34t1ng Dis0rder - Tumblr Posts - Page 2

as someone with an ed i subconsciously became so aware of other people's eating habits

i notice when they just push around their food around their plate or when they eat smaller portions than normal and wonder are they a picky eater or have an ed?

or when they go to the bathroom soon after a meal and i wonder are they throwing up or just have to use the bathroom?

and when they eat so much food in one sitting and i wonder are they just hungry and have a fast metabolism or did they binge eat?

and i feel so guilty all the time because one of the first things that always pops into my mind is that...

"i can't let them be better/thinner than me."

my sister keeps making backhanded comments about my eating habits and it's so annoying like bro it's not like i ever went "oh here comes our organic cutting board!!" everytime she enters a room🙄

im just trying to ignore her cus we'll see who's laughing when i get to my ugw...

idk why i try so hard to hide my ed at this point. i mean i still live with my family but im almost 20 and technically they can't force me into inpatient or smth.

the only thing stopping me is not wanting to further traumatise my younger siblings. they deserve a better sister than me.

does anyone have a decent excuse as to why i would be measuring my meals on a scale??

i don't want my fam to be suspicious or think i am obsessed with food/cals (i 100% am lmfao)

stuck in between wanting to always wear baggy clothes so nobody can tell im getting smaller or wanting to always wear normal/fitted clothes so everybody can tell im getting smaller

i just found out that "metabolism days" is just a fraud.

excuse me, i have to go sob now.