.

The couple slept a few hours before the nurses were coming into the room with their baby, who was ready to eat again. ___ rubbed her eyes and sat up in bed, holding her newborn to her chest.

The nurse talked her through it and informed her of the discharge procedures and when to take her child to her own pediatric once they discharged her the following day.

The next morning, ___ and Namjoon were leaving the hospital with their daughter. After a struggle with the car seat, and after the nurse checked it, ___ and Da-Hae were allowed to get in the car and head home.

Namjoon was beyond excited to have his girls home. He carried the car seat and the diaper bag as he helped his wife up the two steps that led to their front door. He unlocked the door and let his wife in first, him and his daughter right behind her.

His wife headed for the bedroom, and Namjoon followed with their daughter.

“I’m just gonna take a quick shower,” ____ told her husband, feeling sticky and gross from being in the hospital. Namjoon nodded and set the car seat down along with the diaper bag. He heard his wife start the shower, and he carefully unstrapped his daughter from the car seat and took her out so he could hold her.

He walked over to the bed and sat on it, grabbing the newborn lounger to prop his baby up. He was so in love with his little girl, he could have never imagined loving someone so much. The fact that it was half him and half the love of his life made his love for his baby so much stronger.

“I love you so much, Da-Hae. You’re my universe. I’d do anything to keep you safe and happy. You’re my little princess,” he whispered, watching his daughter move her thumb into her mouth. Her bright eyes shined as they looked up at him, and his breath caught in his throat as he watched her. He couldn’t believe how he loved her so much already, and so did his brothers. They had sworn to protect her at all costs and make her happy as well.

Namjoon didn’t notice his wife watching him from the bathroom door adjoined to their room. She watched him silently as she listened to him speak promises to their baby girl. She felt herself falling deeper in love with her husband as she watched him be a father.

Her heartbeat rapidly as she continued to watch her husband. She didn’t want to interrupt his moment with their baby. She tiptoed towards the bed and Namjoon sent her a dimpled smile as she got comfortable next to the baby.

“Get some sleep, I’ve got this,” Namjoon stated, taking his eyes off his daughter to look at his wife.

She smiled and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, not wanting to take his attention off his daughter for too long.

“I love you, Kim Namjoon. I really do.”

thank you for reading! ♡ if you liked it, please let me know! 💌

© jjungkookislife - I do not allow reposts or translations of my work on any platforms, this includes Youtube.

Masterlist

Kim Seokjin (Jin) Masterlist

Min Yoongi (Suga) Masterlist

Jung Hoseok (J-Hope) Masterlist

Kim Namjoon (RM) Masterlist

Park Jimin Masterlist 

Kim Taehyung (V) Masterlist 

Jeon Jungkook Masterlist

Let Me Hold Them

Getaway

Halloween Nights

Butterfly Tattoo Studio

© jjungkookislife - I do not allow reposts or translations of my work on any platforms, this includes Youtube.

m.list ; reading list (contd) part 2.

Updated. Dec 6, 2023.

↬𝐁𝐘 𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐓𝐇.

drabble .

one shot .

miniseries .

series .

↬𝐁𝐘 𝐀𝐔’𝐒.

accidental kiss au .

android au .

angel au .

architect au .

author au .

bodyguard au .

break up au .

caretaker/guardian au .

coffee shop au .

commoner au .

deaf au .

demon au .

drunken confessions au .

drunken kiss au .

fake dating au .

florist au .

fake marriage au .

hanahaki au .

high school au .

infidelity au .

misunderstandings au .

meet cute au .

office au .

owner au .

pregnancy au .

robot au .

star—crossed lovers au .

stripper au .

teleportation au .

trapped together au .

virgin au .

wedding au .

wedding night au .

workplace au .

youtuber au .

↬𝐁𝐘 𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐒.

