Crumpled Up On The Floor Of The Shower

Crumpled up on the floor of the shower

Hope the neighbors aren't home

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Like the photographs hung up

Of tangled up bodies

On my old kitchen floor

The faces come flooding in

Soak up the reasons why

We're not that close anymore

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AND I JUST

BLACK OUT

IT'S WHAT I DO

TO SURVIVE

LIFE'S GOT TWO

YELLOW LINES

AND I FELL ASLEEP

DRIVING

Your heart screams the words

Your mouth finds their shape

"I'm not gonna die here"

The glass cuts your feet

As you walk away

The picture gets clearer

It's a house up in flames

And you built your own cage

Just so no one could hurt you

If there's nothing to lose

There's nothing to gain

That's just something you learn through.

Isn't it funny how the whole concept of the punk rock movement was to escape stereotypes and labels and to promote the inclusivity of all people and the lovely things that make them different?

Yet, in the process... they labeled themselves, afflicted themselves with one of the most crippling stereotypes and became one of the most non inclusive and gatekeeping groups of all time. Most punk rockers spend more time debating what the definition of "punk" is, and kicking those out of the scene who don't fit their own personal definition, than they do actually chasing their own ideals.

And it's sad. I love the punk rock movement in concept... but the reality is very different.

In my studies and observations, I feel that punk was never about fighting for one specific thing. Punk was about radical individuality and accepting yourself the way you are. It was about fighting the system. It was about bonding together over music and fashion and culture so tightly that they could never break us apart. Yes, punk is a political movement, but it's not just about ONE political belief. It wasn't about what you believed but rather HOW you believed it.

The Ramones and the Sex Pistols were both right wing bands. The Clash was left wing. There's videos of punks from the eighties, the OGs, talking about being conservative and fighting for right wing politics. And in actuality, the whole idea was built on Anarchy anyway, not this dividing, ostracizing, black and white mindset that modern day American politics uses to turn us against each other and make us weak.

Are you fighting for what you believe in? Are you out there being bold and raising hell and never compromising or selling out? Fighting for the greater good of humanity, whatever that is to you? That's punk rock to me. Unfortunately, the new generation of punk rockers doesn't see things that way. Which is alright with me, I suppose. The title isn't worth enough to me to argue with my brothers and sisters over it. I'm just here to rock out and throw up the finger at the Man.

I never wanted the labels anyway.

In summary, punk's not dead. Just confused.

Continuing to live for the sake of my friends, when all I want is to finally go home and see Jesus and be at peace, is the hardest thing I have to do. And I do it every single day.

So if you're on my list of people worth living for, please never doubt that I love you.

Never doubt that you're special 🖤

@foxtale-the-novisolant @betadeku @funnyartthingz

Nobody ever talks about how selfless it is to choose, over and over again, to not commit suicide. Nobody ever acknowledges the tremendous sacrifice suicidal people make every time we choose not to kill ourselves. When a person who is suffering so horribly that death seems like their best option decides not to take their one way out, and to instead remain in hell, day after day, month after month, year after year, because they don’t want to hurt the people they love, they are doing something extraordinary. Not killing yourself when it’s all you want to do is the purest act of love I can imagine. Dying for someone is easy - you don’t have to deal with any of the consequences, you have your moment of nobility and then it’s all over. But living for someone, when the simple fact of consciousness is literal torture for you? Every single suicidal person who ever made a choice to not kill themselves in a moment of misery is a goddamn hero in my eyes. Wanting to die and still surviving is an act of titanic courage and self-sacrifice. We deserve more credit for it.

"He didn't text me back and I'm freaking out, I'm so BPD!"

No you're not. There's far more to borderline personality disorder than being a little text sensitive. Don't pretend to understand even an ounce of what I go through. Can we stop using personality disorders as buzz words?

God has so much more in store for you. Stop listening to the news, the government, and the TV preachers. Start listening to Him.

I've developed Somniphobia gradually within the past year or so, but it's gotten horribly bad recently. I get sleep paralysis occasionally and night terrors most nights- I have BPD and dream about my worst triggers and life experiences consistently.

Any other Borderline or Somniphobic people have tips? I'm getting pretty exhausted asking people to stay with me and sobbing uncontrollably when they have to leave.