Bts Fanfiction Carnation

lo1k-diamonds

1 year ago

Carnation 💜 Chapter 1

PAIRING: idol!Jin x OC

SUMMARY: In early 2018, BTS were at a crossroads: after working so hard to set foot in the music industry of South Korea, their sudden jump into stardom became something they never anticipated. Jin believed in his dongsaengs but was just as lost as them when his soulmate entered the picture.

WORD COUNT: 3.3k (Total: 25.3k)

GENRE: Soulmate AU, s2l

RATING: Teen (for drinking, cussing and tension)

WARNINGS: mild angst for talks of disbanding and burnout

(You can also read it on AO3, originally posted June 2023)

A.N. I have this poll I've been meaning to do about my soulmate series and to do so, I thought I should probably introduce those stories first 😅😋Jin's story is the first of the Soul Palette Series though it serves as a prequel to Call You Mine. I'm thinking of uploading each story's 1st chapter to give you all a taste 😋

Masterlist | Masterpost | Scroll my stories on Tumblr | Schedule and WIPs

“ARMY! I remember early this year. We were mentally struggling at the beginning of the year. While talking amongst ourselves, we even considered disbanding. I’m relieved that we got ourselves together and were able to bring good outcomes. I want to thank our members who helped me get myself together and the ARMYs who love us. Thank you so much. ” Jin, MAMA, 2018

January 3rd 2018

“It’s hard… It’s really hard.”

Jimin’s words were lost in the silence of the room as the seven Bangtan members looked either at the floor or at nowhere in particular while they went over everything that had been said.

Jungkook never knew anything else but that life with his brothers and had stated very clearly that he wanted to fight until he couldn’t breathe or move anymore. His passion was only matched by his perseverance because they all knew how hard he had it, how tough it was, and the sacrifices he had to make growing up totally lined up for that life only. It didn’t make the others feel particularly better, but they understood his feelings.

Taehyung was teary-eyed and looking at a random place on the wall. He was quiet, he had the tendency to turn inwards when he was facing something extremely difficult. He admitted he was unhappy with the constant pressure that sometimes felt like a gag, with the continual invasion of privacy, with the lack of control over what the future looked like.

Jimin understood his feelings and agreed. He pointed out the only silver lining — the ARMYs who supported them unconditionally and had done so from the start.

“It feels somehow… like a failure, to disappoint them like this,” Yoongi had quietly answered then. “Because we fought so desperately to be worthy of their love, and now that it’s getting so big… it risks being too much.”

“I feel so ungrateful, seriously,” Hoseok had said in contempt of himself, hiding his face.

“They would understand,” Namjoon said.

Their leader was sitting on a table, stiff body clearly physically fighting that difficult topic with all its might. He would usually give them the stability they needed but at the expense of his own insecurities and doubts.

Yoongi had expressed he wanted to make music, purely and simply. “After all this time… I can’t see myself without BTS. We’re family, you are family to me.”

“Ah seriously,” Hoseok complained, cleaning his tears as were all others, to one degree or another.

“Hyung,” Taehyung complained.

“You choose to tell us your heart right now?” Jimin added, cleaning his eyes.

“Of course right now, keep going Yoongi,” Jin enthused, and Yoongi nodded with a small smile.

“My heart… would be incomplete without you guys. It would get lonely, in the studio too. My music… would get quiet without you guys. But I won't pressure you, because you’re so precious to me. I just want you to be happy.”

“Hyung—” Jungkook’s voice vanished in tears.

“We’re happy by your side,” Taehyung cried, hiding his face.

“We’re family, that will never change,” Namjoon declared, sniffling right after.

“But can we keep giving a perfect performance?” Hobi’s jaw was a firm line as he suppressed his emotions to be able to ask them clearly. “Can we keep this up? Because I’m not sure what I fear most: disappointing ARMYs, or disappointing ourselves.”

“It’s hard… It’s really hard.”

And now, there they were, staring at each other quietly. Until Jin decided to smile and say something, seeing that even Namjoon was stumped in his own thoughts.

“We should all sleep on it and not decide anything immediately. We started this together, we can decide this together. Tomorrow we can talk better about this.”