↠ 𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆

accidental pregnancy .

age gap .

blind date .

body heat .

fatal attraction .

first love .

forced proximity .

long distance .

love triangle .

love potion .

marriage of convenience .

match maker .

opposites attract .

paranormal romance .

partners in crime .

revenge .

toxic relationship .

tsundere .

yandere .

↠ 𝒑𝒍𝒐𝒕

amnesia .

apocalypse .

bet .

betrayal .

body swap .

cursed .

dystopian .

fairytale .

mistaken identity .

pregnancy .

rags to riches .

redemption .

stranded .

time travel .

villian wins .

↬𝐁𝐘 𝐓𝐘𝐏𝐄.

first time .

historical .

medieval .

slice of life .

victorian .

Thankyou for reblogging & liking this post.

This...! I love this more than anything else, lindy you’re such a good writer, like hell, i would not tease him, but the idea is tempting, i discovered something and it makes me happy that i read this fic, thankyou so much for writing this. Tumblr writers should write more of fics like this!

repentance - knj | m

now, let’s imprint my name on that trophy and come back home - come back home, BTS

↳ summary- your boyfriend, Kim Namjoon, doesn’t like it when you flirt with other guys

↳ rating- explicit / 18+

↳ word count- 6k

↳ pairing- namjoon x reader

↳ genre- smut, this is all smut, there is nothing but smut here, there is no god in this chili’s tonight. this actively takes us further from the light.

↳ warnings- very hard BDSM, name calling, degradation, humiliation, spitting, caning/spanking, collaring, bondage, squirting, overstimulation, impreg kink lmfao, face fucking,  Namjoon is a v sadistic dom but he is still sane, after care is important,

↳ a/n- well folks.  here it is.  The fic that pushed me past my comfort zone lmfafskadf.  i am 100% grateful to @sombreboy​ for assisting me with this and being silly as fuck in the google doc.  i could not have done it without his guidance lmfaooo.  this was requested by anon and i hope i did it justice and i rly appreciate getting sent things that make me write things i normally wouldn’t!  thank you for believing in me lmfao.  pls feel free to interact with me however u want bc i love you all.  Thanks for reading! namjoon if ur reading this pls forgive me

“I hope you had your fun, doll,“ Namjoon whispers harshly in your ear as you walk with him away from the dance studio.  You’re covered in sweat, hot, and still you’re shaking like a leaf at the tone of your boyfriend’s voice.

So maybe you broke the rules.  Maybe you danced with Jimin at practice a little too intensely, a little too provocatively.  Maybe you grinded up against the blonde harder than you should, making the dancer sport a tent in his pants.

And maybe you did it in front of your boyfriend, that man who loved and dominated you.

Is it too late to say oops?

Keep reading

Okay, but why the fuck is this so good????? I discovered another beautiful, and filthy fic that i really love. Thankyou for writing this, gonna keep it safe in my blog to reread it, again and again.

Descend | demon!knj

⇣18+ nsfw ⇣pairing: demon knj x female Y/N ⇣genre: pwp smut, supernatural ⇣word count: 2.6k ⇣warnings: smut, profanity, dubcon esque themes, degrading dirty talk, mouthfucking, knj fucks y/n against a bookshelf lmao, demon creampie, he’s got a forked tongue idk if that’s a warning but at this point I’m too afraid to ask. 

A/N: Request by anon who wanted demon knj smut. I hope you love it! Please praise me I spent all night on this xoxo

‘’I’d say you are wasting my time, but that was before I saw you..’’ he tugged her face closer to his crotch, the bulge underneath the fabrics visibly twitching from having her attention. ‘’You will make it worth my while.’’

