When He Kicked Me Out Initially And I Dragged My Shamed, Mortified, And Heartbroken Ass To My Parents

When he kicked me out initially and I dragged my shamed, mortified, and heartbroken ass to my parents place, I spent days in bed with silent tears rolling down my face.

I don't remember going to work, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. It's a blur.

But something broke up the monotony of misery. My dad knocked on the door and handed me a care package that had been dropped off. It had fuzzy socks, chocolate, and two movies.

I was basically inconsolable at this point and still very much under his spell. But this brought me a bit out of my fog. It was a thoughtful gesture that really meant the world to me.

I repeat, friendship is a vastly underrated relationship.

Friendship is a vastly underrated relationship.

Fuck it. Spoiler below for a A Star is Born:

Tw - suicide and suicide baiting.

Streak Over

I was just thinking to myself the other day how it has been at least a month since I have cried properly. Yesterday I went to a movie and it triggered something fierce.

I wish I’d done what I normally do and read the plot ahead of time to be prepared.

I’m actually torn between sending a warning about it and spoiling the movie. .

When my phone rings, i get tense. If it's a number I don't recognize, I panic.

Another one of those things people think I should just be 'over.'

Oooo. It's going to be a bad one tonight.

Just to crush my hopes and dreams, he told me that if I got a dog, it wouldn't snuggle with me.

Clearly I am a creature of habit: I'm back in the same restaurant having lunch.

If I ran into someone we both knew, he interrogated me about the interaction looking for any whisper of something he didn't like. I'm trying to cover my bases.

The woman here was his friend's wife. I didn't like him - had a predator's vibe, plus openly self-serving. I liked her, but he told me she was just as conniving (truth?).

He would have been particularly interested in this conversation for it's likelihood to get back to his other friends. I remember the dread when I realized she was at the next table, and tried to be as unmemorable as possible.

I also insulted the friend because I knew that he didn't like her.