At A Certain Point, I Realized I Couldn't Try To Make Us Work Anymore. I Realized I Couldn't, And Even
At a certain point, I realized I couldn't try to make us work anymore. I realized I couldn't, and even more, I realized I didn't want to be the only one fighting for us any longer.
I realized I want so much more than to keep myself stuck feeling how I've felt my whole life--lonely.
So I let you go.
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More Posts from Mercurialmink
Remember
Do you remember that night we spent on the floor, playing Pokémon? We must've kissed for hours, laying on that floor together. Afterward, you rested your head on my lap and stared up at me with your soul-snatching eyes. It was the first time I ever felt safe being so close to someone. Even though we were still basically strangers...you felt like home.
That night. That's when I knew I was yours.
“I’ve found that growing up means being honest. About what I want. What I need. What I feel. Who I am.”
— Epiphany
“I think you lost all interest in this world. You were disappointed and discouraged, and lost interest in everything. So you abandoned your physical body. You went to a world apart and you’re living a different kind of life there. In a world inside you.”
— Haruki Murakami, 1Q84
Swimming Lessons
The thing about him is
I'm not "crazy" about him
But it turns out that's a good thing.
He and I--
We see each other fully.
We disagree.
We say ugly words to each other.
We struggle to understand.
But
We still love.
Every time I want to run away,
He shocks me.
He shocks me back to life
By staying even when it's hard--
Even when my emotions are tidal waves
That knock us both over.
He stays.
He stays
And weathers the storms with me.
He stays
And treads water with me.
He
Stays.
Don't talk. Just walk.
Did I walk away too soon?
Could we have fixed things---
Talked it out---
Found a compromise?
After what you said,
That you didn't know what you wanted
That you wanted me on your terms
That you had "no desire to change" your behavior
It felt like the answer was clearly stated.
Because I realized then,
That, to you, I'm someone
Who's not even worth a conversation.
And that tells me
That walking away was the right choice,
Even if sometimes it still doesn't feel like it.