Keep reading

I just finished reading slow dancing, and i’m in loveee~

Why does Tumblr not eat the space, like there’s space everywhere, ugh. Anyways, I knew I was rooting for jungkook and reader, when namjoon cake back into her life being like ‘he stole you from me’ I was ready to throw hands, ‘excuse me, sir, you already rejected her once, now get the fuck away’ sorry to my bias, but he was not good in this fic, so we gotta let him go. Jungkook’s character is so well written, I was ready to stop reading if he didn’t get to be with reader, but you made my wish come true, so yeah, I loved this fic, it was angsty, but beautiful ❤️🫶

slow dancing ● chapter list

➬ Title | Slow Dancing: a mini-series

➬ Summary | When your countdown appeared on your wrist right in the morning of your eighteenth birthday, you had thought that perhaps the universe was on your side, especially since the final seconds were already ticking so soon. You just never expected to have your first meeting with your soulmate to be the day when you had to let him go. But hope was not lost when you still found love without the bond, and Jungkook showed you that it was possible to find happiness beyond the system that was written for you. Except that the universe doesn’t seem to have enough of its game, when your past sacrifice comes back hitting you straight in the face, just when you had believed that you had written off the perfect ending to your bittersweet tale.

↳ Pairings | Jungkook x reader / Namjoon x reader

↳ Genre | Soulmate!au, Second Chances!au, Angst, Eventual Smut

➥ Ratings & Warnings | PG-13, +18 / M for Mature; appropriate warnings will be applied on each chapter whenever necessary.

➥ Status/Total word count | COMPLETED - June 15th, 2022 / 125,602 words 

➥ Main Masterlist | Mailbox | Taglist | Feedback | Music Playlist | Ko-fi

➥ Cross post | AO3 | Inkitt | Wattpad

➥ Author’s Note | Originally commissioned by @namgishope​ ; I have decided to release this as a drabble mini series to present the timeline more appropriately and make the storyline work. Chapters will be posted weekly (may change in the future).

➬ Chapters

⇢ prologue

⇢ chapter i. chain reaction

⇢ chapter ii. fallen pieces

⇢ chapter iii. a little faith

⇢ chapter iv. homecoming-1

⇢ chapter v. homecoming-2

⇢ chapter vi. falling from clouds

⇢ chapter vii. then we fall

⇢ chapter viii. talking slow

⇢ chapter ix. flights and pieces

⇢ chapter x. save your love

⇢ chapter xi. slow dancing (back to you)

⇢ epilogue

➥ References | fic glossary

➥ Fic talk/muse talk

⇢ Fic talk: Slow Dancing ⇢ Feedback

➥ Music Companion | Aj Mitchell - Slow Dance ● Wayfie - Stay Here Please — James Droll - Jacket Weather ● Mallii - Flights ● Eddy Pop - Pieces ● Boy In Space - Give Me ● TRACES - Clouds ● Zach Palmer - Winter Doesn’t Wait — Mikky Ekko - Cherish You ● EXES, Jome - No Ocean ● Lana Del Rey - Young and Beautiful ● Fintan - Then We Fall ● Dylan Jordan - Talking Slow ● Kayshawn - Save Your Love

— © 2021-2022 Yoonia, all rights reserved. reposting/modifying of any kind is not allowed. translations are not allowed.

Saving this for later, so I can come back and read them when I want to.

Masterlist.

bts ships fic masterlist click here

Full Length Fics ( BTS x OC) 

Make it hurt. ( then Kiss it better ) ( Yoongi/Oc) Rated for language and explicit sexual content.

Status : Complete. 

 Summary : Min Jung fights her biology, her genetic make up , her body. But she can’t fight her heart. Especially when said heart keeps calling for a handsome Alpha with warm brown eyes and a breathtaking smile. 

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 6 ( Cont—d)

 Chapter 7

Chapter 8 ( Final)

Sleepwalking to You, it’s out of my control. (Jhope/Oc)(Rated for language and implied sexual content)

Status : completed. 

Summary :  I love you. A little less today than yesterday. But I miss you. A little more than I did yesterday. And sometimes it’s easy to forget, that your emotions aren’t like mine. They’re constant. You hated me yesterday., You hate me today . And tomorrow , it will be just another day like this.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13 ( Final) 

Outtake

Amor Vincit Omnia ( Yoongi /Oc ) (Rated for language, violence and sexual content) 

Status : Completed. 

