The First Time I Ever Heard The N Word Used In Person, It Was At His Familys Dinner Table.

The first time I ever heard the n word used in person, it was at his family’s dinner table.

I was dumbfounded.

I just woke up in my bed. In our bed. The paint,the furniture, the sounds. All our home. i could feel his leg against mine.

I wish i could say repulsion is what I feel. It's longing.

Fuck it. Spoiler below for a A Star is Born:

Tw - suicide and suicide baiting.

Streak Over

I was just thinking to myself the other day how it has been at least a month since I have cried properly. Yesterday I went to a movie and it triggered something fierce.

I wish I’d done what I normally do and read the plot ahead of time to be prepared.

I’m actually torn between sending a warning about it and spoiling the movie. .

Just to crush my hopes and dreams, he told me that if I got a dog, it wouldn't snuggle with me.

Streak Over

I was just thinking to myself the other day how it has been at least a month since I have cried properly. Yesterday I went to a movie and it triggered something fierce.

I wish I'd done what I normally do and read the plot ahead of time to be prepared.

I'm actually torn between sending a warning about it and spoiling the movie. .

It can difficult at times for me to regulate my emotions. They often come in these rushing, overwhelming surges that are impossible to guage.

So I have been in situations like today, where I'm waiting to see the dentist, and I am struggling to hold back tears because I'm feeling unworthy, incapable and unloved. There have been plenty of times where I have lost the battle and full out sobbed in public.

This is embarrassing, but it's not the worst thing that has ever happened. Occasionally my stress-and-agony-exhausted body decides to release tension in other ways.

Have you ever sort of lost it and had a full out uncontrollable evil-scientist laugh attack in public?