Batman Family - Tumblr Posts

I hate canon Bruce Wayne hitting his kids so how does he discipline them WITHOUT abuse?

(where's that post about how anything can be a punishment if you frame it as one)

———————

Dick: *breaks the chandelier while swinging from it*

Bruce: *hands him a broom*

Dick: Yeah that's fair.

Bruce: Also you have to use the Batman plate at dinner.

Dick: Please no, I hate that plate.

Bruce: You should've thought about that before.

———————

Tim: *logs into the Batcomputer without permission*

Bruce: And what do you think you're doing?

Tim: I know I've been benched but I just need to—

Bruce: Sit.

Tim: *sits down*

Bruce: *puts on The Bee Movie*

Bruce: If you insist on being down here while injured, then you're gonna watch this in its entirety.

———————

Cass: *blinks*

Bruce: And you think that's an excuse?

Cass: *blinks*

Bruce: We're going for a drive and I'm picking the music.

Cass: *blinks*

Bruce: Maybe you'll take this as a lesson.

———————

Jason: *causes a crime scene*

Jason: Go ahead, punish me. I'll still be right.

Bruce: *takes out a marker*

Bruce: *draws a mustache on Jason's helmet*

Bruce: It'll wash off in three weeks.

Jason: WHAT?!

Bruce: Actions have consequences.

———————

Steph: *breaks protocol*

Bruce: Go change your cape in the car.

Steph: That's not fair!

Bruce: That's the rule.

Steph: *grumbles and puts on a cape that's a slightly different shade of purple from the rest of her suit*

———————

Duke: *sneaks in after curfew*

Bruce: *flicks the light on*

Bruce: Do you know what time it is?

Duke: I can explain—

Bruce: Yogurt. Now.

Duke: But I don't want yogurt.

Bruce: I don't care. Go eat a cup of yogurt and think about what you did.

———————

Damian: *drops his fork at dinner*

Damian: Fuck.

Bruce: *pulls out a straw*

Damian: You wouldn't.

Bruce: *takes a sip of Damian's drink*

Damian: I hate this family.

Dick, eating off the Bat-plate: You and me both.

I like to think Jason is always making funny faces under his helmet 'cause no one else can see him

Batman Twitter AU Masterpost

Warning: first couple aren’t the best but they get better/funnier as I get used to doing it

part-one The start

part-two Tim left alone

part-three bully Jason

part-four Duke makes new pfps

part-five Bruce and Oliver did WHAT

part-six beach and heroes

part-seven FMK gone wrong

part-eight movies and kidnappings

part-nine Father’s Day/bully duck

part-ten Bruce/Insert your fav

part-eleven DAMIAN

part-twelve Jason is a Swiftie

part-thirteen girl math with Steph

part-fourteen Damian love Jon

part-fifteen Let Duke be crazy 2k24 and Bruce kidnapped

part-sixteen Bully Bruce - again

part-seventeen Joker gets his shit rocked

part-eighteen So much idk what to focus on

part-nineteen Everyone is on the couch

Part-twenty Jason is dating Hood apparently

Oh...

I’m not crying!!! You are!!

JASON MOTHER FUCKING TODD CAN REARRANGE MY GUTS ANY GODDAMN DAY OF THE WEEK. I SAID WHAT I SAID!!!!

-thanks for coming to my TED TALK.

The coloring didn’t take too long here. About a few hours for the whole piece. But it was split between a day.

I realized I only posted this in video form! Here is the actual artwork!

I STILL STAND BY MY PREVIOUS COMMENT!

Batman the animated series s1 ep37 has a female man bat. They changed nothing of the original design, including man bat being shirtless. Batman the animated series had a topless woman with her tits out! This is why it is the greatest show to exist.

Damian: If Drake and I were both drowning, who would you save?

Bruce: I don't know, both of you?

Damian: No, you could only save one of us.

Bruce: Well, I would probably save Tim because he can't swim that well and I happen to know you're an excellent swimmer.

Damian: Suppose I was holding an anchor. Who would you save then?

Bruce: Well, why don't you let go of the anchor?

Damian: It's a family heirloom.

Bruce: I'm leaving.

Father of Mine – 1/2

Character: Bruce Wayne x Daughter!Reader

Summary: With the tragic passing of her mother, Y/N learns to the truth of who her father is. 