Summary : Arranged Marriage Gang! AU . The worst thing you can do to a guy? Marry him when he begs you not to. Worst thing you can do to yourself? Fall in love with him afterwards.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

The Perfect Husband ( Jung Kook / Oc) ( Rated 19+)

Status: In progress. 

Summary : Jung kook falls in love and has his heart broken . Countless times. Over and over again. With the same girl. “ i wish i knew, how to quit you.” 

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7 

Chapter 8

Lighting and Thunder ( Seokjin/OC) (Rated R)

Status : In Progress

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3 

Under My Skin ( Namjoon/ Oc ) ( Min yoongi /Oc) (Rated 19+)

Status : In Progress.

Summary : Namjoon and yoongi are used to giving things up for their members, for the team and especially for each other. they’re best buds, moral support and brothers in every sense of the word. But when they fall for the same girl, neither is willing to give her up. 

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

The unfaithful Wife ( Jimin/OC) ( Rated 19+) 

Status : In progress

Summary:  At twenty five, Jimin had married  Min Hee, the eighteen year old daughter of his father’s business partner.. He had cared for her even. But then, , she cheated on him with his business rival , bringing shame and disgrace to his family. He divorces her , forgets her almost. Until now five years later, she’s in front of him, with a son who looks just like him. He has a new life now, a new fiancee and the weight of his father’s expectations on his shoulders. He really should stay away from her. But the heart wants what the heart wants.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Something’s gotta Give ( Taehyung / Oc) (19+)

Status : In progress

 Summary : I can’t think of a summary except that Taehyung is confused with his own feelings . 

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

masterlist

Part 1 of the Silk Series

mafia!Namjoon x reader

mafia! au, Arranged marriage! Au

7.6k words

mature 👁 (who am I?), romance, fluff, implied first time? (Or maybe just no one’s ever loved her right)

Hi guys! surprise! Guess who’s back with a brand new one shot? I’d had an idea I was so tempted to try. It was supposed to be really quick, maybe just a few hundred words- more a blurb than anything else- but very quickly grew into an almost 8 thousand word story in the course of a day. This is very different for me. I’ve never toyed with mafia! au’s, and I’ve never written a proper story with Namjoon. Halfway through, I even though of changing it to Hobi- but joon is just too perfect for this genre. This is the first time I’ve ever written or shared a story that got quite this intimate. Clearly, since it’s me, there’s still a ton of heart, but writing this part of a love story is very new for me- so posting this comes with quite a bit of vulnerability. Feedback would be amazing. The absolutely beautiful moodboard was made by the ethereally talented @today-we-will-survive . It suits the story so perfectly in every way. I even went back to tweak small details to match up with her picture selections after I saw the board because they were just so impeccable.

I hope you enjoy it! —Christiana 💕✨

—————————————————————

“There she is.”

His gravelly voice sent a chill down your spine as you entered the room, softly locking the door behind you. Rolling his head to the side, Namjoon met your eyes. His gaze was so enticing, so seductive in the dark, but his smile was warm as ever. You were a puddle in his hands the second his dimples showed up and he knew it. As his eyes lazily raked over you, he opened his arms in invitation.

“Come here, baby girl.” 

Keep reading

all of my works are here.

Updated. Jan 17, 2024.

[ key. 💗⇾ fluff; 🌟 ⇾ angst; ❤️‍🔥 ⇾ smut ; ✎ ⇾in progress ; ✓ ⇾completed ]

[ ♡ ]⇾ indicates the drabble is a part of a series that you may want to read. 😉

☾ kim seokjin.

☾ min yoongi.

☾ kim namjoon.

☾ jung hoseok.

☾ park jimin.

☾ kim taehyung.

☾ jeon jungkook.

☾ ot7 fics.

☾ ot7 x reader fics.

☾ ask games & more.

m.list ; kim namjoon.

