Sometimes It Is My Fault Sometimes I Am A Horrible Person

Sometimes it is my fault sometimes I am a horrible person

undiagnosed BPD/problematic in recovery culture is knowing you did some really fucked up shit in your life and wanting to address and apologize for all of it, but at the same time never being able to comfortably speak about what you did with anyone because you're worried that the people you care about most are going to leave you and abandon you because of what you did, and while that's happening you're also struggling to remember half of the details because looking back at what you did is so triggering even to yourself and when you try to tell people that they automatically assume you're lying, so in the end you're just left with being forced to stay silent about it and never giving your victims justice despite wanting to.

so yeah, I've decided not to make that apology video in the end because the risks outweigh the benefits and i'd get sent death threats for what happened either way.

I'm sorry.

.

Going from the most happy you've felt in months straight to the worst you've felt in years is going to fucking kill me.

I can't stand this shit anymore. Why can't I have normal feelings? Why do I have to feel the most extreme emotions?

PIR Culture is going through everything again and them creating a new callout doc still using year old evidence and having to cope with everything again! Because the internet is built off of anti-recovery. They say a year isn't enough time to get better. They still call you a groomer. And the people you hurt are still mad a year later. I so badly want to put in my pinned DNI if you're anti-recovery but I know if I did I'll get harrassed for it :( --✨🌊

Real honestly, and it's genuinely frustrating to deal with.

It's like they don't actually want you to change, and that they want a reason to basically make another person's life hell.

I never thought I'd say this, but maybe YandereDev was right when he made his "hate and shame" video (yes I know he did some genuinely bad things that he needs to be held accountable for), because it's probably the most accurate depiction of cancel culture as of 2024.

You say our relationship is in limbo but you don’t give me anyway to fix it. Please tell me how to fix fp otherwise I just might have to end it. I just don’t want to do this anymore. Please let me fix.

wow I really hate myself