“But… we’re not disbanding, right?” Jungkook asked, voice shaking as he eyed his hyungs anxiously.

“No.”

“No, we’re not,” Hobi smiled.

“We’re talking and we should think about this. Jin-hyung is right,” Namjoon said, getting up. “We can think of ways that could make this work and of how to better ourselves. If we decide to disband, it won't be for lack of trying to figure this out.”

Every member got up except for Jin, who stayed behind sitting on a chair while everyone passed by him, and Namjoon, who heaved a deep breath and hid his face, the pressure finally cracking through. Jin could read his tension and stress like one reads the time on a clock, and as usual, he felt for Namjoon. He was the leader and felt like he was failing them at a deeply personal level, and it was so hard for him. He could act tough and provide everyone with the smarts needed, but deep down he was hurting and doubtful.

Jin got up and placed his hand on Namjoon’s shoulder, who then raised his head.

“This is not your fault. If anything, you guided us well thus far. You’re also a member of BTS, so go and think about yourself as an individual, as an artist. We’ll talk about this again tomorrow.”

Namjoon rubbed his watering eyes and sucked it all in before nodding. “Thank you, hyung.”

“Of course,” Jin smiled reassuringly. “I’m going for a walk, don't wait up for me.”

“Now?” Namjoon frowned in confusion and Jin scoffed.

“It’s like ten pm, it’s not that late. I’ll be right back.”

He waved Namjoon goodbye quickly after getting ready and rushed out. He needed to breathe as well and the cold new year air would do him some good.

It was hard, it was really hard. However, he felt sort of stuck in a position where he couldn’t say much. Yes, it was hard, but it had always been hard for him.

He was the oldest, not the leader but definitely the one that looked after them from the day he joined. From making sure Namjoon and Yoongi sorted their differences, to scolding Jungkook for staying in his room by himself, to reminding Tae and Jimin to do their homework, to ordering Hoseok to rest or else, to cooking for all of them— He had become the hyung they needed and he was very thankful he did. He would have never become who he was today otherwise.

But giving and taking care of them was a responsibility, not a chore. What really made it difficult was, well, all the ways he was lacking. He was scouted for his looks, what the heck was that worth?

He chuckled as he made his way down the street to his favorite park. His freaking looks when the others were rappers, lyricists, producers, dancers, and singers. Sure he thought he could act, but that didn't measure up to the others.

So he was always behind and that was really hard. He was the hyung, he had to set an example, but he was lacking in every single aspect of what would make a valuable member. But he tried. That was it, that's all he did. He heard the hate, the harsh comments, the criticism, and he agreed. He was behind, he was slower, he wasn't sharp, he had less vocal range, he—

He sighed, it was hard. But for them, he tried. He wasn't perfect, he was still lacking, but he had worked hard to improve in every way. He had to do it to be able to even show his face to his precious dongsaengs.

So now what?

He didn't want to yell at them for giving up when he had tried so hard, but a minuscule part of him wanted to. Not because his own work would go to waste, he was a better man now than he could have ever hoped to become, but because if they didn't deserve the hype, the praise, and love, then who the hell did?

No one deserved it more than them, absolutely no one! That was what truly made him mad — for all the bullshit they had to take, they deserved every fan, praise, award, and gentleness. They were incredibly talented and kind human beings, he believed they had so much more to do still. So why not stay together?

Was that selfish of him? Sure, every single one of them individually could achieve greatness, be it as musicians, artists, actors, what have you. But he… he loved being with them, being in the group. That life, that family, he didn't want to let it go. He didn't want it to end.

The end was… suffocating. He knew it would come one day, whether now or later, and in many ways it was healthy to debate the end and choose to continue. Only then could everyone be on the same page and happy with the future. But damn was it suffocating. It was worse than letting go of a first love, it was like cutting off a limb. He couldn’t live without them.

They had all done so much. He had managed to graduate from university while shooting and promoting and it had been the most draining experience yet. But he couldn’t hold them back, 2017 was the year of breakthroughs, of pioneering and his degree was in many instances not a priority at all.