[ key. 💗⇾ fluff; 🌟 ⇾ angst; ❤️‍🔥 ⇾ smut ; ✎ ⇾in progress ; ✓ ⇾completed ]

[ ♡ ]⇾ indicates the drabble is a part of a series that you may want to read. 😉

❤️‍🔥⇾ “it’s so hot watching someone want you, knowing that you’re mine.” (inspired by the show — sex life on Netflix)

scars grow flowers . ( 💗 // 🌟// ❤️‍🔥 // ✎ )

Namjoon & ruhaani are arranged to be married, but with their trauma and problems, can they really love each other and build a happy relationship?

m.list ; Reading list.

Updated. Jan 22, 2024.

Note : I read k-pop idols x reader/ orginal female character fics, so this list is organized keeping that in mind, I do not personally have any issues with other genders, this is just my preference. Thankyou. If you hate unnecessarily, sincerely, no fucks will be given.

(everything is organized by alphabetical order)

↬𝐁𝐘 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄.

angst .

fluff .

smut .

↬𝐁𝐘 𝐀𝐔’𝐒.

artist au .

arranged marriage au .

assassin au .

baker au .

bartender au .

BDSM au .

best friend’s brother au .

best friends to lovers au .

best friend’s sister au .

boyfriend au .

camboy au .

camgirl au .

camp counselor au .

CEO au .

chef au .

childhood friends to lovers au .

club au .

college au .

coworker au .

crime au .

dad au .

doctor au .

dancer au .

detective au .

divorce au .

enemies to lovers au .

established relationship au .

exes to lovers au .

fantasy au .

farm au .

father au .

friends to benefits au .

friends to lovers au .

fuckboy au .

fuckgirl au .

forbidden au .

gamer au .

god au .

hitman au .

horror au .

husband au .

hybrid au .

idiots to lovers au .

idol au .

king au .

lawyer au .

mafia au .

magic au .

medical au .

musician au .

neighbours au .

noona au .

one night stand au .

photographer au .

pirates au .

professor au .

prince au .

rich au .

road trip au .

roommate au .

royalty au .

second chance au .

secret relationship au .

sex worker au .

single parent au .

social media au .

songwriter au .

soulmate au .

spy au .

superhero au .

supernatural au .

tattoo artist au .

teacher au .

unrequited love au .

vampire au .

werewolf au .

wife au .

↬𝐁𝐘 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐒.

kim namjoon .

kim seokjin .

min yoongi .

jung hoseok .

park jimin .

kim taehyung .

jeon jungkook .

ot7 .

↬𝐁𝐘 𝐓𝐘𝐏𝐄.

drama .

hurt/comfort .

magic .

mutual pining .

mystery .

romance .

slow burn .

thriller .

age play .

crack .

Note : please let me know if any of the links are not working. Thankyou.

Note : since Tumblr only allows 100 links per page, so this list will be continued in another page, which is linked down below.

↬masterlist continued .

Tagged posts masterlist.

I use tags so that you can find the posts that i’ve posted or reblogged on this blog.

Namjoon - dimpled boy.

Seokjin - handsome boy.

Yoongi - sweet boy.

Hoseok - sunflower boy.

Jimin - charming/ angel boy.

Taehyung - ethereal boy.

Jungkook - golden/ best boy.

Fic rec - yashoda’s fic recs.

Words that are underlined in the description.

Me rants - yashoda’s expressions.

You - art

I - love.

Moved - yashoda’s fic recs.

Slightly - yashoda’s expressions.

Happiness - fav fics.

Me - artistry.

You - spirituality.

He’s so extra and adorable. That is me when i’m enjoying myself, I have to check if i didn’t accidentally break something 😤😂💀

Hi I haven't posted anything on ages and I miss you guys terribly... please keep this 😘😘💕💕

So charming ♡

namjoon’s story; scars grow flowers.

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐗 ;

𝐅𝐈𝐂 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄 ( it’s a draft for now, as i’m working on completing it, please comment or at least tell me how I can improve more)

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐍𝐄

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐎

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