No Joy 2

No Joy 2

He stole even the simplest joys. This is so trivial, but when I'm sitting in the passenger side of a car, I like to have my hand out of the window. The wind against my skin feels nice.

He often closed my window on me because he didn't like it. Claimed it blocked his rearview mirror on the passenger side.

In actuality it was because I enjoyed it. And he couldn't have that.

Setback

I’m driving around tonight in a bit of a state. My brain is doing a running inventory of Horrible Things That Have Happened and the Horrible People Who Have Done It.

There is so much, and all I can think is that I must be making at least some of this up.  There is no way I could have encountered so many monsters.

No one could really have this many horror stories to tell.

Bad week.

You can usually gauge my current mental health state based on the frequency of my posts.

More posts = more cranial chaos.

More on the Ex

He kept her around, I am certain, because she worshiped him.  He told me that she had a tatoo with his name hidden inside.  I have no idea if this is true or not.  

I the early stages, his connection with her made me outrageously jealous.  He told me intimate and DETAILED accounts of their sex life, even when I told him I didn’t want to know that much.  He said he told me to provide “full disclosure;” this is absolute nonsense. For example, I have no idea why knowing that they had sex in a public restroom at a concert would be a need to know thing.

As I became more and more dead inside, I reacted less to him talking about her. I stopped caring if he’d stepped out; in truth I stopped caring about pretty much everything.  So he brought her up less and less.  Clearly he enjoyed my discomfort and moved on when this no longer achieved the desired effect. 

In the last year, while I was still allowing him to torture me, she started seriously dating someone else.  This man set the boundary that he wasn't comfortable with her and my ex still being in close contact. 

He was furious. He told her he was done with her, as he’d endured years of “bullshit” from me to maintain their friendship and she was now just throwing it away for a guy.  

My ex surmised this to be the result of abusive jealousy on the new guy’s part, and I suppose that could be true.  However my guess is he’s aware of their history doesn’t want it in their life.  Not a bad call, from someone who knows.  

Through a little bit of investigation, I suspect that he has been more active on her social media - liking her pics and such. This is hard for me to say concretely as I have him blocked, but evidence does suggest it.

Seems he lost two of us around the same time. And he’s losing it.

Pity.

Happy Friday.

I have a migraine and my pervert uncle is here. I also haven't eaten since 11am, but there is no way im leaving this room.