They finished the Wings tour while already preparing for the Love Yourself phase, where they finally had nearly full control of the full artistic process. He was so looking forward to it, it spoke of their fears and wishes to a visceral level. It was their message, ideology, and the footprint they would leave behind. Hopefully, if it was worth it, their legacy. They had to go through with it, the world had to see it.

But in order to go through with it, they had to decide. If the company was to schedule the world tour for the second half of the year then they had to commit. They couldn’t announce projects and concerts and then fall through. And that was where all problems started.

It was just too hard. They had fought so hard to have a spot in the limelight, but now they were basically being thrust into it successively and carelessly.

Of course they never knew it would get this big, so at first it just sounded good, a worthwhile opportunity to do more, to reach further, to spread their positive message. UNICEF heard of the ‘Love Yourself’ message and one domino pushed the other. They just couldn’t refuse to use their voice for the greater good. They dedicated themselves to spreading the message, creating merch to donate to the cause, and to making ARMY proud. And in return, ARMY helped them reach new heights.

With every award, from Best in Music at the 9th annual Shorty Awards to Top Social Artist at the 2017 Billboard Music Awards, they had hoped to bring someone closer to peace, fend off loneliness, and have more people enjoying their vibe. They were the first K-pop group to enter the Billboard Hot 100 with a single, 'DNA', and album, 'Love Yourself: Her'. They were thankful to their fans, who gave BTS the opportunity to be at the Billboard Music Awards in what was their first television appearance in the US, so later when they were asked to perform, they said yes. BTS was the first K-pop act to perform at the American Music Awards with DNA, and from then on the ball kept rolling. They filmed so many shows, Jin wasn’t quite sure what was what and when. And now they were just back from performing at Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve in Times Square, New York, and they couldn’t stop. The next phase was here, not even a week of rest and they were back in the company deciding things and planning. It was exhausting, hallucinating, frightening and that was why they were at the rope’s end.

The company wanted to profit from the wave, the producers wanted recognition, the fans wanted them to achieve new unsurmountable records every day and meanwhile, BTS was just left exhausted, trying to not bite off more than they could chew. Now the opportunity had turned into a heavy constant pressure on their neck that they couldn't shake off. They couldn’t say no, that would be spitting back at ARMYs, that could never be. It was just… hard.

He knew it was, he could see how draining it was but… he still wanted to push through. He didn’t know how exactly and that was what he needed to figure out, because as their hyung—

He suddenly stopped his thoughts and looked around, confused. Yes, he was there at Yeouido Hangang Park as was normal for him when he strolled. It was maybe ten thirty in the evening now, but the street lights made it look almost like daytime. There was no crowd at that hour, but there were still a fair amount of people either coming off work or going to work, or drunk after dinner or going to have dinner. He looked at those people passing him by from where he was seated on a bench and he wondered what was wrong with him. Clearly, everything else seemed normal.

Then what the hell was that hum? He looked down at his own chest and laughed in disbelief at himself. His chest was buzzing, almost vibrating. It was so comical, was he finally losing it with the stress? Was he sitting there, wondering about ways to help the members while his own body was calling it quits?

Tears came to his eyes, he was touched so deeply the hairs on his neck stood on end. He was definitely not above crying, that was not an issue for him if that would release his stress, but that was when he realized he didn’t feel stressed. No, the buzzing hum was warm and soft and gentle, like perfume, and he got up from the bench and started looking around.

Why was he looking around when everything looked absolutely normal and that feeling was deeply sprouting out from his chest? No idea. He just had to go, there was something he needed to find. If there was a perfume, there had to be a flower, right?

There was this unmistaken breeze guiding him somewhere, he felt like a paper wind vane being blown on in a specific direction, but he couldn’t see anything that—

He froze with wide eyes just looking at the woman rushing towards him like a gust of wind. He was standing right in her way, they were on a collision course, but she was looking down while utterly absorbed in the phone call she was having. That’s when he thought, Jin you idiot, you should have been listening, not looking.

The corners of his lips rose the second he predicted she would crash into him, which he absolutely wanted for some reason, but she subverted his expectations. His features went from cheeky to slumped when she dodged him expertly and just walked right past him without even looking up.