Word Count: 4,000+

Warnings: Family death, cancer, absent father, cremation 

A/N: The reader is described as tall in this fic. Bruce Wayne is 6′2 and I’m tall, so I’m indulging myself with no apologies. Read it or don’t. 

“Do you want to say anything before we…” the operator asked her.

“No,” Y/N answered quickly.

“Oh, my assistant forgot to give you this,” the operator gave her a shy smile as he handed her a small cardboard box.

She opened it to find all of her mother’s jewelry that had been on her body at the funeral.

“Thank you,” Y/N told him.

“Ready?” The operator asked.

Keep reading

Batfam doing a group project? What kind of people are they?

Bruce: I'll be back around 5:30. I want the mission strategy done by then.

Bruce: *leaves*

Harper: Alrighty. Since we're gonna be here a while, I'm gonna grab us some food.

Barbara: But it's only an hour.

Harper: Text me what you want.

Tim: I made the shared drive. Did everyone get it?

Cass: Not me.

Tim: What's your email?

Cass: Don't have one.

Tim: How do you still not have an email?

Cass: I did. Then I deleted it.

Tim: Why?

Cass: Kept getting emails.

Barbara: Tim, just share your computer with her. Cullen, how's the outline coming?

Cullen: Already done.

Barbara: *reads it over*

Barbara: I know you used BatGPT.

Cullen: No one said I couldn't.

Helena: I'll do the citations.

Barbara: But we don't need any sources.

Helena, ominously: I'll find them. I always find them...

Jason: Who the fuck is writing in yellow text?!?

Duke: I don't judge you for your life choices, do I?

Barbara: Duke, if I let you use Comic Sans, will you change the color?

Duke: Comic Sans AND a word cloud.

Barbara: Fine, whatever.

Damian: Where is Father's credit card? I need to purchase some stock images.

Barbara: Top drawer, under the Robin handbook.

Luke: Hey, I'm trying to attach a video but it says the file's too big.

Tim: Oh yeah, we don't have the premium version.

Luke: You're literally billionaires.

Tim: How do you think we stay that way?

Carrie: *animating all the transitions*

Bette: For the sound effects, should I go with a relaxing seaside or dramatic swoosh?

Dick: Definitely the swoosh. As for the presentation, I think we should open with a choreographed musical number.

Steph: *makes the title slide*

Steph:

Barbara: *sighs and does all the work*

Barbara, muttering: You can bet your asses I'm adding end credits.

Tim: What?

Barbara: Nothing! Keep going gang, you're doing great!

Damian: Can I say something that will probably annoy you?

Tim: Since when do you ask for permission?

how do i tumblr? I'm asking the bat-fam, NOT YOU

Dick: trust the Tumblr veterans. Or maybe don't. We enjoy fucking with people

Jason: understand color theory

Tim: lose Yahoo $1B by being yourself

Damian: make sure you have a camera to look into like The Office for when you read the worst takes you'll ever see

Duke: for the love of god please reblog

Cullen: Supernatural is the simplest and least chaotic fandom to get into

Stephanie: the only profile pic you need is the shitty Picrew representation of yourself

Cassandra: leave your innermost thoughts in the tags and pray no one screenshots them

Barbara: the key to fandom popularity is a blog dedicated to copying and pasting the same 10 overused quotes and slapping different characters' names on them

Harper: if you look like a bot, you'll get treated like a bot

Carrie: piss in the ball pit, I dare you

Kate: not sure about the rest of you, but I assume people here are gay by default

Alfred: sometimes the app or dashboard will do something that makes you wonder what staff is smoking. That's our way of firing a gun to keep property values down

Selina: Madonna is here but literally no one cares

Bruce: if Elon Musk tries to get on this site, we collectively bully him off like we did with Alex Jones

Damian, taping a knife to a roomba and setting it loose: Be free my child.

Jason, entering the room with cuts on his ankles: WHO THE FUCK—

Bruce is constantly asking the kids what they like to eat so he can freeze dry their favorites into oblivion as apocalypse rations

Bruce: I asked my son what he wanted for dinner and he said, "Not a burned quesadilla" because in the summer of 2019 I overcooked one side of his quesadilla.

Bruce: How do you tell someone their breath stinks without being rude?

Alfred: I’m bored, let’s drink mouthwash.

Disney prank with Batfamily

part1 was inspired by ThomasSanders’s vine~!!