(I Promise This Is The Last Cake-related Post, Honest...)

(I promise this is the last cake-related post, honest...)

YOU DON’T HAVE JAFFA CAKES? Right, I’ll be packing a box of 24 when I hop across the pond later on this year...

I’ve never heard of a neenish tart, but I goggled them and they look pretty much entirely delicious (though not much like a Bakewell tart).

For those of you still following me after this cake-laden epic, you can test your knowledge of some British (and some not-so-British) biscuits in a very silly quiz here.

Right, the Battenberg reports are coming in thick and fast now - a quick round up:

runecestershire​ said: I’m from the American West Coast and live in the Southwest. I am aware of Battenberg cake, having seen it in [American] cake cookbooks and read of it in stories. I’ve never encountered it in the wild, though.

Custard cream biscuits and bakewell tarts are not really things here, though. We do have sandwich cookies with creamy fillings, but they’re not custardy.

karabraden​ said: Honestly, I thought Battenberg only existed in Victorian-era romance and steampunk novels. When I saw it mentioned in a modern book, I got so confused, I went to the husband (expat Brit) and asked “Is Battenberg still a real thing?!”

He stared at me in disbelief.

I’ve still never seen a Battenberg in the wild (nor have I seen the supposed American variant, the “checker cake”).

@turifer said:  We do not, alas, have Bakewell tarts as a general thing in the USA. It’s a shame, because I am very fond of them. Neither do we have batenberg cake or custard creams under that name. We do have equivalent cookies to custard creams but I am currently forgetting the name because I never much cared for them. 

@edderkopper said: I have actually seen bakewell tarts in coffee shops on the East Coast, actually. They’re not super common, but they’re a thing. 

Basically, the Battenberg seems to be some sort of semi-mythical being beyond these shores. The scarcity of Bakewell tarts and custard creams is very alarming, I must admit.

Stay tuned for more important developments.

Im Australian know what Battenberg is! Mainly because I'm a moderately veteran baker and inveterate reader of British novels and have seen it in (cook)books. I will check next time I go to the supermarket if they have it there :D

(Background to this ask - it has been brought to my attention that Battenberg might not be a thing outside the UK so now obviously I’m acting as an ambassador for this pink and yellow chequered spongey wonder)

This is excellent news - can you please also report on the availability of custard cream biscuits and also bakewell tarts? I feel like we’re on the cusp of some important research here.

Fetch me my smelling salts! Mrs Hudson returns - at last! - in an all new adventure tomorrow evening.

I wrote some words. Some actual words. And they made a little story.

I mean, it’s more of a drabble, really, and almost entirely lacking in plot, but ... it’s the first bit of fanfic (well, of any fiction writing at all, really) that I’ve managed in ... oh ... years. Five years - seven years, maybe? I can’t remember. 

I used to write all the time, but those 500 words have pretty much exhausted me. 

Does ... does anyone want me to post it? 

10 Favourite Characters

The lovely consultingpiskies tagged me and asked for my top 10 favourite characters. I’ve tried to limit myself to one from each fandom, just to make it extra fiendish. Deep breath, here we go (in alphabetical order)...

Alexander Dane, Galaxy Quest (”If I have to say that stupid line one more time...”) 

Count Duckula, Duckula (Cassssstle Duckula, home for many centuries to a dreadful dynasty of vicious - vampire - ducks: the COUNTS OF DUCKULAAAAAA. *cue synth drums*) 

Captain Arthur Hastings, Poirot (”I say!”)

Sherlock Holmes Doctor Watson, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes No, I can’t possibly choose, let’s just go for a nice cup of tea and a sticky bun with Mrs Hudson. She’s got all the gossip on them both anyway. 

Jeeves, every single book in the Jeeves and Wooster series (‘Yes, sir,' said Jeeves in a low, cold voice, as if he had been bitten in the leg by a personal friend.)

Fran Katzenjammer, Black Books (”I am a giant ear, waiting for your songs of niceness.”) 

Megara, Disney’s Hercules (”He comes on with his big innocent farm-boy routine, but I could see through that in a Peloponnesian minute.”)

Severus Snape Remus Lupin Minerva McGonagall, Harry Potter and the Thingies of Wotsit (I was always far more interested in the adults of that series than the kids, to be honest) 

Queenie, Blackadder II (”Sometimes I think about having you executed, just to see the look on your face!”) 

Commander Sir Samuel Vimes, Duke of Ankh Lord Vetinari Lady Sybil Ramkin-Vimes, Discworld (She’s a dragon-keeping BAMF and I won’t hear otherwise)

There are lots of you who I’d like to get to know better but am too shy to ask, SO, if you’d like to do this, consider yourself tagged!

(This is turning into one of the most important topics I have ever blogged about…)

Weellllll, custard creams *are* a sandwich biscuit… but there the similarities with Oreos end. They’re sort of plain biscuits with this layer of vanilla-y cream in the middle. No actual custard involved (maybe custard powder?). Honestly, better than I’m making them sound.

And that is such a lovely interpretation of the origins of a Bakewell tart. I wish it was true, but it’s not, alas. Bakewell is a town in the north of England and actually there’s quite a bit of controversy over what actually constitutes a proper Bakewell tart because it’s one of those traditional things with roots lost in the mists of time. BUT, at the risk of enraging the Bakewell fandom, my favourite version is the one my nearly-mum-in-law makes, which is a shortcrust pastry case, the bottom of which is coated with a good layer of jam (I’m making it sound like all British cooking involves jam… actually, that’s more or less true). Then you have a layer of almondy sponge (is that called frangipane?), and then - this is the controversial bit, you top with a thin layer of icing. I think traditionally it’s topped with flaked almonds, but I’ve got a sweet tooth, so it’s icing all the way for me.

And, of course, it’s compulsory that it’s accompanied by a cup of tea.

Right, the Battenberg reports are coming in thick and fast now - a quick round up:

runecestershire​ said: I’m from the American West Coast and live in the Southwest. I am aware of Battenberg cake, having seen it in [American] cake cookbooks and read of it in stories. I’ve never encountered it in the wild, though.

Custard cream biscuits and bakewell tarts are not really things here, though. We do have sandwich cookies with creamy fillings, but they’re not custardy.

karabraden​ said: Honestly, I thought Battenberg only existed in Victorian-era romance and steampunk novels. When I saw it mentioned in a modern book, I got so confused, I went to the husband (expat Brit) and asked “Is Battenberg still a real thing?!”

He stared at me in disbelief.

I’ve still never seen a Battenberg in the wild (nor have I seen the supposed American variant, the “checker cake”).

@turifer said:  We do not, alas, have Bakewell tarts as a general thing in the USA. It’s a shame, because I am very fond of them. Neither do we have batenberg cake or custard creams under that name. We do have equivalent cookies to custard creams but I am currently forgetting the name because I never much cared for them. 

@edderkopper said: I have actually seen bakewell tarts in coffee shops on the East Coast, actually. They’re not super common, but they’re a thing. 

Basically, the Battenberg seems to be some sort of semi-mythical being beyond these shores. The scarcity of Bakewell tarts and custard creams is very alarming, I must admit.

Stay tuned for more important developments.