He turned to widen his eyes at her in a complaint, but she was walking steadily and quickly away without looking back. Well, he scoffed, how could she just focus so hard on her call or whatever that she didn’t see him standing right in her way? One should pay attention to their surroundings instead of—

He gasped, Wait!

It had to be her, there was no mistaking the happiness in his heart making it bounce around inside his chest. The wind was blowing him in her direction, it was her. Her, huh? He grinned widely in the last meters to get to her, he couldn’t believe he had found her.

He grabbed her hand and she immediately turned around with shock on her face. She had been saying something on the phone, but she was now muted just staring at him with big wide eyes.

He could tell her eyes were big and expressive just at that moment, but he wondered how they would look when she smiled. Her cheeks were pink from the start of the year cold, and the little cloud of steam in front of her small heart-shaped mouth as she breathed was freakishly cute. Her long brown hair was tied in a ponytail and her jacket covered her almost to her knees, not letting him actually see much of her.

He caressed her hand with his thumb gently as he smiled at her, giving her time to come to the same realization as him — this was it. Meanwhile, a tingly sensation was shooting up his arm and filling him with an indescribable euphoria that just confirmed his belief. His eyes were shining as his lips curved in a smile full of endearment.

Yet she was just shocked, staring at him. She had felt the breeze playing with her feelings, but she thought it was the stress, the burnout, so she just focused on getting home. But that tingly sensation… it had to be, right?

But how could it be him?! He was gorgeous, what the heck was that? It was hard enough to believe they had just crossed paths like that at Yeouido Hangang Park (what were the chances?!), but how could he be so… beautiful? Symmetrical? Proportional? Flawless?

Was he real? Was he a painting? A doll? Was he just a dream? Was she dreaming?

“What’s your name?”

Her brain short-circuited. “I’ll call you back,” she murmured without thinking, putting the phone down instantly.

His voice was beautiful too, but that wasn’t possible. None of that could be happening to her, how could destiny do that to her?

“Jaehwa,” she breathed, still quite unsure if she was dreaming, and kind of hoping she was.

He smiled but looked down, he was seemingly shy yet meanwhile she could only focus on his pouty lips. He looked so adorab—

What the hell was she thinking?!

“My name is Jin. Kim Seokjin.”

She nodded, still with wide eyes though now they were staring at his chest as if she couldn’t face him.

“It’s nice to meet you,” he said, raising their hands still clasped together in between them.

She blinked, a deep shade of crimson spreading on her cheeks. She could barely breathe, this wasn’t natural. What was he, a reincarnated prince?!

She stammered, “I’m… I’m not sure about what’s happening.”

“I think we’re soulmates,” he told her calmly, like a summer breeze whispering a secret. She felt a shudder, that was not possible. How could he feel so… intimate with her, like they had no secrets, when she just met him. “You know, tingling sensation and all.”

She swallowed hard, refusing to blush even more, then she bit her lip. Right. She couldn’t even bring herself to walk away, no matter how incredulous she was. She couldn’t rationalize her way around that feeling, and her skin was still humming all the way to her chest now. Her heart was reveling in the feeling as if she had been waiting all along. Well, maybe he was right. It was absolutely impossible and ridiculous but… maybe?

She took a deep breath and adjusted her coat around her neck, preventing the cold from slipping in, and to do so she had to let go of his hand.

“This will sound weird but… would it be okay if I just gave you my number?” She asked and he blinked his long eyelashes in surprise. “I’m sorry, I’m just really tired and I fear I’m just hallucinating this whole thing.”

He chuckled, “I see, I understand. We’re both quite tired, I think.”

She looked up at him — he did look tired with dark circles around his eyes, despite his smile.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, “How about you give me your number and I message you in the morning? Then you know if you got a message, it’s because it’s real and this really happened.”

Her eyebrows furrowed for a second before she nodded curtly, “Fine, that sounds good.”

You can go here to keep reading [ao3] (this story is finished) 💜

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Soul Palette - Soulmate AU Series bts fanfic bts bts imagines ao3 fanfic bangtan sonyeondan bts fanfiction carnation bts jin kim seokjin bts angst jin fanfic jin fluff bts soulmate au soulmates lo1k-diamonds writes 💎

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