Id Die For You Ragnarok Edition!

“I’d die for you” Ragnarok edition!

Stardust

(angsty thorbruce fic trade with @lokilovemail !! im sorry it took so long! tw for panic attacks) 

Stars had always been a comfort for Thor.

They dotted out so far, symbols of time and space moving on eternally, leaving things behind but never forgetting. They sparkled brilliantly, such small specks of light somehow illuminating a never ending void of darkness, all with the help of different moons and planets. Thor liked to think of himself as a moon; he used to think of Asgard as the sun. Now he felt like nothing more than lost stardust, scattered in the endless darkness of space.

The stress of being a king was weighing down on him, day after day, and sleepless night after night. Of course, it was hard to tell the difference now that there wasn’t a sun to greet and a moon to speak soft farewells to. Their ship seemed to be on it’s own schedule now; Thor did his governing when everyone else was awake, but once they slept, Thor stayed up.

He supposed that’s what it was like to be stardust; moons got breaks, they could rest with the warmth of the sun tucking them in and the stars wishing them goodnight. But being stardust was like being a path to nothing, a path that seems like a solace but only leads to loss and nullity. He saw the stardust on his cheeks through his reflection in the window, milkyway teardrops sparkling as they fell.

He shut his eyes tight, feeling the tears burn under his eyelids as his throat seemed to scrape around the lump that formed inside of it. He never broke down like this; he was a king, people would gladly kill to be in his position, but Thor had never felt more trapped in all of his 1500 years. A gasp choked out from his throat, and his stomach pained him forward, hunching over the window as tears dripped down on it.

He opened his eyes, a quiet gasp escaping him when he saw someone behind him.

Banner looked brilliant in this lighting; his milky skin enveloped in a blue glow, the darks of his hair seeming a bit purple as it danced with the silvery gray growing in it. His eyes were magnified under thick glasses, as if trying to display the hurt and worry in them when he saw Thor.

He didn’t know what to say; his shoulders fell as he covered his eyes, sniffling into his hand as he rested his elbow on his knee. He was shivering so hard he’d occasionally slip, and there was a feeling in his stomach he’d never experienced before. It felt like he couldn’t get enough air, that each desperate gasp for breath had just decreased the amount of oxygen that was left for him. He didn’t know this feeling, this cold, crawly feeling that he couldn’t shake off.

He felt the warmth of Banner sliding down next to him, clenching his teeth as he tried to keep himself still. He didn’t know what this was, he didn’t have any idea what was happening to him, he just wished Banner wasn’t seeing him like this. He wished Banner had just stayed in his room, he wished he’d just let him be.

Then he felt Bruce lay a hand on his back, rubbing it in circles, and he couldn’t help but turn to him and sink into his arms. He rested his forehead against Banner’s chest, feeling him jump a little in surprise as he returned the embrace. His arms were holding onto Banner’s sides, as if he were disappearing, as if the only thing grounding him was having Bruce so close.

“B-Banner, I-I don’t know-” his voice was cracking so much that when he took in a breath it felt sharp and painful. He coughed it out, gripping onto Bruce’s shirt harder. The material was soft in his trembling hands, and he couldn’t help but let out a sigh when he felt the other man’s arms strengthen around him. “I-I don’t know what’s happening- a-am I-”

“You’re okay,” Bruce was speaking in a whisper. Shivers crawled up the god’s spine when he felt Banner’s hand, gentle and steady, brush through the back of Thor’s closely-cropped hair. “Shhh. You’re okay, Thor, you’re going to be just fine. You’re going to be just fine.” He repeated himself, Thor starting to steady in Banner’s embrace.

He felt the material of Bruce’s shirt dampen with his tears. Banner instructed him to take deep breaths, and despite how odd it felt in his chest, he tried. He tried and tried until it became easier and until the air felt familiar again. He kept breathing, feeling his chest warm as he became more aware of the light brushing of Bruce’s hand in his hair, of the warmth of the smaller man’s body huddled so closely to his own.

Soon, Thor had melted. His cheek was laying against Bruce’s chest, letting his head rise and fall along with the scientist’s steady breathes. His arms were tiredly snaked around Bruce’s sides, and he sniffled in air as Bruce combed gently through his hair. “Banner,” he whispered, when everything felt much easier. “What happened to me?”

“I think you panicked,” Bruce explained, his voice low and soft, his fingers not faltering the patterns they were making in his hair. “But it’s ok. Happens to me a lot. You’ll be fine.” Banner said this matter-of-factly, but Thor couldn’t help but trace the worry that was still in his voice.

“I feel so lost,” The words were spilling out of Thor faster than he could catch them, and he felt himself clutching onto Bruce again. “I feel so small. Everything else is so…It’s so big, Banner. It’s too much.”

“I know, I know,” Bruce whispered, rubbing circles in Thor’s back while pulling the blinds that had come with the ship over the window in front of them. “Just don’t look. Sometimes you gotta make everything else seem smaller.”

Thor nodded at this, closing his eyes and leaning into his friend. “Thank you, Banner.”

“Of course.”

They stayed like that for so long that Thor felt himself start to doze off. His eyelids were so heavy that he had to look through the remaining teardrops at Bruce as he started to lower Thor back into his bed. He was so sleepy that at first he didn’t even realize this, but when he felt the warmth of Bruce’s hand start to slide off his arm, he clutched at his wrist.

Bruce looked down at him, eyes wide and milky skin tinted with pink. Thor’s chest warmed at the sight. “Stay. With me,” Thor whispered, his eyes falling closed as he ran his thumb up and down Bruce’s wrist. “You make everything seem smaller, Banner.”

Bruce reluctantly obliged, slowly lowering himself next to Thor, who desperately pulled him as close as he’d go. It was a slow feat, as Thor didn’t want to frighten him, but he was happy when he felt Bruce’s arms around Thor just as tight, his head lying so close that Thor felt his curls tickle his chin.

For the first time since Asgard, he slept soundly. For the first time since Asgard, he felt like a moon; he felt like Bruce was teaching him how to be a sun. He forced his eyes open one more time, seeing Bruce lay peacefully next to him, eyes closed and breath balanced and steady.

Yeah- he felt like a sun, he concluded.

Maybe the reason why Bruce Banner accept and support so much abuse from people that are supposed to be his friends or from anybody really is because:

He barely ever knew something else in his life. All his life he had been abused by people who were supposed to be nice with him. Only few people shown him how he was supposed to be treated that what people do to him is not normal.

Being abused is his normality. And he internalized that so much that even if he wants to deconstruct this it’s just too deep that he just can’t.

Maybe he even feel lost when people are not abusing him. That if everything goes well and smooth, he can’t stop himself wondering when the bad is coming. Almost waiting for it, because, someone who is not abusing him is kind of a nonsense, it will come, soon or later and it’s stressing not to know when. He can’t settle in the comfort of a healthy relationship because he doesn’t want to be surprised when people will start to abuse him.

And people know that and take the liberty to abuse him more easily than any other person, because Human are shit that like to hurt other and if they can find an easy victim they will not waste the opportunity, except the few good.

‘Cause darling I’m a nightmare dressed like a very gay hobo with stress issues.

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