Hey There System Who Is Freaking Out About Whether Or Not To Tell Their Loved Ones That Theyre Plural!

Hey there system who is freaking out about whether or not to tell their loved ones that they’re plural!

After we were diagnosed with DID it suddenly became a big worry of “who do I tell” and “how do I tell”.

Firstly, you don’t owe it to anyone to tell them. You don’t have to tell anyone at all. However, we do understand the safety and comfort reasons behind telling people you trust.

We haven’t told everyone. We haven’t even told everyone we want to tell. So far our immediate family (parent and their parents) and one of our friends knows. Having them know means that we can be kept safe even if someone who’s fronting can’t do that.

Secondly, it can be a big relief to have a friend know. I’ve known my friend for years and yes things have changed but it’s been overwhelmingly positive. She’s checked on our boundaries, on how she views us, on how the disorder affects the other aspects of what she knows about us and all with respect.

It wasn’t a big moment. It was a matter of her asking if I wanted to talk to her about something and me explaining the diagnosis.

What I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to tell people and if you do tell someone you feel safe with, if they’re a good person, it probably won’t be as bad as you think.

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Here’s my metaphor for systemhood that I tell my singlet friends.

Imagine you’re playing a first person video game. You have the controller, you control your character. It’s a normal first person game. You are an alter, the character is the body. This is fronting.

Other people live with you. Sometimes, they come into the room and sit and watch while you play. They sometimes try to guide you, give you advice on what to do next. They don’t always agree, and they can argue with each other. Other times they scream at you that you’re doing everything wrong and you suck at this game. This is co-consciousness.

Imagine how distracting it would be for people around you to tell you what to do, or to scream at each other or at you, even if they have good intentions. It wouldn’t be easy to focus on your game, would it?

Then sometimes, something happens in the game that prompts you to hand off the controller to someone else so they can play and you get a break. This is (some types of) switching. This can be good.

Other times, someone rips the controller out of your hand or fights you for it. This is (other types of) switching. And sometimes, six other players hook up their controllers, but there’s only one character to play as. So all of you have your controllers, but you’re all trying to play the same character. This is cofronting.

Imagine how difficult that would be. Imagine how hard it would be to try and play a game while someone is trying to take the controller from you, or while six other people are trying to play too.

There are also times that nobody is playing, or you can’t decide who should play. What’s happening to the character in the game? What are they doing if no one is playing? This is dissociation. The character is doing nothing. They’re stuck.

This is the best metaphor I have come up with for being a system. It’s something a lot of people get because they’ve played games before.

Honestly it baffles me that anyone can sincerely write out a step by step guide on how to give someone with severe mental illness a purposefully triggered breakdown and still think that they’re the ones in the right.

“Ah yes let me go through a list of their symptoms and cultivate situations in which I can trigger their worst nightmares but don’t worry it’s fine because I’m an empath”

What the actual fuck. If you replaced narcissist with “depressed person” or “person with anxiety” people would be screaming at you. Being abused does not justify you abusing others.

Hurting a Narcissist (from Quora)

There are 3 main things that will hurt the narcissist:

1. Being abandoned.

A major fear of the narcissist is abandonment. They hate being alone as they rely on others to validate them and provide them with attention, affection, admiration, and just general engagement.

Narcissists need people, but the increasing dilemma is that it is becoming near impossible for narcissists to be abandoned completely, as many have turned to online chats, social media, and they’ve created a virtual reality for themselves that feeds them with an unlimited supply.

So even though they lack physical interaction, which for most of us would be difficult, the narcissists on the other hand can happily settle for the narcissistic supply that they receive online. It provides them with enough fuel to feed their deluded fantasies and sick obsessions.

2. Being exposed

The second thing that hurts the narcissist real bad is being exposed. We all know how important the fake image is to them, and the many lies that they’ve told to maintain it.

Basically, the narcissist’s whole goal in life is to deceive people with their fake image. So if they are exposed for the liars, manipulators, and downright imposters that they are, that is their world shattered before their eyes, and it cuts them deeper than any words can express.

3. Being insulted

The third and final thing that will hurt the narcissist is being insulted. Narcissists know the power of words. After all, they use words to manipulate, deceive, and hurt people. The tricky thing is that to a narcissist, a critique is an insult, telling them the truth is an insult. So this is something that happens a lot, but anything that more or less attacks their false image will be seen as an insult.

Exactly!!!

“See the person not the disability”

NO! SEE MY DISABILITY! IT IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE THAT SHOULD BE ACKNOWLEDGED! OF ALL THE ABLEIST CRAP THIS IS THE WORST ONE!