Tw: Sh

Tw: sh

Was just thinking about cutting open my chest and stomach and seeing the blood run out of me.

Really wanted to do it but I know taht I shouldn't so I tried finding reasons not to.

I couldn't find anything and cried into my hoodie and then BAM!

I remembered that I was wearing his t-shirt and it still smells like him and I just cuddled into it and cried and tried to calm myself.

It kinda worked, I didn't relapse yet

Tw: mention of drugs

Hello me beautiful people, U am kide drunk right now and I just really crave.milk.

I need some milk. I also wanna sleep and it's cold.

My boyfriend is also drunk.and he.jsut fell asleep and fell to the ground whole sitting, heheen.

Me normally watching a YouTube video: :)

The video being about someone with my deadname: what the fuckk??? ○_○

I hate being a boy on his period.

I hate the hormones and the pain and the cravings and the dysphoria. It's all shit.

Why am I craving cheese? Why does it feel like my guts are tangled up in knots? Why do I even have to get a period? I don't want to birth children.

Fuckkkkkk

Tw: sh

Strong urge to cut open my lip. Also the rest of my skin, but mostly just my lip. I also want to sew myself back together after I rip myself apart. Like, literally.

I am so confused?

Tw: ed

Why do most of my friends have eating disorders??? And why am I falling back into mineee?

Seeing myself is making me nauseous and I am getting bigger and bigger by the day.

I thought I really beat it. I was doing so great and accepted my body as it is but now I can't anymore.

There is so much fat. I am just fat. So big. So much. I have to get smaller again.

I try so hard not to throw up after I've eaten. I try so hard to eat normal portions. But I see myself replacing food with water and clenching cravings with ice cubes again.

Chewing gum is keeping my mouth occupied while I try and eat something else.

It's getting harder again. And I think I kind of want to be consumed by it.